The thread for flipping shits (and tables)

I don't know what to do, what to think, what to feel. I've lead a pretty charmed life. I've never had to deal with grief like this before, the only family funeral I've had to attend was before I was in school, for my grandmother I didn't have time to meet, and I don't even remember that. How long do I feel sad before it's pathetic, what if I get over it really fast, is there something wrong with me? Can I, should I be angry at her? It's so fucking cold to pull a move like this two days before my birthday. I was gonna celebrate my 19th by going to my first open-mic, do I go through with that, do I change the set I was gonna go with to something more personal? Do I just go on like everything's normal, do I drown myself in distractions like music and TV even more than usual, should I write a fucking song about it? I have homework I gotta do, somehow. My dad is physically deteriorating. I was planning on moving out of the house soon, but can I just leave him alone like that? Fuck, just... fuck.