Re: Mini-Grand 5101 [Round 2: Medieval Village]
07-25-2011, 03:41 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by BlastYoBoots.
"...So what the hell is it?"
Nathan held up what looked like a gaudy shotgun-shaped Super Soaker with a bundle of straw stuffed into the open tank. The words "HERBAGE AVENGER" were scrawled across its flank in bright purple marker.
"No fucking clue. All I remember is it's dangerous, stupid, magic as all hell, and I've been trying to get rid of it for decades."
"So is it loade-" "DON'T fucking pull the trigger in here, goddamnit! I keep the dragon suppressed for thirteen years straight and you're just raring to... ah fuck it. Listen, you use the underside pump to reload, and no, before you ask, I don't know what the fuck it reloads with. Straw I'd guess, from the look of it."
"Also..." Berlin dipped what looked like some sort of grenade casing into his orange anti-dragon brew. Filled, he took a dropper to another cauldron and dripped something green into the grenade, causing a puff of purple smoke that somehow smelled nastier than anything else Nate'd smelled today. "Here's a subversum 'nade. Like pepper spray to anything inherently magic. If you ever run into her, use that and run."
Berlin screwed together and tossed him the grenade. "Who's 'her'?"
"A batshit crazy bitch, that's who. Trust me, you'll know her when you fucking see her. Don't even try to fight, you'll get boiled alive." Berlin suppressed a shudder, answering exactly zero of the questions spinning in Nathan's head. "Oh yeah, and one more thing." Berlin grabbed his staff: "IRIDES AERUGINOSUS!"
In a puff of smoke, Nathan was rammed through the flimsy side door, sending it flying from its hinges. He skid across the dirt painfully, then got up and stormed towards the underdressed wizard. "What the fuck was that for?"
"Blue eyes! About forty-five minutes' worth, I'm not that good at these color spells. Not that it makes you much less conspicuous, heh heh."
"...Fair enough." Prick. "So what's the deal, you give me these weapons, and I..."
"Deal with the cyborg and stay the fuck away from my house. I've spent pretty much an entire week in bed and SO HELP ME GOD I'm going to spend the next fucking week that way too. Got it?"
With some difficulty, Berlin hefted Nate's harpoon gun to him from inside, lobbing it the last yard and knocking him into the dirt again. He shouted a spell that materialized a white, 1970's-style front door to replace his side entrance, then loudly slammed it shut in Nathan's face.
Such a prick.
Nathan, neither knowing where to go nor how to do so inconspicuously, deigned to slink stealthily in the shade between houses in no particular direction, avoiding torchlight from wandering villagers. Berlin, satisfied at an obstacle to his relaxation dealt with, went upstairs to his bedroom and put on a VHS of Baywatch.
Minutes later, an errant reflected orb of destructive energy sailed into his second-story roof, exposing the outside world to an endless tirade of filthy, frustrated curses.
"...So what the hell is it?"
Nathan held up what looked like a gaudy shotgun-shaped Super Soaker with a bundle of straw stuffed into the open tank. The words "HERBAGE AVENGER" were scrawled across its flank in bright purple marker.
"No fucking clue. All I remember is it's dangerous, stupid, magic as all hell, and I've been trying to get rid of it for decades."
"So is it loade-" "DON'T fucking pull the trigger in here, goddamnit! I keep the dragon suppressed for thirteen years straight and you're just raring to... ah fuck it. Listen, you use the underside pump to reload, and no, before you ask, I don't know what the fuck it reloads with. Straw I'd guess, from the look of it."
"Also..." Berlin dipped what looked like some sort of grenade casing into his orange anti-dragon brew. Filled, he took a dropper to another cauldron and dripped something green into the grenade, causing a puff of purple smoke that somehow smelled nastier than anything else Nate'd smelled today. "Here's a subversum 'nade. Like pepper spray to anything inherently magic. If you ever run into her, use that and run."
Berlin screwed together and tossed him the grenade. "Who's 'her'?"
"A batshit crazy bitch, that's who. Trust me, you'll know her when you fucking see her. Don't even try to fight, you'll get boiled alive." Berlin suppressed a shudder, answering exactly zero of the questions spinning in Nathan's head. "Oh yeah, and one more thing." Berlin grabbed his staff: "IRIDES AERUGINOSUS!"
In a puff of smoke, Nathan was rammed through the flimsy side door, sending it flying from its hinges. He skid across the dirt painfully, then got up and stormed towards the underdressed wizard. "What the fuck was that for?"
"Blue eyes! About forty-five minutes' worth, I'm not that good at these color spells. Not that it makes you much less conspicuous, heh heh."
"...Fair enough." Prick. "So what's the deal, you give me these weapons, and I..."
"Deal with the cyborg and stay the fuck away from my house. I've spent pretty much an entire week in bed and SO HELP ME GOD I'm going to spend the next fucking week that way too. Got it?"
With some difficulty, Berlin hefted Nate's harpoon gun to him from inside, lobbing it the last yard and knocking him into the dirt again. He shouted a spell that materialized a white, 1970's-style front door to replace his side entrance, then loudly slammed it shut in Nathan's face.
Such a prick.
Nathan, neither knowing where to go nor how to do so inconspicuously, deigned to slink stealthily in the shade between houses in no particular direction, avoiding torchlight from wandering villagers. Berlin, satisfied at an obstacle to his relaxation dealt with, went upstairs to his bedroom and put on a VHS of Baywatch.
Minutes later, an errant reflected orb of destructive energy sailed into his second-story roof, exposing the outside world to an endless tirade of filthy, frustrated curses.