Grand Battle Character Review/Critique Thread

As the title implies, this is a thread for the reviewing and critiquing of characters to be entered in any one of the many Grand Battles.

To be more exact, I would like this thread to be a place where someone can go for help. A thread where if someone is unsure about a character idea or a specific trait, they can (hopefully) find some assistance without any awkwardness; where someone can easily find someone willing to find holes in others profiles; where someone can ask for people willing to maybe start a pow-wow of sorts, going on IRC or whatever and just tossing ideas at each other! I would also like this thread to be for giving general character building tips.
For example, Dragon Fogel has mentioned that he likes to give his characters a goal outside the battle, such as Eximo Pulvis' compulsion to clean.

Finally, I would like to keep this thread tidy, and if we could keep long things under spoilers or in a PM response, that would be great! I also think that if some people really want to go the extra mile, they could plan a sort of IRC session to plot out things about the character; I know that this has really helped me with some profiles.

And yea, if we could keep this to serious character profiles and tips/tricks for any sort of Grand Battleish activities, that would be keen




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To kick things off, here is a guy I am entering in Pinary’s Villain Battle
If I could get responses via PM, that would be swell.

Show Content

SpoilerUsername: Solaris
Name: His Holyness the Glorious Pope Triumphian the First of the Holy Empire of Lagran(or Pope Triumphian for short)
Gender: Male
Race: Lagran, a reptilian alien race somewhat similar to our popular vision Dinosaurs.
Colour: #000666 :P

Biography: Above all, believe in your god. Over your friends, over your family, over your life. -- Pope Viazzi V

Kragnek Kull, a religious day where one looks to the past and celebrates past victories and studies past mistakes. It was on this glorious day, that His Holyness would broadcast his glorious voice to all of the worshipers of the Only True Lord and God. They would listen intently as the Glorious Pope would recite the Origin Tale of their God. And as a result, the entire universe saw The Event.

Triumphian rises, motioning for a silence. Today is the day, here, in the Holy Capital of the Chosen Planet, his planet, Lagran, he would recite the glorious Origin Tale. With every eye on him, he begins.

"Ages and ages into the past, a god existed. He was cruel, He was forceful, He was exactly what was needed for life to rise up from the desolate planet. The resulting beings were powerful, survivors, resourceful, and like their god, cruel to all. The god looked at all it had created and it was pleased. As the various species grew, they began to fight. To the god, none of these races stuck out, they had differences, physical and mental, but in the end, to him, they were all simply playthings. But as time went on he noticed one race in particular had done something that no others had. This race had honored him. And so the god decided to grace them with his presence."

The crowd, knowing the tale in its entirety, cheered at their obvious mention. Triumphian, still not finished with his tale, simply motioned for silence. And it was quickly given to him.

"For a time, the god and his chosen race lived on the same plane, he would ask for sacrifices and worship, and in return, they would gain technology, power, and standing in the world. Eventually, they rose up as the race, subjugating all others under the rule of the god. The entire planet was theirs, and they wouldn't stop. With the help of the god they would take to the stars.
However, one day, the God left the mortal plane. The God, having grown fond of the race who had worshiped him without question, gave them a gift. Upon his glorious ascension past the plane that we reside, he left a fragment of his power on the planet, to be given to one of his worshipers, his representative. That chosen one would lead in his stead. A holy leader of an empire ready to take on the world."

The crowd exploded. There was no reason not to. This was their tale, the story of how they came to be. Triumphian raised the Holy Staff and made it emit a shining light. As the staff shined with holy power, he roared to his people.
"I am Triumphian the First. I am your leader. Blessed by the power of our God, together, we will conquer in His name!" The light shined brighter than before as the words of Triumphian reached each of his disciples spread across the cosmos.

"Brothers and Sisters. Today is Kragnek Kull, our first of many together. If you will allow me, I shall tell you my history, my story." In reality, that was merely a formality. He knew that the crowd would love to listen to his tale regardless of if they had even heard it moments before. But formalities were important. Faith was important. Each and every step Triumphian took was planned to make sure that he would be the best. And he was, from the very beginning.

"I was spawned from the blackest pit of The Concavum, the only one to survive it’s toxic properties in over a thousand years. From the very moment that I rose out of the tar pool, I was marked for greatness. I was trained to be as strong and resilient as our warrior ancestors, those who fought against the beasts that once tried to rule the lands as we now do. I was taught by apprentices and descendants of the very prophets who had spoken with Our Lord. Yes, my growth was a careful and steady rise to greatness, and simply the Prequel to a greater story. Upon the end of my training, I was immediately added to our Holy Empire’s military forces. It was here, under the command of the great General Garug, that I proved myself to truly be of worth. As I fought in each battle, I not only showed exceptional force, but incredibly skill as well. I quickly rose through the ranks becoming the youngest commander in history. As my military conquests grew, so did my popularity, and with it, a chance of a lifetime. I was offered a place in the Holy Order, and I accepted with haste. And when, my predecessor, the Observant Pope Ultarros the Fourth, met his unfortunate end, I was Chosen. And from that moment, we, the citizens of the Holy Empire of Lagran were under the command of I, The Glorious Pope Triumphian the First, who has given us total victory in over six star systems in record time. Who has single handedly fought four Terrastians without a grievous injury. Who has mastered the Holy Arts in record time. Today is our day. I am your leader, and together, we shall spread our glorious reign to the edges of the universe. Kast Fur Tore!"

Upon ending his speech with the words of prayer, the universe shook. The great crowds bellowed back the prayer words of response, but their holy leader did not hear them. For it was then, at the end of his speech, the one calling for the greatest series of victories in recorded history, that Triumphian was lost. And with him, possibly his entire empire.

Description: Like all of the Lagran, Pope Triumphian is a large scaled, reptilian creature. When standing in the arched position that is normal for Lagran, he is at seven feet tall, able to go as far as ten if he stood straight up. His feet and hands are clawed, and his head and belly are covered in exceptionally strong scales. The length of arms in Lagran varies from one to the other; Triumphian has normal length, but powerful arms, capable of reaching around him with ease. His pyramid-like head has a mouth full of sharp teeth and two slightly angled eyes. His shoulders are garbed in the holy white robes, as is customary of the pope, and his head has the gold and white hat that initially held the holy power of his God. His body, like all those blessed by the gift, is colored a burnt red and his eyes are fully white.
Pope Triumphian believes in quick, careful conquest. He hits fast and he hits hard, a master of many trades, he knows the best tricks for putting someone under. However, he has the foresight to not act until he is certain, preferring to use his powerful speaking skills and holy powers to win victory via indirect means, be it converting the masses, or fooling them into falling into a trap. When he is not plotting the domination of planets, he is mulling over the secrets of the universe and attempting to channel and locate the will of his god. He is devoted to his god and will stop at nothing to spread his word to each and every sentient being, under His Holy Empire.

Items/Abilities: As His Holyness, Pope Triumphian has been blessed by his god, holding a fragment of his power until death. As a result, he can bless and empower others, emit a holy light, and ignite things with a holy flame, amongst other ‘miracles’. He holds a rod made up of the bones of the first Pope. The rod is extremely durable and stores the holy power of the first 10 generations of Popes. In addition, Pope Triumphian has his race’s durable scales and sharp claws and teeth. Strong and intelligent from his training and subsequent military tour, Triumphian is a testament to his race.