Trainwreck
01-07-2012, 03:21 AM
Dragon Fogel:
It is a fine Wednesday afternoon. You are about to board a train to another city, due to a very promising business opportunity that has just come up.
You get on the train without incident, and relax as it starts moving. You're looking forward to your arrival tomorrow. You settle in and read a book to pass the time.
After you finish the book, you start hearing screams from the other passengers. You put the book down and grab someone and ask him what's going on.
"There's another train headed straight for us! They can't switch the tracks! We're going to crash! LET ME GO WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"
You let him go, and start to panic yourself. There's about to be a trainwreck! This calls for swift action! You'll have to act quickly, before the trains crash!
So, you'd better hurry up and answer these VERY IMPORTANT QUESTIONS! Hurry, before the trains collide!
1. What is your name?
2. What is your occupation?
3. What is the title of the book you were just reading?
Akumu:
What atrocious timing! Just as you were trying to get on the straight and narrow, something like this comes along and blows it all to hell.
You sigh as you pull your case down from the overhead storage compartment. It looks like life as Cyrus Ayloud will have to wait for another day. You pull on your mask and gloves and once again take up the name of The Apiarist!
Your fearsome appearance puts the trains' passenger into even more of a panic, a feat you would not have thought possible given that they were all about to die anyway. You call out in a deep, booming voice "Bee not afraid, weaklings! For today you hive nothing to fear from The Apiarist!" Those puns seemed lackluster even to you, but your heart hasn't been in it lately. Still, you've got to keep up appearances if your very promising business opportunity has any chance of getting off the ground.
Hoisting the final and most important item out of your case, you get to work saving yourself and the entire train. Only seconds remain before the trains collide!
So, you'd better hurry up and answer this VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION! Hurry, before the trains collide!
1. What was in the case?
Fakeimposter:
The dull drone of bees haunt your mind as you recall their depressing the demise, caused by the contents of this very case. You carry your murder weapons around you to this day to remind you of their inglorious deaths. You have worn your shame like a shroud until this day. But now, you think you know a way to redeem yourself! Hoisting the heavy case above you, the lid opens. Thousands upon thousands of tiny toothpicks cascade in a splintered version of Niagra Falls, some still shish kebabing the corpses of tiny bees.
You look around triumphantly, a mad grin stretched upon your face.
"WE SHALL BUILD A FORT!"
The frightened passengers nervously glance at each other, before shrugging helplessly and begin to work constructing a fortress out of wood and bees.
It feels good to be the hero for once...
ALL OF A SUDDEN SOMEONE CRIES: "HALT!"
Gasp! Could it possibly bee???
>1. Who is the mysterious stranger???
>2. How in the hell did you kill that many bees with those toothpicks?
>3. HOLY SHIT THESE TRAINS ARE ABOUT TO CRASH INTO EACH OTHER RIGHT NOW GUYS!!!!
bobthepen:
"HALT!" Cries the disfigured official.
"President Bobby L. Wilson!" you gasp, "I thought you had died!"
"I almost did after your atrocious assault during our community planting extravaganza! But I survived! My terribly mutilated body found a way to metabolize the tens of thousands of toothpicks you had fired into my abdomen! I left the hospital and tracked you down to this very train to exact my revenge." He quickly begins to spread green paint over his face and hands, and dons an over-sized sombrero. "I'm Señor Saguaro! Prepare to be PRICKED!"
Suddenly hundreds of razor-sharp toothpicks emerge from the folds of Señor Saguaro's hastily painted skin. He charges you screaming and waving prickly pairs of hands at your face! You scoff at the attempt.
"Trying to sting the The Apiarist!?? I've tamed drones more dangerous than--"
*RIIIIIIIIP*
You stop suddenly and fall over the seat behind you! HE RIPPED YOUR SUIT! Your precious collectable suit that you had planned to sell over e-bay is now damaged! Oh man crankLover493 is gonna bee pissed!
Señor Saguaro towers over you. He laughs, relishing his soon-to-be-complete revenge. He readies the death prickle when...
KA-BOOOOOOM!!!!!
>1. The Hell?
Dragon Fogel:
Shocked by the noise, you and Señor Saguaro rush to the window and witness an astonishing sight: the other train suddenly leaps from the track and transforms into the TRAINBOT 6000!
The Trainbot 6000 grabs your train and lifts it, then flies off into the air! It looks like you're all the victims of a train robbery! Still, that's probably better than crashing...
As you fly, you see dozens of other Trainbot 6000s flying through the air, all carrying trains, no doubt flying towards the same destination to drop off their cargo (trains)!
Someone must have sent the Trainbots to steal all of these trains, passengers and all! But who could be behind this devious plot?
1. OH MY GOD COULD IT BE...
SleepingOrange:
As the passengers in the various trains tumble backwards (Señor Saguaro impaling a fair few, and certainly not winning many hearts and minds), Rico Ricardo lounges in his private island resort, cackling madly as he watches his trainbots carry the spoils of his dastardly robbery to him. He leaps up from his expensive Supervillain Chic™ armchair and does a celebratory foxtrot with one of the expendable minions that constantly surround him.
Of course, you have no way of knowing that. All you know is that the trainbots are approaching a very flamboyantly-appointed island with Rico Ricardo's logo on all the buildings.
Fairly sure that you know who has captured you, you idly wonder why he could be going to all this trouble. You haven't even seen him since you dated back in high school, and he was never a high-profile enough villain to get much coverage. What was his deal anyway? What is his deal?
You try to stand up. It's time to answer some important questions:
1: What will you do?
2: What is Rico Ricardo's evil plan?
3: Okay seriously whose foot is that and can you please get it out of my ribs?
Awakelemon:
You decide to leave Chuck Norris' foot sleeping in your ribs for now while you think about what the hell Rico's deal is.
The deal, obviously, is that Rico is still madly in love with you, and is now trying to win you back by scraping together the largest goddamn pile of trains in the world. You used to be big on trains, but it never worked out between you and Rico; your love for trains was like a mothers love for her children, his was like frankenstein's love for limbs. In time you couldn't stand his madness anymore, you left the trains and transplanted your passion onto the dark arts of apiary instead.
Rico never accepted this, and tried many times to win your love back by showing you his more and more stupid train constructions. But no, you heart now belongs to the bees, trains mean nothing to you anymore. Whatever Rico is attempting to do, you scoff at it with great scoffn-
Suddenly, gravity fails you and toothpicks, dead bees, and screaming passengers fly around everywhere. Out of the window you see the ground coming closer and closer with an alarming speed. At least Chuck Norris' foot has left your ribs, now awake and heading towards...
1. Where is Chuck Norris' foot heading?
Dragon Fogel:
Just before the train hits the ground, Chuck Norris kicks Bruce Lee in the mouth. The force of his kick carries both of them forward, smashing through the front of the train.
As they pass through, Norris' kick opens a time vortex, big enough to swallow the entire train. You emerge in the year 1887, and the train comes to a stop. Everyone falls to the floor, relatively unhurt.
You look out the window to check your surroundings, and discover three things.
First, the Trainbot 6000 is gone. It must have suddenly dropped you.
Second, you landed on a railroad track and a steam locomotive is headed straight for you! Uh-oh! You don't have much time, so you'd better answer this IMPORTANT QUESTION, and fast!
1. What was the third thing you discovered?
Pinary:
Had you heeded the warnings of your teachers in the past-future, you would've known better than to attempt temporal repositioning without wearing protection! Alas, you forgot to wear your timeline-securing puffy vest, and now you risk infecting the timeline with a semistable temporal disaster!
Peeking out the window, you discover just how serious this could be- you recognize the train rushing headlong towards you as your own grandmother! If only you had some- wait, hang on. Is that.. yes! The Romans! And they've brought something with them!
But... wait.
1. What do the Romans have?
2. What are they doing with it?!
3. What do they want with your beloved Grams?!?!
Ixcaliber:
Of course, it all makes sense now; how your parents used to tell you that Señor Saguaro is your cousin, why he was always there at family reunions driving go-karts around in circles and speaking obscure and dead languages. Actually that last part still doesn't make sense...
You are quickly disturbed from your reverie by a shout from Rico Ricardo.
1. How did Rico travel back to 1887?
2. What did he shout at you?
3. How is Señor Seguaro taking the news that he is your cousin?
4. YOU ARE ABOUT TO CRASH INTO YOUR GRANDMOTHER WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?
Dragon Fogel:
"TERRENCE!" Rico shouts at you. "I USED MY FLYING TIMESTEAMBOAT TO COME BACK HERE AND MAKE RICHES WITH DOC BROWN!"
"THAT'S NEAT," you shout back, "BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THAT IS AND I'M HURTLING UNCONTROLLABLY TOWARDS MY GRANDMOTHER AND MY COUSIN IS CRYING IN THE CORNER SUICIDALLY AND WILL BE OF NO HELP WHATSOEVER!"
"FEAR NOT, MY LOVE!" Rico shouts. "I WILL SAVE YOU!"
You look embarrassed. If Señor Saguaro weren't busy being suicidal at discovering his blood relationship to his arch-nemesis, he'd probably laugh at you.
You are now Rico Ricardo and you are doing a barrel roll in your flying timesteamboat to save your long-lost love Terrence Gilligan, alias the Apiarist, also-alias Cyrus Ayloud though you don't know that last part yet. You also don't know that he's really not that into you any more.
Anyways, while you're barrel-rolling between the trains to somehow stop the crash, you have some important questions to answer.
1. What gift did you bring for Terrence to show that you still care?
2. What is your business plan that you came to show Doc Brown?
3. Wait, wretched? Who dares call your flying timesteamboat wretched?!?! You shall crush them!