RE: The $300,000 Fight-A-Thon! [Round Two: Toyetic!]
06-18-2013, 07:29 AM
(This post was last modified: 06-18-2013, 05:03 PM by Pharmacy.)
“F-freeze!”
Guillemet rolled her eyes and sighed. Two minutes ago, she had made a serendipitous discovery that Toyetic was not known for their compliance to OSHA – especially with regards to walls and as every dragon worth their immaturity would do, she abused that empirical information for fun and profit – namely vandalism.
“And put your hands up! And s-s-stop...whatever the heck you are doing!”
“GWARWRRGHHH GRAWHH GRWHAR,” Guillemet had no idea what that meant and honestly could care less. She had made another discovery that if she pressed her nails in a specific angle and dragged it so slightly– the walls made a decent albeit unorthodox substitute for a writing surface. Not exactly a discovery she would deemed as “scientific” - but let's face it, had she done anything scientific since the beginning. How embarrassing.
She attempted to scrape some self-perceived science-legitimacy back by working on some open math problems. She had made some mild progress in regards to how prime numbers are distributed and she probably need to call up some people in order to work on some generalizations that could be rigorously proven. Then, she got bored two seconds ago and had briefly considered drawing phalluses. However, Guillemet was not willing make a terrible impression ever again (her ass still stings). Which was why she was biting chunks out of the nearby wall.
Truly, that was a wise decision on part of Guillemet.
“It's rude to talk with your mouth full!” The singular police stammered. He was an uniformed man whose complexion was as white as Wonderbread and probably as nutritious as one, too. His limbs looked snappable, his face looks punchable – not to mention his posture was horrible. This man was trying his best to maintain control over this situation (and himself) and was doing an admirable job of doing so – but let's be honest, he just was not appropriate for this job.
“YEAH, SAYS YOU AND WHAT COUNTRY.” A shroud of asbestos started to form around her head, greatly increasing the chances of cancer within her vicinity.
“Says good taste!” He paused for a second to collect his thoughts. “And my mother!”
The comeback was honestly terrible by all accounts. Guillemet burst into laughter.
“Hey, y-you have the right to remain silent!” It was pretty clear he was aiming to shoot, but the problem was where he was trying to shoot at. “And you are certainly not using that right now.”
As a mistress of truly useful knowledge, Guillemet had briefly pondered why there was only one cop sticking her up – why he did not had backup – in fact, why there was barely anyone on the street; well this part of street anyway. She had postulated the lack of wars and other cultural conflicts might had dumbed down the security of this place but that seems highly unlikely. She had a higher suspicion that the man's charisma was so unpalatable that no one wanted to deal with him. He probably had no friends either. Guillemet started to feel a bit sorry for him.
She was also honestly getting a little bit bored.
“HEY, YOU'RE GOLD AND EVERYTHING,” Guillemet stood up and brushed the concrete crumbs down. “BUT I NEED TO GO...FIGHT A BATTLE TO DEATH. WITH A SHARK. SOME GIANT ROBOT CHICK. OR A SERBIAN MIDGET. OR UH, A CAT.”
The dragon paused for a while as she took in everything that had happened. As much this event spanned many universes and she did saw some lady tenderized a horrible mess of a fish-man into even more of a horrible mess, the entire thing was pretty ridiculous. She had an itching thought she should be freaking out considering she was thanatophobic and her life was at risk ,but this was just so hilarious. Entertaining, even. She had to give the Coach-man some credit.
”YEAH. I'M LEAVING. BYE.”
“Sharks? Midgets? Death? A-and what's cats go to do with this!?” The policeman's pronoia was like the rest of Toyetic – shoddy, poorly built, and certainly very amusing to see it break down. Guillemet hated to miss the show but she had better things to do.
“IT'S COMPLICATED.” She shrugged. “I'M LEAVING.”
“Nothing is complicated and you are certainly not leaving!” The gun was pointing at everywhere but Guillemet. A spectacular disaster. “You are coming with me!”
“TRY ME.”
“I have a gun!” The police was visibly shaking at his knees as he realized that the suspect he was detaining was a goodly two and a half taller than him. “You don't!”
“I CAN BREATHE SCIENCE.”
“What? That is ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous! You can't breathe a science. You can't breathe a concept!”
“WELL, I CAN CERTAINLY PROVE THAT TO YOU,” the dragon's face crumpled into a horrible sneer. “BUT IT AIN'T GOING TO BE PRETTY...”
“E-excessive force against the law is illegal! Very illegal!”
But did Guillemet cared about the rules? Hah, no – unless they had been rigorously proven. By science. She never really cared much for the people in their little cute uniforms – they were a nuisance and as far as she could tell, they were no different – even if they came from cities with the consistency and attitude of Chinese knockoff products. She reared back her head – something was glowing inside her throat.
“S-stop!”
It glowed like Chernobyl. It shined like Cherenkov.
“Or I'll-I'll--”
The policeman's threats was drowned to silence by the ominous humming. Her head was arched by an angular halo – double arrows facing left, double arrows facing right. It buzzed in her ears and hurt her brain – but oh, it was wonderful. It felt wonderful. She was honored to be born, bearing this power.
“--I'll shoot!”
Try me, Guillemet cackled. Oh she laughed.
Bang.
Silence.
The Elder of San Francis was slightly confused.
Did she shoot? No, the roof of her mouth was still brimming with the menace of Moore. She would had knew if she pulled down the trigger (so to speak). She would had felt it. If the policeman had shot, she would had felt the impact on her scales. Or a window or some body falls down in the distance. However, there were no such suspicious noise, but why?
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaauuughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
Oh. Right.
”Aaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
He shot himself in the foot.
Aaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
What an idiot.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuugggggggggg---”
“OH FUCK'S SAKE, THAT'S JUST AN EXTREMITY.” Guillemet started to waddle over to the fallen policeman, as she doled out a certain amount of pity towards to his self-inflicted state but she judged him unworthy of consuming her energy to fly over. She glared at the policeman. Then she glared at his gun. It was approximately three feet away from him, making her honestly wonder if Toyetic actually trained their police forces effectively. She had tentative agreed on “probably no” and the man on the ground was certainly not helping her disprove the suspicions.
“A WOUND ON AN EXTREMITY DEFINITELY FEELS EXTREME,” he screeched. It was certainly amazing that the police still managed to quip despite crying and holding his injured foot in a painfully comical fashion. “I AM GOING TO CONTRACT TETANUS. MY JAW IS GOING TO LOCK UP. AND I AM GOING TO DIE.”
“BULLETS DON'T RUST THAT EAS--” Guillemet glanced at the gun, realizing the reddish platina on its surface. “LISTEN, I'M KIND OF SORRY OF WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU SO I'M GOING TO DUMP YOU AT SOME HOSPITAL. THEN I AM GOING TO LEAVE. CAPISH?”
“Aren't you a giant freaky dragon?” the policeman sniffed melodramatically. He frowned. “Aren't you also part of the Mafia too?”
“YOUR QUESTIONS ARE STUPID AND SO IS YOUR FACE,” the dragon snarled as she lodged the man between the spines, whether he liked it or not. She glanced at his clothes. TPD the words screamed on his back. TOYETIC POLICE DEPARTMENT the little caption beneath it helpfully pointed out.
SILVESTRIS the line on his breast said. Guillemet rolled her eyes. What a stupid name.
“But--”
“NO IFS AND BUTS,” she growled stretching her wings. “I'M HELPING YOU ON THE JEOPARDY OF MY FUCKING REPUTATION. I SWEAR IF TRADEMARK FINDS THIS OUT, HE'S NEVER GOING TO LET ME HEAR THE END OF THIS--”
“--Watch.”
“HUH.” Guillemet glanced at the little beeping band strapped onto her right-wing. She was surprised she hadn't realized she was wearing a watch – probably because a certain omnipotent force strapped it on for her – but more likely, she wasn't exactly paying full attention to the round transition and who could blame her? The potential explosions were certainly more enticing than warehouses full of junk. “SO?”
“Toyetic had been serving the Watchers for centuries. We were waiting for them,” Silvestris blinked in awe. “We were waiting for you.”
Guillemet rolled her eyes and sighed. Two minutes ago, she had made a serendipitous discovery that Toyetic was not known for their compliance to OSHA – especially with regards to walls and as every dragon worth their immaturity would do, she abused that empirical information for fun and profit – namely vandalism.
“And put your hands up! And s-s-stop...whatever the heck you are doing!”
“GWARWRRGHHH GRAWHH GRWHAR,” Guillemet had no idea what that meant and honestly could care less. She had made another discovery that if she pressed her nails in a specific angle and dragged it so slightly– the walls made a decent albeit unorthodox substitute for a writing surface. Not exactly a discovery she would deemed as “scientific” - but let's face it, had she done anything scientific since the beginning. How embarrassing.
She attempted to scrape some self-perceived science-legitimacy back by working on some open math problems. She had made some mild progress in regards to how prime numbers are distributed and she probably need to call up some people in order to work on some generalizations that could be rigorously proven. Then, she got bored two seconds ago and had briefly considered drawing phalluses. However, Guillemet was not willing make a terrible impression ever again (her ass still stings). Which was why she was biting chunks out of the nearby wall.
Truly, that was a wise decision on part of Guillemet.
“It's rude to talk with your mouth full!” The singular police stammered. He was an uniformed man whose complexion was as white as Wonderbread and probably as nutritious as one, too. His limbs looked snappable, his face looks punchable – not to mention his posture was horrible. This man was trying his best to maintain control over this situation (and himself) and was doing an admirable job of doing so – but let's be honest, he just was not appropriate for this job.
“YEAH, SAYS YOU AND WHAT COUNTRY.” A shroud of asbestos started to form around her head, greatly increasing the chances of cancer within her vicinity.
“Says good taste!” He paused for a second to collect his thoughts. “And my mother!”
The comeback was honestly terrible by all accounts. Guillemet burst into laughter.
“Hey, y-you have the right to remain silent!” It was pretty clear he was aiming to shoot, but the problem was where he was trying to shoot at. “And you are certainly not using that right now.”
As a mistress of truly useful knowledge, Guillemet had briefly pondered why there was only one cop sticking her up – why he did not had backup – in fact, why there was barely anyone on the street; well this part of street anyway. She had postulated the lack of wars and other cultural conflicts might had dumbed down the security of this place but that seems highly unlikely. She had a higher suspicion that the man's charisma was so unpalatable that no one wanted to deal with him. He probably had no friends either. Guillemet started to feel a bit sorry for him.
She was also honestly getting a little bit bored.
“HEY, YOU'RE GOLD AND EVERYTHING,” Guillemet stood up and brushed the concrete crumbs down. “BUT I NEED TO GO...FIGHT A BATTLE TO DEATH. WITH A SHARK. SOME GIANT ROBOT CHICK. OR A SERBIAN MIDGET. OR UH, A CAT.”
The dragon paused for a while as she took in everything that had happened. As much this event spanned many universes and she did saw some lady tenderized a horrible mess of a fish-man into even more of a horrible mess, the entire thing was pretty ridiculous. She had an itching thought she should be freaking out considering she was thanatophobic and her life was at risk ,but this was just so hilarious. Entertaining, even. She had to give the Coach-man some credit.
”YEAH. I'M LEAVING. BYE.”
“Sharks? Midgets? Death? A-and what's cats go to do with this!?” The policeman's pronoia was like the rest of Toyetic – shoddy, poorly built, and certainly very amusing to see it break down. Guillemet hated to miss the show but she had better things to do.
“IT'S COMPLICATED.” She shrugged. “I'M LEAVING.”
“Nothing is complicated and you are certainly not leaving!” The gun was pointing at everywhere but Guillemet. A spectacular disaster. “You are coming with me!”
“TRY ME.”
“I have a gun!” The police was visibly shaking at his knees as he realized that the suspect he was detaining was a goodly two and a half taller than him. “You don't!”
“I CAN BREATHE SCIENCE.”
“What? That is ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous! You can't breathe a science. You can't breathe a concept!”
“WELL, I CAN CERTAINLY PROVE THAT TO YOU,” the dragon's face crumpled into a horrible sneer. “BUT IT AIN'T GOING TO BE PRETTY...”
“E-excessive force against the law is illegal! Very illegal!”
But did Guillemet cared about the rules? Hah, no – unless they had been rigorously proven. By science. She never really cared much for the people in their little cute uniforms – they were a nuisance and as far as she could tell, they were no different – even if they came from cities with the consistency and attitude of Chinese knockoff products. She reared back her head – something was glowing inside her throat.
“S-stop!”
It glowed like Chernobyl. It shined like Cherenkov.
“Or I'll-I'll--”
The policeman's threats was drowned to silence by the ominous humming. Her head was arched by an angular halo – double arrows facing left, double arrows facing right. It buzzed in her ears and hurt her brain – but oh, it was wonderful. It felt wonderful. She was honored to be born, bearing this power.
“--I'll shoot!”
Try me, Guillemet cackled. Oh she laughed.
Bang.
Silence.
The Elder of San Francis was slightly confused.
Did she shoot? No, the roof of her mouth was still brimming with the menace of Moore. She would had knew if she pulled down the trigger (so to speak). She would had felt it. If the policeman had shot, she would had felt the impact on her scales. Or a window or some body falls down in the distance. However, there were no such suspicious noise, but why?
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaauuughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
Oh. Right.
”Aaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
He shot himself in the foot.
Aaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
What an idiot.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuugggggggggg---”
“OH FUCK'S SAKE, THAT'S JUST AN EXTREMITY.” Guillemet started to waddle over to the fallen policeman, as she doled out a certain amount of pity towards to his self-inflicted state but she judged him unworthy of consuming her energy to fly over. She glared at the policeman. Then she glared at his gun. It was approximately three feet away from him, making her honestly wonder if Toyetic actually trained their police forces effectively. She had tentative agreed on “probably no” and the man on the ground was certainly not helping her disprove the suspicions.
“A WOUND ON AN EXTREMITY DEFINITELY FEELS EXTREME,” he screeched. It was certainly amazing that the police still managed to quip despite crying and holding his injured foot in a painfully comical fashion. “I AM GOING TO CONTRACT TETANUS. MY JAW IS GOING TO LOCK UP. AND I AM GOING TO DIE.”
“BULLETS DON'T RUST THAT EAS--” Guillemet glanced at the gun, realizing the reddish platina on its surface. “LISTEN, I'M KIND OF SORRY OF WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU SO I'M GOING TO DUMP YOU AT SOME HOSPITAL. THEN I AM GOING TO LEAVE. CAPISH?”
“Aren't you a giant freaky dragon?” the policeman sniffed melodramatically. He frowned. “Aren't you also part of the Mafia too?”
“YOUR QUESTIONS ARE STUPID AND SO IS YOUR FACE,” the dragon snarled as she lodged the man between the spines, whether he liked it or not. She glanced at his clothes. TPD the words screamed on his back. TOYETIC POLICE DEPARTMENT the little caption beneath it helpfully pointed out.
SILVESTRIS the line on his breast said. Guillemet rolled her eyes. What a stupid name.
“But--”
“NO IFS AND BUTS,” she growled stretching her wings. “I'M HELPING YOU ON THE JEOPARDY OF MY FUCKING REPUTATION. I SWEAR IF TRADEMARK FINDS THIS OUT, HE'S NEVER GOING TO LET ME HEAR THE END OF THIS--”
“--Watch.”
“HUH.” Guillemet glanced at the little beeping band strapped onto her right-wing. She was surprised she hadn't realized she was wearing a watch – probably because a certain omnipotent force strapped it on for her – but more likely, she wasn't exactly paying full attention to the round transition and who could blame her? The potential explosions were certainly more enticing than warehouses full of junk. “SO?”
“Toyetic had been serving the Watchers for centuries. We were waiting for them,” Silvestris blinked in awe. “We were waiting for you.”