Re: The Grand Battle S2G1! [Round Two: Sk'va!]
07-12-2010, 08:35 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Lord Paradise.
"Well, before the senseless fighting starts," said Jen, clapping her hands excitedly. "Kracht, which way is the town hall or civic center leadership whatever?"
Kracht pointed wearily, hoping that Jen would die in Sk'Va, as had happened often, but not usually, in the past.
"You're a doll." Jen patted Kracht on his stony shoulder affectionately and headed off down the street, admiring her surroundings.
The architecture of Sk'Va, she had to admit, was quite charming. It was like New Orleans, except shinier and with a fuckton more pentagons. Off on the edge were a series of crude docks on which were moored some comfy-looking hovercraft. The people looked like an okay sort, if a bit short-tempered, like dragonflies or the French. On that note, they sort of looked like a cross between a French person and a dragonfly, except dressed in some sort of cybernetic J-pop chic. All in all, Jen was forced to approve, though she preferred a little more bustle in her otherworldly cities, and there didn't seem to be a good marketplace. Everyone loves a good marketplace.
The town hall was easily identified by the columns and the big sign that read
above a little sign that said
<font size="4">
above the door.
After she figured out how to open the door (stand with your back to it, grab both handles, and pull downwards while walking backwards inside) Jen found a nice little bug-lady clerk with a peculiar little cosmetic syringe in her follicles and asked what the laws were in Sk'Va concerning diplomatic immunity.
"Oh, are you an ambassador from some far-off place then?"
"Not some place. The Place. You won't have heard of it."
"Oh no darling, I'm afraid I don't know of any Place."
"Well I'm its Queen. You can look it up in your almanac. We're in every almanac except our own."
"I'll look, but believe me, little lady, I know my geography. I took six hours of study at Infinity Plus One Better Than Any University Cyk'Nl Might Have University." The clerk reached under her desk and produced an enormous text that folded out five ways, conjuring up an aesthetically pleasing yet cluttered array consisting of both holograms and paper. "Place, Place, Place, Place. It is under P, isn't it?"
"Try thinking green, turning to a random page, and believing."
The clerk did so. "Hmmph." Her discontent faded away into a charming little-old-lady smile, only slightly diluted by the pincers. "Oh, honey, why didn't you tell me it was a magical place? For a moment there," she added in a hushed voice. "I thought you were a bit of a looney. Anyway, of course I'll need proof of identity. Just because you know about this place hardly makes you the queen now, does it? You understand."
Jen pointed at her scarf, which along with the rest of her clothes had been cleansed of that itchy red dye upon her sudden exit from Alpha Complex.
"Ah yes," said the clerk, taking another glance at the almanac. "That certainly is green. Sorry for the formalities, your highness."
"No problem."
"So, it's diplomatic immunity you're after? Well, your highness, I'm afraid the laws are somewhat vague in that matter. We can't have, say, an ambassador from Cyk'Nl running around free from the law, eh? So usually these things require a three-day turnaround and approval from the Mayoress. We'll get back to you, alright?
"Oh, that's quite alright," said Jen gratefully. "That gives me time to explore other options. See, I've been trying to establish a trading port around these parts."
"Ooh, what are you exporting? We've always a shortage of lumber here in Sk'Va, I'm sure you'll find the exchange rates more than fair.
"Actually where I come from we consider it good form not to take our lumber too far from where it grew. What we do have is silkworms that sing a capella while they sew, which is very good for the fabric. Also our steels have the eighth highest rate of sentience of any nation in the Everywhere."
"Well I'll be sure to bring that up with the Mayoress when she gets this latest batch of eggs out of her system."
"Of course. In the meantime I'll make a visit to that other place. What was it called? Signal? Missingno? Cyk'--"
"Sign this form."
Three minutes later, Jen walked out of city hall with a bottomless debit card and complete freedom from repercussions for any crime she may commit in Sk'Va, no matter how heinous. When the clerk had asked her what her plans were for her stay, she was embarrassed to admit that she hadn't thought that far ahead. However, she was sure she would end up doing something illegal, or, if things got really fun, maybe some heresy. The world was her oyster.</font>
"Well, before the senseless fighting starts," said Jen, clapping her hands excitedly. "Kracht, which way is the town hall or civic center leadership whatever?"
Kracht pointed wearily, hoping that Jen would die in Sk'Va, as had happened often, but not usually, in the past.
"You're a doll." Jen patted Kracht on his stony shoulder affectionately and headed off down the street, admiring her surroundings.
The architecture of Sk'Va, she had to admit, was quite charming. It was like New Orleans, except shinier and with a fuckton more pentagons. Off on the edge were a series of crude docks on which were moored some comfy-looking hovercraft. The people looked like an okay sort, if a bit short-tempered, like dragonflies or the French. On that note, they sort of looked like a cross between a French person and a dragonfly, except dressed in some sort of cybernetic J-pop chic. All in all, Jen was forced to approve, though she preferred a little more bustle in her otherworldly cities, and there didn't seem to be a good marketplace. Everyone loves a good marketplace.
The town hall was easily identified by the columns and the big sign that read
WAR COUNT
SK'VA 24
CYK'NL 31
SK'VA 24
CYK'NL 31
above a little sign that said
<font size="4">
Sk'Va Town Hall
above the door.
After she figured out how to open the door (stand with your back to it, grab both handles, and pull downwards while walking backwards inside) Jen found a nice little bug-lady clerk with a peculiar little cosmetic syringe in her follicles and asked what the laws were in Sk'Va concerning diplomatic immunity.
"Oh, are you an ambassador from some far-off place then?"
"Not some place. The Place. You won't have heard of it."
"Oh no darling, I'm afraid I don't know of any Place."
"Well I'm its Queen. You can look it up in your almanac. We're in every almanac except our own."
"I'll look, but believe me, little lady, I know my geography. I took six hours of study at Infinity Plus One Better Than Any University Cyk'Nl Might Have University." The clerk reached under her desk and produced an enormous text that folded out five ways, conjuring up an aesthetically pleasing yet cluttered array consisting of both holograms and paper. "Place, Place, Place, Place. It is under P, isn't it?"
"Try thinking green, turning to a random page, and believing."
The clerk did so. "Hmmph." Her discontent faded away into a charming little-old-lady smile, only slightly diluted by the pincers. "Oh, honey, why didn't you tell me it was a magical place? For a moment there," she added in a hushed voice. "I thought you were a bit of a looney. Anyway, of course I'll need proof of identity. Just because you know about this place hardly makes you the queen now, does it? You understand."
Jen pointed at her scarf, which along with the rest of her clothes had been cleansed of that itchy red dye upon her sudden exit from Alpha Complex.
"Ah yes," said the clerk, taking another glance at the almanac. "That certainly is green. Sorry for the formalities, your highness."
"No problem."
"So, it's diplomatic immunity you're after? Well, your highness, I'm afraid the laws are somewhat vague in that matter. We can't have, say, an ambassador from Cyk'Nl running around free from the law, eh? So usually these things require a three-day turnaround and approval from the Mayoress. We'll get back to you, alright?
"Oh, that's quite alright," said Jen gratefully. "That gives me time to explore other options. See, I've been trying to establish a trading port around these parts."
"Ooh, what are you exporting? We've always a shortage of lumber here in Sk'Va, I'm sure you'll find the exchange rates more than fair.
"Actually where I come from we consider it good form not to take our lumber too far from where it grew. What we do have is silkworms that sing a capella while they sew, which is very good for the fabric. Also our steels have the eighth highest rate of sentience of any nation in the Everywhere."
"Well I'll be sure to bring that up with the Mayoress when she gets this latest batch of eggs out of her system."
"Of course. In the meantime I'll make a visit to that other place. What was it called? Signal? Missingno? Cyk'--"
"Sign this form."
Three minutes later, Jen walked out of city hall with a bottomless debit card and complete freedom from repercussions for any crime she may commit in Sk'Va, no matter how heinous. When the clerk had asked her what her plans were for her stay, she was embarrassed to admit that she hadn't thought that far ahead. However, she was sure she would end up doing something illegal, or, if things got really fun, maybe some heresy. The world was her oyster.</font>