Super Otaku Brawl - Round One: Traverse Town

Hours in the past.


The garden shed of the high palace of Her ArcMajesty Doomshine O'Bloodington had long since fallen into decay. Roughly ten thousand years had passed since her brief reign, and this outhouse was all that was left of it, all that had not crumbled to dust.
Well, that and the garden.

The gardener saw to that. A self-repairing hedge-trimmer drone which had kept the place, a lush oasis of beauty amidst the desert, clear. The verdant lawn shone against the mirrored walls of the crevasse where the garden was now situated; a few thousand years of sand had built up and become quite a gorge around the garden, which was carefully maintained to be exactly where it was back then, exactly how it was back then.

Crabman had always found the place tasteless. Staying somewhere like this, somewhere that never changed? He was surprised the robot wasn't mad yet. The trick to not hating immortality was to embrace change, not painstakingly undo every grain of it. Well, apart from the ever-decreasing trend of whippersnapper behaviour, of course. That was a pretty frustrating kind of change.
That, crabman supposed, was why the man in the moon was irked so by the state of the world. The colour green wears on the eyes after a while.
He kicked a piece of dirt. The drone beeped angrily at him.

The sky seemed to cloud over. A gust of wind buffeted Crabman's hair. Looking up, he was graced by the familiar star shape of a Trolternian Army Navy corps Eaglefucker.
It landed in the duck pond, crushing the mummified ducks. The drone hurried over to rebuild them as a figure stepped out of the troop carrier.
A four legged figure with a gatling gun mounted on its back. Two other trols followed.

Gruffdad Soupgal II smiled a gap-toothed¹ smile. His power armour shone in the reflected sunlight.

"So," he barked in his quietest scream, "You did read the letter, I see. I wasn't expecting you to show up."
"ya promised thered be free roast beef sammiches n punch nshit." Crabman replied.
"Right. Privates! Bring the picni-"

He was cut off by one of the trols next to him, a tall, lithe woman with the universal socket staff and technotrench coat of a Cybermancer. Her horns were hooked, drowning amid black hair which framed features sharp enough to stab someone to death. A metallic eye darted left to right, scanning the scene.

"Mister Crabman.", she stuttered. It wasn't a nervous stutter. It was one of the unsettling ones. Weird enunciations flowed through those syllables, like someone who is unused to having physical vocal cords trying to speak.

"My apologies for requesting you make such a long journey. I would have offered to give you a lift, but I know how you prefer walking to other forms of transport such as the one in which I have arrived in along with my compatriots."
"yeh.", said Crabman.
"I shall introduce myself, then, for you must be wondering precisely who I am?"
"yeh.", said Crabman.
"I am Tinkle Bellis Le Von Jehovette Kroger, ex-Cybermancer of the Fifteenth Blood-Firewall and Saviour of Email. It is a pleasure to finally meet you."
"yeh."

She scowled, brow furrowing around the bulbous clown nose that was uniform for a Cybermancer. The Grand Marshmallord Leftennent Rightennant Drill Saregent Pope Of The Great Trolternian Army Navy Corps' Private Privates finished setting the picnic.

"Shall we discuss the reasons for our conference over lunch."
"Yeh."



¹ it is common practice to give fake suicide teeth to the Grand Marshmallord Leftennent Rightennant Drill Saregent Pope Of The Great Trolternian Army Navy Corps. These are filled with poison gas and are used in the event that the Grand Marshmallord Leftennent Rightennant Drill Saregent Pope Of The Great Trolternian Army Navy Corps is captured by enemies; a rare occurrence. Due to being a horrifying genetically modified centaur monstrosity, the Grand Marshmallord Leftennent Rightennant Drill Saregent Pope Of The Great Trolternian Army Navy Corps is immune to all poisons, so the gaseous toxin released from the tooth instead just kills whoever is holding the Grand Marshmallord Leftennent Rightennant Drill Saregent Pope Of The Great Trolternian Army Navy Corps captive.