Re: This Guy's Problem (TWS)
12-06-2011, 08:01 PM
Hobo Jones Wrote:Stop yelling about nonsense, you crazy asshole. God.
You muffle the slobbish voice as though it was coming from the bag-bound puppet. You avert your eyes from the LORD (and you guess THE LORD? Just because a guy's always watching you doesn't mean you have to make eye-contact.) Either way, you're pretty embarrassed right now - not to mention terrified to speak up again.
For some reason your "embarrass Clarion while making everyone see what an idiot he is" plan backfired and now you're that much closer to being boned.
Or de-boned. It's really up to the court.
Lady Worpinshire Wrote:>Take down the noose! Having a length of rope is sure to be useful.
"Lady," you turn to the lacy puppet, "now is not the time to be thinking about your bondage games. Though, it would be nice to have one less possible cause of death hanging above me."
You stand up on your bench and begin to fiddle with the NOOSE. You vaguely recall something bad happening to people who PLAY WITH NOOSES but it doesn't come to mind.
Wow these knots are difficult to undo. It would probably be easier if you didn't have all these PUPPETS on your hand but YOU NEED THEM.
Lillian Big-beard Wrote:>Okay, okay. Deeeep breath. Think. What is your client's alibi? You must have some witnesses to call? Evidence? Anything?
>Also stop shouting obscenities and insults. It's not helping the case any, it's annoying the LORD (and maybe THE LORD?), and worst of all, it is the kind of behavior one would expect from HOBO JONES.
"Yeah yeah, whatever I know. Andy's alibi is that he's a bumbling idiotic peasant. That is also what makes him a prime suspect. It's easy to blame crimes on peasants. There weren't any WITNESSES other than Andy and the VICTIM and I guess the REAL MURDERER because Andy couldn't have done it because, again, he is an idiot. Andy can't take the stand because he's GLUED TO THE BENCH. It's the LORD's way of making sure suspects don't try and flee. I never really understood that, I mean we're in a cage already, but whatever.
Anyway the case is almost OVER. I can only hope that CLARION SCREWS UP which NEVER HAPPENS.
Bartleby Butterscotch Wrote:Dammit. While Clarion was talking you could have constructed an entire puppet theater from the solicitor's table. Maybe you still can.
"I do need to fix up my PUPPET TABLE at home. Maybe if I don't die I can use some of the WOOD?"
You continue fiddling with the NOOSE while Clarion's voice brightens the room like a beam of sunshine.
A beam of sunshine that you HAAAATE.
"As reported by the multiple WITNESSES and the UNDERTAKER, the body of Lucille Copperton, had been brutally dismembered, with every BONE REMOVED and her REMAINS left to decay in the MARKETPLACE.
"Now while the esteemed GUARDS searched for the PERPETRATOR of this HEINOUS act, they discovered the defense's client near the crime scene in the possession of an inordinate amount of BONES. Now, while it is impossible to determine exactly where his grim collection came from. The presence of a HUMAN SKULL among his belongings was by far the most incriminating.
"We are all aware that the common classes have a higher propensity for violence than individuals of your LORDSHIP's status, and while the nature of the crime may come as a shock to the more delicate members of your court, the more sensible individuals will find this as no surprise. It is my belief that poor Lucille Copperton had made the very insensible decision to wonder the STREETS at an unscrupulous hour and met the defense's client, where with, her being a LADY of a gentle nature was no match for his innate BRUTALITY and fell victim to his INSANITY."
"Freakin jerk he KNOWS that couldn't have happened, Scraggly doesn't even SLEEP IN THE CITY" you mutter to yourself.
Senor Sasparilla Wrote:Clarion is a handsome, charming example of a man and you should apologize. He has the elegance and natural charisma of a wolf!
"Hrmph. 'Wolf' is right. Did you know that's his nickname? 'The Debonair Wolf' Of course you did. It's how I can get away with so many 'dog' insults."
Professor Newcastle Wrote:He was trying to save your neck over there, not to mention the rest of you. And us, clearly (do we have sentience without you?).
"No. You're a puppet. Be quiet...
Wait he was what?"
"Now the defense claims that because his client's mental status would preclude him from committing this particular crime. Such a defense is a noble and reasonable endeavor, and I once again encourage your Lordship to look kindly on the man, who has served this court very well."
Professor Newcastle Wrote:Why do you hate him so much, anyway?
"But if I may say, it is this very property of his client's deranged mind - one which possesses no moral compass - that committed him towards this wretched dismemberment of his victim. Thus, he is GUILTY BY REASON OF INSANITY. For no man could have performed this crime and still retain their mental faculties. His deranged mind is both the cause and the effect of Miss Copperton's death.
"The prosecution rests its case, and awaits the LORD's judgement."
There is some applause. A few of the more sensitive members of the court dry their eyes. The LORD nods in agreement.
"That is why I hate him. He just has to mouth off and smile and people believe anything he says. He knows they're all a bunch of rubes and he plays it off SO EASILY. His ARGUMENT is RIDICULOUS! 'Both the cause and effect'? What a bunch of BULL! But I'm sure I can turn this around I just need..."
The LORD speaks.
"This case has been completed. It is my judgement that the PEASANT is GUILTY and shall be EXECUTED IMMEDIATELY! The DEFENSE, however, shall be SPARED."
"Wait...wait what? No that's not right..."
>_