Riskal Fantasy - Week 7 - Your Guns Are Now Also Swords

THIS WEEK IN NEWS

THE TOTALLY NON-BIASED PRESS

Authorities struggle to quell civil unrest in the Outback Steakhouse, as a world record is set for effigies simultaneously burned. The hastily-crafted figures resembling Alleged President Agentblue were assembled on the territory's Eastern Border with assistance from ACoDaINZ sect leaders on the No Zealand side of the border, and set on fire by a crowd of lazy but clearly-pyromanic ex-convict Australian types who just showed up for the booze and fireworks.

We'd have an aerial photo of the flaming effigies spelling out "Piss off" along the border, but nobody has satellites any more so we're just taking the Australasians' word for it.

THE HOMELESS GAZETTE

Vagrant scholars touch up on their Dante. Claim traitors sent to 9th Circle of Hell.

Chancellor Granola raises unclean army; peers over Atlantic. "Say hello to Satan for me, Captain."



TERRITORY SPOTLIGHT
This week:

Iceland, also known as The Territory Formerly Known as Greenland, exchanged names with its diminutive North-Atlantic island cousin in the ill-advised attempt in (Year about ten years preceding the time we're playing this game in) at drumming up tourism. This sadly backfired when Greenland (also known as The Territory Formerly Known as Iceland) disrupted international travel with its exploding volcano, and hocked all the blame off to the now-Iceland (The Territory Formerly Known as Greenland). Relations between the two island nations have been frosty ever since.

The territory's chief exports include: disgruntled tourists who were unaware of the name-swap, and ice. The territory initially enjoyed a lucrative snow-exporting industry, until they were held up in the International Court by Snow. Just Snow. for infringing on their national heritage. Since The Territory Formerly Known as Greenland's irony reserves have also run dry since the name swap, the territory is one of the poorest worldwide.

What territory would you like to be in the spotlight?

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Last week I said that it was week four. This has not been amended in order to confuse the easily confused.

WEEK SEVEN

Cards cards cards! Look at ALL THESE DAMN CARDS!



A PIRATE MAN



A MYSTERY MAN



AND A HOMELESS MAN! That's brought our bonus troops up to 30! Hot damn!


I'll tell you when I've had enough large maps!

Captain Guhnawgaw is itching for battle!



LET'S GET RIGHT TO BUSINESS!



The Hobos have prepared well. No matter, they will fall under the might of the Pirates! ...also maybe figure out what's up with those emissions. A low carbon footprint is important!



The Pirate fleet makes their way over to Discount Children to mount their attack



One of this ship captains looks boldly ahead towards their destination









Wh- what that hell!? There weren't even any enemy ships! The Hobos have boarded the Pirate fleet and killed everybody! They've stolen a ship and are turning it right around!



Yeah no, no this is probably not a good thing.



The Collective will expand!



First step is to get out of Asia.



Chernobyl Jr was just an attempt to weaken, but the breach into Africa went as planned.

The point between Kamchatka and Russian America is really annoying to deal with so instead of abstract map bullshit, here is an artist's rendition of the conflict.





Marvelous.



Right, now to finish off Australia hopefully maybe that's quite a few troops in Big Hamsters



Hm.

The Nebulaic Collective has captured American Oil Storage, Black Hole, Denial, Russian America, and No Zealand!
THE NEBULAIC COLLECTIVE HAS CONQUERED ASIA



Somebody found the mouse! It has been jiggled and Pinary is ready to go!



Let's get into Europe.



Inflitration complete.

Robonia has captured has captured Greenland!





It is time for operation Fuck Your Shit And Gimme Back My Stuff



Offa my lawn!

ACoDaINZ has captured No Zealand, Outback Steakhouse, and Some Islands!
ACODAINZ HAS CONQUERED AUSTRALIA



The now SS Beancan sails towards The Jungle, and the route is planned.



Through all of South America.



And then cut through everything else your old friend The Captain has to offer.



He has trouble dealing with the onslaught. With only a few casualties, the entire army is taken out in one run. Even some of the vagrants have trouble believing what they've managed.

The United Hobo Federation has captured *deep breath*
The Jungle, Uncharted Territory, Peruvia, Vuvuzela, Taco Bell, Orange Star, Freedom, and The French Part!
THE UNITED HOBO FEDERATION HAS CONQUERED SOUTH AMERICA



Captain Gnauga is currently spending his time in a cardboard jail in a hobo camp. He's considered escaping, since it's just cardboard, but there's a lot of Rutger Hauer types around.
He plays his complimentary harmonica glumly.


So um, holy shit that was kind of crazy! As an added bonus, cards are now worth 30 whole troops! Here's where we stand!




Central Mainframe Pinary - Robonia - 5 territories - 3 Reinforcements per turn
Bitch in Chief Schazer - The Anarchist Collective of Displaced and Irked No-Zealanders (ACoDaINZ) - 10 territories - 5 Reinforcements per turn
Chancellor Granolaman - The United Hobo Federation - 12 territories - 6 Reinforcements per turn
Alleged President AgentBlue - Nebulaic Collective 15 territories - 12 Reinforcements per turn

Captain Gnauga - Pirate Parties International 0 territories - GAME OVER