Re: The Savage Brawl [Round 4: Small 50s Town]
07-30-2011, 04:17 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by Not The Author.
The cyborg frowned as the giant spontaneously burst into flame. He wasn’t aware that the giant’s spell had failed, as he had been more intent on the orbs he was making, but he was worried that a tiny part of his psyche he hadn’t known about a few hours ago had just done something he could only describe as ‘a hiccup.’
Uncontrolled dimensional ruptures tend not to be the best places to hang about. Even short-lived ones may have impressively unpleasant side-effects. Most people in close proximity to such a rift might experience violent nausea, spontaneously combust, bleed from every pore in their body at once, or, if they were very lucky, vaporize instantly. Fortunately, Hoss wasn’t at ground-zero, nor did he qualify as ‘most people’ by anyone’s reckoning.
The blast wave flung him a good fifty feet into the air through a brick wall –
He landed hard on something sickly and wet –
Felt something in his brain click in a way it really oughtn’t –
“Oh, good, there you are. I was starting to worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
< A problem has been detected and your senses have been shut down to prevent damage to your conscious. >
***
“I could down a ship with the right spells, but it would take some time.”
Konka Rar and his faithful undead deathgod manservant had taken shelter inside the church. The lich was as near queasy as a robot skeleton could be, but he was pretty sure it was just nerves.
<font color="#BF0000">“Flashy?”
“…Yes, they’d see what I was trying to do and stop me easily. I’d need space and be left vulnerable.”
Then the top of the church had been blown off by rockets from above, and the pair had retreated to the cellar. It seemed fairly sturdy and well-stocked with all sorts of foodstuffs, and even contained hygiene facilities. It seemed designed specifically in case of some sort of long-term invasion, though it hadn’t seen use in a long time if at all.
“Could you infiltrate one…?”
“Possibly, but I wouldn’t know how to enter or operate it once inside. I doubt the occupants are entirely defenseless, either.”
“Hm.”
Several generations of rats had taken up residence there, which had seemed a good idea at the time. Unfortunately, swarms of rats made excellent minions, and the lich was quick to take advantage of their numbers.
“We should probably just wait for the military to show up.”
“If we wait, someone will die and we lose this opportunity. You don’t really know if anyone is coming, anyway.”
A few were out looking for the godling slime, but those were not expected to return soon if at all. Most were busy clawing through the walls, chewing away wires and returning the findings to their master.
“Small town, alien saucers appear and start shooting everything. The army arrives, but only manages to stall the invasion. The day is saved by plucky underdogs. Trust me, that’s how it’s gonna go.”
“I can’t help but notice the ‘shooting everything’ step hasn’t happened yet.”
The lich had dismantled the fuse box and plumbing, collecting smaller odds and ends in an emptied peanut jar and bundling the rest with lengths of electrical cable. Ziir was guarding the entrance, or rather, just guarding. Neither particularly minded the darkness, though the glow from Konka’s eye was mildly unnerving.
“All I’m saying is you should’ve sent some of your rats looking for a small group of ill-equipped citizens. A journalist, his love interest. Angry farmer, war vet. Probably a dog, too.”
“I think I’ve had enough dogs for one round, thank you. What was that?”
The cellar shook, poorly-secured ceiling lamps clattering left and right. The light, thought Ziir, would be flickering right now if the bulbs hadn’t been removed. Dull thumps accompanied each new stream of dust from the roof. Ziir frowned, cloudy eyes screwing up in concern.
“Could be destroying the city, could be the army’s arrival… Could be Walkers.”
The lich perked up at the last comment. “Walkers? Explain.” His companion nodded.
“Basically, giant invincible machines of destruction. Usually tripedal, armed with a whole slew of weaponry. Machine guns, missiles, energy cannons… Depends on when the movie was made, but they’re generally used to show just how screwed the heroes are.”
“Could we hijack a Walker?”
“Easier than a saucer, at least. Hell, we could probably use it as a stepping stone to taking out one of the larger ships.”
“Sounds like a plan. Take point, we have work t-”
Konka Rar was cut off by a particularly loud explosion, coupled with part of the ceiling buckling.
“…Maybe we should just go.”</font>
***
Magic was an inscrutable force, never conforming to consistent rules across universes. In some, it was reserved to gods, delegated to lesser beings through devotion, divine interference, or not at all. Elsewhere, it was a natural force in the world, distorting wildlife, useable by all beings. Sometimes, one needed years of training to utilize spells, or the right genes, or being bitten by some mythological creature or another. Magic didn’t always make sense, as Hoss was learning.
It was the only way he could rationalize a cyborg having a hangover.
“Hey, you’re awake! Nifty. Hand of Silver, right? I’ve heard a lot about you!”
Hoss muttered something incoherent and rolled off his cot, clattering limply on the floor.
“Er. You okay, pal?”
“Shut uuuuuuuuuuppp.”
The metal man stood uncertainly, clutching at his head. A cursory glance told him he was in some sort of infirmary – and that Gormand was somewhere nearby, if the walls made of ground beef were anything to judge by. Beyond that, he wasn’t sure of his surroundings, why there seemed to be an earthquake going on, or hang on was that giant mug of coffee talking
“Oh, yeah! We haven’t been introduced. Jimmy Chase, investigative reporter. I’d offer to shake your hand, but, uh… The saying’s true, I guess, heheh.”
Hoss sat down on the cot, thinking. The giant had done something that wasn’t incinerating everything at all, but all his records of the event were hazy, incomplete. He had planned to see if he could amplify the Von Neumann device to send himself between battlefields, but now…
“Anyway, your friend Gormand’s filled me in on this whole battle thing, but I wanted to get some personal accounts from the other contestants, long term plans, maybe some backstory. It’s all very exciting! Well, to me, anyway.”
…He doubted he’d be able to return to the device this round, and likely wouldn’t have enough time or resources to make another later. Although, if he could convince the others to help him make one to take down the Cultivator… Actually, come to think, he should do that anyway. Maybe he could even find a way to control –
“So what has this battle been like for you? I understand you’re sort of important to killing off this Ekelhaft charack”
“I said. Shut. Up.”
Feeling slightly better, Hoss sat down again, idly wiping the coffee stains from his chassis.
***
“What the fuck.”
“Indeed.”
The air was rife with explosions and flak, aircraft weaving in and out of combat, derelict ships smashing into the ground. The army had indeed arrived, but it was not the army Ziir had expected.
A giant sloppy joe loomed several stories overhead, supported by massive noodle legs thicker than most cars were long. Hovertanks made of burgers and onion rings shot swarms of fry missiles at alien craft, supported by darting jets that seemed to be made primarily of gummies. The motherburger itself was physically knocking saucers from the sky with its limbs, and had apparently managed to tear one in half if the nearby wreckage was any indication.
Konka Rar considered his options, before concluding that alien tech was not the main concern at the moment.
“Take us up.”
The cyborg frowned as the giant spontaneously burst into flame. He wasn’t aware that the giant’s spell had failed, as he had been more intent on the orbs he was making, but he was worried that a tiny part of his psyche he hadn’t known about a few hours ago had just done something he could only describe as ‘a hiccup.’
Uncontrolled dimensional ruptures tend not to be the best places to hang about. Even short-lived ones may have impressively unpleasant side-effects. Most people in close proximity to such a rift might experience violent nausea, spontaneously combust, bleed from every pore in their body at once, or, if they were very lucky, vaporize instantly. Fortunately, Hoss wasn’t at ground-zero, nor did he qualify as ‘most people’ by anyone’s reckoning.
The blast wave flung him a good fifty feet into the air through a brick wall –
He landed hard on something sickly and wet –
Felt something in his brain click in a way it really oughtn’t –
“Oh, good, there you are. I was starting to worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
< A problem has been detected and your senses have been shut down to prevent damage to your conscious. >
***
“I could down a ship with the right spells, but it would take some time.”
Konka Rar and his faithful undead deathgod manservant had taken shelter inside the church. The lich was as near queasy as a robot skeleton could be, but he was pretty sure it was just nerves.
<font color="#BF0000">“Flashy?”
“…Yes, they’d see what I was trying to do and stop me easily. I’d need space and be left vulnerable.”
Then the top of the church had been blown off by rockets from above, and the pair had retreated to the cellar. It seemed fairly sturdy and well-stocked with all sorts of foodstuffs, and even contained hygiene facilities. It seemed designed specifically in case of some sort of long-term invasion, though it hadn’t seen use in a long time if at all.
“Could you infiltrate one…?”
“Possibly, but I wouldn’t know how to enter or operate it once inside. I doubt the occupants are entirely defenseless, either.”
“Hm.”
Several generations of rats had taken up residence there, which had seemed a good idea at the time. Unfortunately, swarms of rats made excellent minions, and the lich was quick to take advantage of their numbers.
“We should probably just wait for the military to show up.”
“If we wait, someone will die and we lose this opportunity. You don’t really know if anyone is coming, anyway.”
A few were out looking for the godling slime, but those were not expected to return soon if at all. Most were busy clawing through the walls, chewing away wires and returning the findings to their master.
“Small town, alien saucers appear and start shooting everything. The army arrives, but only manages to stall the invasion. The day is saved by plucky underdogs. Trust me, that’s how it’s gonna go.”
“I can’t help but notice the ‘shooting everything’ step hasn’t happened yet.”
The lich had dismantled the fuse box and plumbing, collecting smaller odds and ends in an emptied peanut jar and bundling the rest with lengths of electrical cable. Ziir was guarding the entrance, or rather, just guarding. Neither particularly minded the darkness, though the glow from Konka’s eye was mildly unnerving.
“All I’m saying is you should’ve sent some of your rats looking for a small group of ill-equipped citizens. A journalist, his love interest. Angry farmer, war vet. Probably a dog, too.”
“I think I’ve had enough dogs for one round, thank you. What was that?”
The cellar shook, poorly-secured ceiling lamps clattering left and right. The light, thought Ziir, would be flickering right now if the bulbs hadn’t been removed. Dull thumps accompanied each new stream of dust from the roof. Ziir frowned, cloudy eyes screwing up in concern.
“Could be destroying the city, could be the army’s arrival… Could be Walkers.”
The lich perked up at the last comment. “Walkers? Explain.” His companion nodded.
“Basically, giant invincible machines of destruction. Usually tripedal, armed with a whole slew of weaponry. Machine guns, missiles, energy cannons… Depends on when the movie was made, but they’re generally used to show just how screwed the heroes are.”
“Could we hijack a Walker?”
“Easier than a saucer, at least. Hell, we could probably use it as a stepping stone to taking out one of the larger ships.”
“Sounds like a plan. Take point, we have work t-”
Konka Rar was cut off by a particularly loud explosion, coupled with part of the ceiling buckling.
“…Maybe we should just go.”</font>
***
Magic was an inscrutable force, never conforming to consistent rules across universes. In some, it was reserved to gods, delegated to lesser beings through devotion, divine interference, or not at all. Elsewhere, it was a natural force in the world, distorting wildlife, useable by all beings. Sometimes, one needed years of training to utilize spells, or the right genes, or being bitten by some mythological creature or another. Magic didn’t always make sense, as Hoss was learning.
It was the only way he could rationalize a cyborg having a hangover.
“Hey, you’re awake! Nifty. Hand of Silver, right? I’ve heard a lot about you!”
Hoss muttered something incoherent and rolled off his cot, clattering limply on the floor.
“Er. You okay, pal?”
“Shut uuuuuuuuuuppp.”
The metal man stood uncertainly, clutching at his head. A cursory glance told him he was in some sort of infirmary – and that Gormand was somewhere nearby, if the walls made of ground beef were anything to judge by. Beyond that, he wasn’t sure of his surroundings, why there seemed to be an earthquake going on, or hang on was that giant mug of coffee talking
“Oh, yeah! We haven’t been introduced. Jimmy Chase, investigative reporter. I’d offer to shake your hand, but, uh… The saying’s true, I guess, heheh.”
Hoss sat down on the cot, thinking. The giant had done something that wasn’t incinerating everything at all, but all his records of the event were hazy, incomplete. He had planned to see if he could amplify the Von Neumann device to send himself between battlefields, but now…
“Anyway, your friend Gormand’s filled me in on this whole battle thing, but I wanted to get some personal accounts from the other contestants, long term plans, maybe some backstory. It’s all very exciting! Well, to me, anyway.”
…He doubted he’d be able to return to the device this round, and likely wouldn’t have enough time or resources to make another later. Although, if he could convince the others to help him make one to take down the Cultivator… Actually, come to think, he should do that anyway. Maybe he could even find a way to control –
“So what has this battle been like for you? I understand you’re sort of important to killing off this Ekelhaft charack”
“I said. Shut. Up.”
Feeling slightly better, Hoss sat down again, idly wiping the coffee stains from his chassis.
***
“What the fuck.”
“Indeed.”
The air was rife with explosions and flak, aircraft weaving in and out of combat, derelict ships smashing into the ground. The army had indeed arrived, but it was not the army Ziir had expected.
A giant sloppy joe loomed several stories overhead, supported by massive noodle legs thicker than most cars were long. Hovertanks made of burgers and onion rings shot swarms of fry missiles at alien craft, supported by darting jets that seemed to be made primarily of gummies. The motherburger itself was physically knocking saucers from the sky with its limbs, and had apparently managed to tear one in half if the nearby wreckage was any indication.
Konka Rar considered his options, before concluding that alien tech was not the main concern at the moment.
“Take us up.”