Crusader Kings II: Good Job High Chief Piast, 10/10 A+

Unit Two, Chapter One: A Fragile Kingdom

A county run well is a greater realm than a kingdom run poorly.

As a reminder: when we last left off, all we had was a single piddling county. If this were taken away from us, we would instantly lose the game. Exciting!

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The first thing I do, since both my spymaster and my ruler are quite good at intrigue, is send her off to Constantinople to [strike]steal[/strike] research technology. Doing so increases my capital's tech improvement rate over time, and sometimes doles out a bundle of 50 tech points in a random area.

Early in the game, Constantinople (being the capital of the Byzantine Empire) and Damascus, over in Arabia, tend to have some of the best tech levels, so it's often a good idea to send your spymaster there if you can afford to. If I recall correctly, Paris is also quite good in later start dates.

An independent county, bordering our own? And its holdings have terrible levies and garrisons? He's not a Vasiliy, but it'll have to do.

Allies are generally "whoever's close to you via marital or dynastic ties." They can be quite useful, but they'll only come to your aid if they like you enough compared to your enemies (and, often, won't bother if the people you're attacking or the province you're defending are too far away). Keep in mind that every time you call them to war, they get a temporary opinion penalty, so you can't just keep doing it constantly.

You're also expected to answer their calls to war, but this... isn't hugely enforced, mainly because there's nothing stopping you from nominally joining a war but not actually committing any troops to it (besides the chance of the enemy besieging you and making your holdings temporarily less effective, anyway). That said, prestige gains from battle are increased for allies, so it can be a good idea to actually help out if it's convenient.

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With our friend's help, we easily take Chortitza. We still can't actually create a duchy or anything, but it's nice to have a little extra income.

Once it became clear that Frodi held the only remaining title of the Blodigorn clan, he began constantly worrying about his reputation and power. Being a simple count, with no obligation to fight, had suited him well; now, it felt as if every one of his ancestors had placed their faith in him, and anything other than complete success would leave him a failure.

Desperate to maintain his family's stature, and constantly living in fear of being invaded, he quickly decided to make the first move and expand his territory. Though his own army was small, the aid of a better-equipped ally led to a swift and decisive victory.

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I don't know whether it's because we're Chaste or someone's spymaster was starting shit (one of their tasks can lead to spreading rumors that a noble of the province is homosexual), but everyone thinks we're buttfuckin'. It doesn't actually seem to have an effect on our reputation, besides occasionally making us give up a tiny bit of piety or prestige, but it's not exactly helping Frodi's perpetual state of anxiety.

(For the record, "I'll talk about it" gives -10 to prestige, which is usually a drop in the bucket, while going to the brothel gives a temporary -1 to all our attributes. But since Frodi is so stressed and fearful, he doesn't want to take any goddamn chances. The event fires several times, may have been a factor in us losing our chastity, and then fires a few times more.)

We snap at them both - Kol because we're so stressed, Kinga because we're terrified of what might happen if Piast thinks we've risen above our station.

Things go okay with our steward, though.

Not helping matters were the rumors that Frodi was a homosexual; in fact, the accusations died down fairly quickly, but he was never aware of this. He was haunted practically to the grave by the fear that his subjects would take it as an impetus to defame his family or rise up in rebellion, and so spent what little free time he allowed himself in brothels.

His relationships suffered immensely. Though once considered a fairly wise and pleasant man, he was now suspicious and on edge at all times, and nearly any conversation he had resulted in a shouting match. Soon enough, he had distanced himself from all of his friends, as well as his wife; the only social contact he seemed to be capable of was letters sent to his brother or his liege, and even these were alleged to be very terse and dispassionate.

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Occasionally, the boss pesters us with an offer to let one of our family members free for a paltry sum. We should definitely have one as an heir, but, hm... would Frodi rather have his brother, who if nothing else is still young and full of energy? Or his dad, who considers him a massive disappointment and will probably spend most of his time plotting to murder us and bashing courtiers against rocks?

Yeah, he wasn't really worth 10 gold when it comes down to it.

Plus, hey, he grants us both all his claims when he dies! Except... they're weak instead of strong. And Thorbrandr's kids can't inherit them unless he's able to press them, which...

Well, first of all, every one of these provinces is impractical to attack for one reason or another (mainly strong levies/garrisons; we could easily take Terebovl if not for that). More importantly, though, a weak claim can only be pressed under special circumstances, as noted above. For the most part, we're S.O.L.

And though he couldn't stand many people, he was especially furious with his father, feeling (perhaps rightfully so) that he had given all his attention to Thorbrandr and that his inability to accept defeat had brought a tremendous dishonor on the family name. Though he made at least token attempts to restrain his worry and anger when he had to be in the presence of others, any mention of Ulfr would cause him to erupt in anger and order the conversation be moved to another topic.

When he heard the news of his father's death, Frodi is said to have laughed and ordered a festival held within the week.

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WELL,

FUCK.

House Blodigorn was only able to maintain its grip on Chortitza for a bit over a year before a Khazar noble was able to wrest it back. When the army arrived, Frodi did not even bother raising an army, simply saying that it would have been a waste of life; but while he did his best to seem unfazed by the loss, his inner circle was quite aware that he was never quite able to get over the fact that his first big accomplishment as ruler had been taken away almost immediately, and his disposition continued to become worse.

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And this is why Gavelkind sucks. Since Piast had two duchy titles, no kingdom titles, and two sons, his realm was split in two (and rather unevenly), basically pitting them against each other immediately. If he'd expanded differently and gotten Poland locked down, he wouldn't have had this problem, so I have no sympathy for the rat bastard.

Anyway, we ended up a vassal of the Duke of Mazovia...

Who apparently did not have a lot of good generals if he seriously thought cowardly old Frodi was worth the trouble.

Upon Piast's death just before the turn of the century, his lands erupted in civil war between his sons, the Duke of Poland and the Duke of Mazovia. Frodi - despite a litany of protests that were immortalized in the mocking ballad The Coward's Call to War - was dragged into the conflict as a general, and was almost immediately captured and thrown in the dungeons of Poland.

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And great! All our claims are weak (though to be fair, since he's a child, we could press them against Siemowit) and we have no fucking army to speak of, but I suppose we're a threat to the bastard. Neither he or his successor ever lets us out.

Greater Poland briefly erupts in its own micro-civil war, but it cools down after a while. Pretty much as soon as that happens, Lithuania gets torn apart, though. Gavelkind is monstrous, man.

And speaking of broken power bases, our piece of shit liege lets us be independent! But we can't actually swear fealty to anyone else as long as we're in jail, which... kind of exposes us to Conquest and instant game over. Not the best idea in retrospect.

Making matters worse, the count had claims to several of his captor's holdings; and, though he lacked a powerful army, the possibility that he might bring in a sufficiently-powerful band of mercenaries was seen as too great by the regent at the time, and he was forbidden to be given any chance at freedom.

But perhaps it was for the best; no sooner had the borders of Greater Poland been redrawn to separate it from Mazovia than Sedziej found his vassals revolting, thinking him a weak and incompetent ruler. His power base quickly crumbled, and the county of Korsun was made independent.

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After a while, I get bored of pretty much just waiting for Frodi to up and die already, and nudge the process along.

Oh no what a tragedy taken before his time et cetera what evera. Let's move on to Thorbrandr.

Eventually, it seems, Frodi found his confinement maddening, and when sending communications to his regent, snuck in a message (written in Norse, and claiming to anyone who asked that it was a passage from a book that had great sentimental value to his father and brother) begging for an assassin to be sent and for Thorbrandr to take his place. Needless to say, it has long been a matter of contention whether this truly was sent by Frodi, or a forgery made so that his brother could claim the throne.

Regardless, he died soon afterwards, and Thorbrandr was brought to power. This did little to assuage the depression that had plagued him since his capture, and which had only become worse since his father had died; in fact, while he felt his actions were necessary, he was further saddled with guilt over having his brother killed.

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Since we know we aren't going to do very well on our own, we partner up with Rurik the Second. We're an enclave, which isn't the best position defensively, but hopefully our liege can take care of that - our concern is what gives us the most opportunities for expansion, and "surrounded by potential enemies" is good for that.

Also, for some reason, Rurik is fucking showering praise on us even though we're no real threat to him? Or maybe we are legitimately a really good spymaster, but he wants us to stay on his good side. Hey, works for me regardless - honorary titles and council memberships give you prestige and a bit of extra gold over time.

Thorbrandr's very first act was to swear fealty to the kingdom of Gardariki (or, as it was more commonly referred to in the west, Northern Rus), led by Rurik II. As the son of Ulfr - who, though once feared, had since been whitewashed as "a true Viking" and "a martyr for glory" - he was accepted with no reservations, and showered with praises as soon as he joined the kingdom.

Many accounts from Rurik's court show a considerable optimism from the acquisition, such as this one from his chancellor:
With Thorbrandr's service, the power of the Blood-Eagle is once again with us! If Rurik was not mighty enough already, surely now the [Slavic] nonbelievers will fall to their knees without showing even token resistance!

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But their hopes were unfounded, as Thorbrandr showed little of the desire he or his father had once had for conquest. Instead, it was as much as he could bear simply to perform his duties as count and spymaster, and even though he performed admirably, he seemed to find them more of a burden than a gift.

Thinking a proper memorial would raise his spirits, those around him convinced him to raise a runestone dedicated to his beloved father, next to the one Ulfr had himself commissioned. He did so, and even personally brought it to Kiev so the stones could stand together, but the journey only reminded him of the defeats his family had suffered.

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Upon his return, he first refused to leave the castle for any reason, then confined himself entirely to his bed. His despair spiraled out of control until he spent more time sleeping than awake, and a regent had to be appointed simply because he found himself unwilling and unable to rule.

Eventually he simply withered away and died of despair, and his son, Fredrik, took the throne. He was widely known to be a layabout and a simpleton, and most everyone agreed that if the Blodigorn lineage had ever held hope of restoration, it was now lost.

Little did they know that it would be callow Fredrik who personally regained the throne of Konugardr, and with it, his family's hope.

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Dang, The Abbasid Caliphate Is Huge

The Abbasids generally get a powerful empire going early on, but this is pretty ludicrous; they've more or less wiped out the Byzantine Empire and I'm fairly sure Bulgaria is next. Maybe it's for the best that we didn't get a chance to become Orthodox; it doesn't look like a winning theology.