Re: Grand Battle S3G1! (Round One: Vio Maleficat)
04-27-2011, 02:03 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by Valter.
"Shit, don't tell me. You're another one."
Kerak looked at his latest visitor in consternation. "Another what? Do I know you...?"
The fact that Kerak was talking at all made it clearly impossible for him to be a product of chaos, but right now Jetsam was in the mood for belligerency. "Another contestant. Another half-wit looking to boss me around."
"Of course not! I mean, yes. Yes to the first part, at least. Not the second, though. Although, ever since I got here I've felt like I don't know anything! Scarcely got a quarter of my wits about me! But I wouldn't boss you around. Never.
"Actually, could you open this door for me? These talons are giving me a bit of trouble..." His difficulties were evidenced by the door's perfectly round knob and the shallow scratch marks that covered it.
Jetsam eyed the Deinonychus discerningly. The feckless dinosaur looked more likely to off himself than anyone else, in this universe at least. As long as the tech level remains high enough over his head, it's unlikely that he'll be too dangerous. Can I trust the setting to be this advanced in every location we visit, though? Probably not.
Jetsam shrugged and opened the scratched door. Sure, there was a distant possibility that a later destination of the Battle would give Kerak an edge, but much more credible threats were out and about right now.
Kerak clicked his talons together in what Jetsam assumed to be some gesture of gratitude. "Thanks! I'm Kerak, by the way. Say, would you tell me your story? I love a good story."
"No. I'm busy."
"Well, I guess that's alright..." Kerak responded despondently, but he perked up almost immediately. "Oh! That's right, I'm busy too! There's some kind of 'Production Foreman' I need to kill, whatever that is. Good bye!" He took a running start at the open door, and promptly started tripping down the stairwell within.
He had only just landed at the bottom of the third flight when Jetsam reconstituted in front of him once again. "That is certainly an interesting method of travel," Kerak said from the floor he was sprawled out on. "Are you science?"
"Sc- what?"
Kerak hopped up to his feet and started preening himself nonchalantly. "Science! That's what the floaty feather serpent called it, at least."
floaty fe- "Shut up. What were you saying about the foreman?" He was fully at the whim of Chaos by this point, and the last two teleportations It had subjected him to had made it abundantly clear he was being ordered to cooperate with this brainless feathery moron.
If the end result was killing the prick in charge of this facility, though? Maybe he could get behind it after all.
"His name is Jorgensaard, I think. This place is thick with his foul stench. It is my duty to brutally eviscerate him as an example to those who would stand against the forces of balance and peace!
"My plan has, ah, run into a spot of trouble, though," Kerak said, squinting at the shiny metallic floor. "I prefer to stalk my prey silently, and then strike at its moment of greatest weakness! But I simply can't find any way to walk here without making the most infuriatingly loud noises."
"Hmm. Do you think you could get to him if you had a sufficient distraction?"
What do you have in mind?"
For the first time since meeting Kerak, Jetsam smiled. "I was conversing with him only moments ago, actually. How about this, Kerak? I'll resume the discussion he and I were having earlier and keep him busy, and you'll take the opportunity to... clean up."
~~~~
Jorgensaard bent down to examine one of the golden scales left by Jetsam's abrupt exit. "This isn't really what I had in mind when I asked for answers."
"Hoodwinked. Bamboozled!" Tinten shouted, waving his recently retrieved plasma thrower emphatically.
"Stay your hand, Tinten," Huebert said mildly. "Jetsam may be gone now, but one of our marks remains."
St. Scofflaw grimaced. "That's just childish. We should be working together to deal with Jetsam right now!" Smoke bombs, smoke bombs... Where in this damned suit did I put the smoke bombs? "And could you remove this wrench from my back, Jorgensaard? I do believe it's irreparably hurting my dignity."
"Oh, all right. I need it back anyway." Jorgensaard grasped the wrench and ripped it straight out with a gasp of pain from Scofflaw. "And you can put that away right now," he added, gesturing at Tinten's weapon. "Scofflaw's right. We can't afford to point fingers at each other right now. There's an outraged shapeshifter loose that might just want us dead, and we have no idea where or how he'll show up next."
Five seconds later he did have a pretty good idea, though, as that was when Jetsam showed up in a flash of light. He stood exactly on the same spot he had disappeared from, even. "I guess you can keep your weapon out after all," Jorgensaard said through gritted teeth. "Back so soon? To what do we owe this pleasure, Jetsam?"
"It's- It's not what it looks like." At least I didn't get vaporized instantly. Hopefully Kerak'll make enough noise in his entrance to give me a chance to escape. At the very least, he can take the fall for me! "What exactly do you expect to happen when you pump me full of Unity like that? You should be happy I only exploded!"
"You really think that'll fly with me? I've been working with Chaos for decades now. I know exactly what happens when I hit things with my wrench, and I'm afraid 'explosions' aren't on the list."
"Should be."
"Shut up. What were you really doing, Jetsam?"
Jetsam let out an exasperated sigh. "I can't exactly control where I end up right now, okay? I'm teleporting completely at random! I don't even know how long I'll be here!"
"I suppose I'll just have to make your restraints a bit tighter this time, then!" Jorgensaard swung his wrench with a little bit more gusto than Jetsam considered strictly necessary, and-
KLUNK
"That's odd..." Jorgensaard started. "My spanner shouldn't make that sou-"
His confusion was cut short by the full weight of an enraged Deinonychus. The the fight that followed began, and immediately ended with, a savage rip to the jugular vein. Kerak killed the foreman before he even had any particular chance to process his opponent's entrance.
"Justice..." the dinosaur said through blood-stained teeth, "is served."
Scofflaw was the first to react to Kerak's... dramatic entrance. He threw a grenade that immediately filled the room with impermeable smoke, and tackled Kerak bodily across the room. "What exactly possessed you to kill the production foreman, Kerak?" He whispered, after they had landed in a corner of the room.
"Hello again, Scofflaw!" Kerak replied cheerily. "Jorgensaard was an enemy of balance! His death was a necessary part of ensuring equilibrium between chaos and unity."
Much though he would have liked to ask what exactly inspired Kerak's present line of thinking, Scofflaw was somewhat more distracted by the situation at hand. "Your devotion to the natural order is admirable, but I would really like to recommend that you practice your timing better in the future."
"Oh?
"You see, there's a pair of contestants across the room from us that aren't particularly fond of me, or you, or Jetsam, and I really think this 'gruesome murder' thing is just exacerbating matters."
From across the room: "Blackheart! Devil!"
"...Oh."
"Right. Now, they probably would have already shot you by now if not for my quick thinking, but we're not exactly out of the fire yet. We're still here, and they're still here, and if that's still true in twenty seconds this smoke'll clear out and we'll be up against two homicidal vigilantes with plasma throwers."
Kerak couldn't resist himself. "Plasma throwers?"
"Bad Things. Okay? Now let's skedaddle. And from here on out, how about I call the shots."
"Shit, don't tell me. You're another one."
Kerak looked at his latest visitor in consternation. "Another what? Do I know you...?"
The fact that Kerak was talking at all made it clearly impossible for him to be a product of chaos, but right now Jetsam was in the mood for belligerency. "Another contestant. Another half-wit looking to boss me around."
"Of course not! I mean, yes. Yes to the first part, at least. Not the second, though. Although, ever since I got here I've felt like I don't know anything! Scarcely got a quarter of my wits about me! But I wouldn't boss you around. Never.
"Actually, could you open this door for me? These talons are giving me a bit of trouble..." His difficulties were evidenced by the door's perfectly round knob and the shallow scratch marks that covered it.
Jetsam eyed the Deinonychus discerningly. The feckless dinosaur looked more likely to off himself than anyone else, in this universe at least. As long as the tech level remains high enough over his head, it's unlikely that he'll be too dangerous. Can I trust the setting to be this advanced in every location we visit, though? Probably not.
Jetsam shrugged and opened the scratched door. Sure, there was a distant possibility that a later destination of the Battle would give Kerak an edge, but much more credible threats were out and about right now.
Kerak clicked his talons together in what Jetsam assumed to be some gesture of gratitude. "Thanks! I'm Kerak, by the way. Say, would you tell me your story? I love a good story."
"No. I'm busy."
"Well, I guess that's alright..." Kerak responded despondently, but he perked up almost immediately. "Oh! That's right, I'm busy too! There's some kind of 'Production Foreman' I need to kill, whatever that is. Good bye!" He took a running start at the open door, and promptly started tripping down the stairwell within.
He had only just landed at the bottom of the third flight when Jetsam reconstituted in front of him once again. "That is certainly an interesting method of travel," Kerak said from the floor he was sprawled out on. "Are you science?"
"Sc- what?"
Kerak hopped up to his feet and started preening himself nonchalantly. "Science! That's what the floaty feather serpent called it, at least."
floaty fe- "Shut up. What were you saying about the foreman?" He was fully at the whim of Chaos by this point, and the last two teleportations It had subjected him to had made it abundantly clear he was being ordered to cooperate with this brainless feathery moron.
If the end result was killing the prick in charge of this facility, though? Maybe he could get behind it after all.
"His name is Jorgensaard, I think. This place is thick with his foul stench. It is my duty to brutally eviscerate him as an example to those who would stand against the forces of balance and peace!
"My plan has, ah, run into a spot of trouble, though," Kerak said, squinting at the shiny metallic floor. "I prefer to stalk my prey silently, and then strike at its moment of greatest weakness! But I simply can't find any way to walk here without making the most infuriatingly loud noises."
"Hmm. Do you think you could get to him if you had a sufficient distraction?"
What do you have in mind?"
For the first time since meeting Kerak, Jetsam smiled. "I was conversing with him only moments ago, actually. How about this, Kerak? I'll resume the discussion he and I were having earlier and keep him busy, and you'll take the opportunity to... clean up."
~~~~
Jorgensaard bent down to examine one of the golden scales left by Jetsam's abrupt exit. "This isn't really what I had in mind when I asked for answers."
"Hoodwinked. Bamboozled!" Tinten shouted, waving his recently retrieved plasma thrower emphatically.
"Stay your hand, Tinten," Huebert said mildly. "Jetsam may be gone now, but one of our marks remains."
St. Scofflaw grimaced. "That's just childish. We should be working together to deal with Jetsam right now!" Smoke bombs, smoke bombs... Where in this damned suit did I put the smoke bombs? "And could you remove this wrench from my back, Jorgensaard? I do believe it's irreparably hurting my dignity."
"Oh, all right. I need it back anyway." Jorgensaard grasped the wrench and ripped it straight out with a gasp of pain from Scofflaw. "And you can put that away right now," he added, gesturing at Tinten's weapon. "Scofflaw's right. We can't afford to point fingers at each other right now. There's an outraged shapeshifter loose that might just want us dead, and we have no idea where or how he'll show up next."
Five seconds later he did have a pretty good idea, though, as that was when Jetsam showed up in a flash of light. He stood exactly on the same spot he had disappeared from, even. "I guess you can keep your weapon out after all," Jorgensaard said through gritted teeth. "Back so soon? To what do we owe this pleasure, Jetsam?"
"It's- It's not what it looks like." At least I didn't get vaporized instantly. Hopefully Kerak'll make enough noise in his entrance to give me a chance to escape. At the very least, he can take the fall for me! "What exactly do you expect to happen when you pump me full of Unity like that? You should be happy I only exploded!"
"You really think that'll fly with me? I've been working with Chaos for decades now. I know exactly what happens when I hit things with my wrench, and I'm afraid 'explosions' aren't on the list."
"Should be."
"Shut up. What were you really doing, Jetsam?"
Jetsam let out an exasperated sigh. "I can't exactly control where I end up right now, okay? I'm teleporting completely at random! I don't even know how long I'll be here!"
"I suppose I'll just have to make your restraints a bit tighter this time, then!" Jorgensaard swung his wrench with a little bit more gusto than Jetsam considered strictly necessary, and-
KLUNK
"That's odd..." Jorgensaard started. "My spanner shouldn't make that sou-"
His confusion was cut short by the full weight of an enraged Deinonychus. The the fight that followed began, and immediately ended with, a savage rip to the jugular vein. Kerak killed the foreman before he even had any particular chance to process his opponent's entrance.
"Justice..." the dinosaur said through blood-stained teeth, "is served."
Scofflaw was the first to react to Kerak's... dramatic entrance. He threw a grenade that immediately filled the room with impermeable smoke, and tackled Kerak bodily across the room. "What exactly possessed you to kill the production foreman, Kerak?" He whispered, after they had landed in a corner of the room.
"Hello again, Scofflaw!" Kerak replied cheerily. "Jorgensaard was an enemy of balance! His death was a necessary part of ensuring equilibrium between chaos and unity."
Much though he would have liked to ask what exactly inspired Kerak's present line of thinking, Scofflaw was somewhat more distracted by the situation at hand. "Your devotion to the natural order is admirable, but I would really like to recommend that you practice your timing better in the future."
"Oh?
"You see, there's a pair of contestants across the room from us that aren't particularly fond of me, or you, or Jetsam, and I really think this 'gruesome murder' thing is just exacerbating matters."
From across the room: "Blackheart! Devil!"
"...Oh."
"Right. Now, they probably would have already shot you by now if not for my quick thinking, but we're not exactly out of the fire yet. We're still here, and they're still here, and if that's still true in twenty seconds this smoke'll clear out and we'll be up against two homicidal vigilantes with plasma throwers."
Kerak couldn't resist himself. "Plasma throwers?"
"Bad Things. Okay? Now let's skedaddle. And from here on out, how about I call the shots."