Jormungandr Goes To Hell - WE'RE IN HELL

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Where is the library? Can we get a map? Jormy should know her way around her own palace well.

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Ask Hel and Fenrir if either of them are useful for any of those things.

"Hey Jor." says Hel. "Another new friend?"
"This is Rubi." you say. "He's...? erm... She's...? erm..." You shoot Rubi an inquisitive look.
"I'm made out of crazy black demon gas!" Rubi replies. "Gender is more or less optional for me."
"Just go with she." interrupts Hel. "Rubi is really not a guy's name."
"Okay." you say. "She's a mischief spirit and she's helping me go to Hell."
"Why?" Fenrir snaps rather uncharacteristically. "Why would a demon help you do anything?"
"It'll be fun." Rubi replies.
"I don't trust her!" Fenrir snaps. "Demons are bad! And they have poor fashion sense. I hate them!"


"Excuse me!" you interrupt. "Putting any misgivings about our latest team member aside would either of you happen to have a copy of the...? erm...?"
"Mortumbris Abyssex." Rubi says.
"Yeah... that." you say. "Or something from Hell, a human sacrifice, some gold coins or a bodyguard?" There is a long pause and you sigh. "Yeah I didn't think so. It's been one of those kind of days."
"Actually." says Hel. "I have some gold coins from my kingdom where, believe it or not, we use them as actual currency."
"Yeah, so what do I have to do for you before you'll give them to me?" you ask. "You want me to figure out the exchange rate and then swap a suitable number of spoons for them?"
"Nah, fuck that." says Hel. "I can always mint more." she slides the gold coins across the table to you.
"Huh." you say snatching up the coins. "That was much easier than expected."


"This is the point where I really wish this dress had pockets... or some kind of intangible coin cache." you mutter to yourself.
"No inventory huh?" asks Rubi.
"Nope." you say.
"Sucks for you." Rubi says.
"I'll probably have to go on a stupid quest to get myself an inventory now." you say bitterly.
"Maybe..." says Rubi. "Or just share my inventory."
"Excuse me?" you ask.
"Heading off on a quest to get an inventory sounds a bit tedious." says Rubi. "We can get to the good stuff quicker if you just use mine. Just don't touch my stuff."


You put the gold coins and the lipstick, which has been conveniently flickering in and out of existence, into Rubi's inventory. "Well that was surprisingly easy." you say. You pause thoughtfully. "I don't suppose that could count as my thing from Hell?" Rubi shoots you a glare. "Yeah didn't think so."

>Use that dimitri drool for the thing from hell.

You collect some monstrosity saliva in an empty champagne glass and offer it to Rubi. She shakes her head.
"And why not?" you ask. "It's from Hell. It's demon saliva!"
"It's not from Hell exactly though." Rubi says. "That portion of demon saliva is from a demon who is from Hell yeah, but it was slobbered out while he was on the surface." You frown crossly. "Cheer up Princess. Your Principality is being invaded, there's gotta be something from hell around here somewhere."

(Monstrosity Saliva In A Champagne Glass is added to Rubi's inventory)

Ask what else you would need to summon a delicious cup of tea...good tea is hard to find around here.

"Out of interest... what would we need to summon a delicious cup of tea?" you ask.
"Well aside from the tome and the human sacrifice we'd need the heart of a newly born child and the blood of a thousand innocents." says Rubi. There is a long pause where you try to work out if Rubi is being entirely honest.
"That... that sounds like a bit much for a cup of tea." you say critically.
"I think you do not grasp just how delicious this cup of tea is." Rubi replies.

> Ask General Oioujuoaie if he wants to accompany you.

You make your way out to the Great Hall and up to The General who is gazing out across the ink splattered battlefield that is the rest of the Great Hall.
"General I need someone to..." you start.


As the General turns around he spots Rubi and readies his assault rifle.
"Wait!" you exclaim. "Rubi's on our side."
"You what?" the General asks. "A demon on our side? This is a war against demon's yr'highness."
"I know, but Rubi's okay...ish." you say. "She's helping me get into Hell to retrieve my soul."
"I'm not sure about this." the General replies. "You sure you ain't been struck down by some kind of Demon Madness? Look I'll make it simple. I'll kill this demon then we can get you checked out make sure you're okay."
"No." you say. "Rubi IS on our side. I've not been struck down by any kind of Madness..." you pause. "...plus Rubi is like made of gas or something, I'm not sure how effective you're going to be."
"Well I'm sure at the very least it won't like it. Teach it a lesson for messing with the heads of young impressionable Princesses. Stand out of the way and lets get this over with." says the General. "Quick fore it slits your throat and wears your head as a helmet."
"None of your friends like me." Rubi says. "If I wasn't a cold-hearted monster I might be kind of upset about this."
"Well..." you think for a moment, "...Hel didn't launch into a barrage of insults against you. In her book that makes you like family."
"Your highness, I feel it would be in your best interests to stop talking to that demon." the General says. "I think it is trying to brainwash you into being it's unwitting pawn."
"Listen, General, it really isn't." you say. "Name one time in the entirety of human history when a helpful female demon called Rubi has actually turned out to be evil. You can't do it I know. It's just never happened."
"Hmm..." The General pauses. "Well that's true enough... Hang on! Now you're trying to brainwash me to be this demon's unwitting pawn! Get out of the way your highness." You sigh, come to the conclusion that this isn't going to let up any time soon and decide to press on with asking The General to come with you.


"General I need someone to come with me to Hell as my bodyguard." you say. The General pauses in his efforts to blast Rubi and looks at you.
"I'm sorry but I simply cannot leave my army at the moment, not with this demon war going on." The General says. "Not without leaving someone else in charge of the army."
"Well do that then." you say.
"There's only one soldier who I would consider able to lead the army while I'm gone." says The General. "Iaoijeuaio is his name."
"Well go and prepare him then." You say. "We're not heading out right this minute."


"There is a bit of a problem." The General admits. "Iaoijeuiao possesses a brilliant military mind, but he wastes it. He rots it away with drugs and green headbands. He is unreliable and does not believe in the cause for which he fights." he pauses. "My efforts to bring out the best in him have fallen flat. If you can bring out the best in him, convince him to fight for his country then I shall accompany you to Hell."
"Okay." you sigh. "Go and motivate some junkie squid to be the general of my army. Peice of cake, obviously."
"Now... if you wouldn't mind moving aside and letting me let that demon have it?" the General asks.
"Come on Rubi." you say. "Lets get out of here."

>Go check on Demongandr. She might be able to assist you, maybe even have some fancy connections.

"Where are we going now?" Rubi asks in a sing song manner.
"Off to check up on my latest clone." you say. "She's half demon so she's going to be super awesome."
"Oh...?" Rubi enquires. She pauses thoughtfully. "This is gonna be good. I just know it."


You head back to your bedroom and see that your half demon clone is not going quite as expected. She is not yet 100% complete but judging by what you see you guess it won't be long (but probably too long to wait when there are other things you can be doing) before she is.


"She... ummm... doesn't look anything like how I imagined." you say.
"You used the monstrosity saliva didn't you." Rubi says, it is not a question. "And you assumed all demon DNA is the same because we are all essentially the same. You demon racist." She pauses. "I bet you imagined you were getting a cool demon version of yourself with jet black hair and black eyes and magic shooting out of her fingers."
"...yeah." You admit.
"You are so adorable." Rubi says grinning. "Before you ask... no you cannot have any of my DNA. I don't even think I have DNA; crazy black demon gas you understand."

---

Ask Rubi where those lungs came from, and if the owner might have had valuable DNA.

"You know those lungs?" you ask.
"Lungs?" Rubi asks innocently.
"The ones in your inventory?" you continue.
"Hey!" Rubi snaps. "Didn't I tell you not to go messing with my stuff?"
"I didn't!" you protest. "I was just curious."
"Oh..." says Rubi, more calmly. "That's okay then."



"So... the lungs?" you persist.
"The inventory lungs?" Rubi asks. "What about them?"
"Whose are they?" you ask.
"Some hotshot demon summoner thought he was powerful enough to control me." Rubi says. "Mix? Mex? Max? Yeah probably Max."
"Oh..." you say. "Well that's nice. Remind me not to get on your bad side."

> Go talk to Iaoijeuaio and convince him to fight

No Convince him to be your body guard. The general's a jerk.

I'd rather have Iaoueaouiaioeoeoaiiiajo close to us, where we can keep an eye on him.

You make your way back to the Guard's Quarters to speak to Iaoijeuaio. He looks more lucid than before. You're currently unsure of whether you want him to be your bodyguard in Hell or whether you'd prefer him to take over the military up here and have The General come with you. You decide that in order to achieve either objective you would have to motivate him to fight for his country so you can figure out precisely which one you want later. Now is the time for motivating drug addicted hippies to be effective soldiers.



"Hey Iaoijeuaio." you say. The squid looks in your direction. "Have you ever considered fighting for your country?" He stares at you for a couple of seconds.
"No what really? Fighting for my country you say? Like in an army or something? I shall have to give that some serious consideration." He says sarcastically.
"Why aren't you out there fighting demons then?" you press on.
"Hey, it's not like I wanted to be in this army in the first place." Iaoijeuaio snaps. "I got conscripted." he pauses. "Only I'm not sure it's conscription when you're just swimming along minding your own business and this big net scoops you up, drags you and all your friends out of the water and then imprisons you in an army training camp, robbing us of our individuality until we might as well not have names any more. You can fight your own demons bitchwhore."