Re: In which Woff admits.
12-06-2011, 09:29 PM
I am not a very sociable person
I have trouble meeting people. For some reason, I always start finnicking so bad about the littles details. I try to call people by their name as little as possible in fear of getting it wrong, for some reason saying hey to someone I met yesterday when they're with a friend feels so impolite to me, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom just to catch a breather at parties...
I have like these rules for social contact. Most of the time, if I meet someone I'd rather not talk to, I actually try to be as asocial as I can, hoping that they'd think I'm the loser and quit on their own accord. But I'm sort of getting to the point in my life where all these loser alibis are starting to weigh down on me, and because I've been so picky in my friend I now have very little people left around me.
And this is sort of the part which scares me the most: if I take off this loser mask, what if people STILL think I'm a loser? What if people giggle at my jokes but then when I leave they're saying "yeah she's weird like that." I wouldn't know what to do. Then I've got a choice between an intentional loser and an accidental loser, and I don't know which I'd rather be.
And that kind of paranoia is just making me less and less likely to actually check if I'm a loser with myself and maybe act on that because if I suddenly change people will start to notice how much of a loser I was in the past.
I have trouble meeting people. For some reason, I always start finnicking so bad about the littles details. I try to call people by their name as little as possible in fear of getting it wrong, for some reason saying hey to someone I met yesterday when they're with a friend feels so impolite to me, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom just to catch a breather at parties...
I have like these rules for social contact. Most of the time, if I meet someone I'd rather not talk to, I actually try to be as asocial as I can, hoping that they'd think I'm the loser and quit on their own accord. But I'm sort of getting to the point in my life where all these loser alibis are starting to weigh down on me, and because I've been so picky in my friend I now have very little people left around me.
And this is sort of the part which scares me the most: if I take off this loser mask, what if people STILL think I'm a loser? What if people giggle at my jokes but then when I leave they're saying "yeah she's weird like that." I wouldn't know what to do. Then I've got a choice between an intentional loser and an accidental loser, and I don't know which I'd rather be.
And that kind of paranoia is just making me less and less likely to actually check if I'm a loser with myself and maybe act on that because if I suddenly change people will start to notice how much of a loser I was in the past.
quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur.