Re: The $300,000 Fight-A-Thon! [Round One: Storage Park!]
09-10-2012, 02:53 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by Pharmacy.
Felus and Ironjaw stared into each other eyes in the way that was more intense than romantic. It would be a better Mexican standoff if the opponents were somebody other than a noodle-cat and an anthropomorphic shark buried under a pile of bouncy balls. It was a weird situation but they stared hard. It was admirable.
[color=#P1914]“Well yes,” Ironjaw immediately replied, much to the hidden surprise of the former Cat-God (God-Cat). The abyss of the sharkman’s mouth curled to a smile filled with many crooked teeth. It was like looking at a horrible knife-shop. A horrible-smelling knife shop.[/color]
“Yes, you say,” the Überkatze echoed back incredulously. If he had actual lips, he would kept his upper one stiff.
There was a period of silence, a silence soon snuffed out by a strange noise. It sounded like a dragon spitting out a cat. More exactly, three cats. It was more scientific that way.
[color=#P1914]
“Of coouuurse, mate,” Ironjaw rumbled in a way that was supposed to imply chuckling (it was hard to tell since sharks do not usually make noises – humorous or otherwise). It was a not very trustworthy noise. “How could I say no to a little fella like you?”[/color]
“Well considering I could shoot lasers from my eyes -- ”
“LASERS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY,” a nasally fur-congested voice interrupted.
“-and could float for an indefinite amount of time.”
“HOW DO YOU FLOAT. ALSO HOW AM I STILL MYSTIFIED BY A FLOATING CAT.”
“Would you shut up,” Felus had enough. “Seriously.”
“WHILE YOU TWO HAVE THE GLORY OF SPEECH, I MYSELF HAD SUFFERED FOR MANY EONS UNDER THE OPPRESSION OF SILENCE.”
“You only been under ‘oppression’ for five minutes,” Felus sighed.
“FIVE MINUTES. FIVE CENTURIES. SAME THING. THE POINT IS I THINK IT IS PROPER EQUIETTE IF I COULD CONTRIBUTE TO THIS CONVERSATION THAT YOU TWO SELFISHLY HOARD TO YOURSELVES.”
“That’s because we were having a proper discussion,” Felus floated rather menacingly to Guillemet’s cat-free face. Well, as menacingly as oddly-proportioned cat could possibly be. “Plus, what do you have to contribute?”
“EXPERIMENT. SUCCESS.”
Felus yelped in surprise as two hands firmly grasped onto each of the former God-Cat’s (Cat-God’s) sides. He would had been only mildly disgusted but Guillemet’s hands were disgustingly human. They even felt disgustingly human – it was on the rank between “falling-into-a-septic-tank” disgusting and “stepping-into-dog-shit-barefooted” disgusting. So, pretty disgusting.
“Let me go!” Felus blurred into a flurry of limbs and claws.
“MY TASK IS COMPLETE,” the tone was smug and self-congratulatory, “I HAVE CLEARLY PROVED THE SUPERIORITY OF DIGITS OVER YOU.”
“Are you trying to extend this into some sort of running cosmic joke,” Felus hissed under his breath. “What are you trying to prove.”
“I DON’T KNOW BUT IT’S KIND OF FUN? IN FACT, I KIND OF FIND YOU RATHER INTERESTING. YOU ARE A RATHER ATYPICAL SPECIES OF THE FELIDAE FAMILY. TELL ME HOW YOU DO ALL THESE THINGS. I MUST KNOW ALL YOUR SECRETS. BECAUSE REASONS.”
“Okay fine, fine,” Felus grumbled. “I’m a god and all my powers come from belief, happy?”
Guillemet’s face lightened as though she heard something humorous. It would be more pleasing if it were on a face of a milquetoast human being rather than on a face of a dragon. “BELIEF. REALLY.”
“Yes, really,” the cat managed to cross his paws in annoyance. It was possible because his legs were ridiculously long. “ Does it really need an explanation.”
“OF COURSE EVERYTHING NEEDS AN EXPLANATION,” the dragon bellowed. “EVERYTHING NEEDS AN EXPLANATION. I EXPLAIN THINGS FOR THE SAKE OF EXPLAINING. WHY YOU’D THINK I ACT THIS WAY?”
“Well-"
[color=#P1914]“Ladies.”
The two turned around. Unsurprisingly, Ironjaw was the originator of the voice – only he was not under the karma-ic mass of rubber balls that seem to plague this portion of the warehouse. There were still a lot of cats around him, but most were too scared to move. After all, he had a rifle at his shoulder and a smile on his lips (do sharks even have lips). Also, he was looking a bit smug around the gills. [/color]
“How you managed to get out,” Felus put it as tersely as he could.
[color=#P1914]“I am part-man, part-shark and can crush heads between my teeth as well as between my thighs,” Ironjaw shrugged as he raised his futuristic rifle up to Felus and Guillemet. It was unclear who exactly he was pointing to. “You think rubber balls and fluffy cats are enough to stop me?”[/color]
“No,” Felus said, but to be fair, his plan kind of hinged on that. “Not really.”
[color=#P1914]“Now, you’re acting smarter. That's good.” Ironjaw made that weird-rumbly-shark chuckle again. “Unfortunately, the tables have turned.”[/color]
Felus growled.
[color=#P1914]“Of course, you could say I have the upper hand,” the rifle started to hum. “I’ll tell you what. Comply with my demands and maybe I’ll be easy on you. Disagree with me, well. That’s good and all but…”
Ironjaw pointed his rifle at a kitten. The kitten was none other than Slicestripe.
“It ain’t gonna be pretty,” Ironjaw sneered.[/color]
Felus swallowed hard. It was one thing to point the gun at him, but he was pointing a gun at an innocent. A kitten no less. In addition of being the most heinous crime to happen in this place (shoving cats into military weapons was pretty terrible but how could you point a gun at a kitty), it was placing the former Cat-God (God-Cat) into a bit of an inescapable situation. If the kitten dies, all the cats would lose faith in him and Felus would essentially be rendered powerless. If Felus complied to Ironjaw’s demands, the cats would see him as weak and Felus would essentially also be rendered powerless. It was a Catch-22 Situation, and he had honestly no idea what to do.
[color=#P1914]“Better make a snap decision, mate” Ironjaw smiled as the hammer of the rifle clicked into place. “My trigger finger’s getting a bit itchy.”[/color]
“N-“ Felus was about to shout but then he was interrupted by a particular dragon.
“QUERY,” Guillemet raised one cat-free arm up.
[color=#P1914]
“Oh, it’s Little-Miss-Shot-In-The-Ass,” Ironjaw was a bit annoyed. “I’m surprised you have the gall to interrupt our little tik-talk.”[/color]
“QUERY,” Guillemet continued as though she did not bother to listen. “I WOULD LIKE TO REFUTE YOUR CLAIM THAT CATS COULD NOT STOP YOU.”
[color=#P1914]“And so?” Ironjaw growled as though Guillemet was wasting his time.[/color]
The dragon sneered. It was a pretty ugly sneer, which was further enhanced by how uncanny Guillemet looked in general. Ironjaw would not call exactly disarming (because he has the most disarming smile – what with the expansive of his mouth filled with horror-teeth). However, he had to agree, Guillemet’s smile was pretty unpleasant. It was like she was on to something.
“CATCH.”
[color=#P1914]Once again, Ironjaw caught a very angry Felus in his face. Not exactly appreciating the claws on his face, the Hominid-derived Selachimorpha screamed and let out an arc of white-hot bullets as he tried to get the cat out of his face. The hot plasma impacted with the ceiling, simultaneously superheating and cooling the metal surface with a large bang. The cat churned into a screaming chaos of fur and confusion. All of them.[/color]
Including the ones on Guillemet.
“HAHA SUCKERS. ALL OF YOU,” the dragon cackled as she took off to the air. It was especially easy since the load on her back had been considerably lightened. “YOU GUYS ARE FUN BUT I HAVE A LOT MORE INTERESTING PEOPLE TO MEET. ALSO HEY FISHY.”
[color=#P1914]Ironjaw was not listening. Probably because there was a cat trying to shred his nose.[/color]
“YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE A BUTT. A BUTT-SHAPED LIKE A SHARK. IT’S A VERY ACCURATE DESCRIPTION, TRUST ME.”
[color=#P1914]Ironjaw did not respond at all. Also he was starting to hate cats, juuust a little.[/color]
“ANYWAY, YIPPEE-KAI-YAY MOTHERFUCKERS. HOPE YOU ENJOY THE REST OF THE SHOW.” Guillemet laughed as she took off over the shelves. Her derisive shrieks still ever present in the damned warehouse.
Felus and Ironjaw stared into each other eyes in the way that was more intense than romantic. It would be a better Mexican standoff if the opponents were somebody other than a noodle-cat and an anthropomorphic shark buried under a pile of bouncy balls. It was a weird situation but they stared hard. It was admirable.
[color=#P1914]“Well yes,” Ironjaw immediately replied, much to the hidden surprise of the former Cat-God (God-Cat). The abyss of the sharkman’s mouth curled to a smile filled with many crooked teeth. It was like looking at a horrible knife-shop. A horrible-smelling knife shop.[/color]
“Yes, you say,” the Überkatze echoed back incredulously. If he had actual lips, he would kept his upper one stiff.
There was a period of silence, a silence soon snuffed out by a strange noise. It sounded like a dragon spitting out a cat. More exactly, three cats. It was more scientific that way.
[color=#P1914]
“Of coouuurse, mate,” Ironjaw rumbled in a way that was supposed to imply chuckling (it was hard to tell since sharks do not usually make noises – humorous or otherwise). It was a not very trustworthy noise. “How could I say no to a little fella like you?”[/color]
“Well considering I could shoot lasers from my eyes -- ”
“LASERS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY,” a nasally fur-congested voice interrupted.
“-and could float for an indefinite amount of time.”
“HOW DO YOU FLOAT. ALSO HOW AM I STILL MYSTIFIED BY A FLOATING CAT.”
“Would you shut up,” Felus had enough. “Seriously.”
“WHILE YOU TWO HAVE THE GLORY OF SPEECH, I MYSELF HAD SUFFERED FOR MANY EONS UNDER THE OPPRESSION OF SILENCE.”
“You only been under ‘oppression’ for five minutes,” Felus sighed.
“FIVE MINUTES. FIVE CENTURIES. SAME THING. THE POINT IS I THINK IT IS PROPER EQUIETTE IF I COULD CONTRIBUTE TO THIS CONVERSATION THAT YOU TWO SELFISHLY HOARD TO YOURSELVES.”
“That’s because we were having a proper discussion,” Felus floated rather menacingly to Guillemet’s cat-free face. Well, as menacingly as oddly-proportioned cat could possibly be. “Plus, what do you have to contribute?”
“EXPERIMENT. SUCCESS.”
Felus yelped in surprise as two hands firmly grasped onto each of the former God-Cat’s (Cat-God’s) sides. He would had been only mildly disgusted but Guillemet’s hands were disgustingly human. They even felt disgustingly human – it was on the rank between “falling-into-a-septic-tank” disgusting and “stepping-into-dog-shit-barefooted” disgusting. So, pretty disgusting.
“Let me go!” Felus blurred into a flurry of limbs and claws.
“MY TASK IS COMPLETE,” the tone was smug and self-congratulatory, “I HAVE CLEARLY PROVED THE SUPERIORITY OF DIGITS OVER YOU.”
“Are you trying to extend this into some sort of running cosmic joke,” Felus hissed under his breath. “What are you trying to prove.”
“I DON’T KNOW BUT IT’S KIND OF FUN? IN FACT, I KIND OF FIND YOU RATHER INTERESTING. YOU ARE A RATHER ATYPICAL SPECIES OF THE FELIDAE FAMILY. TELL ME HOW YOU DO ALL THESE THINGS. I MUST KNOW ALL YOUR SECRETS. BECAUSE REASONS.”
“Okay fine, fine,” Felus grumbled. “I’m a god and all my powers come from belief, happy?”
Guillemet’s face lightened as though she heard something humorous. It would be more pleasing if it were on a face of a milquetoast human being rather than on a face of a dragon. “BELIEF. REALLY.”
“Yes, really,” the cat managed to cross his paws in annoyance. It was possible because his legs were ridiculously long. “ Does it really need an explanation.”
“OF COURSE EVERYTHING NEEDS AN EXPLANATION,” the dragon bellowed. “EVERYTHING NEEDS AN EXPLANATION. I EXPLAIN THINGS FOR THE SAKE OF EXPLAINING. WHY YOU’D THINK I ACT THIS WAY?”
“Well-"
[color=#P1914]“Ladies.”
The two turned around. Unsurprisingly, Ironjaw was the originator of the voice – only he was not under the karma-ic mass of rubber balls that seem to plague this portion of the warehouse. There were still a lot of cats around him, but most were too scared to move. After all, he had a rifle at his shoulder and a smile on his lips (do sharks even have lips). Also, he was looking a bit smug around the gills. [/color]
“How you managed to get out,” Felus put it as tersely as he could.
[color=#P1914]“I am part-man, part-shark and can crush heads between my teeth as well as between my thighs,” Ironjaw shrugged as he raised his futuristic rifle up to Felus and Guillemet. It was unclear who exactly he was pointing to. “You think rubber balls and fluffy cats are enough to stop me?”[/color]
“No,” Felus said, but to be fair, his plan kind of hinged on that. “Not really.”
[color=#P1914]“Now, you’re acting smarter. That's good.” Ironjaw made that weird-rumbly-shark chuckle again. “Unfortunately, the tables have turned.”[/color]
Felus growled.
[color=#P1914]“Of course, you could say I have the upper hand,” the rifle started to hum. “I’ll tell you what. Comply with my demands and maybe I’ll be easy on you. Disagree with me, well. That’s good and all but…”
Ironjaw pointed his rifle at a kitten. The kitten was none other than Slicestripe.
“It ain’t gonna be pretty,” Ironjaw sneered.[/color]
Felus swallowed hard. It was one thing to point the gun at him, but he was pointing a gun at an innocent. A kitten no less. In addition of being the most heinous crime to happen in this place (shoving cats into military weapons was pretty terrible but how could you point a gun at a kitty), it was placing the former Cat-God (God-Cat) into a bit of an inescapable situation. If the kitten dies, all the cats would lose faith in him and Felus would essentially be rendered powerless. If Felus complied to Ironjaw’s demands, the cats would see him as weak and Felus would essentially also be rendered powerless. It was a Catch-22 Situation, and he had honestly no idea what to do.
[color=#P1914]“Better make a snap decision, mate” Ironjaw smiled as the hammer of the rifle clicked into place. “My trigger finger’s getting a bit itchy.”[/color]
“N-“ Felus was about to shout but then he was interrupted by a particular dragon.
“QUERY,” Guillemet raised one cat-free arm up.
[color=#P1914]
“Oh, it’s Little-Miss-Shot-In-The-Ass,” Ironjaw was a bit annoyed. “I’m surprised you have the gall to interrupt our little tik-talk.”[/color]
“QUERY,” Guillemet continued as though she did not bother to listen. “I WOULD LIKE TO REFUTE YOUR CLAIM THAT CATS COULD NOT STOP YOU.”
[color=#P1914]“And so?” Ironjaw growled as though Guillemet was wasting his time.[/color]
The dragon sneered. It was a pretty ugly sneer, which was further enhanced by how uncanny Guillemet looked in general. Ironjaw would not call exactly disarming (because he has the most disarming smile – what with the expansive of his mouth filled with horror-teeth). However, he had to agree, Guillemet’s smile was pretty unpleasant. It was like she was on to something.
“CATCH.”
[color=#P1914]Once again, Ironjaw caught a very angry Felus in his face. Not exactly appreciating the claws on his face, the Hominid-derived Selachimorpha screamed and let out an arc of white-hot bullets as he tried to get the cat out of his face. The hot plasma impacted with the ceiling, simultaneously superheating and cooling the metal surface with a large bang. The cat churned into a screaming chaos of fur and confusion. All of them.[/color]
Including the ones on Guillemet.
“HAHA SUCKERS. ALL OF YOU,” the dragon cackled as she took off to the air. It was especially easy since the load on her back had been considerably lightened. “YOU GUYS ARE FUN BUT I HAVE A LOT MORE INTERESTING PEOPLE TO MEET. ALSO HEY FISHY.”
[color=#P1914]Ironjaw was not listening. Probably because there was a cat trying to shred his nose.[/color]
“YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE A BUTT. A BUTT-SHAPED LIKE A SHARK. IT’S A VERY ACCURATE DESCRIPTION, TRUST ME.”
[color=#P1914]Ironjaw did not respond at all. Also he was starting to hate cats, juuust a little.[/color]
“ANYWAY, YIPPEE-KAI-YAY MOTHERFUCKERS. HOPE YOU ENJOY THE REST OF THE SHOW.” Guillemet laughed as she took off over the shelves. Her derisive shrieks still ever present in the damned warehouse.