RE: The thread for flipping shits (and tables)
03-01-2012, 02:08 PM
Don't read this. It's navel gazing bullshit. I'm only posting it because I want to feel like somebody will read it. Serious. Whatever kind of relationship we may have, there's zero obligation here. I'd spoiler it if I could.
So I feel like I've got no-one to talk to about my problems anymore. Not even you guys, because where the hell have I been for two months, right? I'm sure you've all got better things to do than listen to me complain about my life. Again. But I need to tell someone, or at least feel like I'm telling someone, so please excuse my selfishness. Y'all can just ignore this if it suits.
My housemate decided he wanted to move out of the house we were sharing about 3 weeks ago because renting, to him, was "dead money". This is only 3 months after he decided to move in with me. So he's moving back in with his Dad leaving me with a big fuck-off rent bill to pay by myself. I was pissed with him. I still am. But I tried to let it go because Hobart's a small place and everyone knows everyone and shouldn't I be the sort of person that can forgive others anyway? That was my logic there. So I was just at that point where I was happy to stay friends with him regardless of him being a terrible housemate that owed me money and never washed his dishes and let strangers have sex in the house when neither of us were around. I was willing to chalk it up to moving in with him being a mistake, "you live, you learn" and that our relationship didn't work as roomates, being that I cared about things he didn't.
Then tonight I discovered that he'd posted a image of a 1950's style drawing of a sad man staring at his feet with the caption "Maybe I have no friends because I hate everyone." onto my Facebook wall. I asked him about it and he thought it was funny. He said sorry when I told him I was upset, but it was one of those dismissive apologies that say "OK, can we stop talking about this now. It's not really a big deal". The fact of the matter is he doesn't believe that it was that big of a deal or that it could have hurt me. And it did! The last thing I want to be thinking about is my fear that I'll remain alone with no physical friends to speak of. My fear that outside of the internet I might have no capacity to retain a solid relationship. He knows this goddammit!
I'm a fool. I rarely put myself out on a limb for anyone. Almost never. Ever time I do the bloody branch breaks. Now it's snapped again and here I am, dirty, in a pile of leaves, nursing a broken leg and I'm retreating back to the safety of solitary living for fear of further pain. I know I'm condescending occasionally, but I can't help but feel at times like this I'm given plenty of ammunition to continue to distrust those around me.
Fin. Now I'd recommend 3 shots of any given liquor as a chaser to whatever the hell this was you just read.
So I feel like I've got no-one to talk to about my problems anymore. Not even you guys, because where the hell have I been for two months, right? I'm sure you've all got better things to do than listen to me complain about my life. Again. But I need to tell someone, or at least feel like I'm telling someone, so please excuse my selfishness. Y'all can just ignore this if it suits.
My housemate decided he wanted to move out of the house we were sharing about 3 weeks ago because renting, to him, was "dead money". This is only 3 months after he decided to move in with me. So he's moving back in with his Dad leaving me with a big fuck-off rent bill to pay by myself. I was pissed with him. I still am. But I tried to let it go because Hobart's a small place and everyone knows everyone and shouldn't I be the sort of person that can forgive others anyway? That was my logic there. So I was just at that point where I was happy to stay friends with him regardless of him being a terrible housemate that owed me money and never washed his dishes and let strangers have sex in the house when neither of us were around. I was willing to chalk it up to moving in with him being a mistake, "you live, you learn" and that our relationship didn't work as roomates, being that I cared about things he didn't.
Then tonight I discovered that he'd posted a image of a 1950's style drawing of a sad man staring at his feet with the caption "Maybe I have no friends because I hate everyone." onto my Facebook wall. I asked him about it and he thought it was funny. He said sorry when I told him I was upset, but it was one of those dismissive apologies that say "OK, can we stop talking about this now. It's not really a big deal". The fact of the matter is he doesn't believe that it was that big of a deal or that it could have hurt me. And it did! The last thing I want to be thinking about is my fear that I'll remain alone with no physical friends to speak of. My fear that outside of the internet I might have no capacity to retain a solid relationship. He knows this goddammit!
I'm a fool. I rarely put myself out on a limb for anyone. Almost never. Ever time I do the bloody branch breaks. Now it's snapped again and here I am, dirty, in a pile of leaves, nursing a broken leg and I'm retreating back to the safety of solitary living for fear of further pain. I know I'm condescending occasionally, but I can't help but feel at times like this I'm given plenty of ammunition to continue to distrust those around me.
Fin. Now I'd recommend 3 shots of any given liquor as a chaser to whatever the hell this was you just read.
Is observing my own pattern of behavior of observing my own patterns of behavior a mental fractal or just navel gazing? Please advise.