Re: Petty Squabble [ROUND 2] [Acidity City]
10-23-2011, 02:51 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by Lord Paradise.
Tom turned off the high beams and shut down the RV, watching the guy with the cube head approach. He’d been wondering about this one. There was something about cube heads he found untrustworthy, but he couldn’t pinpoint it. However, for the time being, he was a bit more concerned with Parsley hitting on his wife.
”My lady,” the demon hunter was muttering, hat in hand. ”I was given no word of yer presence here, and not knowin’ that the wee one was yers, I may have… I was confuddled under the delusion o’ the demon, and I meant no insult to ye or yer brood.”
Clarice didn’t respond directly, instead turning towards Tom. ”Friend of yours, honey?”
There was a thump sound that Tom was pretty sure was cube-head lifting up the hood of the RV. He just knew this wasn’t going to turn out well for what had been a perfectly serviceable engine. “He helped me out with a, um, a robot problem, earlier,” was all he said. He opted against trying to explain the whole “Baron Stein” thing in Parsley’s presence.
”Hmm. Well, Parsley, if you’re not going to cause any trouble, maybe you could help us finding the other kids. They’ve both—“
And then the robot kicked the windshield in. “Hey!” Tom shouted at cube-head. “Watch the broken glass around the baby!”
Cube-head seemed to have the RV’s jumper cables each clamped to one of his hands. He wasn’t very expressive, but Tom got the feeling he wasn’t entirely stable. ”Question 30: …’Baby?’”
* * * * *
This fucking kid was going to be the death of John.
“Kid! Slow down! This stuff is dangerous!” You’d think even to a kid of Ethan’s age, these facts would be pretty self-evident, but then again John couldn’t be sure all the alcohol had flushed out of his system when he'd thrown up. Coordination-impaired or not, the little tyke was fast. Or maybe John was just slowed down because he was the only person on this bridge with a healthy respect for the river of acid down below.
”You can’t catch me, John Smith!” boasted the little fucker. ”I thought you were super-cool and went on adventures and weren’t afraid of anything!”
Well, two for three wasn’t bad, but where did Ethan think he had obtained this information? John decided that the only way to get out of here without the kid’s corpse on his hands was to cast his dignity into the deadly pit below. “Yeeeeeeah,” he said. “I’m not afraid of anything, especially not stupid bridges like this.” Ethan giggled at that, which the time traveler took as a good sign. “But only cause I know the secret to crossing bridges and never falling.”
Finally, the kid stopped running. ”Secret?” he asked, awestruck.
“Yeah! Most people don’t know it, but you seem like you’re really brave and badass and whatever, so I’ll teach it to you. But the first rule is, you have to start right in the middle of the bridge. Which is about where I’m standing. Can you make it back over here?”
”I’ll be there in four seconds!” And the kid, missing the point of this lesson entirely, practically sprinted back to the center of the bridge. A couple stray rocks chipped off and fell into the acid. Jesus. ”Okay!” he yelled. ”What’s the next part of the secret?”
John smiled paternally. “The next part is the part where you shut up, stay still, and don’t struggle while I do this.” And he picked the kid up by the waist and threw him over his shoulder.
Ethan struggled. Of course.
* * * * *
For a moment she’d thought Gamehost Six was staring at her breasts—she’d gone back up a cup size when she’d started weaning Emma onto the formula—but after a minute of studying his face for something that might resemble eyes, she changed her impression.
He was looking at the baby.
It wasn’t until Clarice decided to turn away from the robot that it seemed to snap out of it. ”welCOME BACK” he shouted abruptly, stressing the last two syllables. ”We apologize for any… technosophical issues,” Six announced to no one in particular. ”But GOOD NEWS, FOLKS: it’s time for the speed round! In this portion of our program, three contestants vie to be the fastest to answer each in a series of questions. If SIX questions pass and you haven’t answered one correctly, YOU ARE ELIMINATED permanently! Looks like we have our fo—OUR THREE contestants right here! EVERYONE STAY WHERE YOU ARE!”
”This be no time fer games, Sir—“
”SHUT YOUR MOUTH, Contestant Number One! After I announce a question, if you think you know the answer, just shoot me in the face with your crossbow! THE FORCE OF IMPACT will let me know that you wish to submit an answer. But be quick! Cause if contestant number two—THAT’S YOU LADY—if contestant number two honks on the horn of the RV first WHICH MEANS YOU PARK YOUR REAR IN THE DRIVER’S SEAT, PLEASE she’ll be given the opportunity to answer first! Make sure not to speak until you’re called on OR I WILL REMOVE YOUR APPENDAGES Now, contestant number three—yes, you, Tom is it? Take a seat next to your lovely-ISH wife.” Tom and Clarice squeezed into the driver’s seat together. They had never once won Trivial Pursuit against the neighbors. “Contestant number three, if you think you know the answer, just put the key to the RV in the ignition. This will turn on the battery and send an ungodly amount of electricity coursing through my body. Maybe then I can… ahem. The SEVERE PAIN I experience lets me know it’s your turn to answer. Are we ready to begin BECAUSE AMERICA IS WAITING Question #31: America’s prestigious award for outstanding journalism is named for what former New York World publisher?”
Clarice honked the horn. Six seemed slightly disappointed. ”Yes, contestant number two?”
”Joseph Pulitzer.”
”CORRECT. Question #32: What celebrated talk show host played the voice of ‘Dory’ in Pixar’s Finding Nemo?”
Honk! ”CONTESTANT NUMBER TWO?”
”Ellen Degeneres.”
”CORRECT. Question #33: What is the chemical composition of that sofa cushion?”
Silence for about five seconds. Six whirred. ”We may have neglected to mention that, this being a speed round, fifteen seconds without an answer constitutes grounds for the elimination of all contestants.”
”Oh, fer heaven’s sake,” interjected Parsley. ”I know the answer but I’m not shootin’ ye in the face, Sir Archibald.”
Six appeared not to find this acceptable. His hand produced a sawblade. ”HIT MEEEEEEE!”
Parsley hit him. The loaf of bread bounced harmlessly off the robot’s face and hit the ground. There was an awkward moment of silence. Emma started to get fussy. Then: ”Contestant Number One?”
”It’s made of bread.”
”INCORR—“ Six did a double-take as an oven-fresh smell began to waft in from the sofa. ”…Correct? QUESTION #34: French artist Michael Duchamp is considered a primary figure in which modernist art movement?”
The honk made Clarice jump, because she hadn’t touched the horn—rather, Baby Emma seemed to have slapped it accidentally. ”Contestant Number Two?”
”Dada!” cooed Emma.
Another moment of awkward silence. Then Six spoke: ”A… a reminder to… to that one… not to speak out of turn.” More silence. Then Six slowly sheathed his sawblade and readjusted the jumper cables on his hands. ”...Correct. Question #35: According to legend, famed gunslinger Wild Bill Hickok died holding what hand of cards?”
Tom clapped his hands together excitedly. ”Ooh! I know this!” He jammed the key into the ignition, and sparks began to fly from Six’s body.
There was a sound midway between microphone static and a scream as the game host convulsed on the floor of the RV. Tom pulled the key out and Six lay still.
About three seconds later, Six groaned, ”Again.” Tom shrugged and started the battery up once more.
* * * * *
Ethan stopped struggling well past the bridge, just before John finally found the two of them some proper shelter. The grim-looking stone building was built into a hill, with streams of acid running over the walls on either side of the entrance. Light was shafting in through a hole in the roof, and it gave off a very unoccupied vibe.
He put Ethan down on a bench in the corner. “If you run off, I’ll find you, and I will hurt you,” he assured the kid, who merely pouted in response. “I’m going to go look around, but don’t think I’m not keeping an eye on you, cause I am.”
There wasn’t much around to look, it seemed. The entire building—John was hesitant to say “temple”—was centered around a series of circles and shapes on the floor that seemed to correspond to the pattern of light cast by the holes in the ceiling. He figured it was some kind of antique sundial.
John hadn’t had much experience with the supernatural in his life, but he really should have known better than to step right in the middle of the room. And he shouldn’t have been surprised, all things considered, when everything started spinning. One can forgive him, however, for being offput by the booming voice being broadcast into his brain.
JOHN SMITH
”You can… what?” John’s voice seemed distant to himself. “You can make me time travel again.”
<font size="5">
”Is it now? I know a bluff when I hear one.” John made sure to remove all traces of awe from his voice as he spoke. The last thing he wanted was some Mayan god thinking he was reverent or something. “So is it written that here’s the part where I ask what this sacrifice is?”
And silence. The lighting returned to normal, moon creeping across sky at a rate of one second per second. Of course, there was also the distinct green glow of a pit of acid opening up a few feet in front of John.
John turned towards the bench. Ethan had fallen asleep.</font>
* * * * *
Six regained full functionality to learn that the RV was now in motion. Contestant Number Three was driving with the "baby" on his lap.
The "baby" was looking right at him. She was beautiful.
"Con... contestant number three. Your response, please."
"Huh? Oh, hey, you're up. Yeah, right, it was a Dead Man's Hand, aces over eights, everyone knows that." Six considered this. He wondered if the "baby" had known the correct response. "Anyway, sorry about the whole electrocution thing."
Gamehost Six declined to respond that being electrocuted by Contestant Number Three was the most alive he'd felt since this show began, because that would open up a whole new round of questions. Instead he said, "Don't be sorry. You... you got it right. Correct." Six slumped into the RV's passenger sheet. "I think... that's enough of the speed round for now. We'll return... after these messages."
Tom turned off the high beams and shut down the RV, watching the guy with the cube head approach. He’d been wondering about this one. There was something about cube heads he found untrustworthy, but he couldn’t pinpoint it. However, for the time being, he was a bit more concerned with Parsley hitting on his wife.
”My lady,” the demon hunter was muttering, hat in hand. ”I was given no word of yer presence here, and not knowin’ that the wee one was yers, I may have… I was confuddled under the delusion o’ the demon, and I meant no insult to ye or yer brood.”
Clarice didn’t respond directly, instead turning towards Tom. ”Friend of yours, honey?”
There was a thump sound that Tom was pretty sure was cube-head lifting up the hood of the RV. He just knew this wasn’t going to turn out well for what had been a perfectly serviceable engine. “He helped me out with a, um, a robot problem, earlier,” was all he said. He opted against trying to explain the whole “Baron Stein” thing in Parsley’s presence.
”Hmm. Well, Parsley, if you’re not going to cause any trouble, maybe you could help us finding the other kids. They’ve both—“
And then the robot kicked the windshield in. “Hey!” Tom shouted at cube-head. “Watch the broken glass around the baby!”
Cube-head seemed to have the RV’s jumper cables each clamped to one of his hands. He wasn’t very expressive, but Tom got the feeling he wasn’t entirely stable. ”Question 30: …’Baby?’”
* * * * *
This fucking kid was going to be the death of John.
“Kid! Slow down! This stuff is dangerous!” You’d think even to a kid of Ethan’s age, these facts would be pretty self-evident, but then again John couldn’t be sure all the alcohol had flushed out of his system when he'd thrown up. Coordination-impaired or not, the little tyke was fast. Or maybe John was just slowed down because he was the only person on this bridge with a healthy respect for the river of acid down below.
”You can’t catch me, John Smith!” boasted the little fucker. ”I thought you were super-cool and went on adventures and weren’t afraid of anything!”
Well, two for three wasn’t bad, but where did Ethan think he had obtained this information? John decided that the only way to get out of here without the kid’s corpse on his hands was to cast his dignity into the deadly pit below. “Yeeeeeeah,” he said. “I’m not afraid of anything, especially not stupid bridges like this.” Ethan giggled at that, which the time traveler took as a good sign. “But only cause I know the secret to crossing bridges and never falling.”
Finally, the kid stopped running. ”Secret?” he asked, awestruck.
“Yeah! Most people don’t know it, but you seem like you’re really brave and badass and whatever, so I’ll teach it to you. But the first rule is, you have to start right in the middle of the bridge. Which is about where I’m standing. Can you make it back over here?”
”I’ll be there in four seconds!” And the kid, missing the point of this lesson entirely, practically sprinted back to the center of the bridge. A couple stray rocks chipped off and fell into the acid. Jesus. ”Okay!” he yelled. ”What’s the next part of the secret?”
John smiled paternally. “The next part is the part where you shut up, stay still, and don’t struggle while I do this.” And he picked the kid up by the waist and threw him over his shoulder.
Ethan struggled. Of course.
* * * * *
For a moment she’d thought Gamehost Six was staring at her breasts—she’d gone back up a cup size when she’d started weaning Emma onto the formula—but after a minute of studying his face for something that might resemble eyes, she changed her impression.
He was looking at the baby.
It wasn’t until Clarice decided to turn away from the robot that it seemed to snap out of it. ”welCOME BACK” he shouted abruptly, stressing the last two syllables. ”We apologize for any… technosophical issues,” Six announced to no one in particular. ”But GOOD NEWS, FOLKS: it’s time for the speed round! In this portion of our program, three contestants vie to be the fastest to answer each in a series of questions. If SIX questions pass and you haven’t answered one correctly, YOU ARE ELIMINATED permanently! Looks like we have our fo—OUR THREE contestants right here! EVERYONE STAY WHERE YOU ARE!”
”This be no time fer games, Sir—“
”SHUT YOUR MOUTH, Contestant Number One! After I announce a question, if you think you know the answer, just shoot me in the face with your crossbow! THE FORCE OF IMPACT will let me know that you wish to submit an answer. But be quick! Cause if contestant number two—THAT’S YOU LADY—if contestant number two honks on the horn of the RV first WHICH MEANS YOU PARK YOUR REAR IN THE DRIVER’S SEAT, PLEASE she’ll be given the opportunity to answer first! Make sure not to speak until you’re called on OR I WILL REMOVE YOUR APPENDAGES Now, contestant number three—yes, you, Tom is it? Take a seat next to your lovely-ISH wife.” Tom and Clarice squeezed into the driver’s seat together. They had never once won Trivial Pursuit against the neighbors. “Contestant number three, if you think you know the answer, just put the key to the RV in the ignition. This will turn on the battery and send an ungodly amount of electricity coursing through my body. Maybe then I can… ahem. The SEVERE PAIN I experience lets me know it’s your turn to answer. Are we ready to begin BECAUSE AMERICA IS WAITING Question #31: America’s prestigious award for outstanding journalism is named for what former New York World publisher?”
Clarice honked the horn. Six seemed slightly disappointed. ”Yes, contestant number two?”
”Joseph Pulitzer.”
”CORRECT. Question #32: What celebrated talk show host played the voice of ‘Dory’ in Pixar’s Finding Nemo?”
Honk! ”CONTESTANT NUMBER TWO?”
”Ellen Degeneres.”
”CORRECT. Question #33: What is the chemical composition of that sofa cushion?”
Silence for about five seconds. Six whirred. ”We may have neglected to mention that, this being a speed round, fifteen seconds without an answer constitutes grounds for the elimination of all contestants.”
”Oh, fer heaven’s sake,” interjected Parsley. ”I know the answer but I’m not shootin’ ye in the face, Sir Archibald.”
Six appeared not to find this acceptable. His hand produced a sawblade. ”HIT MEEEEEEE!”
Parsley hit him. The loaf of bread bounced harmlessly off the robot’s face and hit the ground. There was an awkward moment of silence. Emma started to get fussy. Then: ”Contestant Number One?”
”It’s made of bread.”
”INCORR—“ Six did a double-take as an oven-fresh smell began to waft in from the sofa. ”…Correct? QUESTION #34: French artist Michael Duchamp is considered a primary figure in which modernist art movement?”
The honk made Clarice jump, because she hadn’t touched the horn—rather, Baby Emma seemed to have slapped it accidentally. ”Contestant Number Two?”
”Dada!” cooed Emma.
Another moment of awkward silence. Then Six spoke: ”A… a reminder to… to that one… not to speak out of turn.” More silence. Then Six slowly sheathed his sawblade and readjusted the jumper cables on his hands. ”...Correct. Question #35: According to legend, famed gunslinger Wild Bill Hickok died holding what hand of cards?”
Tom clapped his hands together excitedly. ”Ooh! I know this!” He jammed the key into the ignition, and sparks began to fly from Six’s body.
There was a sound midway between microphone static and a scream as the game host convulsed on the floor of the RV. Tom pulled the key out and Six lay still.
About three seconds later, Six groaned, ”Again.” Tom shrugged and started the battery up once more.
* * * * *
Ethan stopped struggling well past the bridge, just before John finally found the two of them some proper shelter. The grim-looking stone building was built into a hill, with streams of acid running over the walls on either side of the entrance. Light was shafting in through a hole in the roof, and it gave off a very unoccupied vibe.
He put Ethan down on a bench in the corner. “If you run off, I’ll find you, and I will hurt you,” he assured the kid, who merely pouted in response. “I’m going to go look around, but don’t think I’m not keeping an eye on you, cause I am.”
There wasn’t much around to look, it seemed. The entire building—John was hesitant to say “temple”—was centered around a series of circles and shapes on the floor that seemed to correspond to the pattern of light cast by the holes in the ceiling. He figured it was some kind of antique sundial.
John hadn’t had much experience with the supernatural in his life, but he really should have known better than to step right in the middle of the room. And he shouldn’t have been surprised, all things considered, when everything started spinning. One can forgive him, however, for being offput by the booming voice being broadcast into his brain.
JOHN SMITH
TRAVELER
YOU COME BEFORE THE GODS WITH NOTHING TO OFFER BUT YOUR PRIDE
KNOW THAT IF I CHOOSE TO TAKE IT FROM YOUIT IS ONLY THAT YOU MAY FEEL
THE PAIN OF LOSS
I AMCALENDAR
ONCE I WAS TASKED WITH COUNTING DOWN THE HOURS TO DOOMSDAY
DOOMSDAY HAVING PASSEDMY POWER HERE IS SOMEWHAT DIMINISHED
THOUGH STILL IT SURPASSES YOURSSTILL I SENSE
YOU ARE NO STRANGER TO MANY-FACETED TIMEYOU WALKED FREE FROM MY SHADOW, ONCE
I CAN RESTORE TO YOU THIS POWER
”You can… what?” John’s voice seemed distant to himself. “You can make me time travel again.”
<font size="5">
CAN AND WILL
ALL THINGS ARE ORDAINED AS MARKS UPON MY SURFACEYOUR PRIDE AND GREEDWILL LEAD YOU TO MAKE THE SACRIFICE
TO REGAIN THE POWER YOU ONCE TOOK FOR GRANTEDIT IS WRITTEN, AS WAS DOOMSDAY
”Is it now? I know a bluff when I hear one.” John made sure to remove all traces of awe from his voice as he spoke. The last thing he wanted was some Mayan god thinking he was reverent or something. “So is it written that here’s the part where I ask what this sacrifice is?”
AND SO YOU HAVE
THE BOY, JOHNBROTHER TO GODS HIMSELF
HE WILL HAVE SUCH A FUTURE AHEAD OF HIM
UNLESS YOU BRING HIM TO THE RIVERSACRIFICE HIS FUTURE TO THE DIVINITY OF CALENDAR
YOU’VE BEEN BRINGING HIM ALONG UNTIL YOU FOUND A USE FOR HIMTHIS IS THAT MOMENT
THE BOY
THE RIVER
AND THE RESTORATION OF YOUR POWER
THE BOY
THE RIVER
AND THE RESTORATION OF YOUR POWER
And silence. The lighting returned to normal, moon creeping across sky at a rate of one second per second. Of course, there was also the distinct green glow of a pit of acid opening up a few feet in front of John.
John turned towards the bench. Ethan had fallen asleep.</font>
* * * * *
Six regained full functionality to learn that the RV was now in motion. Contestant Number Three was driving with the "baby" on his lap.
The "baby" was looking right at him. She was beautiful.
"Con... contestant number three. Your response, please."
"Huh? Oh, hey, you're up. Yeah, right, it was a Dead Man's Hand, aces over eights, everyone knows that." Six considered this. He wondered if the "baby" had known the correct response. "Anyway, sorry about the whole electrocution thing."
Gamehost Six declined to respond that being electrocuted by Contestant Number Three was the most alive he'd felt since this show began, because that would open up a whole new round of questions. Instead he said, "Don't be sorry. You... you got it right. Correct." Six slumped into the RV's passenger sheet. "I think... that's enough of the speed round for now. We'll return... after these messages."