RE: Sensual Wizard Problems: The Mirkening
10-21-2014, 11:39 AM
(This post was last modified: 10-23-2014, 07:14 PM by Dalmationer.)
Wizard Prison Blues: story so far.
Blah blah summary thing (mostly for myw's benefit but I guess it'll be handy as a refresher anyway. Correct if I make any errors.)
St. Phylaca's institution for the criminally arcane is a big ol spooky prison floating somewhere between the seven planes the midst of a subplane otherwise filled with lots of nothing.
In the first session, we're introduced to some of the prison's newest acquisitions; Brob Dignian, a pixie with a dark secret and his BFF Harvey, an uplifted wizard's familiar with an attention span to match his weasely looks. Brob quickly makes a deal with Wind's Daughter 233 of Whatever Born In a Trailer Park Somewhere In Texas, a ditzy, sex addicted alchemist (and also a bird), to try to create a moonshining business.
In their cell block they meet Ragnol, a frightfully enthusiastic Ruskar trapsmith; Ol'Ric, a fake mummy; Thelas Im Mari, a sweet but out of place priest with glowing golden eyes, and Morgan, a deviantart catboi-dragon hybrid moe who unfortunately shares a cell with the bird.
After the security systems around their cells shut down, the gang head out to investigate and come upon a blood trail and a very irritable witch. Following the blood trail leads them into the canteen populated by an array of nerds of various shapes and sizes. Notably:
After much dicking around and pigeon catching they eventually left and went to follow the blood trail some more. On their journey, they found a MYSTERIOUS CRACK in the prison, and a fucked up rune made of blood.
With his magical dragon know-how, Morgan works out that the rune is basically a teleportation rune like the ones they use to warp food and stuff to the prisoners, but with the magical equivalent of taking the batteries out and putting them in the other way around.
Everyone (except ol'rick who just dicks around doing whatever) keeps going and they meet a pissed off unicorn called grimbane who basically almost totals everyone if it wasn't for Morgan being tanky as hell, Ragnol transposing him with the angry pigeons (and into a net). Eventually everyone beats the hell out of Grimbane. Harvey steals his horn.
Everyone sets up in their cells, with Ragnol's and Ol'Ric's becoming half necromantic workshop, half carpentry shop, Thelas' changing into some kind of makeshift shrine, and Wendy's becoming a very rudimentary alchemy workshop.
Brob and Wendy decide to open a moonshine business, and head out to make business associates. Thelas tags along to try to keep them from doing anything outright evil but is rapidly losing all hope. In the canteen, Wendy sells hooch to an elf (a squat blue crablike elf) and they go to the garden to look for stuff, everyone gets in a fight with dryads, and get in a mild scrum with Grimbane. Also Wind's Daughter fucks an octopus. The witch was there, and she gave Ol'Ric a potion that lets him summon rocks at will in exchange for some worms.
When they come back to their own prison block, they are greeted by THE LARGEST ELF, Mirk. Mirk is kind of enormous and enjoys crushing things, but is actually quite likeable. He's promptly tricked into eating a mild love potion and signing a contract to work for the newly named Birb & Brob's Secret Grog.
Harvey also signs up to be one of Mirk's new elves. Mirk crushes one of his old elves, because he can only count to three. So begins the legacy of Fur Elf.
The newformed company begins its expansion, trying to secure resources. The bunch hear whispers of other gangs in their area; Maribella, a drider, Tokogawa, the weeaboo bonsai and the mysterious Snowball, a white dragon who is apparently also a huge bitch, as well as a bunch of goblins who will probably just buy up as much hooch as Wendy can make.
Brob and Wendy decide to head to the goblin's sector to trade beer for tobacco (which Wendy uses to make grog, for some reason. Her potions don't make any sense. (basically a part of the prison where anything goblin-like was thrown, because they cry if they're left on their own.
To their surprise, it turns out that the goblins actually secrete tobacco from their skin. Also they'll basically cry given the slightest provocation. If elves are like bratty kids, goblins are toddlers. The two groups hate each other because goblins eat elves and elves bully goblins. Harvey sells brob to some goblins for one gold. They take him to the makeout closet.
As the bunch get further into the dark, smoky and confined goblin sector, they pass a makeout closet (just as brob escapes, angry and ranting about how they didn't even make out, just play house with him as the baby.) and eventually reach a big old room.
There are a bunch of goblins there, as well as a spooky white book adorned with two crossing lines which thelas recognises as being the symbol of a cult of wizards obsessed with 'transcending physical boundaries'. Thelas hates it on sight.
The book introduces itself as Index Inderigo and says in a whiny, sex-crazed aristocrat voice that she has heard a lot about the group, and that she'd be interested in working with them- if they kill off mirk and his elves.
When the party refuses (mirk's actually a really sweet guy) and Morgan tries to burn the book in retaliation for her casting gross seduction spells on him, she becomes progressively more agitated and racist before being placated by Wendy seducing her. She promptly cuts out all the lights, erects a wall between the two of them (and a few goblins) and the rest of the party.
WD, after being hit with a serious amount of fucked up pleasure spells, gets shunted into some kind of budoir pocket-dimension filled with illusionary lingere and tacky decorations. She gets bored very quickly, so Index gives her a bunch of trashy erotica and fucked up sex spellbooks to read.
Meanwhile, in the real world, Morgan is fervently trying to burn the book to death while Brob halfheartedly tries to negotiate the return of his business partner. Suddenly, the place shifts into a horrible nightmarescape and all the goblins turn into devilgoblins or something, and there's a big fight and Brob fucks the spellbook and casts grease on it and all the pages fall out and i think harvey stole some spells or something I can't remember this part that well cos my net kept dropping out but the point they beat up the book. With her last ounce of strength, Index entrusts wendy with a single shining white page.
The tome spits her out and falls lifeless on the floor.
The goblins all turn back to normal, kinda confused.
Brob proclaims himself the new index, and reads them a bedtime story about torture devices. They all fall asleep, and so does harvey.
Thelas and Wind's Daughter agree to share the book, begrudgingly.
After their adventure with the book, brob decides he's in dire need of something other than a shank. He, Harvey and Ragnol and his little scorpion whose name i forget work together to a cool tiny crossbow. The mission is a great success.
Wendy and thelas, butting heads about the remainder of the book, end up studying it together, and find a fair few spells. They're exactly the kind of thing you'd expect from a fucked up sex book. WD also appoints Thelas as their librarian, whether he likes it or not. He doesn't.
Harvey starts to befriend both the elves and the goblins, hoping that one day he can unite them as comerades. Also, he buys an elf and a secret shiny from a goblin shop in Index's old sector.
Thelas starts writing a journal. Mostly, he's lamenting how horrible all his companions are and wishing he could help them redeem themselves if i remember correctly.
Wind's Daughter begins having strange dreams. Dreams involving lots of paper and things that should never be written on a public forum. She talks to the subdued Index, insisting she'll help rebuild her. In return, the book offers her information about a possible source of information about the prison; and undead named Carambar who is in the asylum.
Claiming she knew him from before she went into prison, Wendy amasses an expedition to find Carambar. First, though, they stop off in one of the adjacent cell blocks to meet a crocodile-headed alchemist named Nakar, or Narak. No one is really sure.
Though at first reticent and "nyehh"some, Narak warms to the group, and agrees to drink one of Wind's Daughter's potions if one of the group drink one of hers. Morgan drinks it and immediately becomes absolutely terrified of Wind's Daughter, then Harvey laps up some of it from the ground and immediately becomes terrified of Morgan. The two of them run off while Brob negotiates terms with the gator.
They encounter Grimbane, who is kinda super freaked out by these guys, who have attacked him like every time they see him. Predictably, the same thing happens this time, involving nets, walls of flame, and harvey doing a REALLY SUPER SICK front flip off of grimbane's horn before skidding to a halt on some of Brob's magic grease.
Eventually everyone beats up Grimbane and he agrees to teleport everyone to the asylum. Brob decides to stay behind and hang with him because I guess he's a masochist or something and wants to be friends with a big nasty horse. Also Morgan finds a box.
Grimbane sends everyone through and shouts "SUCKERS" cos they have no way of getting back.
Everyone goes a-crawling through poorly-maintained medieval asylum catacombs. They meet a sphinx who says she'll let them past if they answer her riddle. Harvey likes riddles so he says okay.
The riddle is "How Many?"
After some thought, Brob answers "Four."
The sphinx likes four, so she lets them passed.
They also find the witch again. She says "Nyehhh" a bunch and refuses to tell anyone why she's there. Morgan rescues an elf and puts it in his box. He also finds a cool angel called Beloved who explains that they were locked up in the prison for falling in love. They draw a cool (and kind of disturbing) picture of the person they fell in love with, who used to be a queen. She still wears her crown, and was reportedly on one of the lower levels so she's probably super powerful and evil but LOVE FINDS A WAY so Morgan and Windy agree to give her a note from Beloved because they totally buy into that romantic bull. Ragnol befriends a scorpion and they become chums. There were also a bunch of other fucked up things but I forget them now.
Finally, the bunch comes upon Carambar, who turns out to be an undead cat. He talks to the dead and has heard a lot about our protagonists. Especially Wind's Daughter, because she has sex with lots of people, and the dead love that shit.
Carambar explains that the prison is dying, as the goddess who maintains it, Cai Sera is weakening. He says he'll let the bunch out of the asylum if they want, and also he might come visit them some time.
Thelas and Morgan have a big old philosophical discussion; Morgan wants to save everyone from the horrible conditions in the asylum, Thelas thinks that's not logistically possible and would probably get them in trouble. I kinda super ship those two though.
Anyway everyone gets home & its cool the end. Also they take back the elf, scorpion and Sphinx. She shares Thelas' room now.
He's actually okay with it. It beats sharing a room with any of the rest of the party.
Having realised that they don't have much to lose, the bunch up their game. Ragnol builds Wind's Daughter and Nakar asex dungeon alchemical laboratory. Harvey becomes the emissary between the goblins and the elves, and Wind's Daughter talks to index (who literally hasn't left her person for more than a minute since she rescued her, which probably isn't really healthy.) about how she can put the book back together. Index says that she could perhaps do it if they got her old cover back from Thelas, but he doesn't exactly seem forthcoming, and Wind's Daughter is loath to just sorta run up to him and scream "Give me the book so i can resurrect a weird seduction construct who will probably just suck me into her boudoirscape forever and murder everyone."
Harvey hears about a bimonthly market setting up in a nearby cell block, and Brob immediately sees it as an opportunity for scams. (He never actually does a scam.)
Thelas knows more than is probably normal about wooing the spider queen.
& so everyone goes shopping. This bit is kinda super complicated and there was a lot of dicking about so here's roughly what happened in no particular order.
They all sorta split up, and Harvey got all buffed by some stolen Index Inderigo spells and had the GREATEST FIGHT EVER with an enormous bee, culminating in him dancing on its back as it was covered in a blanket and screaming "Blanket thief, blanket thief!" Also the crowd was so swayed by this that they stabbed the bee to death.
Then everyone fell asleep for some reason, and Brob took compromising pictures of them with the octopus.
Meanwhile, WD was haggling with the curse ghosts on how to curse Thelas to make him give her the book. Eventually she got tired of talking to them and met up with the rest of the group. Also, the witch was there.
Brob somehow managed to buy the soul of a tiny little water serpent of some kind. He was kind of a stoner and his dad disowned him.
Then they all met Maribella and there was some stuff involving buying potions erotica books, planar books, the usual. Also harvey gave her the dead bee as a present.
After they all got home with their ill-gotten gains, and Wendy called a business meeting. Brob got really excited about the idea of selling coffee ("They pay us... For plants! Plants are free! It's the scam of a lifetime!") Wind's Daughter tells everyone about her plans to take over the prison and how they can help, and Harvey and Brob head off to find a tailor.
That's all of wizardjail classic, there was a big ol' Hiatus here.
Blah blah summary thing (mostly for myw's benefit but I guess it'll be handy as a refresher anyway. Correct if I make any errors.)
Session 1: Straight From The Unicorn's Mouth.
St. Phylaca's institution for the criminally arcane is a big ol spooky prison floating somewhere between the seven planes the midst of a subplane otherwise filled with lots of nothing.
In the first session, we're introduced to some of the prison's newest acquisitions; Brob Dignian, a pixie with a dark secret and his BFF Harvey, an uplifted wizard's familiar with an attention span to match his weasely looks. Brob quickly makes a deal with Wind's Daughter 233 of Whatever Born In a Trailer Park Somewhere In Texas, a ditzy, sex addicted alchemist (and also a bird), to try to create a moonshining business.
In their cell block they meet Ragnol, a frightfully enthusiastic Ruskar trapsmith; Ol'Ric, a fake mummy; Thelas Im Mari, a sweet but out of place priest with glowing golden eyes, and Morgan, a deviantart catboi-dragon hybrid moe who unfortunately shares a cell with the bird.
After the security systems around their cells shut down, the gang head out to investigate and come upon a blood trail and a very irritable witch. Following the blood trail leads them into the canteen populated by an array of nerds of various shapes and sizes. Notably:
- Angry pigeons.
- Skelebros
- Lil' Woofy Kobolds which loved Morgan
- Skreep and Myork, who Wind's Daughter later hypnotised for some reason.
- Drug lizards ? ? ?
After much dicking around and pigeon catching they eventually left and went to follow the blood trail some more. On their journey, they found a MYSTERIOUS CRACK in the prison, and a fucked up rune made of blood.
With his magical dragon know-how, Morgan works out that the rune is basically a teleportation rune like the ones they use to warp food and stuff to the prisoners, but with the magical equivalent of taking the batteries out and putting them in the other way around.
Everyone (except ol'rick who just dicks around doing whatever) keeps going and they meet a pissed off unicorn called grimbane who basically almost totals everyone if it wasn't for Morgan being tanky as hell, Ragnol transposing him with the angry pigeons (and into a net). Eventually everyone beats the hell out of Grimbane. Harvey steals his horn.
Session 2: Fuck birds, get money.
Everyone sets up in their cells, with Ragnol's and Ol'Ric's becoming half necromantic workshop, half carpentry shop, Thelas' changing into some kind of makeshift shrine, and Wendy's becoming a very rudimentary alchemy workshop.
Brob and Wendy decide to open a moonshine business, and head out to make business associates. Thelas tags along to try to keep them from doing anything outright evil but is rapidly losing all hope. In the canteen, Wendy sells hooch to an elf (a squat blue crablike elf) and they go to the garden to look for stuff, everyone gets in a fight with dryads, and get in a mild scrum with Grimbane. Also Wind's Daughter fucks an octopus. The witch was there, and she gave Ol'Ric a potion that lets him summon rocks at will in exchange for some worms.
When they come back to their own prison block, they are greeted by THE LARGEST ELF, Mirk. Mirk is kind of enormous and enjoys crushing things, but is actually quite likeable. He's promptly tricked into eating a mild love potion and signing a contract to work for the newly named Birb & Brob's Secret Grog.
Harvey also signs up to be one of Mirk's new elves. Mirk crushes one of his old elves, because he can only count to three. So begins the legacy of Fur Elf.
Session 3: Black, white, red all over.
The newformed company begins its expansion, trying to secure resources. The bunch hear whispers of other gangs in their area; Maribella, a drider, Tokogawa, the weeaboo bonsai and the mysterious Snowball, a white dragon who is apparently also a huge bitch, as well as a bunch of goblins who will probably just buy up as much hooch as Wendy can make.
Brob and Wendy decide to head to the goblin's sector to trade beer for tobacco (which Wendy uses to make grog, for some reason. Her potions don't make any sense. (basically a part of the prison where anything goblin-like was thrown, because they cry if they're left on their own.
To their surprise, it turns out that the goblins actually secrete tobacco from their skin. Also they'll basically cry given the slightest provocation. If elves are like bratty kids, goblins are toddlers. The two groups hate each other because goblins eat elves and elves bully goblins. Harvey sells brob to some goblins for one gold. They take him to the makeout closet.
As the bunch get further into the dark, smoky and confined goblin sector, they pass a makeout closet (just as brob escapes, angry and ranting about how they didn't even make out, just play house with him as the baby.) and eventually reach a big old room.
There are a bunch of goblins there, as well as a spooky white book adorned with two crossing lines which thelas recognises as being the symbol of a cult of wizards obsessed with 'transcending physical boundaries'. Thelas hates it on sight.
The book introduces itself as Index Inderigo and says in a whiny, sex-crazed aristocrat voice that she has heard a lot about the group, and that she'd be interested in working with them- if they kill off mirk and his elves.
When the party refuses (mirk's actually a really sweet guy) and Morgan tries to burn the book in retaliation for her casting gross seduction spells on him, she becomes progressively more agitated and racist before being placated by Wendy seducing her. She promptly cuts out all the lights, erects a wall between the two of them (and a few goblins) and the rest of the party.
WD, after being hit with a serious amount of fucked up pleasure spells, gets shunted into some kind of budoir pocket-dimension filled with illusionary lingere and tacky decorations. She gets bored very quickly, so Index gives her a bunch of trashy erotica and fucked up sex spellbooks to read.
Meanwhile, in the real world, Morgan is fervently trying to burn the book to death while Brob halfheartedly tries to negotiate the return of his business partner. Suddenly, the place shifts into a horrible nightmarescape and all the goblins turn into devilgoblins or something, and there's a big fight and Brob fucks the spellbook and casts grease on it and all the pages fall out and i think harvey stole some spells or something I can't remember this part that well cos my net kept dropping out but the point they beat up the book. With her last ounce of strength, Index entrusts wendy with a single shining white page.
The tome spits her out and falls lifeless on the floor.
The goblins all turn back to normal, kinda confused.
Brob proclaims himself the new index, and reads them a bedtime story about torture devices. They all fall asleep, and so does harvey.
Thelas and Wind's Daughter agree to share the book, begrudgingly.
Session 4: How Many?
(alternatively, Dame Or Gator?)
(alternatively, Dame Or Gator?)
After their adventure with the book, brob decides he's in dire need of something other than a shank. He, Harvey and Ragnol and his little scorpion whose name i forget work together to a cool tiny crossbow. The mission is a great success.
Wendy and thelas, butting heads about the remainder of the book, end up studying it together, and find a fair few spells. They're exactly the kind of thing you'd expect from a fucked up sex book. WD also appoints Thelas as their librarian, whether he likes it or not. He doesn't.
Harvey starts to befriend both the elves and the goblins, hoping that one day he can unite them as comerades. Also, he buys an elf and a secret shiny from a goblin shop in Index's old sector.
Thelas starts writing a journal. Mostly, he's lamenting how horrible all his companions are and wishing he could help them redeem themselves if i remember correctly.
Wind's Daughter begins having strange dreams. Dreams involving lots of paper and things that should never be written on a public forum. She talks to the subdued Index, insisting she'll help rebuild her. In return, the book offers her information about a possible source of information about the prison; and undead named Carambar who is in the asylum.
Claiming she knew him from before she went into prison, Wendy amasses an expedition to find Carambar. First, though, they stop off in one of the adjacent cell blocks to meet a crocodile-headed alchemist named Nakar, or Narak. No one is really sure.
Though at first reticent and "nyehh"some, Narak warms to the group, and agrees to drink one of Wind's Daughter's potions if one of the group drink one of hers. Morgan drinks it and immediately becomes absolutely terrified of Wind's Daughter, then Harvey laps up some of it from the ground and immediately becomes terrified of Morgan. The two of them run off while Brob negotiates terms with the gator.
They encounter Grimbane, who is kinda super freaked out by these guys, who have attacked him like every time they see him. Predictably, the same thing happens this time, involving nets, walls of flame, and harvey doing a REALLY SUPER SICK front flip off of grimbane's horn before skidding to a halt on some of Brob's magic grease.
Eventually everyone beats up Grimbane and he agrees to teleport everyone to the asylum. Brob decides to stay behind and hang with him because I guess he's a masochist or something and wants to be friends with a big nasty horse. Also Morgan finds a box.
Grimbane sends everyone through and shouts "SUCKERS" cos they have no way of getting back.
Everyone goes a-crawling through poorly-maintained medieval asylum catacombs. They meet a sphinx who says she'll let them past if they answer her riddle. Harvey likes riddles so he says okay.
The riddle is "How Many?"
After some thought, Brob answers "Four."
The sphinx likes four, so she lets them passed.
They also find the witch again. She says "Nyehhh" a bunch and refuses to tell anyone why she's there. Morgan rescues an elf and puts it in his box. He also finds a cool angel called Beloved who explains that they were locked up in the prison for falling in love. They draw a cool (and kind of disturbing) picture of the person they fell in love with, who used to be a queen. She still wears her crown, and was reportedly on one of the lower levels so she's probably super powerful and evil but LOVE FINDS A WAY so Morgan and Windy agree to give her a note from Beloved because they totally buy into that romantic bull. Ragnol befriends a scorpion and they become chums. There were also a bunch of other fucked up things but I forget them now.
Finally, the bunch comes upon Carambar, who turns out to be an undead cat. He talks to the dead and has heard a lot about our protagonists. Especially Wind's Daughter, because she has sex with lots of people, and the dead love that shit.
Carambar explains that the prison is dying, as the goddess who maintains it, Cai Sera is weakening. He says he'll let the bunch out of the asylum if they want, and also he might come visit them some time.
Thelas and Morgan have a big old philosophical discussion; Morgan wants to save everyone from the horrible conditions in the asylum, Thelas thinks that's not logistically possible and would probably get them in trouble. I kinda super ship those two though.
Anyway everyone gets home & its cool the end. Also they take back the elf, scorpion and Sphinx. She shares Thelas' room now.
He's actually okay with it. It beats sharing a room with any of the rest of the party.
Session 5: Buzzkills And Bartering.
Having realised that they don't have much to lose, the bunch up their game. Ragnol builds Wind's Daughter and Nakar a
Harvey hears about a bimonthly market setting up in a nearby cell block, and Brob immediately sees it as an opportunity for scams. (He never actually does a scam.)
Thelas knows more than is probably normal about wooing the spider queen.
& so everyone goes shopping. This bit is kinda super complicated and there was a lot of dicking about so here's roughly what happened in no particular order.
- Ol'Ric bought some bones.
- They met a bunch of cameos.
- There were wolves that were also hitmen?
- Some spooky goasts who cursed people.
- An animal fighting ring.
- Big ol' snake guy.
They all sorta split up, and Harvey got all buffed by some stolen Index Inderigo spells and had the GREATEST FIGHT EVER with an enormous bee, culminating in him dancing on its back as it was covered in a blanket and screaming "Blanket thief, blanket thief!" Also the crowd was so swayed by this that they stabbed the bee to death.
Then everyone fell asleep for some reason, and Brob took compromising pictures of them with the octopus.
Meanwhile, WD was haggling with the curse ghosts on how to curse Thelas to make him give her the book. Eventually she got tired of talking to them and met up with the rest of the group. Also, the witch was there.
Brob somehow managed to buy the soul of a tiny little water serpent of some kind. He was kind of a stoner and his dad disowned him.
Then they all met Maribella and there was some stuff involving buying potions erotica books, planar books, the usual. Also harvey gave her the dead bee as a present.
After they all got home with their ill-gotten gains, and Wendy called a business meeting. Brob got really excited about the idea of selling coffee ("They pay us... For plants! Plants are free! It's the scam of a lifetime!") Wind's Daughter tells everyone about her plans to take over the prison and how they can help, and Harvey and Brob head off to find a tailor.
That's all of wizardjail classic, there was a big ol' Hiatus here.
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