Re: Mini-Grand 5101 [Round 2: Medieval Village]
08-02-2011, 01:39 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by BlastYoBoots.
And then he found some. From an odd place, too: his heart.
"I think I know how you feel, cyber-guy." "FUCK YOU-" "Yeah, yeah, fuck you too. Shut up and listen."
"I'm betting you've had one fucking bitch of a day. Upstaged, kicked around, blindsided by boys and birds and generally fucked around with. You're used to shitting in life's face, and suddenly it's shitting back and you'd sleep with its mother to get back at it but you can't. You just fucking can't and it makes you want to tear someone's fucking skin off. I'm right, aren't I?" "Stand aside, sorcerer, I must-" "YEAH YEAH WE'LL FUCKING GET TO YOU PRETTY BOY. Now where was I? Oh yeah, you want to cut life's dick off. You don't deserve this. You feel like life deserves this shoved back up its ass as far as your goddamn arm can reach. Am I right?"
Deathwing calmed... slightly. "...Yeah. Damn right."
"Me too. You know what I call days like this?"
"What?"
"Tuesdays. Now fuck you, you're a lamb."
"...What are yo-" "PERSONATUS AGNELLO!"
And then Deathwing was a lamb, writhing and 'baa'-ing angrily where the side of his head and a rear hoof stuck out of the square hay bale. This scared away the remaining villagers not frightened off by Nathan's shotgun; nobody was foolish enough to stick around when Berlin pulled out his livestock spells.
"Fuck you very much. Now on to you," he continued, shoving an accusatory finger in Sir Kaiden's face. "You prissy rich asshole. I know your fucking type. That's the Aegis of Athena right there, isn't it? Who taught you how to fucking aim that shit, the cross-eyed shit-shoveler who cleans up your daddy's castle after he's done fucking every whore in Wessex?"
"You IMPUDENT KNAVE!" Sir Kaiden hefted his sword for a strike, but Berlin blocked the hilt with his staff before whacking him on the forehead with it. "Ah, the angry type. I'm a hundred and fucking forty years old, you young dipshit. How much fucking honor is there in putting a sword through me, huh? You're a joy-riding jackass in a borrowed suit. I'm going to call your mother. And maybe fuck her too, while I'm at it."
"Bastard," Kaiden spat. "You've heaved your last foul breath. JUSTICE FL-AUGH!"
Sir Kaiden was interrupted by a massive air bullet to the face, knocking him and his armor between a couple of nearby buildings. Kekarie rushed after the knight, but recognized the wizard from its captor's lengthy descriptions. The giant bird desperately tried to slow its course, gesturing and cawing to the blue-clad Berlin, but with no justifiable impediments to its orders it had no choice but to continue.
Berlin, worked up by a rather successful bout of bitching, decided to indulge his curiosity. He strolled over to Nathan, who was busy lugging his harpoon gun over to the hay bale for a final blow. "I think birdbrain is trying to tell me something. You take care of things here, I'm going after the giant crowing asshole and the bird following him."
Nathan obliged. Berlin trudged away behind some buildings, as Nate strode up to Deathwing.
"You know what," he began to regale the bale-trapped animal. "As shitty as this game is, you have a certain charm." He snapped a picture of him with his pin. "You're pretty stereotypical villain material, but there's just a bent to it. Like you know exactly what you are, and love it. Not often you see foes so well designed." He raised his harpoon gun to where it looked like the lamb's body would be, and – failing that – to Deathwing's half-exposed head. "Real pity you're going out this stupid way. In fact, if I'd designed things, this'd be a psyche-"
Nathan was interrupted by a massive explosion.
When he shook himself up, Nate grabbed the Herbage Avenger from his back and darted his eyes around. His harpoon gun was yards behind him, and straw rained down on his surroundings. And Deathwing was...
Deathwing was still a lamb, now with its wool mostly singed off or blown on its end. However, his hay prison had hidden his robotic arms, eye, wings, and glowing chest, still full-size and dangerously functional.
Nathan squeezed the trigger of the Herbage Avenger, only for it to emit a disappointing puff of smoke. Empty!
Deathlamb lurched towards Nathan on mismatched limbs, snarling and frothing madly. Nathan ran so fast he forgot to take a photo.
And then he found some. From an odd place, too: his heart.
"I think I know how you feel, cyber-guy." "FUCK YOU-" "Yeah, yeah, fuck you too. Shut up and listen."
"I'm betting you've had one fucking bitch of a day. Upstaged, kicked around, blindsided by boys and birds and generally fucked around with. You're used to shitting in life's face, and suddenly it's shitting back and you'd sleep with its mother to get back at it but you can't. You just fucking can't and it makes you want to tear someone's fucking skin off. I'm right, aren't I?" "Stand aside, sorcerer, I must-" "YEAH YEAH WE'LL FUCKING GET TO YOU PRETTY BOY. Now where was I? Oh yeah, you want to cut life's dick off. You don't deserve this. You feel like life deserves this shoved back up its ass as far as your goddamn arm can reach. Am I right?"
Deathwing calmed... slightly. "...Yeah. Damn right."
"Me too. You know what I call days like this?"
"What?"
"Tuesdays. Now fuck you, you're a lamb."
"...What are yo-" "PERSONATUS AGNELLO!"
And then Deathwing was a lamb, writhing and 'baa'-ing angrily where the side of his head and a rear hoof stuck out of the square hay bale. This scared away the remaining villagers not frightened off by Nathan's shotgun; nobody was foolish enough to stick around when Berlin pulled out his livestock spells.
"Fuck you very much. Now on to you," he continued, shoving an accusatory finger in Sir Kaiden's face. "You prissy rich asshole. I know your fucking type. That's the Aegis of Athena right there, isn't it? Who taught you how to fucking aim that shit, the cross-eyed shit-shoveler who cleans up your daddy's castle after he's done fucking every whore in Wessex?"
"You IMPUDENT KNAVE!" Sir Kaiden hefted his sword for a strike, but Berlin blocked the hilt with his staff before whacking him on the forehead with it. "Ah, the angry type. I'm a hundred and fucking forty years old, you young dipshit. How much fucking honor is there in putting a sword through me, huh? You're a joy-riding jackass in a borrowed suit. I'm going to call your mother. And maybe fuck her too, while I'm at it."
"Bastard," Kaiden spat. "You've heaved your last foul breath. JUSTICE FL-AUGH!"
Sir Kaiden was interrupted by a massive air bullet to the face, knocking him and his armor between a couple of nearby buildings. Kekarie rushed after the knight, but recognized the wizard from its captor's lengthy descriptions. The giant bird desperately tried to slow its course, gesturing and cawing to the blue-clad Berlin, but with no justifiable impediments to its orders it had no choice but to continue.
Berlin, worked up by a rather successful bout of bitching, decided to indulge his curiosity. He strolled over to Nathan, who was busy lugging his harpoon gun over to the hay bale for a final blow. "I think birdbrain is trying to tell me something. You take care of things here, I'm going after the giant crowing asshole and the bird following him."
Nathan obliged. Berlin trudged away behind some buildings, as Nate strode up to Deathwing.
"You know what," he began to regale the bale-trapped animal. "As shitty as this game is, you have a certain charm." He snapped a picture of him with his pin. "You're pretty stereotypical villain material, but there's just a bent to it. Like you know exactly what you are, and love it. Not often you see foes so well designed." He raised his harpoon gun to where it looked like the lamb's body would be, and – failing that – to Deathwing's half-exposed head. "Real pity you're going out this stupid way. In fact, if I'd designed things, this'd be a psyche-"
Nathan was interrupted by a massive explosion.
When he shook himself up, Nate grabbed the Herbage Avenger from his back and darted his eyes around. His harpoon gun was yards behind him, and straw rained down on his surroundings. And Deathwing was...
Deathwing was still a lamb, now with its wool mostly singed off or blown on its end. However, his hay prison had hidden his robotic arms, eye, wings, and glowing chest, still full-size and dangerously functional.
Nathan squeezed the trigger of the Herbage Avenger, only for it to emit a disappointing puff of smoke. Empty!
Deathlamb lurched towards Nathan on mismatched limbs, snarling and frothing madly. Nathan ran so fast he forgot to take a photo.