Mini-Grand 5104 (Game Complete)

Originally posted on MSPA by Ixcalibur.

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Strange and circuitous protocols had been enacted when Emissary had been hijacked into a Grand Battle. Everyone had been too busy dealing with their own issues to get around to informing everybody. Here in a small conference room a group of Uae were deep in debate about issues which were far from important and may never have been relevant.

"All I'm saying is that I believe Greeter is a much friendlier name than Emissary." said Moqua Longua; vice president in charge of public relations at one of Uae's largest advertising companies. "And going to a new planet is all about public relations. How are they going to respond to a name like Emissary?"

"We don't know how they're going to respond to anything," Zavon Okanta countered, "because they're aliens." He was one of the engineers who had worked on building Emissary; to be honest he wasn't even sure what he was doing in this discussion. "They probably won't understand the word, or if they do they'll respond in a way that is by their very nature alien."

"But we've been doing some market research that shows that ninety percent of all people associate the word Emissary with the word emissions," Moqua continued, "which naturally reminds them of the chemical emissions that have rendered the planet nigh uninhabitable and makes them sad. Greeter on the other hand is a name that when people were asked to describe it ninety percent said they felt it really and I am quoting here 'popped'."

"Give me a room with enough idiots and I could give you market research to support whatever crackpot idea crosses my mind as well." Liyau Kiarta (senatorial candidate) rebutted. "The real issue here is the political ramifications. You people don't seem to have realized that by painting Emissary orange you are essentially telling the rest of the universe that he is a representative of the Velodian Party. I suggest a hasty re-spray into a nice shining purple, like the colour favoured by your friends from the Praetorian Party." He steepled his fat little fingers in front of him and leant back in his chair.

"You realize that we've already launched Emissary?" Zavon asked. "That we aren't going to recall him so he can be rebranded or recoloured?"

"What about bringing him back to take some of those arms off him?" Wavoe Dalxia, biologist, asked thoughtfully. "If we send out a twelve armed robot everyone is going to think we have twelve arms."

"It was deemed that people best react to a robot with twice as many arms as they have." Moqua insisted. "We did extensive market research."

"But how do you know how many arms the aliens will have?" Wavoe replied indignantly. "They might not even have arms. What will they think of Emissary then?"

"We are not bringing Emissary back for any reason!" Zavon snapped. "He's in space. He's staying in space."

And this debate might have continued but for the fact that Liyau, peering over his steepled fingers noticed the new addition to the committee; a small black blob sat upon the conference table, idly chewing on the corner of a folder of important documents.

"What the hell is that thing?" He asked.