Re: The $300,000 Fight-A-Thon! [Round One: Storage Park!]
08-27-2012, 08:15 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by Pharmacy.
If there was a competition for the Most Interesting Expression In The Entire World, Felus would be a clear winner. Cats usually do not have the face plasticity of humans but screw that. He was a god. Cat-God. God-Cat. Either way really, but the point is he could have all the damn expressions he wants. Right now, Felus was going for the wide-eyed curious look. It was an honest expression – after all, cats are naturally curious creatures and the curiosity in question was a bizarre sort of dragon.
<font color="#02ffff">“UM.” The dragon named Guillemet spoke. Her face was a mockery of a human’s – comical and almost horrifying. It was a real piece of work and Felus wished Hominus would have seen this magnificent parody. His reaction would have been delicious.“YOU ARE A CAT.”
“What? No thank you or acknowledgement?” Felus sniffed as he somehow managed to swish his ridiculously long tail in mild but resigned annoyance. It was hard to say if he was more annoyed at the flagrant use of Humanese or the rudeness of his conversation partner. “If it were not for my actions, you would have become shark bait over there.”
“BUT.” Felus could watch the dragon’s face forever. Her current expression was a sort of stupid-looking surprise-gape and to be honest, it was absolutely hilarious. Of course, he would never say it to her face. “YOU ARE A CAT.” A pause. “A REALLY WEIRD-LOOKING NOODLECAT.”
“Well, you aren’t looking fine yourself,” Felus sniffed as he somehow managed to reach his paw (a feat considering his neck and legs were the same length) to his mouth. It was a lovely paw with delicate contours, perfectly shaped toes and paw-pads that felt so velvety under his tongue. It was the best paw. It also tasted like shark. “Is that a problem?”
The inconceivable lovechild between two incompatible forces lowered her head to the level of the former Cat-God (God-Cat), which Felus immediately disliked. He never liked humans and he never really like any reminder of that shoved in his righteous face. That was so undignified, man. “YOU. TALK.”
The divine feline experimentally flexed his paws and acted as if the resulting claws were so much more interesting than this conversation. “Well, used to have a job upstairs but I left out of choice. Got to keep some benefits though.”
The dragon’s head reared up and made a rather ear-splitting noise that sounded like a chainsaw. Or a power drill. Or a very out-of-tune violin. Regardless of the comparisons, it was pretty clear that Guillemet was not accepting the Super Implication Of His Divinity (well, Former Divinity but let’s not get a little too nitpicky shall we). Felus would have supplanted his claim with some proof –say some mumbo-jumbo miracle or other weird hoodoo, but he left his godhood on some doorstep a while ago.
“BUT YOU ARE A CAT,” the voice bellowed upstairs.
“Well, excuse me.” Felus sniffed. “I happen to be a very special cat.”
“DON’T BE SILLY. CATS CAN’T HOLD JOBS. THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS.”
“I lived fine without any thumbs. Can you?”
“WHY WOULD I LIVE WITHOUT THUMBS. THE MERE NOTION OF A LIFE WITHOUT THUMBS IS UTTERLY RIDICULOUS. ALLOW ME TO PROVE YOU THE SUPERIORITY OF A DIGIT-ENRICHED LIFE WITH A SIMPLISTIC MECHANICAL ACTION BY YOURS TRULY.”
“W-what?” Felus would have more to say but he had two wings to dodge. There were smallish human hands at the tips and the previously-a-Cat-God (God-Cat) loathed the possibility of his fur making contact with those disgusting things. “Whatever you are doing, stop that!”
“CAN’T YOU SEE I AM TRYING TO PICK YOU UP. MY ACTIONS ARE ABSOLUTELY SAFE.” The assurance was not exactly comforting especially since she was a science-breathing lizard “TRUST ME I’M A SCIENTIST.”
“Stop!” Felus hissed. “I am warning you one last time!”
“NO YOU STOP. YOU ARE TOO FAST AND FURRY BUT MOSTLY TOO FAST AND -AGH.”
Guillemet flinched back and examined the little sting of pain on her hand. Her blood was blue, but she still managed to see red.“YOU LITTLE TURD,” she sounded incredulous and increasingly temperamental. “YOU FUCKING SCRATCHED ME.”
“And you touched me,” Felus bristled up and hissed again. “Now, there is a stink on my fur and it’s not coming out no thanks to you!”
“WELL BOO-FUCKING-HOO MISTER STINKYPANTS. THAT IS SO SAD. LOOK AT ME LEAKING MELANCHOLY AND LACHRYMOSE NOW KEEP GODDAMN STILL. I NEED TO PROVE MY DIGIT SUPERIORITY TO YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL.”
Of course, Felus did not listen. He was too busy hopping away on the tip-tops of shelves, as far away from where there the meeting originated. Unsurprisingly, the dragon went after him – promising that she would totally not hurt him and whatever strange action she does would be absolutely safe. However, the former Cat-God (God-Cat) was not too sure on that. He may not be part of the pantheon club anymore but he still had experience. And experience told him to keep looking forward and never look back.</font>
If there was a competition for the Most Interesting Expression In The Entire World, Felus would be a clear winner. Cats usually do not have the face plasticity of humans but screw that. He was a god. Cat-God. God-Cat. Either way really, but the point is he could have all the damn expressions he wants. Right now, Felus was going for the wide-eyed curious look. It was an honest expression – after all, cats are naturally curious creatures and the curiosity in question was a bizarre sort of dragon.
<font color="#02ffff">“UM.” The dragon named Guillemet spoke. Her face was a mockery of a human’s – comical and almost horrifying. It was a real piece of work and Felus wished Hominus would have seen this magnificent parody. His reaction would have been delicious.“YOU ARE A CAT.”
“What? No thank you or acknowledgement?” Felus sniffed as he somehow managed to swish his ridiculously long tail in mild but resigned annoyance. It was hard to say if he was more annoyed at the flagrant use of Humanese or the rudeness of his conversation partner. “If it were not for my actions, you would have become shark bait over there.”
“BUT.” Felus could watch the dragon’s face forever. Her current expression was a sort of stupid-looking surprise-gape and to be honest, it was absolutely hilarious. Of course, he would never say it to her face. “YOU ARE A CAT.” A pause. “A REALLY WEIRD-LOOKING NOODLECAT.”
“Well, you aren’t looking fine yourself,” Felus sniffed as he somehow managed to reach his paw (a feat considering his neck and legs were the same length) to his mouth. It was a lovely paw with delicate contours, perfectly shaped toes and paw-pads that felt so velvety under his tongue. It was the best paw. It also tasted like shark. “Is that a problem?”
The inconceivable lovechild between two incompatible forces lowered her head to the level of the former Cat-God (God-Cat), which Felus immediately disliked. He never liked humans and he never really like any reminder of that shoved in his righteous face. That was so undignified, man. “YOU. TALK.”
The divine feline experimentally flexed his paws and acted as if the resulting claws were so much more interesting than this conversation. “Well, used to have a job upstairs but I left out of choice. Got to keep some benefits though.”
The dragon’s head reared up and made a rather ear-splitting noise that sounded like a chainsaw. Or a power drill. Or a very out-of-tune violin. Regardless of the comparisons, it was pretty clear that Guillemet was not accepting the Super Implication Of His Divinity (well, Former Divinity but let’s not get a little too nitpicky shall we). Felus would have supplanted his claim with some proof –say some mumbo-jumbo miracle or other weird hoodoo, but he left his godhood on some doorstep a while ago.
“BUT YOU ARE A CAT,” the voice bellowed upstairs.
“Well, excuse me.” Felus sniffed. “I happen to be a very special cat.”
“DON’T BE SILLY. CATS CAN’T HOLD JOBS. THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS.”
“I lived fine without any thumbs. Can you?”
“WHY WOULD I LIVE WITHOUT THUMBS. THE MERE NOTION OF A LIFE WITHOUT THUMBS IS UTTERLY RIDICULOUS. ALLOW ME TO PROVE YOU THE SUPERIORITY OF A DIGIT-ENRICHED LIFE WITH A SIMPLISTIC MECHANICAL ACTION BY YOURS TRULY.”
“W-what?” Felus would have more to say but he had two wings to dodge. There were smallish human hands at the tips and the previously-a-Cat-God (God-Cat) loathed the possibility of his fur making contact with those disgusting things. “Whatever you are doing, stop that!”
“CAN’T YOU SEE I AM TRYING TO PICK YOU UP. MY ACTIONS ARE ABSOLUTELY SAFE.” The assurance was not exactly comforting especially since she was a science-breathing lizard “TRUST ME I’M A SCIENTIST.”
“Stop!” Felus hissed. “I am warning you one last time!”
“NO YOU STOP. YOU ARE TOO FAST AND FURRY BUT MOSTLY TOO FAST AND -AGH.”
Guillemet flinched back and examined the little sting of pain on her hand. Her blood was blue, but she still managed to see red.“YOU LITTLE TURD,” she sounded incredulous and increasingly temperamental. “YOU FUCKING SCRATCHED ME.”
“And you touched me,” Felus bristled up and hissed again. “Now, there is a stink on my fur and it’s not coming out no thanks to you!”
“WELL BOO-FUCKING-HOO MISTER STINKYPANTS. THAT IS SO SAD. LOOK AT ME LEAKING MELANCHOLY AND LACHRYMOSE NOW KEEP GODDAMN STILL. I NEED TO PROVE MY DIGIT SUPERIORITY TO YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL.”
Of course, Felus did not listen. He was too busy hopping away on the tip-tops of shelves, as far away from where there the meeting originated. Unsurprisingly, the dragon went after him – promising that she would totally not hurt him and whatever strange action she does would be absolutely safe. However, the former Cat-God (God-Cat) was not too sure on that. He may not be part of the pantheon club anymore but he still had experience. And experience told him to keep looking forward and never look back.</font>