RE: Quick Dirty Bastards: What Goes Around
07-19-2013, 01:30 AM
(This post was last modified: 07-19-2013, 03:58 AM by FelixSparks.)
HERE YA GO QUICK DIRTY FANS!
SpoilerShow
This session starts in the middle of Damien’s detective fantasy. And by fantasy, I mean Damien somehow got a detective job from a local store owning family. A tentacle beast has been found in the sewers, and it stole a cat, probably for nefarious purposes. Or it's just lonely. So Damien and Guy go into the sewers, where Damien manages to pickpocket the cat away… As Guy gets caught. In the interest of saving Guy, Damien punches the blob so hard it EXPLODES, whereupon Guy is dropped into the water, Who then believes he is drowning. Damien and Guy escape by the seat of their pants, trapping the tentacle beast in the sewers! With the possible "I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going" scene over, our two heroes return to the family, cat in tow, to claim their reward.
The shop in question is a candy store, and because the cat was the mascot of the business, the owners are very glad to have it back. In addition, IT HAS LASER BEAMS COMING FROM ITS EYES. How cool is that?! As a reward for returning Fluffles, Damien and Guy get a ton of free candy! But the question still remains... Tentacle Monsters?! In our sewers?!
A quick internet search reveals the source of the monster to be magical influxes! A call to Magus Margery reveals nothing new, since an assistant answers. Just that it’s probably magical influxes that take place near Greenwood. SO DAMIEN AND GUY ARE GOING TO HIGHSCHOOL!
But first Guy needs a shower.
SO OFF TO SHODAN’S HOUSE THEY GO!
Shodan is not pleased by the return of our smelly heroes, but sewers tend to reek. So she pulls out a tarp, makes Damien take off his shoes, and watches in dismay as Guy tromps to the shower, tracking sewer gunk all over. Also he clogs the shower but manages to fix it before anything TOO bad happens.
"SHODAN WE FOUND A THING AND...."
“YOU CAN EXPLAIN WHEN YOU DON’T SMELL LIKE ASS.”
After a quick shower, Damien offers Peter a gummy bear, which makes cute growling sounds at him and says “EAT ME!” He puts it on his shoulder and names it Fred. He then believes the TV is glaring at him, and attempts to turn it around. Unsurprisingly, Peter is on drugs again. I suppose a better question would be when did he ever STOP taking drugs... Huh, we've never seen him sober. Interesting. Shodan starts dragging him around, and thrashing is involved. Then Peter, out only medic, begins to freak out and froth before calming down. Guy manages to come out of the shower nude. Then he gets dressed successfully, thank god. In Shodan’s clothing… And then SHODAN JOINED THE PARTY GOING TO THE HIGHSCHOOL YEAH! But she needs to disinfect the house first cause Guy tracked in some sludge.
Then Damien and Guy go to the DRONE STORE! Shodan is busy cleaning for 30 minutes. When Guy and Damien arrive at Damien’s apartment, THEY NOTICE THE DOOR HAS BEEN FORCED OPEN! As they attempt to enter, Guy gets netted! TWICE! Damien managed to dodge, and comes face to face with a grizzled, skeevy looking guy and a giant robot. And because Damien is a shitty liar, he spills the beans. He is then told that someone ratted him out, and only one name comes to mind.
"PEEEEEEEEEEEETE!"
Muenster, the Robot, and Boba Feta, begin attacking. Damien manages to dodge around the robot after some hits to get his gun. THEN GUY’S CREEPY SPRITE SHOWS UP. It's his Machine Sprite, RCA Studios, or Rica, who sounds like a sex offender. Rica manages to get into the Dragonfly Guy just bought, and attempts to interface with Muenster. Muenster’s pretty terrifying, and attempts to chase Damien, but is too distracted by the dragonfly currently hammering his head to get a solid blow in. Then Guy summons his hacking sprite, Storm Worm, who bitches about this being below his pay grade. Damien manages to get around the robot again, and fails miserably at shooting Feta. Guns aren't his strong suit.
As Guy manages to tie himself up with one arm, Damien gets punched across the room. He attempts to blind Boba and Muenster by using a flash bang he found on the entrance table. He manages to drop it at his feet, where it explodes but still blinds Boba. Damien then attempts to blow up his arm. Robot arms are kind of always in danger when Damien's around. He then gets punched through a window and waves to Harvestine, who is coming home from MAGIC SCHOOL. Then the fire from earlier ignites all 300 of Harvestine's grenades, which blows up the apartment.
MEANWHILE
A new character makes an appearance, an AI named Lydia. She'd taken over a bot, and was examining Peter's old apartment, trying to find Pete's trail. Looks like our bastards aren't the only ones trying to find him. After some talking, a new group appears on the scene...
Sailors accost Peter. For those of you wondering why the hell there are sailors, it's pretty simple. There's a brothel employing pretty much ONLY sailors. And Peter and Harvestine borrowed a boat, then demolished said boat. Since Peter did the main dealings, they remember him. For some reason, everyone seems to have a phallus gun besides the Bastards, including these sailors. They proceed to threaten Peter... When Shodan acts. After a moment of chaos, thanks to Peter's World of Chaos spell, one guy is simultaneously swallowing a grenade and having an inappropriate gun shoved in an inappropriate place, and our three heroes are bolting for the rooftops, where no self-respecting sailor would think to look for a foe. Shodan and Lydia did a bit of talking, and realized they were after the same goal: Pete "THAT MOTHERFUCKER" November.
Meanwhile again, Harvestine calls TNT. She needs more grenades. And then a bunch of molepeople show up and make her Queen. And by Queen, we mean kill. In the next instant, Molepeople are holding guns much too big for them to use, and begin opening fire on our group. So Guy does what anyone with a big robot cat would do. GO KAIJU ON THEM. He is soon stained with the blood of the innocent, and realizes that being a monster is kinda fun.
Two old friends show up! Muenster and Feta! So Guy decides to ram headlong into Muenster and attempt to hack it. Feta attempts to shoot him, but Guy manages to get away. That Lynx also makes for a handy ride, and catches up with Damien and Harvestine. A new terror reveals itself at this point... Mole people with helicopter backpacks. Luckily for us, they don't have much control over direction, so they just kind of float by.
One scene transition later, Shodan is called by Harvestine and Damien, who inform her of Pete’s betrayal. Then, Shodan gets a call from Renraku, who inform her of Pete’s location! YAY! The location is a mine north of town.
One rather interesting fleeing scene to Shodan's apartment later, everyone takes a moment to rest and recuperate. Shodan then tries to get the Molepeople to follow us while we destroy Pete. SUCCESS, then Guy manages to hijack five cars. Five. Fucking. Cars. Once the entourage reaches the Mine parking lot, they notice an old dump truck parked outside. Damien momentarily contemplates stealing the engine, but thinks better of it.
Our heroes head to the mines, only to discover that Pete's Commlink was left here... How curious. Once played, a worrying message plays from our old "Friend" Pete Motherfucking November.
"Yo, cashed in your bounties cause I needed the money. What can I say? Smell ya later, losers!"
Shortly after hearing this message, we hear a worrying thing. Police sirens. And police officers. Never a good combination. Turns out Guy hacked SO FAST he forgot to turn off the silent alarms in the cars. Whoops.
"GUY PETERSON WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE. COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP SO WE CAN ARREST AND OR SHOOT YOU."
So Guy and Shodan get a great idea. Have Guy pretend to be Pete, and confess to all the crimes Guy got blamed for that were actually Pete's fault. IT WORKS. But the comm is inside the building, so…
"IT'S COMING FROM INSIDE THE BUILDING!" So our predicament gets even worse. As a swat team prepares to get into the building, our team begins to fear for the worst. So Damien, naturally, turns on his chameleon suit and begins sneaking. He and Guy make their way upstairs as Peter and Harvestine knock out the first group of Swat members. It was a short turn, with our team decimating the Seattle police department's finest. Damien and Guy attempt to head upstairs to turn on the robots while Peter begins to snipe. Some of the Police Snipers shoot at where Damien was, and thanks to Peter's drugs, they look like REALLY long and freaky fingers. "I won't let them get you Damien." Even though he was across the building, Damien felt the protection of Peter, and the bonds of Brohood began to form. Guy got included too because Guy is awesome.
So here's where things start getting... Improvised. Damien and Guy turn on the robots and realize that a way out is needed. So Damien does what NO ONE expects. He tucks Guy into a drawer of a desk and chucks it out the window. He leaps out shortly after, and no bullets are shot at either him, or the desk! Thus begins Damien's daring sneak through ALL the cops to obtain a ride outta there for the Bastards.
However, the barricade still poses a problem. Not one to be deterred by logic or legal explosive limits, Harvestine begins eyeing the Canary bots, which are used to suck up posionous gasses. Also explosive ones. And store them. So basically, they're walking timebomb bots for Harvestine to play with. And BOY does she play. Rigs a bunch of them to explode, lets them outside, and blows the hell out of the barricade.
Lydia's been having a small meltdown, and Shodan and her have been having Therapy Jam time in the corner during all of this, for those wondering where they were.
Damien manages to get to the dump truck, still invisible, and the engine roars to life. Within moments, he backs into the door to the mines, loads up his friends and two mining robots, and gets the hell out of there!
As our heroes make their escape, a familiar pair block the road to freedom. Muenster and Feta. They launch into a speech as two men in suits walk up, and the two bounty hunters are liquefied. Damien begins to scream for Guy to floor it, as he's recognized these two as Saeder-Krupp agents, from his past. Turns out there's more than one bounty on the man. As they flee the horrifyingly overpowered hunters, Damien hears echoes in his mind. "We know you're here, Mister Tanner. We're coming for you."
As the team begins to settle down outside of Shodan's apartment, ANOTHER familiar face appears. The Ninja Driver from last heist, Inigo Pulp. He's enraged that Shodan mercilessly beat his brother to death, and has come for revenge! Unfortunately, he is quickly mowed down by every ninja's weakness, bullet overkill.
As our session of comeuppance comes to an end, Shodan receives a phone call... From who? About what? Is it even the right number? FOR THESE ANSWERS AND MORE, TUNE IN TO NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE, "ADVENTURES IN HOUSE SITTING!"
The shop in question is a candy store, and because the cat was the mascot of the business, the owners are very glad to have it back. In addition, IT HAS LASER BEAMS COMING FROM ITS EYES. How cool is that?! As a reward for returning Fluffles, Damien and Guy get a ton of free candy! But the question still remains... Tentacle Monsters?! In our sewers?!
A quick internet search reveals the source of the monster to be magical influxes! A call to Magus Margery reveals nothing new, since an assistant answers. Just that it’s probably magical influxes that take place near Greenwood. SO DAMIEN AND GUY ARE GOING TO HIGHSCHOOL!
But first Guy needs a shower.
SO OFF TO SHODAN’S HOUSE THEY GO!
Shodan is not pleased by the return of our smelly heroes, but sewers tend to reek. So she pulls out a tarp, makes Damien take off his shoes, and watches in dismay as Guy tromps to the shower, tracking sewer gunk all over. Also he clogs the shower but manages to fix it before anything TOO bad happens.
"SHODAN WE FOUND A THING AND...."
“YOU CAN EXPLAIN WHEN YOU DON’T SMELL LIKE ASS.”
After a quick shower, Damien offers Peter a gummy bear, which makes cute growling sounds at him and says “EAT ME!” He puts it on his shoulder and names it Fred. He then believes the TV is glaring at him, and attempts to turn it around. Unsurprisingly, Peter is on drugs again. I suppose a better question would be when did he ever STOP taking drugs... Huh, we've never seen him sober. Interesting. Shodan starts dragging him around, and thrashing is involved. Then Peter, out only medic, begins to freak out and froth before calming down. Guy manages to come out of the shower nude. Then he gets dressed successfully, thank god. In Shodan’s clothing… And then SHODAN JOINED THE PARTY GOING TO THE HIGHSCHOOL YEAH! But she needs to disinfect the house first cause Guy tracked in some sludge.
Then Damien and Guy go to the DRONE STORE! Shodan is busy cleaning for 30 minutes. When Guy and Damien arrive at Damien’s apartment, THEY NOTICE THE DOOR HAS BEEN FORCED OPEN! As they attempt to enter, Guy gets netted! TWICE! Damien managed to dodge, and comes face to face with a grizzled, skeevy looking guy and a giant robot. And because Damien is a shitty liar, he spills the beans. He is then told that someone ratted him out, and only one name comes to mind.
"PEEEEEEEEEEEETE!"
Muenster, the Robot, and Boba Feta, begin attacking. Damien manages to dodge around the robot after some hits to get his gun. THEN GUY’S CREEPY SPRITE SHOWS UP. It's his Machine Sprite, RCA Studios, or Rica, who sounds like a sex offender. Rica manages to get into the Dragonfly Guy just bought, and attempts to interface with Muenster. Muenster’s pretty terrifying, and attempts to chase Damien, but is too distracted by the dragonfly currently hammering his head to get a solid blow in. Then Guy summons his hacking sprite, Storm Worm, who bitches about this being below his pay grade. Damien manages to get around the robot again, and fails miserably at shooting Feta. Guns aren't his strong suit.
As Guy manages to tie himself up with one arm, Damien gets punched across the room. He attempts to blind Boba and Muenster by using a flash bang he found on the entrance table. He manages to drop it at his feet, where it explodes but still blinds Boba. Damien then attempts to blow up his arm. Robot arms are kind of always in danger when Damien's around. He then gets punched through a window and waves to Harvestine, who is coming home from MAGIC SCHOOL. Then the fire from earlier ignites all 300 of Harvestine's grenades, which blows up the apartment.
MEANWHILE
A new character makes an appearance, an AI named Lydia. She'd taken over a bot, and was examining Peter's old apartment, trying to find Pete's trail. Looks like our bastards aren't the only ones trying to find him. After some talking, a new group appears on the scene...
Sailors accost Peter. For those of you wondering why the hell there are sailors, it's pretty simple. There's a brothel employing pretty much ONLY sailors. And Peter and Harvestine borrowed a boat, then demolished said boat. Since Peter did the main dealings, they remember him. For some reason, everyone seems to have a phallus gun besides the Bastards, including these sailors. They proceed to threaten Peter... When Shodan acts. After a moment of chaos, thanks to Peter's World of Chaos spell, one guy is simultaneously swallowing a grenade and having an inappropriate gun shoved in an inappropriate place, and our three heroes are bolting for the rooftops, where no self-respecting sailor would think to look for a foe. Shodan and Lydia did a bit of talking, and realized they were after the same goal: Pete "THAT MOTHERFUCKER" November.
Meanwhile again, Harvestine calls TNT. She needs more grenades. And then a bunch of molepeople show up and make her Queen. And by Queen, we mean kill. In the next instant, Molepeople are holding guns much too big for them to use, and begin opening fire on our group. So Guy does what anyone with a big robot cat would do. GO KAIJU ON THEM. He is soon stained with the blood of the innocent, and realizes that being a monster is kinda fun.
Two old friends show up! Muenster and Feta! So Guy decides to ram headlong into Muenster and attempt to hack it. Feta attempts to shoot him, but Guy manages to get away. That Lynx also makes for a handy ride, and catches up with Damien and Harvestine. A new terror reveals itself at this point... Mole people with helicopter backpacks. Luckily for us, they don't have much control over direction, so they just kind of float by.
One scene transition later, Shodan is called by Harvestine and Damien, who inform her of Pete’s betrayal. Then, Shodan gets a call from Renraku, who inform her of Pete’s location! YAY! The location is a mine north of town.
One rather interesting fleeing scene to Shodan's apartment later, everyone takes a moment to rest and recuperate. Shodan then tries to get the Molepeople to follow us while we destroy Pete. SUCCESS, then Guy manages to hijack five cars. Five. Fucking. Cars. Once the entourage reaches the Mine parking lot, they notice an old dump truck parked outside. Damien momentarily contemplates stealing the engine, but thinks better of it.
Our heroes head to the mines, only to discover that Pete's Commlink was left here... How curious. Once played, a worrying message plays from our old "Friend" Pete Motherfucking November.
"Yo, cashed in your bounties cause I needed the money. What can I say? Smell ya later, losers!"
Shortly after hearing this message, we hear a worrying thing. Police sirens. And police officers. Never a good combination. Turns out Guy hacked SO FAST he forgot to turn off the silent alarms in the cars. Whoops.
"GUY PETERSON WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE. COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP SO WE CAN ARREST AND OR SHOOT YOU."
So Guy and Shodan get a great idea. Have Guy pretend to be Pete, and confess to all the crimes Guy got blamed for that were actually Pete's fault. IT WORKS. But the comm is inside the building, so…
"IT'S COMING FROM INSIDE THE BUILDING!" So our predicament gets even worse. As a swat team prepares to get into the building, our team begins to fear for the worst. So Damien, naturally, turns on his chameleon suit and begins sneaking. He and Guy make their way upstairs as Peter and Harvestine knock out the first group of Swat members. It was a short turn, with our team decimating the Seattle police department's finest. Damien and Guy attempt to head upstairs to turn on the robots while Peter begins to snipe. Some of the Police Snipers shoot at where Damien was, and thanks to Peter's drugs, they look like REALLY long and freaky fingers. "I won't let them get you Damien." Even though he was across the building, Damien felt the protection of Peter, and the bonds of Brohood began to form. Guy got included too because Guy is awesome.
So here's where things start getting... Improvised. Damien and Guy turn on the robots and realize that a way out is needed. So Damien does what NO ONE expects. He tucks Guy into a drawer of a desk and chucks it out the window. He leaps out shortly after, and no bullets are shot at either him, or the desk! Thus begins Damien's daring sneak through ALL the cops to obtain a ride outta there for the Bastards.
However, the barricade still poses a problem. Not one to be deterred by logic or legal explosive limits, Harvestine begins eyeing the Canary bots, which are used to suck up posionous gasses. Also explosive ones. And store them. So basically, they're walking timebomb bots for Harvestine to play with. And BOY does she play. Rigs a bunch of them to explode, lets them outside, and blows the hell out of the barricade.
Lydia's been having a small meltdown, and Shodan and her have been having Therapy Jam time in the corner during all of this, for those wondering where they were.
Damien manages to get to the dump truck, still invisible, and the engine roars to life. Within moments, he backs into the door to the mines, loads up his friends and two mining robots, and gets the hell out of there!
As our heroes make their escape, a familiar pair block the road to freedom. Muenster and Feta. They launch into a speech as two men in suits walk up, and the two bounty hunters are liquefied. Damien begins to scream for Guy to floor it, as he's recognized these two as Saeder-Krupp agents, from his past. Turns out there's more than one bounty on the man. As they flee the horrifyingly overpowered hunters, Damien hears echoes in his mind. "We know you're here, Mister Tanner. We're coming for you."
As the team begins to settle down outside of Shodan's apartment, ANOTHER familiar face appears. The Ninja Driver from last heist, Inigo Pulp. He's enraged that Shodan mercilessly beat his brother to death, and has come for revenge! Unfortunately, he is quickly mowed down by every ninja's weakness, bullet overkill.
As our session of comeuppance comes to an end, Shodan receives a phone call... From who? About what? Is it even the right number? FOR THESE ANSWERS AND MORE, TUNE IN TO NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE, "ADVENTURES IN HOUSE SITTING!"