Re: Mini-Grand 5101 [Round 3: Xilyon Odyssey]
09-20-2011, 11:29 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by BlastYoBoots.
Wow, an actual landing zone instead of a crowd of people or a pile of shit! How fucking pleasant.
Nathan stood on a hill of gravel, beneath a teal sky oddly streaked with thin lines of yellow and brown. Beyond that, though, everything was hidden beneath a thick layer of fog. It was an old trick VR developers used to hide the world while it was busy loading. Nathan wondered if the game had been too busy throwing every pacing flaw, bad design choice, and unusual bug possible at him to include long load times in the mix, and had only just remembered to pile on such a common deficiency.
As he caught his bearings and examined his ludicrous menagerie of equipment – his VR MG 9 and the Herbage Avenger slung behind his back (clacking together audibly), a massive harpoon gun in his hands, a knife, pistol, and anti-magic grenade at his belt, a bag of god knows what that had hit him before the round change at his feet – Nathan took a moment to ponder the change in his surroundings.
Cyber-guy was about to hit me, so the bird must have bit it somehow. Maybe it was a scripted failsafe to keep me from... wait, no, the whole premise of this demo was that I might die early and not get to see the rest of this stupid game. How was the bird in danger, anyway?! Maybe that dragon was chasing it or...
"You know what? Fuck this."
Nathan went into liveblogging mode, as he sometimes did to practice before a cast. "The Xilyon Odyssey demo has been a confusing run-around over recycled landscapes that have been retouched brilliantly, in an inspiring effort to tell absolutely no story whatsoever."
Nathan kicked the magic bag, something rolling out of it maybe. He didn't quite care.
"I have been pushed around through the most well-simulated excrement I could ever have imagined. And I mean that literally, too; I can still smell some of the horseshit lingering on my neck."
The fog was gradually lifting, a city slowly coming to life beneath three brilliant suns. Yawn.
"At least they unlocked the alcohol. Getting me buzzed is the only thing this game has done that was at all worth the hour or two of such disappointing, irritating gameplay."
An incredibly large structure was gradually coming into view in the distance.
"Sorry, fans, but I've had more than enough. If you'd been in my shoes, you would have left much earlier; probably around getting a faceful of shit. I have had more of Xilyon Odyssey than I can stomach, and I am getting out of here. System Override, Ex-wuh?"
A Mana Temple. It was a fucking Mana Temple.
Right there, in his face, probably only a mile in the distance. A twisting, cone-like structure of jade-gilded sapphire, piercing the sky with a golden symbol of magic and Xilyon Odyssey has a god-damned MANA TEMPLE in it!
"You picked up the Battle Mages franchise. That rumor was years ago. I thought it was stupid. I called out the rumor as stupid to all my fans. You've been working on a Battle Mages game, you magnificent sons of bitches."
On cue, some subtle background music sprung to life. A stereotypical British-sounding female announcer talked into his surroundings: "Welcome to Battle Mages: Xilyon Odyssey."
Nathan must have looked rather stupid to an outside observer then, hunched over and eyes wide with an expression of stunned euphoria adorning his dirt-coated face. Which is why he jumped as he was shocked to self-consciousness by a much louder and more familiar announcer:
"Nathan Xander, where the hell have you been?"
Harry Snodgrass, CEO of Matrix VR-ware, was speaking to him through the in-sphere PA system. Sounds spoken into it from outside were duplicated digitally, in the game world, to get around the noise-canceling VR spheres employed while in-game.
"You don't sound all that good, Mister Snodgrass. I think I've been going through some shitty test levels you built in or something. Why didn't you contact me sooner?"
"Listen Xander, who the fuck cares. Just do the emergency exit code and get out of there before everyone has a heart attack."
Wait, what? "Why should I leave just when I got to the good part?!"
"Look, we'll give you full testing access, game footage, whatever the hell else you want, just get out, now!"
When the head of one of the most powerful gaming companies on earth is yelling at you, you tend to listen. "Dammit... I expect you to hold up your end of the bargain. System Override, Exit Code Zero."
Nathan, holding his thumb high in the air, had just spoken the government-mandated VR exit code. All VR spheres had to include this code in their very firmware, by law, redundantly recognizing both the audio and physical portions of it as a guaranteed shutdown command. The physical gesture, in fact, had gone memetic long since VR had proliferated, used all over the world as a symbol of leaving or request thereof. Either action – speaking/subvocalizing the command or holding the gesture up continuously – would absolutely ensure exit from a simulation within five seconds.
Of course, that didn't happen. Instead, a floating, translucent-blue UI box appeared, alerting Nathan to an error in an unsettlingly garbled fashion.
"Uhm... guys? You seeing this?"
"Yeah, we can see everything around you, if only that. God, I was hoping that wasn't the case."
"Hoping wh-... Christ, you knew this could happen?! Do you realize how much I could sue you up and down for this?"
"Mister Xander?"
"Who is it now?"
"Hello, Nathan. This is Chip Dalson, from Dalson & Butterworth firms."
Uh oh. "Oh, uh, Chip! Didn't expect you here so... quickly." My firm's already here?! This is some serious shit. What happened while I was in the first two rounds?
"Yes, I'm here to suggest that you do everything Mister Snodgrass recommends. We'll focus on the letter of the law later, but your safety may be at risk at the moment."
"Whoa, okay, I'm listening."
"Hold on, Xander, let me get my chief software engineer on the line. He'll know a lot more about this than I do."
As Nathan waited and worried, the game's main startup process began in earnest. Dark green battle armor began to materialize around him, a helmet giving him a large plastic visor that increased contrast both ways, serving to make his face even more visible for any teammates. The large, glowing text "nateXtrem" – read straight from his identity implant – adorned the front and back of his vest for the same purpose. Any items on his person that didn't register as clothing or attached to his body, like the ones at his belt or his GDC pin, were automatically detached and floated to the ground.
"Let's check my loadout..."
A menu had automatically appeared in front of him as his armor finalized, allowing him to select and view his skillset. For this demo scenario, he was apparently level 28, with medals for battles he would have supposedly won in the parts of the campaign preceding this, plus achievements for having played some of the game's predecessors. In a gesture obviously fitted specifically to him, they had given Nathan his typical capture point / urban combat spell loadout from the previous game, a hybrid between the Fire and Arcane branches of magic with a little bit of Force mixed in for utility. In practice, this mixed high stopping power and damage output with the ability to create cover and obstacles, or trick and trap opponents if he had a little knowledge of the environment. There were a couple of new spells in the mix, of course; Nathan, momentarily forgetting that he was supposed to be worried, couldn't wait to try them out. Maybe on a certain friendly cyborg.
"Nathan, is that you? This is Kyle Donovan."
"Kyle 'Cainwrex' Donovan? Dude, I haven't heard from you in ages!"
"That's because you couldn't, Nate. I was barred from getting anywhere near you the instant we started this top-secret stuff."
"Oh come on, we had one fling and they think you'll spill the beans?"
"The same went for the rest of my dev team, Nate. And trust me, they know how convincing you can be."
"Kyle, to the point!"
"Oh believe me, I know, just double-checking that this was really Nathan." Huh? "Anyway, Nate, you could be in some serious shit here. We have reason to believe that you've been operating without HN safeguards this entire time."
"Whoa! All of them, disabled?!"
"That's what we're trying to find out. Now, I want you to lift your visor, grab a pebble from the ground, and swallow it."
"Um, what."
"Mister Xander, if you would."
"Ah, right. Lawyers." Nathan complied, a small one going down his throat.
"It's not appearing in your right hand again, is it? Shit."
"Alright, so the game's letting me eat inedible stuff without spitting it back out. What does that mean?"
"It means you've just entered a fucking warzone, Nathan. It means that if you get hit with a bullet head-on, the hardlight-nanomesh in that VR station is going to shove an HN bullet hole through your body. For all intents and purposes, this is real."
"Ohhh. Well, is that all? Heh heh." SHIT SHIT SHIT. Nathan suddenly recalled a couple of close calls he'd had in the past hour or two, and how they'd apparently been one hell of a lot closer than he'd thought. "Now, come to think of it, would you tell me why you haven't just pulled the plug?"
"Well, you don't understand what's going on out here, Nate. This is some weird sci-fi shit going down. We already-" "Kyle." "...alright, I can't tell you everything, but let's just say that there's nothing we can safely do from out here. Now, stay frosty, and tell me what's happened to you so far. I mean, is that a harpoon gun next to you?! And what's with the old Nerf thing?"
"Well, tee-ell-dee-arr, this is the third 'round' I've been shoved into. First the Titanic, then some odd shit with a wizard. There's been some shitty synthesized announcer during the transitions, saying there were three other contestants, and I think one's gotten killed each round. The last one left is some cyborg or such."
"Is that who 'Deathwing' is?"
"Ah, so you do know him! Was he supposed to be a boss or something?"
"No no, this is the first I've heard of him. He's listed as another VR player, on the opposing side."
"He can't be scanned in, he has prehensile wings! And I thought you guys didn't have multiplayer working?"
"We don't. Listen, this is some goddamn supernatural hacking going on here, I can't fucking explain it. I don't know if someone's trying to kill you or something, but they're certainly having fun with it."
In an instant, everything clicked.
"The announcer. That goddamn 14-year-old kid with his voice run through a synthesizer. He mentioned opening a 'file' before this round, he's a fucking script kiddie trying to get me killed at a game for kicks!"
Nathan was furious.
"Well, I'm going to give that cyborg AI substitute or whatever the fuck of his a run for its money."
Off mic, Kyle and Harry were arguing. "So we just aren't going to tell him? Your fucking haunted VR station is on without any power plugged in. The HN-piercing cameras in there show nobody's actually in it, and that Nathan's being fucking HN-simulated. We're just gonna keep him in the dark about all this?"
"Listen, Kyle. I've seen Nathan Xander play. This scenario is built to kill him if he does nothing; he'll last the longest if he's serious, with as few distractions as legally necessary."
-- "One more thing, Mister Snodgrass. As my last will, I want all footage of this multicast. Deal?" --
"...Deal."
Wow, an actual landing zone instead of a crowd of people or a pile of shit! How fucking pleasant.
Nathan stood on a hill of gravel, beneath a teal sky oddly streaked with thin lines of yellow and brown. Beyond that, though, everything was hidden beneath a thick layer of fog. It was an old trick VR developers used to hide the world while it was busy loading. Nathan wondered if the game had been too busy throwing every pacing flaw, bad design choice, and unusual bug possible at him to include long load times in the mix, and had only just remembered to pile on such a common deficiency.
As he caught his bearings and examined his ludicrous menagerie of equipment – his VR MG 9 and the Herbage Avenger slung behind his back (clacking together audibly), a massive harpoon gun in his hands, a knife, pistol, and anti-magic grenade at his belt, a bag of god knows what that had hit him before the round change at his feet – Nathan took a moment to ponder the change in his surroundings.
Cyber-guy was about to hit me, so the bird must have bit it somehow. Maybe it was a scripted failsafe to keep me from... wait, no, the whole premise of this demo was that I might die early and not get to see the rest of this stupid game. How was the bird in danger, anyway?! Maybe that dragon was chasing it or...
"You know what? Fuck this."
Nathan went into liveblogging mode, as he sometimes did to practice before a cast. "The Xilyon Odyssey demo has been a confusing run-around over recycled landscapes that have been retouched brilliantly, in an inspiring effort to tell absolutely no story whatsoever."
Nathan kicked the magic bag, something rolling out of it maybe. He didn't quite care.
"I have been pushed around through the most well-simulated excrement I could ever have imagined. And I mean that literally, too; I can still smell some of the horseshit lingering on my neck."
The fog was gradually lifting, a city slowly coming to life beneath three brilliant suns. Yawn.
"At least they unlocked the alcohol. Getting me buzzed is the only thing this game has done that was at all worth the hour or two of such disappointing, irritating gameplay."
An incredibly large structure was gradually coming into view in the distance.
"Sorry, fans, but I've had more than enough. If you'd been in my shoes, you would have left much earlier; probably around getting a faceful of shit. I have had more of Xilyon Odyssey than I can stomach, and I am getting out of here. System Override, Ex-wuh?"
A Mana Temple. It was a fucking Mana Temple.
Right there, in his face, probably only a mile in the distance. A twisting, cone-like structure of jade-gilded sapphire, piercing the sky with a golden symbol of magic and Xilyon Odyssey has a god-damned MANA TEMPLE in it!
"You picked up the Battle Mages franchise. That rumor was years ago. I thought it was stupid. I called out the rumor as stupid to all my fans. You've been working on a Battle Mages game, you magnificent sons of bitches."
On cue, some subtle background music sprung to life. A stereotypical British-sounding female announcer talked into his surroundings: "Welcome to Battle Mages: Xilyon Odyssey."
Nathan must have looked rather stupid to an outside observer then, hunched over and eyes wide with an expression of stunned euphoria adorning his dirt-coated face. Which is why he jumped as he was shocked to self-consciousness by a much louder and more familiar announcer:
"Nathan Xander, where the hell have you been?"
Harry Snodgrass, CEO of Matrix VR-ware, was speaking to him through the in-sphere PA system. Sounds spoken into it from outside were duplicated digitally, in the game world, to get around the noise-canceling VR spheres employed while in-game.
"You don't sound all that good, Mister Snodgrass. I think I've been going through some shitty test levels you built in or something. Why didn't you contact me sooner?"
"Listen Xander, who the fuck cares. Just do the emergency exit code and get out of there before everyone has a heart attack."
Wait, what? "Why should I leave just when I got to the good part?!"
"Look, we'll give you full testing access, game footage, whatever the hell else you want, just get out, now!"
When the head of one of the most powerful gaming companies on earth is yelling at you, you tend to listen. "Dammit... I expect you to hold up your end of the bargain. System Override, Exit Code Zero."
Nathan, holding his thumb high in the air, had just spoken the government-mandated VR exit code. All VR spheres had to include this code in their very firmware, by law, redundantly recognizing both the audio and physical portions of it as a guaranteed shutdown command. The physical gesture, in fact, had gone memetic long since VR had proliferated, used all over the world as a symbol of leaving or request thereof. Either action – speaking/subvocalizing the command or holding the gesture up continuously – would absolutely ensure exit from a simulation within five seconds.
Of course, that didn't happen. Instead, a floating, translucent-blue UI box appeared, alerting Nathan to an error in an unsettlingly garbled fashion.
"Uhm... guys? You seeing this?"
"Yeah, we can see everything around you, if only that. God, I was hoping that wasn't the case."
"Hoping wh-... Christ, you knew this could happen?! Do you realize how much I could sue you up and down for this?"
"Mister Xander?"
"Who is it now?"
"Hello, Nathan. This is Chip Dalson, from Dalson & Butterworth firms."
Uh oh. "Oh, uh, Chip! Didn't expect you here so... quickly." My firm's already here?! This is some serious shit. What happened while I was in the first two rounds?
"Yes, I'm here to suggest that you do everything Mister Snodgrass recommends. We'll focus on the letter of the law later, but your safety may be at risk at the moment."
"Whoa, okay, I'm listening."
"Hold on, Xander, let me get my chief software engineer on the line. He'll know a lot more about this than I do."
As Nathan waited and worried, the game's main startup process began in earnest. Dark green battle armor began to materialize around him, a helmet giving him a large plastic visor that increased contrast both ways, serving to make his face even more visible for any teammates. The large, glowing text "nateXtrem" – read straight from his identity implant – adorned the front and back of his vest for the same purpose. Any items on his person that didn't register as clothing or attached to his body, like the ones at his belt or his GDC pin, were automatically detached and floated to the ground.
"Let's check my loadout..."
A menu had automatically appeared in front of him as his armor finalized, allowing him to select and view his skillset. For this demo scenario, he was apparently level 28, with medals for battles he would have supposedly won in the parts of the campaign preceding this, plus achievements for having played some of the game's predecessors. In a gesture obviously fitted specifically to him, they had given Nathan his typical capture point / urban combat spell loadout from the previous game, a hybrid between the Fire and Arcane branches of magic with a little bit of Force mixed in for utility. In practice, this mixed high stopping power and damage output with the ability to create cover and obstacles, or trick and trap opponents if he had a little knowledge of the environment. There were a couple of new spells in the mix, of course; Nathan, momentarily forgetting that he was supposed to be worried, couldn't wait to try them out. Maybe on a certain friendly cyborg.
"Nathan, is that you? This is Kyle Donovan."
"Kyle 'Cainwrex' Donovan? Dude, I haven't heard from you in ages!"
"That's because you couldn't, Nate. I was barred from getting anywhere near you the instant we started this top-secret stuff."
"Oh come on, we had one fling and they think you'll spill the beans?"
"The same went for the rest of my dev team, Nate. And trust me, they know how convincing you can be."
"Kyle, to the point!"
"Oh believe me, I know, just double-checking that this was really Nathan." Huh? "Anyway, Nate, you could be in some serious shit here. We have reason to believe that you've been operating without HN safeguards this entire time."
"Whoa! All of them, disabled?!"
"That's what we're trying to find out. Now, I want you to lift your visor, grab a pebble from the ground, and swallow it."
"Um, what."
"Mister Xander, if you would."
"Ah, right. Lawyers." Nathan complied, a small one going down his throat.
"It's not appearing in your right hand again, is it? Shit."
"Alright, so the game's letting me eat inedible stuff without spitting it back out. What does that mean?"
"It means you've just entered a fucking warzone, Nathan. It means that if you get hit with a bullet head-on, the hardlight-nanomesh in that VR station is going to shove an HN bullet hole through your body. For all intents and purposes, this is real."
"Ohhh. Well, is that all? Heh heh." SHIT SHIT SHIT. Nathan suddenly recalled a couple of close calls he'd had in the past hour or two, and how they'd apparently been one hell of a lot closer than he'd thought. "Now, come to think of it, would you tell me why you haven't just pulled the plug?"
"Well, you don't understand what's going on out here, Nate. This is some weird sci-fi shit going down. We already-" "Kyle." "...alright, I can't tell you everything, but let's just say that there's nothing we can safely do from out here. Now, stay frosty, and tell me what's happened to you so far. I mean, is that a harpoon gun next to you?! And what's with the old Nerf thing?"
"Well, tee-ell-dee-arr, this is the third 'round' I've been shoved into. First the Titanic, then some odd shit with a wizard. There's been some shitty synthesized announcer during the transitions, saying there were three other contestants, and I think one's gotten killed each round. The last one left is some cyborg or such."
"Is that who 'Deathwing' is?"
"Ah, so you do know him! Was he supposed to be a boss or something?"
"No no, this is the first I've heard of him. He's listed as another VR player, on the opposing side."
"He can't be scanned in, he has prehensile wings! And I thought you guys didn't have multiplayer working?"
"We don't. Listen, this is some goddamn supernatural hacking going on here, I can't fucking explain it. I don't know if someone's trying to kill you or something, but they're certainly having fun with it."
In an instant, everything clicked.
"The announcer. That goddamn 14-year-old kid with his voice run through a synthesizer. He mentioned opening a 'file' before this round, he's a fucking script kiddie trying to get me killed at a game for kicks!"
Nathan was furious.
"Well, I'm going to give that cyborg AI substitute or whatever the fuck of his a run for its money."
Off mic, Kyle and Harry were arguing. "So we just aren't going to tell him? Your fucking haunted VR station is on without any power plugged in. The HN-piercing cameras in there show nobody's actually in it, and that Nathan's being fucking HN-simulated. We're just gonna keep him in the dark about all this?"
"Listen, Kyle. I've seen Nathan Xander play. This scenario is built to kill him if he does nothing; he'll last the longest if he's serious, with as few distractions as legally necessary."
-- "One more thing, Mister Snodgrass. As my last will, I want all footage of this multicast. Deal?" --
"...Deal."