Introductions: The Inauguraling

-crashes through the window-
Friends, please take in a weary wanderer, for I have traveled many miles, and hail from pastures much more hostile than these!

I was once a broken soul, thrown out of any and all semblance of home I knew. After losing an unfair wager to Sir Igor the Mighty, I was stripped of my noble title, and left out in the streets to draw pictures with only mud covered twigs, and couple of old receipts from Walmart.

I carried on with my miserable existence, making my home out of an upturned trashcan and a soggy piece of cardboard. Until, that is, I saw a heavenly light shine from above.

Setting down my half eaten can of baked beans, I was compelled to outstretch my hand, longing to hold that light close to my heart as a child would her favorite plaything. My fingers had barely touched the light's surface, when it's brilliance grew, causing me to jump back in amazement.

Before me stood Schazer, in all her squidly honor. "Child," she said to me, "this is not the life the fates had intended. There lies a greater one yet, just beyond the river bend, and along the boulevard of broken dreams. Take this bitchin' guitarsword, and it shall lead you along the way. But take heed, for the path is dark and perilous."

Then she was gone, leaving the totally sweet guitarsword in her wake.

I hoisted the weapon upon my shoulders, a new fire growing in my chest, and I set my course eastward, where the guitarswords strings riffed most intensely.

I now stand before you, a better man, who's fought more battles that I care to remember, and far too many memories. If I may stay in your righteous company, I would be most honored.

(...Hi guys! -waves-)