Re: LAST. THING. STANDING. [S!1][PENDING...]
12-03-2011, 01:41 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by TimeothyHour.
In a million different universes, on a billion different television sets, about a trillion different beings who had ascended to a multiversal status tuned in to the premiere of a show based the systematic killing of eight contestants from across all of existence.
One particular set was owned by the Shepardford family, a group of beings who were, quite honestly, incomprehensible to anything with an understanding of Euclidean physics only, which is honestly quite common for the multiverse. They were middle class in the grand scheme of things; the father, an accountant, the mother, a xathatnalx (which is really quite hard to explain and something I’m not going to go into the specifics of, ok?). Really, it was quite a normal family despite The War going on, but no one wanted to think about so let’s just watch some television ok?
“Oh, I hear that show, Last-whatever-standing is premiering tonight. We should tune in.”
“Ugh, it’s like, a reality show contest thing. Who cares about that!?”
“It has gratuitous violence, Derek!”
“Oh, does it? Then count me in.”
“You sometimes worry me, son.”
“Whatevs, dad.”
Click.
“Welcome back to LAST. THING. STAAAAAAAANDING!” The Announcer said with a flourish and a robotic smile. The audience surrounding the absurdly complicated stage went wild. The camera made sure to do a pan that made the place seem much bigger than it actually was, and then focused back on the stage.
“We’ve just totaled the votes for our final eight, and HERE. THEY. AAAAAAAAAAREEE!!!!!!!!!!”
The camera panned over to eight silhouettes, trapped by highly advanced (and stylized) cages. The lights shifted themselves to cover them in even deeper shadow, maximizing the drama.
Now, you may very well be wondering, “Who are they!? Who are they!?” in excited anticipation. And, really that’s a pretty reasonable thought. And, I’ll tell you sure enough, one by one, BECAUSE THAT’S HOW WE DO IT AROUND HERE AW YEAH!!!!!
The Announcer made some kind of odd fist-pump motion, and then immediately snapped back into his ultra-rigid announcing stance.
“BUT FIRST, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS.”
Suddenly, the TV’s shot cut to garbled mess of colours and sounds, a painful screech every so often along with some weird narration in a foreign language. No one was particularly fazed, however. To put it simply, that is the way advertisements worked at that time. Most people could ignore them, but for any untrained human observer, these strange proceedings would make them writhe on the ground, desperately desiring UniverseCola or a 5-dimensional chair or whatever. So, yeah.
The show returned, and, in that short span of time, the announcer had changed his hairstyle, hair colour, wardrobe, and was on the complete opposite side of the stage as from before. He gave a wide, toothy smile, and waved to everyone.
“Welcome back to LAST. THING. STANDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!” He repeated. The crowed roared again, the camera panned again, ect.
“We’re just about to reveal our FIRST contestant,” he continued, wildly and rigidly gesturing. “It’s hospitable, it’s well-priced, and it really, really wants to know if you’re going to sleep there please. It’s renowned inn and urban legend, THE TRAVELLER’S REST!”
One of tubes lit up, and BAM there was the Inn (shrunken for the purposes of display), looking all glitzy and complicated, just like the stage around it. If an Inn could look confused, in this case, I suppose it would.
The crowed roared, the camera panned, etc.
“NEXT,” The Announcer said over the insane excited roar of the audience (there may or may not have been a mosh pit starting in isle 111111114). “NEXT WE WILL ANNOUNCE THE NEXT CONTESTANT NEXT. NEXTLY!!!!!!!”
With that yell the audience got even louder. Really, it was all starting to turn into a crazy screaming fest.
“CONTESTANT NUMBER TWOO….” He said, trying to scream extremely loudly and draw out his words and the same time. “SHE’S A CHILD OF THE SINGULARITY, LAST OF HER KIND, AND A CYBORG CONCIOUSNESS. PLEASE WELCOME….. KRIOK SEARAE OF THE NERRIN!!!!”
The tube lit up, she was revealed. More screaming, yelling, panning. I think you get the point. I’ll cut out all the boring stuff from now on because let’s face it this part of TV is pretty boring.
“CONTESTANT NUMBER THREE,” He continued. “HE’S PAINTER WITH A PASSION, BUT WATCH OUT! HE’S PUMPED FULL OF HALLUCINOGENIC PAINT. HEEEEEEEEEE’SSSSSSSSS TSCHIICHOLLLLD.”
Etc.
“CONTENSTANT NUMBER FOUR,” Etc. “HE’S A WIZARD WITH POWER OVER PERCIEVED VALUE. IT’S THE PURE CONCEPT OF MONEY. TOGETHER, THEY ARE AARON ABSTRACT AND CHANGE!”
Etc.
“CONTESTANT NUMBER FIVE,” Etc. “IT’S A LIVING SUIT OF MECHANICAL ARMOR. HE’S A YOUNG WIZARD CHILD. THEYYYYYY’REEEEE TIMOTHY AND ALABASTER!!!!”
Etc.
Etc.
Etc.
Commercial break.
Etc.
Etc.
“CONTESTANT NUMBER SIX,” Etc. “SHE’S A SUPERHERO WITH THE ABILLITY TO CHANGE HER MASS, WITH A VAGUELY DARK PAST. SHE’S FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEFAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!”
Etc.
“CONTESTANT NUMBER SEVEN!” Etc. “IS IT A JELLYFISH? WHAT DOES IT DO! NO ONE KNOWS….. IT’S NIIIZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Etc.
“AND, FINALLY, CONTESTANT NUMBER EIGHT!” Etc. “HE’S BEEN TORTURED THE LORD OF THE FLIES TO MADNESS, A TWISTED AND HORRIFYING ABOMINATION…. ABLENDEN BLAAAAKE!”
Etc.
“AND AFTER THIS BREAK, WE’LL REVEAL THE SETTING!”
Commercial Break. Etc.
Again, somehow, in the short span of the commercial, the announcer had managed to change wardrobe, hairstyle, and hair colour. He might’ve even gotten plastic surgery. Who knows? The roar, now, by the way, was so loud that it could probably puncture a less well-reinforced universe, and any normal human would go insane by the noise. The merchandise (contestants) were saved from most of this noise in their tubes, however. The crowd was filtered out, information about the other contestants and the round was filtered in simple.
The noise of the crowd was still there, however, and it was still enough to be very, very unsettling.
Anyway.
“The round we have chosen.” The Announcer continued. “Is a bit of a… strange one. Part of a failed TV engineering experiment a few millennia ago, Television land is a series of continuously existing universe, abiding by the rules of various TV genres. There was a bit of a… glitch, however, and they’ve gotten all mixed up and connected. If you’ve found yourself stuck there, find a screen, flip to one of the channels, dive through, and BOOM. You’re in another channel.”
His eyes darkened. “Just don’t try to go jump into the static. You’ll regret it.”
His demeanor snapped back, and he started screaming at the top of his lungs. “IS EVERYONE READY TO WATCH THESE THINGS TO FIGHT TO THE DEATH!?”
ROAR. A ROAR SO LOUD IT SHOOK THE UNVIERSE.
“THEN LETS. DO. THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!”
The contestants disappeared, and the battle was off.
“Huh, what do you guys think of the show so far?”
“It’s pretty interesting.”
“Derek, is it just because of all the screaming?”
“Maybe.”
“Ugh. Let’s watch something else. It’s another commercial break. They’re giving me a headache.”
“But moooooooooom-”
“No Buts, Derek!”
Click
PLANNING DOC: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...2yOcy4mco/edit
In a million different universes, on a billion different television sets, about a trillion different beings who had ascended to a multiversal status tuned in to the premiere of a show based the systematic killing of eight contestants from across all of existence.
One particular set was owned by the Shepardford family, a group of beings who were, quite honestly, incomprehensible to anything with an understanding of Euclidean physics only, which is honestly quite common for the multiverse. They were middle class in the grand scheme of things; the father, an accountant, the mother, a xathatnalx (which is really quite hard to explain and something I’m not going to go into the specifics of, ok?). Really, it was quite a normal family despite The War going on, but no one wanted to think about so let’s just watch some television ok?
“Oh, I hear that show, Last-whatever-standing is premiering tonight. We should tune in.”
“Ugh, it’s like, a reality show contest thing. Who cares about that!?”
“It has gratuitous violence, Derek!”
“Oh, does it? Then count me in.”
“You sometimes worry me, son.”
“Whatevs, dad.”
Click.
“Welcome back to LAST. THING. STAAAAAAAANDING!” The Announcer said with a flourish and a robotic smile. The audience surrounding the absurdly complicated stage went wild. The camera made sure to do a pan that made the place seem much bigger than it actually was, and then focused back on the stage.
“We’ve just totaled the votes for our final eight, and HERE. THEY. AAAAAAAAAAREEE!!!!!!!!!!”
The camera panned over to eight silhouettes, trapped by highly advanced (and stylized) cages. The lights shifted themselves to cover them in even deeper shadow, maximizing the drama.
Now, you may very well be wondering, “Who are they!? Who are they!?” in excited anticipation. And, really that’s a pretty reasonable thought. And, I’ll tell you sure enough, one by one, BECAUSE THAT’S HOW WE DO IT AROUND HERE AW YEAH!!!!!
The Announcer made some kind of odd fist-pump motion, and then immediately snapped back into his ultra-rigid announcing stance.
“BUT FIRST, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS.”
Suddenly, the TV’s shot cut to garbled mess of colours and sounds, a painful screech every so often along with some weird narration in a foreign language. No one was particularly fazed, however. To put it simply, that is the way advertisements worked at that time. Most people could ignore them, but for any untrained human observer, these strange proceedings would make them writhe on the ground, desperately desiring UniverseCola or a 5-dimensional chair or whatever. So, yeah.
The show returned, and, in that short span of time, the announcer had changed his hairstyle, hair colour, wardrobe, and was on the complete opposite side of the stage as from before. He gave a wide, toothy smile, and waved to everyone.
“Welcome back to LAST. THING. STANDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!” He repeated. The crowed roared again, the camera panned again, ect.
“We’re just about to reveal our FIRST contestant,” he continued, wildly and rigidly gesturing. “It’s hospitable, it’s well-priced, and it really, really wants to know if you’re going to sleep there please. It’s renowned inn and urban legend, THE TRAVELLER’S REST!”
One of tubes lit up, and BAM there was the Inn (shrunken for the purposes of display), looking all glitzy and complicated, just like the stage around it. If an Inn could look confused, in this case, I suppose it would.
The crowed roared, the camera panned, etc.
“NEXT,” The Announcer said over the insane excited roar of the audience (there may or may not have been a mosh pit starting in isle 111111114). “NEXT WE WILL ANNOUNCE THE NEXT CONTESTANT NEXT. NEXTLY!!!!!!!”
With that yell the audience got even louder. Really, it was all starting to turn into a crazy screaming fest.
“CONTESTANT NUMBER TWOO….” He said, trying to scream extremely loudly and draw out his words and the same time. “SHE’S A CHILD OF THE SINGULARITY, LAST OF HER KIND, AND A CYBORG CONCIOUSNESS. PLEASE WELCOME….. KRIOK SEARAE OF THE NERRIN!!!!”
The tube lit up, she was revealed. More screaming, yelling, panning. I think you get the point. I’ll cut out all the boring stuff from now on because let’s face it this part of TV is pretty boring.
“CONTESTANT NUMBER THREE,” He continued. “HE’S PAINTER WITH A PASSION, BUT WATCH OUT! HE’S PUMPED FULL OF HALLUCINOGENIC PAINT. HEEEEEEEEEE’SSSSSSSSS TSCHIICHOLLLLD.”
Etc.
“CONTENSTANT NUMBER FOUR,” Etc. “HE’S A WIZARD WITH POWER OVER PERCIEVED VALUE. IT’S THE PURE CONCEPT OF MONEY. TOGETHER, THEY ARE AARON ABSTRACT AND CHANGE!”
Etc.
“CONTESTANT NUMBER FIVE,” Etc. “IT’S A LIVING SUIT OF MECHANICAL ARMOR. HE’S A YOUNG WIZARD CHILD. THEYYYYYY’REEEEE TIMOTHY AND ALABASTER!!!!”
Etc.
Etc.
Etc.
Commercial break.
Etc.
Etc.
“CONTESTANT NUMBER SIX,” Etc. “SHE’S A SUPERHERO WITH THE ABILLITY TO CHANGE HER MASS, WITH A VAGUELY DARK PAST. SHE’S FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEFAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!”
Etc.
“CONTESTANT NUMBER SEVEN!” Etc. “IS IT A JELLYFISH? WHAT DOES IT DO! NO ONE KNOWS….. IT’S NIIIZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Etc.
“AND, FINALLY, CONTESTANT NUMBER EIGHT!” Etc. “HE’S BEEN TORTURED THE LORD OF THE FLIES TO MADNESS, A TWISTED AND HORRIFYING ABOMINATION…. ABLENDEN BLAAAAKE!”
Etc.
“AND AFTER THIS BREAK, WE’LL REVEAL THE SETTING!”
Commercial Break. Etc.
Again, somehow, in the short span of the commercial, the announcer had managed to change wardrobe, hairstyle, and hair colour. He might’ve even gotten plastic surgery. Who knows? The roar, now, by the way, was so loud that it could probably puncture a less well-reinforced universe, and any normal human would go insane by the noise. The merchandise (contestants) were saved from most of this noise in their tubes, however. The crowd was filtered out, information about the other contestants and the round was filtered in simple.
The noise of the crowd was still there, however, and it was still enough to be very, very unsettling.
Anyway.
“The round we have chosen.” The Announcer continued. “Is a bit of a… strange one. Part of a failed TV engineering experiment a few millennia ago, Television land is a series of continuously existing universe, abiding by the rules of various TV genres. There was a bit of a… glitch, however, and they’ve gotten all mixed up and connected. If you’ve found yourself stuck there, find a screen, flip to one of the channels, dive through, and BOOM. You’re in another channel.”
His eyes darkened. “Just don’t try to go jump into the static. You’ll regret it.”
His demeanor snapped back, and he started screaming at the top of his lungs. “IS EVERYONE READY TO WATCH THESE THINGS TO FIGHT TO THE DEATH!?”
ROAR. A ROAR SO LOUD IT SHOOK THE UNVIERSE.
“THEN LETS. DO. THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!”
The contestants disappeared, and the battle was off.
“Huh, what do you guys think of the show so far?”
“It’s pretty interesting.”
“Derek, is it just because of all the screaming?”
“Maybe.”
“Ugh. Let’s watch something else. It’s another commercial break. They’re giving me a headache.”
“But moooooooooom-”
“No Buts, Derek!”
Click
PLANNING DOC: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...2yOcy4mco/edit