Shank A Bitch 3 Day Six: The Handsman Cometh (10/71 Alive)

Day Three Interruption: Breaching Dimensions

It seems Chocolate Pi’s fate was sealed the moment he rose from the grave. The room’s mood has soured despite Speedchuck’s best efforts to keep things calm, and as chants of ‘SHANK THE ZOMBIE’ grow in volume Chocolate Pi is slowly backed into a corner.
DISTANT WHALE NOISES
For a moment it seems something might stop the mob, some divine force intervene and keep him from a swift re-death. Then the angry shankers close in, knives out, and it’s all over.

Chocolate Pi was a ZOMBIE SHANKER.

The bloodthirsty mob shanks Chocolate Pi to pieces, but being a zombie there’s very little blood to be had. It’s obvious that such a measly sacrifice just won’t do for the whole day; not to mention the fact that it’s not even noon yet. So the bitches sheathe their shanking implements and start to sit back down for a few more rounds to help decide who’s next on the groupshanking list.

Which is when—of course—divine intervention does decide to strike.

A dimensional portal from which EERIE WHALESONG echoes without end breaches through the front of the hotel. This WHALEDIRGE slowly tunes itself up to a more mortal pitch, and it's soon recognizable as the speech of the ELDER WHALES, HERALDS OF CETACEA.

PHARMACY.

DRAGON FOGEL.

THE TIME HAS COME. WHALE HONOR DEMANDS YOUR ATTENDANCE.

The two accept without delay, rushing into the WHALE DIMENSION for their fated confrontation. Most other shankers, paralyzed by the power of the WHALEDIRGE, can do nothing but watch.

Artcred Seedy!

It’s WHALE DUEL: BATTLE ROYALE: THE ADVENTURE!

Battles are a grand tradition in the WHALE DIMENSION, and each one is an astounding display of finesse, comurage, and seivvy. Legends are born in every clash of whale battlers, with their tales being sung by whales across the cosmos for aeons.

Of course, what actually goes on in the WHALE DIMENSION no-one but the participating battlers and the Elder Whales know, and the Elder Whales squat in the Dimension permanently so they're certainly not telling. Each time a battle occurs only a few certain facts about the belugshed escape by virtue of the Elder’s minkesterious whispers.

What this means is that the real battle, like in any war, is for (WHALE) HEARTS AND MINDS.

The best way to win those? The post-battle press conference. Obviously.

Narwhalfare correspondents will be jockeying for details on what exactly went down, and participants who return from the WHALE DIMENSION alive have a chance to orcastrait the coverage in their favor.

In other words: PORPOGANDA. Each whale battler’s true test comes in how they portray the details of the battle to the cetacean public such that their telling wins out as the right whale tale.

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WHALE DUEL RULES

1. Any other players feeling up to competing in the Whale Duel BATTLE ROYALE have 24 (real-time) hours to leap into the portal and join in. Be warned that failing to produce (an actual spirited effort at) PORPOGANDA once the Whale Duel has ended will result in your irreversible death.

2. Once all contestants are assembled, the Whale Duel begins and runs throughout the following 24 hours. While all the whale battlers are busy fighting it out any non-contestant players, dead or alive, may (by acting as conduits for the ELDER WHALE’S WHISPERS) submit TWO (or more) FACTS about the battle currently taking place through their Quicktopics.

The FACTS should be short, interesting, and leave some room open for interpretation – so no, “Pharmacy won” is not a valid submission. “Pharmacy commanded a fleet of Laser Orcas” is. General facts are also fine – “The final clash between [x] and [x] took place at [insert whale dimension location here]” and suchlike. Not all facts will pass into canon, the more entertaining/implementable your fact is the higher the chance it will be used!

3. Once the Whale Duel has ended, you contestants will emerge from your battle beaten, bruised and victorious – every one of you. Or so you say. To prove that you’re the REAL winners you’ll have to create a piece of propaganda to trumpet your victory, based on three or four submitted FACTS that I’ll route your way. The deadline for this phase is variable, but it’ll fall at the start of Day 4 at the earliest.

4. When all the contestants have told me they’ve got their hype ready to go, I’ll post them in the thread at which point every non-contestant player can anonymously vote on whose WHALE TALE they find most convincing by private messaging me on the forum.

Whoever ends up winning the most hearts and minds will be crowned the TRUE WHALE DUEL CHAMPION, and receive all the rewards, acclaim and whale loyalty that entails.

Further Clarifications

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While the Whale Portal yawns wide across the entrance to the lobby, beckoning towards any foolish shankers that think themselves powerful enough to brave it, the bar remains unaffected and Speedchuck launches into yet another jazzy number. Minds turn back to the matter at hand: with Chocolate Pi’s shanking so unfulfilling, who’s next on the menu.

With 46 players alive it takes 24 votes to groupshank. Deadline is in 75 hours at 6:00 PM EST on Friday, August 1st.