I'll answer your questions

Where am I?

What are *you* least afraid of?

Answerland

I am least afraid of nice ground

what would i have to do to take fate into my own hands? does it involve horrible times that require strength and wit? would i need to take a week off from work?

In order to take fate into your own hands, you will have to steal someone else's hands. You may use strength, you may use wit, but you could certainly keep going to work.

I'm gonna assume it adds him to my party, so I:

invert the bottle before opening
uncork it
dab the now-dampened underside of the cork on his eyelids
observe results

If there's no fluid in the bottle and nothing happens, I'll recork it for now.

You invert the bottle, and the band-aid inside lands on the cork. The unmistakable rusted color of dried blood shows against the white of the bandage. You uncork the jar, and as the air escapes, you hear a brief sigh of mirthful laughter. You take the cork and the bandage with it and kind of mush the dirty part in SleepingOrange's eyes. Whatever you're doing, it appears to be very painful, as SleepingOrange begins to thrash about. You have to step back to avoid being struck. The jar shatters in your hand, and you watch the band-aid curl to ash. SleepingOrange has stopped shaking, and is now standing up. His shirt remains torn from your disembowelment, but his outrails are back to being entrails.

SLEEPINGORANGE is now suffering from a full blown PARTY INFECTION. All injuries have been HEALED. His STATS have DOUBLED. Also, what's this? A balloon descends from nowhere in particular and pops with a spray of confetti above SLEEPINGORANGE. Within are two items!

The PARTY STAFF

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The ELEMENTAL PARTY STAFF

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What a crazy turn of events!

Where is SeaWyrm?

Where is SeaWyrm's head?

Where is Gerald's dead body?

Answerland

Answerland

Answerl- wait where did it go?

Seriously I can't find her. Gerald's body is missing..