Re: Grand Battle S3G1! (Round Three: Caelo Ruinam)
07-29-2012, 06:48 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Lord Paradise.
”ERR 58008-2: BACKUP RAY DESIGNATE SOLDIER BOY TERMINATED”
”It’s done,” declared the green scofflaw, clicking out of the error notice. ”As far as anyone knows, the Prime is dead. This gives us a certain amount of leeway to further our goals, but not much. The more time passes without a round transition, the more the others will suspect a ruse.”
”Does that mean I can’t talk to Tengeri again?” asked the red scofflaw.
”For the time being, no. Until such time as I have need of you, you may occupy your time by slowly withering away in peace.”
The prime scofflaw snorted loudly and drooled. ”I wonder what he’s dreaming about,” stammered the red scofflaw, attempting to change the subject.
The green scofflaw shrugged. ”Hmm. The dead one probably could have told us. Alas! On to the next part of the plan!”
”There’s a next part of the plan?” The red scofflaw looked a bit nervous about this. ”We can’t do much without letting people know the prime’s still alive, can we?”
”We can’t contact Doctor Nyoka again, it’s true. But the prime had become aware of some other players who might be used to our advantage. One of them is a master of runes, and with a simple code I can form a crude telepathic link.”
”Oh, you mean, um... Sir La-Rue-de-France. The knight. I don’t like him.”
”I fail to see how that’s relevant,” dismissed the green scofflaw, already typing away. ”Contact in three... two...”
* * * * *
”Eencoming!” cried Gimeri suddenly, putting down her bandage-scrolls to adjust the flower-receiver atop her head. “Thought-transmission from... eet eez scrambled, but eet eez inside Ruinam.”
“Hmmmm,” said Dir Dorukomets, as he often does when he is pretending to have complicated thoughts. “In all probability, the mistress of this fortress has come to beg for our help in staving off Alex and her new friends! Well, we will give her no such thing, isn’t that right, team?”
“That’s right, Dorky!” cackled Tykidu. “When we put the pounding to those do-gooders, it’ll be on our own steam!”
“Let her through, Gimeri,” said Dorukomets. “We’ll break the news to Midday in person.”
Gimeri blinked, and her face transformed slightly, its characteristic squishy charm replaced by a grim, calculating indifference. “Attention Sir Dorukomets and company,” she said in a clearly masculine voice. “This is...” there was a pause as though the person on the other end were attempting to tap into a familiar creative reserve, only to find it absent. “...Green...man. This is Greenman. That is an alias.”
“You can save your aliases, Lady Midday,” Dorukomets yelled in Gimeri’s ear. “We know it’s you, and we just wanted to tell you that we’re not interested in what you’re selling.”
“You are mistaken as usual, knight errant... or should I say ‘knight-erroneous?’” Gimeri laughed emotionlessly for precisely three seconds, then continued. “Greenman does not represent Lady Midday. In fact, Greenman was wondering whether you would be able to murder her.”
“Able?” roared Dorukomets. “Sir Greenman, you speak to Sir Dorukomets! Strongest in all the world!”
“Bah!” replied Gimeri. “By my estimation, you are but the fifth-strongest in this fortress. Still, I believe your team may play a crucial role in Midday’s defeat should you align with the lady Alex and my own associates and—“
“Align? I’d sooner align with the Anti-Knights of Daze than those weaklings! Sir Greenman, you have thrice insulted me and not once offered anything of value in exchange for my services! I know you’re somewhere in this castle, and if I ever find out who you are you’re going to have a sword in each lung, one in each eye and two in your guts! I’m going to—“
“Sir Dorukomets, he eez gone,” interrupted Gimeri weakly. “Could you please ztop thees shouting?”
Dorukomets released the octopus. “My apologies. In the future, Gimeri, decline all transmissions from this ‘Greenman.’ Now, the Gauntlet of Genko aw—”
“Eencoming!” squeaked Gimeri again.
The knight grabbed his healer by the headbulge and shook her. “Decline, decline!”
“He eez breaking through!” cried Gimeri. “I don’t know how to—
“Sorry about that,” she continued in a different voice. “Hi, it’s um, it’s me again, sort of.” Greenman looked different this time. Gimeri’s face looked softer, almost timid. “And you can’t shut me out without killing your friend, so, you know. Put her down.”
Dorukomets sighed and put the octopus down. “Thank you,” said Greenman. “We got off on the wrong foot, I think. I didn’t mean to suggest you weren’t strong.”
“Obviously,” snapped Dorukomets. “Because... because if you’d said that, that would have been stupid.”
“You’re a big strong man, we can all see that,” said Greenman through Gimeri. “It’s just that sometimes, no matter how strong we are, we aren’t strong enough.”
“That’s never a problem with Dorky!” chided Tykidu.
The knight nodded. “If anything, sometimes I’m too strong,” he boasted. “I break things. It’s embarrassing.”
Gimeri nodded. “Then why aren’t you strong enough to hold on to her?”
Dorukomets withered. “I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.”
“Sir... Do-Ru-Ko-Mets... Sir Dorukomets, I’ve done a lot of crazy things to get people’s attention,” admitted Greenman. “And I’ve learned from experience how tempting it is to just let the woman you love beat you up all the time, just so you get to spend a little time with her. But it’ll never be enough. And you can’t auto-counter the sadness away.”
“I don’t know what you’re implying,” choked Dorukomets stubbornly.
“I’m saying that I know you like to barge into things fists-first, but sometimes you have to put your heart out there, even if you have six fists to spare and only one heart. You have to think of what she wants. And what does she want?”
Dorukomets sulked. “She wants to defeat Lady Midday.”
“And so do you. That’s something you have in common. But maybe you could both stand to learn to accept a little help, hmmm? Help from friends, Dorukomets, not from some gauntlet. Which, by the way, we know where it is, but we can only give it to you after Midday is dead.”
Dorukomets took a deep breath. “Thank you, Greenman. We will... consider your words. Now, please, leave us.”
“Of course,” said Gimeri. “And don’t tell anyone you had this conversation, okay?”
“Oh, I won’t.” Dorukomets took a glance at Tykidu and blushed. Then he looked back at Gimeri. “Gimeri, is that you?”
“Ja. Sir Dorukomets, are we really going to—“
“Just follow me, Gods dammit.” The knight stormed off. Tykidu and Gimeri exchanged a bewildered glance.
* * * * *
”She’s going to reject him,” moaned the red scofflaw, ”And it’s going to be the worst moment of his life.” Then he smiled. ”I really don’t like him.”
”I could have done that,” snapped the green scofflaw.
”It’s okay,” said the other. ”We’re helping each other. It’s what the prime wants.”
The green scofflaw looked at the unconscious Science Sadist snoring in an office chair. ”I hate the prime,” he said.
”Yeah,” agreed the red scofflaw. ”Me too.”
* * * * *
Tengeri nudged the door open just a crack.
There was the dracodactyl. It was even unconscious, which was suspicious, but meant the doctor might be able to get out of here without a fight.
It was the other body lying on the floor that surprised her. Her eye confirmed an 84% certainty: one 'Saint Scofflaw,' deceased.
Tengeri, for a moment, was a bit giddier than she probably should have been, and she opened the door the rest of the way and swam in. Then reason set in. That can't be right, she thought. If he's dead, why are we still here?
And then she got punched in the head by a bear.
”ERR 58008-2: BACKUP RAY DESIGNATE SOLDIER BOY TERMINATED”
”It’s done,” declared the green scofflaw, clicking out of the error notice. ”As far as anyone knows, the Prime is dead. This gives us a certain amount of leeway to further our goals, but not much. The more time passes without a round transition, the more the others will suspect a ruse.”
”Does that mean I can’t talk to Tengeri again?” asked the red scofflaw.
”For the time being, no. Until such time as I have need of you, you may occupy your time by slowly withering away in peace.”
The prime scofflaw snorted loudly and drooled. ”I wonder what he’s dreaming about,” stammered the red scofflaw, attempting to change the subject.
The green scofflaw shrugged. ”Hmm. The dead one probably could have told us. Alas! On to the next part of the plan!”
”There’s a next part of the plan?” The red scofflaw looked a bit nervous about this. ”We can’t do much without letting people know the prime’s still alive, can we?”
”We can’t contact Doctor Nyoka again, it’s true. But the prime had become aware of some other players who might be used to our advantage. One of them is a master of runes, and with a simple code I can form a crude telepathic link.”
”Oh, you mean, um... Sir La-Rue-de-France. The knight. I don’t like him.”
”I fail to see how that’s relevant,” dismissed the green scofflaw, already typing away. ”Contact in three... two...”
* * * * *
”Eencoming!” cried Gimeri suddenly, putting down her bandage-scrolls to adjust the flower-receiver atop her head. “Thought-transmission from... eet eez scrambled, but eet eez inside Ruinam.”
“Hmmmm,” said Dir Dorukomets, as he often does when he is pretending to have complicated thoughts. “In all probability, the mistress of this fortress has come to beg for our help in staving off Alex and her new friends! Well, we will give her no such thing, isn’t that right, team?”
“That’s right, Dorky!” cackled Tykidu. “When we put the pounding to those do-gooders, it’ll be on our own steam!”
“Let her through, Gimeri,” said Dorukomets. “We’ll break the news to Midday in person.”
Gimeri blinked, and her face transformed slightly, its characteristic squishy charm replaced by a grim, calculating indifference. “Attention Sir Dorukomets and company,” she said in a clearly masculine voice. “This is...” there was a pause as though the person on the other end were attempting to tap into a familiar creative reserve, only to find it absent. “...Green...man. This is Greenman. That is an alias.”
“You can save your aliases, Lady Midday,” Dorukomets yelled in Gimeri’s ear. “We know it’s you, and we just wanted to tell you that we’re not interested in what you’re selling.”
“You are mistaken as usual, knight errant... or should I say ‘knight-erroneous?’” Gimeri laughed emotionlessly for precisely three seconds, then continued. “Greenman does not represent Lady Midday. In fact, Greenman was wondering whether you would be able to murder her.”
“Able?” roared Dorukomets. “Sir Greenman, you speak to Sir Dorukomets! Strongest in all the world!”
“Bah!” replied Gimeri. “By my estimation, you are but the fifth-strongest in this fortress. Still, I believe your team may play a crucial role in Midday’s defeat should you align with the lady Alex and my own associates and—“
“Align? I’d sooner align with the Anti-Knights of Daze than those weaklings! Sir Greenman, you have thrice insulted me and not once offered anything of value in exchange for my services! I know you’re somewhere in this castle, and if I ever find out who you are you’re going to have a sword in each lung, one in each eye and two in your guts! I’m going to—“
“Sir Dorukomets, he eez gone,” interrupted Gimeri weakly. “Could you please ztop thees shouting?”
Dorukomets released the octopus. “My apologies. In the future, Gimeri, decline all transmissions from this ‘Greenman.’ Now, the Gauntlet of Genko aw—”
“Eencoming!” squeaked Gimeri again.
The knight grabbed his healer by the headbulge and shook her. “Decline, decline!”
“He eez breaking through!” cried Gimeri. “I don’t know how to—
“Sorry about that,” she continued in a different voice. “Hi, it’s um, it’s me again, sort of.” Greenman looked different this time. Gimeri’s face looked softer, almost timid. “And you can’t shut me out without killing your friend, so, you know. Put her down.”
Dorukomets sighed and put the octopus down. “Thank you,” said Greenman. “We got off on the wrong foot, I think. I didn’t mean to suggest you weren’t strong.”
“Obviously,” snapped Dorukomets. “Because... because if you’d said that, that would have been stupid.”
“You’re a big strong man, we can all see that,” said Greenman through Gimeri. “It’s just that sometimes, no matter how strong we are, we aren’t strong enough.”
“That’s never a problem with Dorky!” chided Tykidu.
The knight nodded. “If anything, sometimes I’m too strong,” he boasted. “I break things. It’s embarrassing.”
Gimeri nodded. “Then why aren’t you strong enough to hold on to her?”
Dorukomets withered. “I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.”
“Sir... Do-Ru-Ko-Mets... Sir Dorukomets, I’ve done a lot of crazy things to get people’s attention,” admitted Greenman. “And I’ve learned from experience how tempting it is to just let the woman you love beat you up all the time, just so you get to spend a little time with her. But it’ll never be enough. And you can’t auto-counter the sadness away.”
“I don’t know what you’re implying,” choked Dorukomets stubbornly.
“I’m saying that I know you like to barge into things fists-first, but sometimes you have to put your heart out there, even if you have six fists to spare and only one heart. You have to think of what she wants. And what does she want?”
Dorukomets sulked. “She wants to defeat Lady Midday.”
“And so do you. That’s something you have in common. But maybe you could both stand to learn to accept a little help, hmmm? Help from friends, Dorukomets, not from some gauntlet. Which, by the way, we know where it is, but we can only give it to you after Midday is dead.”
Dorukomets took a deep breath. “Thank you, Greenman. We will... consider your words. Now, please, leave us.”
“Of course,” said Gimeri. “And don’t tell anyone you had this conversation, okay?”
“Oh, I won’t.” Dorukomets took a glance at Tykidu and blushed. Then he looked back at Gimeri. “Gimeri, is that you?”
“Ja. Sir Dorukomets, are we really going to—“
“Just follow me, Gods dammit.” The knight stormed off. Tykidu and Gimeri exchanged a bewildered glance.
* * * * *
”She’s going to reject him,” moaned the red scofflaw, ”And it’s going to be the worst moment of his life.” Then he smiled. ”I really don’t like him.”
”I could have done that,” snapped the green scofflaw.
”It’s okay,” said the other. ”We’re helping each other. It’s what the prime wants.”
The green scofflaw looked at the unconscious Science Sadist snoring in an office chair. ”I hate the prime,” he said.
”Yeah,” agreed the red scofflaw. ”Me too.”
* * * * *
Tengeri nudged the door open just a crack.
There was the dracodactyl. It was even unconscious, which was suspicious, but meant the doctor might be able to get out of here without a fight.
It was the other body lying on the floor that surprised her. Her eye confirmed an 84% certainty: one 'Saint Scofflaw,' deceased.
Tengeri, for a moment, was a bit giddier than she probably should have been, and she opened the door the rest of the way and swam in. Then reason set in. That can't be right, she thought. If he's dead, why are we still here?
And then she got punched in the head by a bear.