Re: The Battle Majestic (Round 4 - Magpie Skies)
01-23-2013, 01:11 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by Not The Author.
When you sign up to be a time traveling mercenary-assassin, you usually don’t think about the downsides. Partly, that’s because you’re probably young and excitable and not yet worldly enough to know to think about them (that’s how they get you, after all), but partly it’s that when you do think of them, violent death and becoming stranded in an uncivilized era tend to blot out the others.
One of the most rarely noticed is the loss of wonder one has for the workings of the universe. When bombarded with a constant stream of bizarre circumstances most would relegate to fantasy or heavy drug use, and then told, generally, to steal, destroy, or kill everything in sight, one’s worldview tends to skew a little.
"Ahhh, yesss, you..."
Thus, while he rode a boat chained to a cloud and driven by fifty men on wing-oars, away from a city carved from a cloud and surrounded by a golden sphere of magical plasma that was both a shield against invaders and apparently the sun? Jacob just gazed over the railing wondering why they couldn’t go any faster.
"Many things in ssstore for you, yes."
Strictly speaking, he could boost the engines, but without an external source of energy, he’d burn through his reserves a lot faster than he’d like. It’d be easier to just tunnel to his destination once they were closer. ...As though he had a destination in mind. Or a plan. Although, if he could figure out-
"Good things, some. Mostly not."
Jacob realized with a start that he was being talked at. He turned to look-
"But you... yesss, you shall overcome all trials set bef-"
"Oh for the love of- no."
It was the old seer or whatever from the tavern. Naturally.
"But you-"
"Are busy."
"-have-"
"No time for this."
"-a great-"
"I swear to god, say destiny ahead of you next and I'll kick you overboard."
The old man grumbled and dropped into a sit beside the swordsman. "Jussst trying to do my job. Hard enough finding sssomeone ssstrong enough-"
"And for the love of Christ will you drop that fake lisp."
"...strong enough to kill the Moonlight Queen. Let alone willing. Let alone prophesized."
Jacob tapped a foot irritably, but the conversation was a welcome distraction. "Well I'm definitely not willing, and your prophecies couldn’t possibly have me in them. Wrong universe for that."
"Unknown, unnamed not-quite-knight, farther than far from home? Short of limb, long of years, out of place wherever they go? That’sss- aheh, that’s not you?"
The conversation ceased being a welcome distraction. Jacob glared sullenly off into the distance, grumbling something about his limbs being of at least average length, thank you.
"That’sss not what I meant and you know it."
"Quiet. You're being purposefully vague. Could be talking about anyone."
The pair fell into silence again. Jacob listened to the muffled drone of the engines, trying to let his mind drift back to the bat-
The, um... Huh. Fucker works quickly. Okay, change of plans.
"...Is the Midnight Queen’s castle the big, spooky grey one, by any chance? Over on that stormcloud?"
"Tch! You're being vague! Could be- ow!" The old seer rubbed his head, grumbling. "Alright, alright..."
He squinted towards the indicated bastion. Looked bigger than he remembered. Closer, too, and there was something... odd, but... "Yes, that’s the one. What of it?"
"You humor me, I might humor you. I’m not a huge fan of fate, but if it’ll happen, it’ll happen, right?"
"That’s not exssactly how-"
"Just shut up and tell me the fastest way to get there."
***
Eryntse had been captured again.
She’d not been particularly difficult to track down – she might’ve managed a passable knightly disguise, if she hadn’t kept standing too close to people and telling them not to throw her back in prison. They had decided, thankfully, to not do that, and were instead sending her on a special mission with her jailfriend! Yaaaaay!
"What we’re going to do," Three patiently explained, "is load you into that metal case," he pointed, "and load that into the cannon," he pointed, "and launch you over to that castle," he pointed, "at which you and your psychopath buddy are going to track down the Moonlight Queen and kill her."
Wasn’t it exciting! Yes! It was! She was totally not terrified by the prospect of having to oh god oh god no this was worse than jail could she just pretty please go back to-
"No."
There was a hiss and a clank and a BOOM and she jumped and lost her nerve and lost her disguise and lost her balance and completely failed to see the dull grey bullet housing Blitz arc gracefully through the air and plow less-gracefully through stone and mortar and the edge of a stained glass window. The knights began cheering and she stood and joined in and only after it’d died away did she think to ask what were they were cheering about? Eryntse had the distinct impression she’d been doing something important, but had forgotten what it was in all the excitement that she didn’t know the purpose for. What was she doing, again?
"Arright boys, load ‘er up."
Oh. Right. Crap.
Six knights hoisted her writhing, uncooperative mass, and unceremoniously dumped her in the metal shell which she was becoming increasingly convinced would be her coffin. Any attempts to escape were met with attempts to pack her back in – they hadn’t even managed to make her coffin big enough! She was going to have some very strong words with the undertaker when she got out.
"D’she ever shu’up?"
"Nope."
"Bloody ‘ell."
There was a shove and a clang and a snap and a muffled dear God it’s heavy and wait crap she was sealed in oh god oh god oh god she was going to suffocate and die and aaaaaaaaaa I’m too young to dieeeee and I never got to feel his scaaaaarf nooooo
"I’she still goin’?"
"Yup."
"Bloody ‘ell."
Aaaaaaaaaa
Aaaaa
Aaaaaaaaaa
Aaaaa gosh, screaming was tiring and if she was going to die (she was going to dieeeee aaaaa) then she may as well put her energy into looking nice for her funeral.
***
"...Think she fainted."
"Bloody finally. I’s getting sick of ‘er yammerin’."
The cannon was loaded and swung ponderously back towards the Grey keep. Steam hissed, gears ground, a guard shouted as he slammed through the doors with a sword through his should
Er.
"Dammit, don’t tell me I missed my ride!"
Three was already drawing his sword as he turned to the interloper: a man half-clad in half-plate, retrieving his own blade even as he... barked out... orders...?
"You two! Escort this one to the infirmary; he’s not in fit condition to be moving on his own. You, send for reinforcements. You should help him if more guards aren’t near, or help these three restrain me if he can manage."
He waltzed over to the cannon's base, looking around expectantly. "C’mon, I don’t have all day. This isn’t even my hundredth time barging into a room full of guards, you all do –"
Three stepped up and swung. The intruder barely bothered to look over as he parried the strike with his right forearm. He sighed, caught the blade under his elbow and twisted over Three, bashing a knight with the hilt of his sword in mid-air. He landed in a crouch, hoisting Three over his back and slamming him into the ground.
"– the same goddamned thing." The man stood, turning to slug another knight mid-ambush.
Someone had gone and taken the knight with the shoulder wound away. Someone had gone for reinforcements. Funny how that worked, thought Three, lunging and missing as the mystery man leapt atop the cannon.
Three clambered up after him, wobbling unsteadily on the fat iron barrel. The intruder smiled – he was enjoying this! – and took a bow. "Jacob Helix, at your service."
Three grit his teeth. "You’re a madman." The Helix man shrugged, lunging. Their blades clashed, and again. Three had to admit, Helix was a challenge. His parries turned their swordplay into a game of cat-and-mouse, daring the old knight to find an opening around his whirling blade. Even the blows that should have hit all seemed to pierce but air.
Nevertheless, he didn’t seem to be pressing the offensive, and the knight drove Helix steadily back towards the lip of the barrel. The latter set a foot onto nothing and nearly lost his balance – but the mistake was made, and Three managed to slip the tip of his blade under the intruder’s chin.
"Right. There’s three ways you’re getting out of this: quietly, on a cot, or in a coffin."
Helix laughed.
He... laughed? This intruder had the gall to laugh after maiming some of Six For Gold's best knights?! ...Not a remarkable accomplishment, all things considered, but still!
"I admire your persistence! Captain of the guard, I take it? Listen, I’d love to see this through, but I just don’t have the time."
Helix swept out a leg and knocked Three from his perch. The old knight landed on his arm, felt the bone snap. He rolled onto his back and just lay there, aching.
The intruder sneered down at him. "I choose option four: getting away with it."
"You..." Three shifted, and pain shot down his side. He coughed, tasted blood. A moment passed as he found his voice. "You won’t get away... There’s... nowhere for you to run. Men...!"
Helix laughed again. "A fine speech from an honorable man! But I’m afraid you’re not the first to make it, and I’ve a friend who’s painstakingly developed what I agree is an excellent counterargument."
Six guards burst onto the battlement, four nocking arrows as they moved to surround the intruder.
"Now, how did it go, again...?"
A valve towards the base of the cannon spun of its own accord.
"Ah, right."
A lever clicked into place.
"Fuck you,"
Jacob stepped off of the cannon.
"And all of your shit."
There was a hiss and a clank and a BOOM
And he was gone.
When you sign up to be a time traveling mercenary-assassin, you usually don’t think about the downsides. Partly, that’s because you’re probably young and excitable and not yet worldly enough to know to think about them (that’s how they get you, after all), but partly it’s that when you do think of them, violent death and becoming stranded in an uncivilized era tend to blot out the others.
One of the most rarely noticed is the loss of wonder one has for the workings of the universe. When bombarded with a constant stream of bizarre circumstances most would relegate to fantasy or heavy drug use, and then told, generally, to steal, destroy, or kill everything in sight, one’s worldview tends to skew a little.
"Ahhh, yesss, you..."
Thus, while he rode a boat chained to a cloud and driven by fifty men on wing-oars, away from a city carved from a cloud and surrounded by a golden sphere of magical plasma that was both a shield against invaders and apparently the sun? Jacob just gazed over the railing wondering why they couldn’t go any faster.
"Many things in ssstore for you, yes."
Strictly speaking, he could boost the engines, but without an external source of energy, he’d burn through his reserves a lot faster than he’d like. It’d be easier to just tunnel to his destination once they were closer. ...As though he had a destination in mind. Or a plan. Although, if he could figure out-
"Good things, some. Mostly not."
Jacob realized with a start that he was being talked at. He turned to look-
"But you... yesss, you shall overcome all trials set bef-"
"Oh for the love of- no."
It was the old seer or whatever from the tavern. Naturally.
"But you-"
"Are busy."
"-have-"
"No time for this."
"-a great-"
"I swear to god, say destiny ahead of you next and I'll kick you overboard."
The old man grumbled and dropped into a sit beside the swordsman. "Jussst trying to do my job. Hard enough finding sssomeone ssstrong enough-"
"And for the love of Christ will you drop that fake lisp."
"...strong enough to kill the Moonlight Queen. Let alone willing. Let alone prophesized."
Jacob tapped a foot irritably, but the conversation was a welcome distraction. "Well I'm definitely not willing, and your prophecies couldn’t possibly have me in them. Wrong universe for that."
"Unknown, unnamed not-quite-knight, farther than far from home? Short of limb, long of years, out of place wherever they go? That’sss- aheh, that’s not you?"
The conversation ceased being a welcome distraction. Jacob glared sullenly off into the distance, grumbling something about his limbs being of at least average length, thank you.
"That’sss not what I meant and you know it."
"Quiet. You're being purposefully vague. Could be talking about anyone."
The pair fell into silence again. Jacob listened to the muffled drone of the engines, trying to let his mind drift back to the bat-
The, um... Huh. Fucker works quickly. Okay, change of plans.
"...Is the Midnight Queen’s castle the big, spooky grey one, by any chance? Over on that stormcloud?"
"Tch! You're being vague! Could be- ow!" The old seer rubbed his head, grumbling. "Alright, alright..."
He squinted towards the indicated bastion. Looked bigger than he remembered. Closer, too, and there was something... odd, but... "Yes, that’s the one. What of it?"
"You humor me, I might humor you. I’m not a huge fan of fate, but if it’ll happen, it’ll happen, right?"
"That’s not exssactly how-"
"Just shut up and tell me the fastest way to get there."
***
Eryntse had been captured again.
She’d not been particularly difficult to track down – she might’ve managed a passable knightly disguise, if she hadn’t kept standing too close to people and telling them not to throw her back in prison. They had decided, thankfully, to not do that, and were instead sending her on a special mission with her jailfriend! Yaaaaay!
"What we’re going to do," Three patiently explained, "is load you into that metal case," he pointed, "and load that into the cannon," he pointed, "and launch you over to that castle," he pointed, "at which you and your psychopath buddy are going to track down the Moonlight Queen and kill her."
Wasn’t it exciting! Yes! It was! She was totally not terrified by the prospect of having to oh god oh god no this was worse than jail could she just pretty please go back to-
"No."
There was a hiss and a clank and a BOOM and she jumped and lost her nerve and lost her disguise and lost her balance and completely failed to see the dull grey bullet housing Blitz arc gracefully through the air and plow less-gracefully through stone and mortar and the edge of a stained glass window. The knights began cheering and she stood and joined in and only after it’d died away did she think to ask what were they were cheering about? Eryntse had the distinct impression she’d been doing something important, but had forgotten what it was in all the excitement that she didn’t know the purpose for. What was she doing, again?
"Arright boys, load ‘er up."
Oh. Right. Crap.
Six knights hoisted her writhing, uncooperative mass, and unceremoniously dumped her in the metal shell which she was becoming increasingly convinced would be her coffin. Any attempts to escape were met with attempts to pack her back in – they hadn’t even managed to make her coffin big enough! She was going to have some very strong words with the undertaker when she got out.
"D’she ever shu’up?"
"Nope."
"Bloody ‘ell."
There was a shove and a clang and a snap and a muffled dear God it’s heavy and wait crap she was sealed in oh god oh god oh god she was going to suffocate and die and aaaaaaaaaa I’m too young to dieeeee and I never got to feel his scaaaaarf nooooo
"I’she still goin’?"
"Yup."
"Bloody ‘ell."
Aaaaaaaaaa
Aaaaa
Aaaaaaaaaa
Aaaaa gosh, screaming was tiring and if she was going to die (she was going to dieeeee aaaaa) then she may as well put her energy into looking nice for her funeral.
***
"...Think she fainted."
"Bloody finally. I’s getting sick of ‘er yammerin’."
The cannon was loaded and swung ponderously back towards the Grey keep. Steam hissed, gears ground, a guard shouted as he slammed through the doors with a sword through his should
Er.
"Dammit, don’t tell me I missed my ride!"
Three was already drawing his sword as he turned to the interloper: a man half-clad in half-plate, retrieving his own blade even as he... barked out... orders...?
"You two! Escort this one to the infirmary; he’s not in fit condition to be moving on his own. You, send for reinforcements. You should help him if more guards aren’t near, or help these three restrain me if he can manage."
He waltzed over to the cannon's base, looking around expectantly. "C’mon, I don’t have all day. This isn’t even my hundredth time barging into a room full of guards, you all do –"
Three stepped up and swung. The intruder barely bothered to look over as he parried the strike with his right forearm. He sighed, caught the blade under his elbow and twisted over Three, bashing a knight with the hilt of his sword in mid-air. He landed in a crouch, hoisting Three over his back and slamming him into the ground.
"– the same goddamned thing." The man stood, turning to slug another knight mid-ambush.
Someone had gone and taken the knight with the shoulder wound away. Someone had gone for reinforcements. Funny how that worked, thought Three, lunging and missing as the mystery man leapt atop the cannon.
Three clambered up after him, wobbling unsteadily on the fat iron barrel. The intruder smiled – he was enjoying this! – and took a bow. "Jacob Helix, at your service."
Three grit his teeth. "You’re a madman." The Helix man shrugged, lunging. Their blades clashed, and again. Three had to admit, Helix was a challenge. His parries turned their swordplay into a game of cat-and-mouse, daring the old knight to find an opening around his whirling blade. Even the blows that should have hit all seemed to pierce but air.
Nevertheless, he didn’t seem to be pressing the offensive, and the knight drove Helix steadily back towards the lip of the barrel. The latter set a foot onto nothing and nearly lost his balance – but the mistake was made, and Three managed to slip the tip of his blade under the intruder’s chin.
"Right. There’s three ways you’re getting out of this: quietly, on a cot, or in a coffin."
Helix laughed.
He... laughed? This intruder had the gall to laugh after maiming some of Six For Gold's best knights?! ...Not a remarkable accomplishment, all things considered, but still!
"I admire your persistence! Captain of the guard, I take it? Listen, I’d love to see this through, but I just don’t have the time."
Helix swept out a leg and knocked Three from his perch. The old knight landed on his arm, felt the bone snap. He rolled onto his back and just lay there, aching.
The intruder sneered down at him. "I choose option four: getting away with it."
"You..." Three shifted, and pain shot down his side. He coughed, tasted blood. A moment passed as he found his voice. "You won’t get away... There’s... nowhere for you to run. Men...!"
Helix laughed again. "A fine speech from an honorable man! But I’m afraid you’re not the first to make it, and I’ve a friend who’s painstakingly developed what I agree is an excellent counterargument."
Six guards burst onto the battlement, four nocking arrows as they moved to surround the intruder.
"Now, how did it go, again...?"
A valve towards the base of the cannon spun of its own accord.
"Ah, right."
A lever clicked into place.
"Fuck you,"
Jacob stepped off of the cannon.
"And all of your shit."
There was a hiss and a clank and a BOOM
And he was gone.