Super Otaku Brawl - Round One: Traverse Town

Anger Crabman drifted back into consciousness after napping through whatever the entity which had captured them was saying. He was only peripherally aware of how tired he actually was. He didn't really sleep much any more, especially because of his usual nonsensical dreams, but it was very easy to drift off.
He surveyed the fantastical cityscape around him from his vantage on an old slate roof. It seemed vaguely medieval, like the 63rd 2nd Republic's neo-dark-ages motif or the retrofantasy megapubs in Trol Miami. Not that he had frequented such establishments lately, due to the level of whippersnappers aboard the premises.
He spoke eight words in a cracked tone, aglow with ancient power:

"Thfuck is this poeny shit boners was on."

With motions as fluid as an cheetah in a tortilla, the coriaceous coot clambered down, eventually slipping off and breaking a hip on a pebbled road. It got better though.
He surveyed the outlandish locale with bleary eyes, doing what he had been doing for trillions of years. Wandering aimlessly until he found something remotely interesting. Finally, at one street corner he saw someone. in his mind's tongue, he'd call it "an enormous fucked-up mouse thing."

The Deathless One lurched towards it making a croaking sound that was only marginally recognisable as speech. "Ey, youngun" he spat, "whathhafucks up with this town nshit." The mouse, a young lady in a red poka-dot dress, opened her mouth to respond, but Crabber cut her off with a "an wherez yer tv I want to watch boners."

Minnie Mouse furrowed her eyebrows. The old grey man was terribly rude. "I don't have a TV," she said "But if you-"
"Who doesn't have a TV these days? Don't ya know thats been illegal nthat since the 2nd fifth empire? Ohaye, since Overmeister Goerg Bloggospher-"