Grand Battle Character Review/Critique Thread

This is a good idea for a thread.

Here is one of the characters I am considering for the Fatal Encounter (the others are backup ideas in case this gets shot down):

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SpoilerUsername: Ixcaliber
Name: Elizabeth Hixley
Gender: Female
Font colour: This colour?
Species: Human

Biography: Blake sat on the edge of the pavement, his head in his hands. The woman that he loved was right now locking lips with the man who he had thought was his friend. He could not bear to think about it; the months of deceit and manipulation that had took his Sarah away from him. He was ready to give up; to give up on life, love, and happiness, when from across the way there was a faint noise like a jingling of bells.

Across the street stood an old shop, the sign above the door read ‘Curious Curios’. Its windows were cobwebbed and the paintwork was peeling. It was clearly a very old building only Blake was not sure that it had been there the last time that he had looked. Curiously he crossed the midnight street and peered through the grimy windows. The store was dimly lit by old oil-lamps. The shelves were stocked with many interesting items of all shapes and sizes; swords and shields, urns and vases, jamjars and gewgaws, badminton rackets and buckets and spades, stone tablets, piñatas, ornate mirrors and creepy dolls, sceptres, staffs, crowns and tiaras, all this and more.

His curiosity now more than piqued, Blake pushed open the old door, which elicited a tinkling from the bells fitted above it, and stepped inside. There was a certain otherness about the store, as if it did not belong. He gawped at the eclectic collection of items on display, moving deeper into the store until he found what appeared to be a fairly ordinary feather duster. There was nothing special about it, which made it interesting as to why his attention seemed to be drawn there.

“Made from real roc feathers you know.” A woman’s voice came from immediately behind him. Blake spun around in shock. The woman in question looked about thirty years old. She had long black hair, which she had plaited into a long ponytail going roughly halfway down her back. Perched upon her nose was a pair of thin rectangular glasses. Her eyes were a striking amber colour and her skin tan. She wore a pale orange blazer, an amaranth cravat, a plain white shirt, similar white pants and a pair of black winklepickers. She leant upon an ornate crystal cane, the head of which was carved into the shape of a jellyfish.

“Excuse me?” Blake asked.

“The feather duster,” the woman, presumably the proprietor, replied. “It’s made from real roc feathers. Why don’t you take it?”

“I’m sorry I was just curious.” Blake replied. “I have no need of a feather duster.”

“That’s no ordinary feather duster.” The proprietor replied. “Sure you can dust with it but why would you when it’s so good at brushing away lies and uncertainty?” Blake stared at her in disbelief. “You seem like the kind of kid who could get some use out of an item like this. Take it, I insist. It’s on the house.” She took up the feather duster and pressed it into Blake’s hands.

“Th-thanks…?” He stammered.

“Take care now.” She called after him as feather duster in hand Blake scurried away into the night.

The following day the whole incident looked very silly. He carried on with his life as normal and dismissed the proprietor’s claims as ridiculous. Sarah came around to collect her stuff. She did so in silence as Blake twirled the feather duster through his fingers. As much as he did not believe what the shopkeeper had said he couldn’t help but wonder… what if? What if this would wash away Adam’s lies, and let her clearly see how much she has been manipulated by that bastard? If not he’d look a little silly but he was past caring.

He strode towards his former girlfriend with the feather duster in hand and wondering exactly how this worked, dusted her. She tried to bat him away and called him some unpleasant names and then her face went curiously blank. She stood there like that for a minute as Blake retracted the magical duster.

“Sarah?” he asked. “Sarah, are you okay?” She looked around in confusion.

“Where am I?” she asked visibly panicking. “Who are you?”

“Sarah it’s okay.” He replied quickly, grasping her shoulders firmly. “It’s me, it’s Blake. You’re at my apartment.”

“I don’t know you. What do you want?” she asked terrified. “Who is this Sarah you keep talking about?”

It wasn’t long before Blake was rushing through the streets, feather duster in one hand, and Sarah’s unwilling hand in the other. He dashed towards where the shop had been, full of anger and fear. The proprietor had lied to him. She’d taken Sarah away from him for good. He would demand that she fix her. He came to a complete stop in front of where the shop had been, discovering only an empty space. It was as if the store had never been there at all.

Items/Abilities: Liz has two items that qualify as special. The first is her cane that she carries with her. It grants the bearer a form of eternal life (though not immortality). It is made from crystal and its head is carved into the shape of a jellyfish. The second is less obvious, a rather plain silver locket that she wears around her neck. When opened up there is a button inside. This button when pressed summons her shop to her. It attempts to occupy the nearest empty space. If there is somewhere nearby where it will appear innocuous, i.e. a row of buildings, then it will appear there.

The shop itself is what is known as a Wandering Shop. Put simply it is a shop full of mysterious and powerful items that has the ability to hop between dimensions. It seems to be affected by a sense of narrative timing, as it always seems to show up just when someone has need of one of the items and never seems to be there when they return.

A good few years ago now the control mechanism broke. While it still can move between dimensions if called via her locket, it can no longer be driven. Also Liz is not the original owner of this shop, meaning that she doesn’t know how it works or how to repair it, if it is even repairable.

The items in her shop vary in usefulness, some items for example designed to fill a specific niche and of no use in any other situation. Also of note is that the more powerful an item the more likely that there is some kind of downside to using it. Some items offer very little benefit and have grave curses. If you don’t know what each one does then it can be kind of a lucky dip, even Liz, knowledgeable as she is on the items, does not know what all of them do.

Description: Liz looks like she did in the biography, except in her early twenties instead of her thirties. (At the risk of repeating myself: long black hair in ponytail, glasses, amber eyes, tan skin, pale orange blazer, amaranth cravat, white shirt, white pants, black winklepicker shoes, ornate crystal cane head in shape of jellyfish.)

She is sort of twistedly whimsical. She loves to play with people, to give them trinkets and artefacts which will wreck their lives. Staying on the move is very important to her, and even after her shop had broken down she didn’t stay still. She travelled from town to town calling her shop after her. She is very secretive and doesn’t like anyone to know her true motives. She has a dark sense of humour that other people don’t seem to appreciate. She’s not typically violent as such, preferring to fight indirectly through misdirection and the use of artefacts.

The specific issue I have with this profile is the nature of the shop. I have limited it so that it can not be used as an escape route, but I am unsure as to whether it is still too much?