Petty Squabble [ROUND 3] [Goldhenge]

Originally posted on MSPA by Not The Author.

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“Man, they never let me in on the fun stuff.”

A pair of oddly-dressed men sat in an unnecessarily large, otherwise empty movie theater.

“How many of these things…?”

“Nineteen.”

“Damn, that’s-”

“Nineteen official battles.”

There was a pause, and the theater faded from existence. The odd couple strolled across an inexplicably well-lit infinite black plane to nowhere in particular.

“…How did they manage to keep all this secret for so long? I thought I was good at being nosy!”

“Well, you have been gone a while. I don’t suppose you’d care to tell-”

“Maybe later. I’ve got work to do!”

The man in blue placed a hand on his companion’s shoulder as a comfortable lounge materialized around them.

“I’m glad you’re eager to begin, but don’t step on the others’ toes. They take these things very seriously. At least three Gentlemen have already been Erased; they’re just waiting for an excuse to do you in. Don’t do anything rash, alright?”

There was a tense pause, before the two simultaneously erupted into gales of laughter.

“Haaa… You are a card, Fool. Really, though, for all their politics and conniving, and now these battles… They think so damn highly of themselves, but their stupid feuds just amount to one big…”

:: So what the hell is this?

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This is Petty Squabble, the fourth battle of the third season of "canon" Grand Battles.


:: So… what… the hell… is this?

Okay, yeah. I should probably start at the beginning.

Petty Squabble is a Grand Battle. Someone said it better than I could:

The gist [of a Grand Battle] is that eight people come up with interesting characters and then write about them interacting and they die off one at a time based on who is the worst or most inactive writer.

:: Woah wait hold up what’s this about dying

Yup! This is an eight-man battle to the death. You will probably die!


:: But I don’t want to die!

Well then you’re gonna hafta write well.


:: …Write? I thought we were fighting.

Despite their trappings as slaughterfests, Grand Battles are all about story and character development. Each round, the contestants are put in some bizarre locale and muddle along until an arbitrary point at which the round’s end is announced. I’ll solicit opinions as to who ought to be offed, and once I’ve made up my mind, someone (usually the to-be-deceased) will send up a deathpost and the game will move on to the next round.


:: How do you decide who’s going to die?

Contestants are eliminated based on how well (or how poorly) they write. Judging writing quality is not always the easiest of jobs, so I may ask for others' opinions at that time. Frequently, though, players are eliminated for not writing anything. At all. Really ruins it for everyone. Don’t feel bad if you want to forfeit, though! Life intervenes, or it stops being fun, or whatever; I understand! But don’t just drop off the face of the round if you can help it.


:: So, I can’t just kill other players?

Killing other players before the end of the round is strictly forbidden. Hell, doing anything that would seriously impair another character without the permission of that character’s author (chopping off their limbs, destroying their weapon, etc.) is Not Cool. If everyone could just kill everyone else, then the game would be short and boring. This is not a combat-oriented thing. This is a story-oriented thing. I cannot say that enough.


:: Must take a while to get going, if you have to wait on everyone to advance the plot.

Ah, but that’s one of the great things about Grand Battles! Unlike in traditional roleplays, you can write what other characters are doing, so long as it makes sense. I’ve seen posts where an author barely even mentions their own character, but does a bunch of stuff with the other characters. Hell, one time an inactive player was carried through, like, two rounds on others’ writing alone! …Then they died. But that’s not the point.


:: That's cool and all, but what if someone puts up a post before me that ruins all my plans?

Never fear! Just post a... post containing RESERVE or some clever variant thereof and you'll have four hours in which no one else is allowed to post. Beyond those four hours, though, it's fair game again.


:: Four hours? That's not really much time.

Well, it's not really Four Hours as much as it is "four hours." Most people understand that writing takes time, and are willing to be lenient. Frequently those four hours will extend into four days, or (if you're in round three) four weeks. Bear in mind that these "extended reserves" are a gentleman's agreement, i.e. if you've gone well over four hours and someone wants to post, you'd better bet they're going to post. Best to be certain you can finish your post within the reserve limit.


:: Oh, I see how this works. One guy reserves, and then another guy, and then another guy-

Lemme just cut you off right there. Consecutive reserves are not allowed. Nobody like waiting indefinitely for posts which may or may not come. The only time concurrent reserve posts should appear is if the earlier ones are void. Nor can the same person try to cheat the system and repeatedly reserve multiple times in a row. That's just being mean.


:: Right, okay. So what’s this about rounds?

The game is divided into rounds, which have two basic criteria: Each round must end with the death of at least one player, and each round must take place somewhere new. There will be seven rounds, barring any multiple-eliminations. The description of each round will be pretty vague, so be creative!


:: Anything else I should know?

Talk to the other players. You want a coherent plot? You want this to be interesting? You damn well better talk to the other players. Ask what their plans for their character and the environment are, and work together to make this interesting. You don’t have to have everything approved by committee, of course, but lone-wolfing it tends to present problems here and there. I strongly recommend using the Grand Battle IRC channel, #grandbattle on Esper.net. Failing that, you could always PM people via the forums.

Oh! I would also suggest reading some of the other battles so you have an idea of what you're getting into.

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The Grand Battle [GB] [Complete]
The Grand Battle II [GB2]
The Battle Royale [BR] [Complete]
Pitched Combat [PC] [Complete]
Intense Struggle [IS]
The Battle Majestic [BM]
Epic Clash [EC] [Complete]
The Savage Brawl [SB]

The Grand Battle Season Two [GBS2]
Inexorable Altercation [IA]
The Battle Royale S2 [BRS2]
The Gradual Massacre [GM]
Intense Struggle Season 2 [ISS2]
The Phenomenal Fracas [PF]
The Fatal Conflict [FC]
The Great Belligerency [GBe]

The Grand Battle Season Three [GBS3]
The Spectacular Exhibition [SE]
The Relentless Slaughter [RS]
Fun With Recursion [PS]
The Glorious Championship [GC]
The Vivacious Deadlock [VD]
The Wretched Rite [WR]
The Fearsome Encounter [FE]

List handily jacked from the Grand Battle Introduction/FAQ/Planning Thread.

:: Okay, fine. I guess I’ll try this thing. Where do I sign up?

The character sheet can be found at the bottom of this post. Signups will be open about a week to give entrants time to work on a character. While newcomers to the Grand Battle scene are always welcome, I will be picky with my selections. Only eight players will make it in, so make your profile good.


:: I might not make it in?! What do I do with this guy I made, then?

Never fear! Grand Battles are A Big Thing around these parts. If you aren’t selected for Petty Squabble and don’t want your character to go to waste, you’ll have four more battles this season to try for – though there is a three-battle limit per author this season. But there are five more seasons with eight battles each planned after that. Oh, and “non-canon” battles spring up from time to time. Basically there are a lot of these okay.

:: tl;dr

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This… might not be the thing for you, then. Nevertheless, here’s a condensed list of guidelines.

• Writing is God. Grand Battles are, first and foremost, about writing a good story. If you can write well, you’ll go far. This rule sometimes overrides other rules.
• This is still part of the MSPA Forum, so all the rules of the forum still apply.
• No godmoding. No doing things to other people’s characters that they don’t want you to. No killing other players until the end of the round.
• You can write for characters that are not your own, so long as it makes sense in context.
• Work together with other players. This is, again, a story, and if other people don’t know what you have planned, events may seem disconnected and random. Make something you’d want to read, and would want others to read.
• Relatedly, ask questions if you don’t understand something about the story or rules. Preferably via PM or IRC.
• If you don't want others ruining your plans, place a reserve and you'll have four(ish) hours to put up a post.
• Don’t forget to have fun! This is not a serious, intense competition. This is a bunch of friends getting together to write a story. So enjoy yourself!
• Visit the Grand Battle IRC at #grandbattle on Esper.net and the Grand Battle Introduction/FAQ/Planning Thread for more information.

:: Where the hell is that character sheet already

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Yeah yeah fine whatever. Let’s get this show on the road!


Username: Sign here to die.

Name: You character’s name. Arguably the hardest part of filling out this form.

Gender: If it’s unusual, make a note of it.

Race: The Savage Brawl alone had: a human, another human, a demon, a cyborg, a cyborg lich, a fallen God of Death, another fallen God of Death, and a giant cancerous meatball. Yes, as in the food. Go nuts.

Color: For quickly telling authors and characters apart. Your color should be easily distinguishable from the other players’, but any serious problems can be sorted out after the eight have been picked. Green is reserved for my own use.

Equipment/Abilities: What your character has with them and what it can do/anything character can inherently do that isn’t reliant on a piece of equipment.

Description: A physical and mental description of your character. Important for helping other people get a feel for how to write them.

Biography: What your character did before they were plucked from their reality and entered into this thing. This is probably where you’ll convince me you’re good at writing, though if you’d rather this section be brief, I would appreciate some example of your literary prowess.

** Players **

• John Smith - Pinary - #802000
• Yanis Carnea - MalkyTop - #A2627A
• Gamehost 6 - TimeothyHour - Lime on Black
• The Broderburgs - Lord Paradise - #00CC33 and others on #FFFFCC
• Parsley Krose - Dragon Fogel - #666600
• Nancy Little - Een - #28285F
• Envoy - Godbot - #000000 on #D43737
• Ashley Hayden - Agent1022 - Navy and Red

Planning Document (courtesy of Fogel)


Also, fanart!

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Agent1022

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Godbot

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Malkytop

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Not The Author

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Pharmacy

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Schazer

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TimeothyHour

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