Re: The Grand Battle S2G1! [Round Five: Round Six!]
05-22-2012, 08:59 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Not The Author.
And then, quite unexpectedly, nothing happened.
Had she a regular sword, Jen would have had the distinct displeasure of staring at a bisected man’s entrails while his blood got in her eyes for a good five minutes or so. She supposed she was lucky that hadn’t happened. Then again, nothing else had happened, either.
And continued to not happen.
The round was over, right?
***
Once upon a time…
No, sorry, let me start over.
Once upon a nevermore, there will be a man.
His name was – used to be – Owen.
***
The office only looked fancy at cursory glance. Closer inspection revealed signs of decay – peeling wallpaper, dimming lights, dust coating every surface, cracks running up and down the air. An alarm blipped on and off, and sometimes in and out of existence.
Someone slipped in through one of the cracks, and shut it off.
The room was dominated by a mahogany desk, the papers thereon constantly writing and rewriting themselves in nigh-unreadable handwriting and blocky typewritten font. The intruder sat down and cursorily scanned them to confirm what he already knew, before wiping a page clean and cracking open the start menu. Three files caught his immediate attention: “Season2LiveFeed.vid,” “Season2Planning.txt,” and “Season2Archive.rar”.
He lay three sheets in front of him, and began to read.
***
Owen didn’t have many friends, though this was not his fault.
Most of those he befriended eventually had to leave him, and this made him sad.
Owen had one very good friend whom he loved, and who loved him back.
Unfortunately, she would leave in time as well, and they were both sad at this.
***
Battleopolis jerked away with a sound like Velcro and the feeling of being torn in half. Jen, Arkal, and Xadrez found themselves once again at the game show stage, this time scattered throughout the seats. Something felt different, though – the lights were on low, and the whole place seemed somehow dilapidated. An essence of post-show sleaze suffused the air.
Echoing footsteps preceded the arrival of a stage magician, clad in green. He sauntered to the fore, lighting a cigarette and putting it to his mask as he casually sat down on the edge of the stage. The tetrad sat in silence for a few moments, before the magician sighed wistfully.
“See, this is exactly the sort of shit I’m trying to avoid. I am constantly amazed,” he paused for another drag on his cigarette, “at how badly we collectively manage to fuck up existence on a scale only we are capable of achieving.”
“But I'm getting ahead of myself.” The magician slid from his perch and started pacing. “I suppose a congratulations are in order. Against all odds, you've managed to eliminate a good chunk of worse futures for the multiverse. Something we all usually don't manage to do, because even though at least half of us can predict the future, actually doing something about it,” another, longer drag, “would be unsportsmanlike.”
He stopped, and strode in three directions at once, coming to stop just in front of each contestant. “So it’s up to you. Always has been, really, but… well. I don’t think you quite get it yet.”
“The Observer’s busy recovering from the end of his first battle – had his ass kicked by a pile of boxes, would you believe – so I’m taking the initiative and giving you a first-hand demonstration of everything at stake. He was just going to throw you back into Armities, but this should be... more interesting. You'll see. And, uh..."
The Grandmaster was momentarily lost for words. He shook himself, and waved. Everything went purple.
“Good luck.”
***
Before she left, she made Owen make her a promise.
This is the story of that promise.
***
He felt a familiar tingling at the nape of his neck, and wondered if the round was changing. Then he realized that no, it was just the scarf sliding off. And around.
And in front of him.
Dimly, he was aware that time had stopped.
The scarf smiled at him, and whispered, “Something in your ear, daddy-0.”
And he remembered.
He remembered remembering, and remembered forgetting remembering, and remembered everything all at once.
But
Something in the back of his mind
On the tip of his tongue
He couldn't remember
Wouldn't remember
Shouldn't remember, because it hadn't happened.
The scarf asked, “What story do you want to hear?”
And he instinctively replied, “Tell me the story of the rock that became a man.”
He knew exactly what was going to happen next. He was going to die.
But first, he was going to start laughing.
***
LADIES
GENTLEMEN
ESTEEMED GUESTS
SURVIVING CONTESTANTS
WE THE AMALGAM WELCOME YOU
TO THE SIXTH ROUND OF
UGH
THE OTAKU MELEE ULTIMATE ALL-STARS GRAND CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT
THANK SILVER WE NEED ONLY SAY THAT ONCE MORE
OUR CONQUEST OF THE MULTIVERSE IS NEARING COMPLETION
BUT HUMANITY’S DOMINANCE IS NOT AS YET WHOLLY SECURED
AND SO
WITH YOUR INCREDIBLE PROPENSITY FOR MASS DESTRUCTION
WE SEND YOU THREE TO THE LAST REMAINING BASTION OF INHUMANITY IN ALL EXISTENCE
TO PREPARE IT FOR OUR IMMINENT ARRIVAL
WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT
FOR A LONG
LONG
TIME
SO DO NOT TARRY ABOUT DYING
OR WE WILL START THE INVASION WITHOUT YOU
OR
WITH YOU
OR WHATEVER
SHUT UP
YOU GET THE POINT
NOW
WITHOUT FURTHER ADO
CONTESTANTS
TAKE THE LAST LOOK ANYONE WILL EVER HAVE
AT THE PLACE
And then, quite unexpectedly, nothing happened.
Had she a regular sword, Jen would have had the distinct displeasure of staring at a bisected man’s entrails while his blood got in her eyes for a good five minutes or so. She supposed she was lucky that hadn’t happened. Then again, nothing else had happened, either.
And continued to not happen.
The round was over, right?
***
Once upon a time…
No, sorry, let me start over.
Once upon a nevermore, there will be a man.
His name was – used to be – Owen.
***
The office only looked fancy at cursory glance. Closer inspection revealed signs of decay – peeling wallpaper, dimming lights, dust coating every surface, cracks running up and down the air. An alarm blipped on and off, and sometimes in and out of existence.
Someone slipped in through one of the cracks, and shut it off.
The room was dominated by a mahogany desk, the papers thereon constantly writing and rewriting themselves in nigh-unreadable handwriting and blocky typewritten font. The intruder sat down and cursorily scanned them to confirm what he already knew, before wiping a page clean and cracking open the start menu. Three files caught his immediate attention: “Season2LiveFeed.vid,” “Season2Planning.txt,” and “Season2Archive.rar”.
He lay three sheets in front of him, and began to read.
***
Owen didn’t have many friends, though this was not his fault.
Most of those he befriended eventually had to leave him, and this made him sad.
Owen had one very good friend whom he loved, and who loved him back.
Unfortunately, she would leave in time as well, and they were both sad at this.
***
Battleopolis jerked away with a sound like Velcro and the feeling of being torn in half. Jen, Arkal, and Xadrez found themselves once again at the game show stage, this time scattered throughout the seats. Something felt different, though – the lights were on low, and the whole place seemed somehow dilapidated. An essence of post-show sleaze suffused the air.
Echoing footsteps preceded the arrival of a stage magician, clad in green. He sauntered to the fore, lighting a cigarette and putting it to his mask as he casually sat down on the edge of the stage. The tetrad sat in silence for a few moments, before the magician sighed wistfully.
“See, this is exactly the sort of shit I’m trying to avoid. I am constantly amazed,” he paused for another drag on his cigarette, “at how badly we collectively manage to fuck up existence on a scale only we are capable of achieving.”
“But I'm getting ahead of myself.” The magician slid from his perch and started pacing. “I suppose a congratulations are in order. Against all odds, you've managed to eliminate a good chunk of worse futures for the multiverse. Something we all usually don't manage to do, because even though at least half of us can predict the future, actually doing something about it,” another, longer drag, “would be unsportsmanlike.”
He stopped, and strode in three directions at once, coming to stop just in front of each contestant. “So it’s up to you. Always has been, really, but… well. I don’t think you quite get it yet.”
“The Observer’s busy recovering from the end of his first battle – had his ass kicked by a pile of boxes, would you believe – so I’m taking the initiative and giving you a first-hand demonstration of everything at stake. He was just going to throw you back into Armities, but this should be... more interesting. You'll see. And, uh..."
The Grandmaster was momentarily lost for words. He shook himself, and waved. Everything went purple.
“Good luck.”
***
Before she left, she made Owen make her a promise.
This is the story of that promise.
***
He felt a familiar tingling at the nape of his neck, and wondered if the round was changing. Then he realized that no, it was just the scarf sliding off. And around.
And in front of him.
Dimly, he was aware that time had stopped.
The scarf smiled at him, and whispered, “Something in your ear, daddy-0.”
And he remembered.
He remembered remembering, and remembered forgetting remembering, and remembered everything all at once.
But
Something in the back of his mind
On the tip of his tongue
He couldn't remember
Wouldn't remember
Shouldn't remember, because it hadn't happened.
The scarf asked, “What story do you want to hear?”
And he instinctively replied, “Tell me the story of the rock that became a man.”
He knew exactly what was going to happen next. He was going to die.
But first, he was going to start laughing.
***
LADIES
GENTLEMEN
ESTEEMED GUESTS
SURVIVING CONTESTANTS
WE THE AMALGAM WELCOME YOU
TO THE SIXTH ROUND OF
UGH
THE OTAKU MELEE ULTIMATE ALL-STARS GRAND CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT
THANK SILVER WE NEED ONLY SAY THAT ONCE MORE
OUR CONQUEST OF THE MULTIVERSE IS NEARING COMPLETION
BUT HUMANITY’S DOMINANCE IS NOT AS YET WHOLLY SECURED
AND SO
WITH YOUR INCREDIBLE PROPENSITY FOR MASS DESTRUCTION
WE SEND YOU THREE TO THE LAST REMAINING BASTION OF INHUMANITY IN ALL EXISTENCE
TO PREPARE IT FOR OUR IMMINENT ARRIVAL
WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT
FOR A LONG
LONG
TIME
SO DO NOT TARRY ABOUT DYING
OR WE WILL START THE INVASION WITHOUT YOU
OR
WITH YOU
OR WHATEVER
SHUT UP
YOU GET THE POINT
NOW
WITHOUT FURTHER ADO
CONTESTANTS
TAKE THE LAST LOOK ANYONE WILL EVER HAVE
AT THE PLACE
Spoiler