Re: The Grand Battle S2G1! [Round Three: Water...place!]
05-28-2011, 05:12 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Lord Paradise.
Tempestuous as the waters of the Hydra’s heart were, they at least knew how to pick a winning side.
Tainted green, as though a particularly verdant school of fish was swimming just below the surface, a pillar of water shot upwards like the neck of a second leviathan, carrying Kath with it.
Kath figured she could get used to this magic thing. That said, she hadn’t yet. There was a taste in her mouth like holy water and she felt drunk in an unpleasantly introspective way. Either way, she couldn’t deny the results. The water launched her right up to where the winged boy was just regaining his balance; she went legs just in time to wrap them around the man.
Up close some manner of sixth sense confirmed her suspicions: he was Jen, or at least what was left of her. Good.
”Um. Hey,” he said, flustered. He was an idiot, too. Perfect.
Kath thrust her forehead against the boy’s and looked into his eyes. “Magical pheremones,” she said, not quite whispering. “Give in.”
”Um,”
The worm slapped her across the face. Less perfect. For a moment there she’d had an inkling that the kid might have resisted the ‘mones, too.
Before Kath could regain her bearings, something that was neither the boy nor the worm seemed to take over. It snarled in a voice like a bruise and made the young man’s left arm explode into something bony and serrated. Kath decided the best course of action at this point would be to disentangle herself from the ruin of Jen’s body and plunge back into the water.
This proved less than optimal, as she nearly fell into the “0”-shaped void that was sucking in all the water in the hydra’s heart. The slightly beige hole in space didn’t seem to lead anywhere and the magical sixth sense she was beginning to develop sort of bounced right off of it, so Kath decided it was something she wanted to avoid, which was difficult at the rate the water was swirling. Instead, she grabbed onto the prow of the pirate ship.
As a young maiden, Kath had been conditioned to hate pirates, especially Cap-N-X-Bones what with his blind hatred of merkind and zealous devotion to the Zombie God. Of course, given her antipathy towards the population of Hydresther, which her pediatrician failed to diagnose as psychopathy for years on end, she had long idolized piratekind and fantasized of swimming away and joining them on their merry adventures of physical, sexual and financial domination of the seas.
Now that she was actually in their presence, she realized that no, she really hated pirates as well as everyone else she had ever met. They smelled. She killed a couple to keep her hands busy while she watched her lovely, loyal little bitch Kracht battle with the leviathan.
The monster had stopped doing its copulation thing, either because it was hurt, it was out of water, or because it was trying to copulate with the ship. Nonetheless, it was still stronger than the rock, who was doing a pretty awful job of taking it down.
A strapping (if a little old for Kath’s tastes) man with white hair coming out of its jaw in the pirate fashion shouted, ”TIMBER!” and brought the ship’s mast down on the leviathan’s neck, which seemed to actually hurt the damned thing. Well, someone was taking the initiative in slaying her dragon for her, at least, even if it was just a smelly pirate.
Speaking of. A particularly grizzled pirate-voice shouted “Merwitch on deck!” as though that were some sort of universally recognized call-to-arms, and shot a musket shot the size of a pearl right past Kath’s ear. The maid whirled around to find herself staring at the face of what she could only assume was Cap-N-X-Bones, on account of the ridiculous extravagance of his clothes. The equally extravagant gun he was pointing between her eyes eclipsed her view of his face, though she imagined it was quite ugly.
“Hello, Cap-N,” teased Kath, flicking her feet in ironic deference (merfolk never took to bowing, as it looks ridiculous from a swimming position). “I thank you for allowing me upon your ship; he’s a fine vessel, and you ought tend to his not being devoured“--she gestured towards the Leviathan, now chomping happily on Kracht’s leg—“rather than acting on ancient and obsolete racial prejudices.”
X-Bones paused in the middle of loading another pearl into his blunderbuss (oh, neat, it was a pearl) and considered this. He grumbled assent and shot the pearl at the Leviathan; not checking to see whether the projectile had done any damage (safe to assume it hadn’t), Kath drew her sword and poked it at his heart.
The sword grazed harmlessly off of the pirate’s chest with an obnoxious tinny noise. Cap-N-X-Bones shot Kath a look of betrayal but mostly awkwardness and growled, “Serves me right for trusting a womanatee,” drawing his scythe.
Kath slapped the pirate’s weapon aside and grabbed at the inside of his coat. She pulled out a small book lined with steel—the book of the Zombie God, presumably. “Ah, the holy gospel,” she said, tossing the volume into the 0-void and running the Cap-N through for real this time. “Brackish lot of good it did you between your heart and your coat. Maybe if you’d kept it between your head and your hat, you’d have miracled up the good sense not to shoot at me and miss.”
The Cap-N was satisfactorily dead, but not properly mutilated, so Kath pulled her sword out of his mammaries and straddled the corpse. Around the time she started cutting circles into his head, the boy wearing Kara’s body alighted on the deck, looking angry. Kath groaned. “I was going to cut out his heart and eat it. Every time I try to have a little fun in this life, I’m interrupted.”
The boy held up the spiky-looking thing that was his arm and grinned. ”Hi,” he said. “I'm Maxwell. Are we gonna have this fight or what?”
* * * * *
Ouijen was becoming increasingly articulate. Oh no they are not going to kill Kath and you did not just tell them to kill Kath she scribbled on the board. Xadrez rolled his spectral eyes.
They made their choice
But I had already made mine
This is simple damage control your late Majesty
If the inhabitants of your body wait for Kath to open the door to your home in a mad attempt to harness the Green to restore you to full consciousness etc. etc. I can’t even say it it’s such an awful plan
They will fail and Kath will become queen, which I know you don’t want
Ouijen scribbled so hard the statue nearly fell out of the tactician’s hand. This is a sex thing for you isn’t it
You just want to keep me here as your little ghost-wife to stay home and do the dishes while you go off to your job at the tactics factory or whatever the fuck
Well I can’t say I’m not flattered but that’s not really my style
Xadrez gave the figurine a quizzical glare. I admit, I prefer you this way, he intoned.
It comes with certain advantages
For instance if I ever want you to stop talking I can just-- The tactician lifted the Ouijen statuette off the board, where it rocked back and forth in his hand impotently.
Tee hee
* * * * *
The kid was putting up a fight, Kath had to admit.
She had the feeling it was less because he himself had any skill with a, er, weaponized arm, and more because he had the force of at least three brains in there guiding him. Or maybe it was because Kath simply wasn’t very good at this out of water. Her footwork was atrocious.
A punch to the face (from the fleshy arm, thanks to the Zombie God) sent Kath flying uncomfortably close to the Leviathan’s mouth. She glanced up at the monster that was her destiny, sort of, and noted that it was blinded in one eye from a well-aimed pearl. Huh.
Kracht lightly grabbed the maid by a shoulder and turned her aside from a bite from the Leviathan that might have taken her head off. “My thanks,” Kath said dryly, pushing her slave into Maxwell. The rock obediently began to throttle the boy, leaving Kath unoccupied but unfortunately leaving the white-bearded fellow alone to fight the Leviathan, which was beginning to dislodge itself from the ship and shrink down to a more mobile size.
Kath sighed. So much to do. Was this what being a queen would be like?
She took a moment to kill another pirate, then walked back over to Maxwell and jabbed her hand into the bony arm. A bit of bone like a fang went right through her hand, which seemed to get the boy’s attention.
”What the hell are you—“ Kath sent a wave of green thoughts through her hand up to Maxwell’s brain and made him stop talking. She felt around in there, enjoying a pleasant invasive feeling equivalent to wandering around someone else’s house and taking their stuff.
She found the bit she wanted—like a bruise. “You,” she told the bruise. “I like you. You’re in charge now. That is all.”
Maxwell’s face distorted into a manic, antisocial grin. ”Thank you, sea slut,” he said, raspily. Then he turned to Kracht. ”Get off me, rock. I’m going to kill and eat that oversized lizard.”
Kath ripped her hand out of Sikarius’s arm, admiring the wound and tasting her own blood a little (it was salty). What was left of Jen’s body exploded into a barely humanoid mess of bones and wormy parts, the red worm hanging off the back shoulder with what the mermaid liked to imagine was a look of terror. Kracht and the bruise jumped at the Leviathan with abandon. It wouldn’t be long now.
* * * * *
Watching all the excitement from his Ovoid platform, Xadrez accidentally laid Jen’s figurine on the board again, and it began writing immediately. Oh God dammit look what Sikarius is doing to my body this is all your fault
Xadrez took her back off again. Forget about your body
Not that I care about such things, but objectively it wasn’t all that great to begin with
The figure shook in the tactician’s hand until bits of it started chipping off.
* * * * *
It didn’t last long. The Leviathan, having shrunk to a manageable eight feet, was strong, but not strong enough to defend itself against both Kracht and Sikarius. They got it pinned inside of a minute. There was a brief, peaceful moment where the poor reptile ceased struggling and the rock and the wyrm kneeled on either side of it, as though in prayer. Kath drew her sword and approached.
Then Sikarius tried to eat the Leviathan and Kracht punched him in the face. As though to punctuate the obnoxious prolongation of the scuffle, the other half of the ship exploded for no reason that Kath could divine, and began to sink into what was left of the water. Kath watched with some displeasure as Cap-N-X-Bones and his scythe were sucked up into the 0-void, never to be seen or mutilated again.
The Leviathan, meanwhile, had gotten the idea from Sikarius that it ought to have wings, and the two were engaging in a rather ungraceful dogfight in midair. Kath rolled her eyes at the display, tripped and fell onto the deck, and allowed Kracht to help her up. The remainder of the boat was tilting at an unsafe angle. The mermaid looked up at Kracht. “Toss me up there,” she commanded.
Kracht obediently lifted her up on one shoulder and tossed her like a cannonball up towards the two grappling monsters, catching both of them by surprise. She cut their throats and they fell to the now-dry floor of the hydra’s heart.
Kath landed between them, as nimbly as she could. Both were still alive, and the wyrm was recovering. Kracht showed up and held him down.
Kath swung her sword from side to side playfully. “So who’s first?”
* * * * *
Looks like that’s it for your body
Xadrez decided to be a merciful spirit and put Jen’s figurine back on the board again. She burst into nagging complaints immediately, of course. Fantha can handle damage control, it’s not as bad as it looks
Anyway you were banking on the monster taking out Kracht so how’s your tactics now mr tactician man
It’s not as bad as it looks
I have a theory
* * * * *
Okay, this time Kath was definitely going to eat the heart.
She put her ear over the Leviathan’s chest. She could hear it; it beat triplets. Ba-da-thump. Ba-da-thump.
There was another sound. At first she just thought it was the Leviathan’s strained, dying breaths, but it was more… vibrant. Like a buzzing. An anticipatory buzzing.
“Oh,” she said, suddenly understanding. She turned to Kracht. “She’s pregnant.”
She pulled out her sword. “Well, we’ll see what we can’t do about that.” She cut the Leviathan open from navel to neck.
The first thing that came out was green light. It was beautiful, and presumably served the purpose of confetti, celebrating her victory over her designated dragon.
Then came the little ones. There were hundreds of them, the size of dragonflies, green as grass and simply thrumming with the desire to devour all that is beautiful and sacred in the world. Except their new mother, of course. They alighted on her arms and shoulder lovingly, nestling into the crook of her elbow. They tickled her in a slimy sort of way, and despite herself, Kath giggled.
“That’s right, babies,” she cooed. “We’re going home.”
Kracht stood at attention. “Yes?” she asked him.
The rock shuffled back and forth uncomfortably. ”T… take me with you,” he begged. Poor thing. He looked like he was starting to resist her spell, too.
Kath smiled. “Sorry, baby. I don’t think that’s going to be possible.” She gestured as his chest.
Kracht looked down. There was a lump of himself protruding from his chest, like a tumor. He stared at it a bit, puzzling over its purpose or how it had gotten there, before he realized.
It had appeared when Kath had completed her trial.
It was a doorknob.
Tempestuous as the waters of the Hydra’s heart were, they at least knew how to pick a winning side.
Tainted green, as though a particularly verdant school of fish was swimming just below the surface, a pillar of water shot upwards like the neck of a second leviathan, carrying Kath with it.
Kath figured she could get used to this magic thing. That said, she hadn’t yet. There was a taste in her mouth like holy water and she felt drunk in an unpleasantly introspective way. Either way, she couldn’t deny the results. The water launched her right up to where the winged boy was just regaining his balance; she went legs just in time to wrap them around the man.
Up close some manner of sixth sense confirmed her suspicions: he was Jen, or at least what was left of her. Good.
”Um. Hey,” he said, flustered. He was an idiot, too. Perfect.
Kath thrust her forehead against the boy’s and looked into his eyes. “Magical pheremones,” she said, not quite whispering. “Give in.”
”Um,”
The worm slapped her across the face. Less perfect. For a moment there she’d had an inkling that the kid might have resisted the ‘mones, too.
Before Kath could regain her bearings, something that was neither the boy nor the worm seemed to take over. It snarled in a voice like a bruise and made the young man’s left arm explode into something bony and serrated. Kath decided the best course of action at this point would be to disentangle herself from the ruin of Jen’s body and plunge back into the water.
This proved less than optimal, as she nearly fell into the “0”-shaped void that was sucking in all the water in the hydra’s heart. The slightly beige hole in space didn’t seem to lead anywhere and the magical sixth sense she was beginning to develop sort of bounced right off of it, so Kath decided it was something she wanted to avoid, which was difficult at the rate the water was swirling. Instead, she grabbed onto the prow of the pirate ship.
As a young maiden, Kath had been conditioned to hate pirates, especially Cap-N-X-Bones what with his blind hatred of merkind and zealous devotion to the Zombie God. Of course, given her antipathy towards the population of Hydresther, which her pediatrician failed to diagnose as psychopathy for years on end, she had long idolized piratekind and fantasized of swimming away and joining them on their merry adventures of physical, sexual and financial domination of the seas.
Now that she was actually in their presence, she realized that no, she really hated pirates as well as everyone else she had ever met. They smelled. She killed a couple to keep her hands busy while she watched her lovely, loyal little bitch Kracht battle with the leviathan.
The monster had stopped doing its copulation thing, either because it was hurt, it was out of water, or because it was trying to copulate with the ship. Nonetheless, it was still stronger than the rock, who was doing a pretty awful job of taking it down.
A strapping (if a little old for Kath’s tastes) man with white hair coming out of its jaw in the pirate fashion shouted, ”TIMBER!” and brought the ship’s mast down on the leviathan’s neck, which seemed to actually hurt the damned thing. Well, someone was taking the initiative in slaying her dragon for her, at least, even if it was just a smelly pirate.
Speaking of. A particularly grizzled pirate-voice shouted “Merwitch on deck!” as though that were some sort of universally recognized call-to-arms, and shot a musket shot the size of a pearl right past Kath’s ear. The maid whirled around to find herself staring at the face of what she could only assume was Cap-N-X-Bones, on account of the ridiculous extravagance of his clothes. The equally extravagant gun he was pointing between her eyes eclipsed her view of his face, though she imagined it was quite ugly.
“Hello, Cap-N,” teased Kath, flicking her feet in ironic deference (merfolk never took to bowing, as it looks ridiculous from a swimming position). “I thank you for allowing me upon your ship; he’s a fine vessel, and you ought tend to his not being devoured“--she gestured towards the Leviathan, now chomping happily on Kracht’s leg—“rather than acting on ancient and obsolete racial prejudices.”
X-Bones paused in the middle of loading another pearl into his blunderbuss (oh, neat, it was a pearl) and considered this. He grumbled assent and shot the pearl at the Leviathan; not checking to see whether the projectile had done any damage (safe to assume it hadn’t), Kath drew her sword and poked it at his heart.
The sword grazed harmlessly off of the pirate’s chest with an obnoxious tinny noise. Cap-N-X-Bones shot Kath a look of betrayal but mostly awkwardness and growled, “Serves me right for trusting a womanatee,” drawing his scythe.
Kath slapped the pirate’s weapon aside and grabbed at the inside of his coat. She pulled out a small book lined with steel—the book of the Zombie God, presumably. “Ah, the holy gospel,” she said, tossing the volume into the 0-void and running the Cap-N through for real this time. “Brackish lot of good it did you between your heart and your coat. Maybe if you’d kept it between your head and your hat, you’d have miracled up the good sense not to shoot at me and miss.”
The Cap-N was satisfactorily dead, but not properly mutilated, so Kath pulled her sword out of his mammaries and straddled the corpse. Around the time she started cutting circles into his head, the boy wearing Kara’s body alighted on the deck, looking angry. Kath groaned. “I was going to cut out his heart and eat it. Every time I try to have a little fun in this life, I’m interrupted.”
The boy held up the spiky-looking thing that was his arm and grinned. ”Hi,” he said. “I'm Maxwell. Are we gonna have this fight or what?”
* * * * *
Ouijen was becoming increasingly articulate. Oh no they are not going to kill Kath and you did not just tell them to kill Kath she scribbled on the board. Xadrez rolled his spectral eyes.
They made their choice
But I had already made mine
This is simple damage control your late Majesty
If the inhabitants of your body wait for Kath to open the door to your home in a mad attempt to harness the Green to restore you to full consciousness etc. etc. I can’t even say it it’s such an awful plan
They will fail and Kath will become queen, which I know you don’t want
Ouijen scribbled so hard the statue nearly fell out of the tactician’s hand. This is a sex thing for you isn’t it
You just want to keep me here as your little ghost-wife to stay home and do the dishes while you go off to your job at the tactics factory or whatever the fuck
Well I can’t say I’m not flattered but that’s not really my style
Xadrez gave the figurine a quizzical glare. I admit, I prefer you this way, he intoned.
It comes with certain advantages
For instance if I ever want you to stop talking I can just-- The tactician lifted the Ouijen statuette off the board, where it rocked back and forth in his hand impotently.
Tee hee
* * * * *
The kid was putting up a fight, Kath had to admit.
She had the feeling it was less because he himself had any skill with a, er, weaponized arm, and more because he had the force of at least three brains in there guiding him. Or maybe it was because Kath simply wasn’t very good at this out of water. Her footwork was atrocious.
A punch to the face (from the fleshy arm, thanks to the Zombie God) sent Kath flying uncomfortably close to the Leviathan’s mouth. She glanced up at the monster that was her destiny, sort of, and noted that it was blinded in one eye from a well-aimed pearl. Huh.
Kracht lightly grabbed the maid by a shoulder and turned her aside from a bite from the Leviathan that might have taken her head off. “My thanks,” Kath said dryly, pushing her slave into Maxwell. The rock obediently began to throttle the boy, leaving Kath unoccupied but unfortunately leaving the white-bearded fellow alone to fight the Leviathan, which was beginning to dislodge itself from the ship and shrink down to a more mobile size.
Kath sighed. So much to do. Was this what being a queen would be like?
She took a moment to kill another pirate, then walked back over to Maxwell and jabbed her hand into the bony arm. A bit of bone like a fang went right through her hand, which seemed to get the boy’s attention.
”What the hell are you—“ Kath sent a wave of green thoughts through her hand up to Maxwell’s brain and made him stop talking. She felt around in there, enjoying a pleasant invasive feeling equivalent to wandering around someone else’s house and taking their stuff.
She found the bit she wanted—like a bruise. “You,” she told the bruise. “I like you. You’re in charge now. That is all.”
Maxwell’s face distorted into a manic, antisocial grin. ”Thank you, sea slut,” he said, raspily. Then he turned to Kracht. ”Get off me, rock. I’m going to kill and eat that oversized lizard.”
Kath ripped her hand out of Sikarius’s arm, admiring the wound and tasting her own blood a little (it was salty). What was left of Jen’s body exploded into a barely humanoid mess of bones and wormy parts, the red worm hanging off the back shoulder with what the mermaid liked to imagine was a look of terror. Kracht and the bruise jumped at the Leviathan with abandon. It wouldn’t be long now.
* * * * *
Watching all the excitement from his Ovoid platform, Xadrez accidentally laid Jen’s figurine on the board again, and it began writing immediately. Oh God dammit look what Sikarius is doing to my body this is all your fault
Xadrez took her back off again. Forget about your body
Not that I care about such things, but objectively it wasn’t all that great to begin with
The figure shook in the tactician’s hand until bits of it started chipping off.
* * * * *
It didn’t last long. The Leviathan, having shrunk to a manageable eight feet, was strong, but not strong enough to defend itself against both Kracht and Sikarius. They got it pinned inside of a minute. There was a brief, peaceful moment where the poor reptile ceased struggling and the rock and the wyrm kneeled on either side of it, as though in prayer. Kath drew her sword and approached.
Then Sikarius tried to eat the Leviathan and Kracht punched him in the face. As though to punctuate the obnoxious prolongation of the scuffle, the other half of the ship exploded for no reason that Kath could divine, and began to sink into what was left of the water. Kath watched with some displeasure as Cap-N-X-Bones and his scythe were sucked up into the 0-void, never to be seen or mutilated again.
The Leviathan, meanwhile, had gotten the idea from Sikarius that it ought to have wings, and the two were engaging in a rather ungraceful dogfight in midair. Kath rolled her eyes at the display, tripped and fell onto the deck, and allowed Kracht to help her up. The remainder of the boat was tilting at an unsafe angle. The mermaid looked up at Kracht. “Toss me up there,” she commanded.
Kracht obediently lifted her up on one shoulder and tossed her like a cannonball up towards the two grappling monsters, catching both of them by surprise. She cut their throats and they fell to the now-dry floor of the hydra’s heart.
Kath landed between them, as nimbly as she could. Both were still alive, and the wyrm was recovering. Kracht showed up and held him down.
Kath swung her sword from side to side playfully. “So who’s first?”
* * * * *
Looks like that’s it for your body
Xadrez decided to be a merciful spirit and put Jen’s figurine back on the board again. She burst into nagging complaints immediately, of course. Fantha can handle damage control, it’s not as bad as it looks
Anyway you were banking on the monster taking out Kracht so how’s your tactics now mr tactician man
It’s not as bad as it looks
I have a theory
* * * * *
Okay, this time Kath was definitely going to eat the heart.
She put her ear over the Leviathan’s chest. She could hear it; it beat triplets. Ba-da-thump. Ba-da-thump.
There was another sound. At first she just thought it was the Leviathan’s strained, dying breaths, but it was more… vibrant. Like a buzzing. An anticipatory buzzing.
“Oh,” she said, suddenly understanding. She turned to Kracht. “She’s pregnant.”
She pulled out her sword. “Well, we’ll see what we can’t do about that.” She cut the Leviathan open from navel to neck.
The first thing that came out was green light. It was beautiful, and presumably served the purpose of confetti, celebrating her victory over her designated dragon.
Then came the little ones. There were hundreds of them, the size of dragonflies, green as grass and simply thrumming with the desire to devour all that is beautiful and sacred in the world. Except their new mother, of course. They alighted on her arms and shoulder lovingly, nestling into the crook of her elbow. They tickled her in a slimy sort of way, and despite herself, Kath giggled.
“That’s right, babies,” she cooed. “We’re going home.”
Kracht stood at attention. “Yes?” she asked him.
The rock shuffled back and forth uncomfortably. ”T… take me with you,” he begged. Poor thing. He looked like he was starting to resist her spell, too.
Kath smiled. “Sorry, baby. I don’t think that’s going to be possible.” She gestured as his chest.
Kracht looked down. There was a lump of himself protruding from his chest, like a tumor. He stared at it a bit, puzzling over its purpose or how it had gotten there, before he realized.
It had appeared when Kath had completed her trial.
It was a doorknob.