Re: This Guy's Problem (TWS)
12-05-2011, 07:31 PM
Oh hey I'm surprised! I really expected you to start suggesting names for the prosecution guy. Then I'd get to berate you and tell you how silly it is that you'd think you could affect things like people's names.
"Oh I have a plan for that. If he's anything like me he fears execution by IRATE LORD. I just have to wait for the right moment."
"What the hell is a briefcase?"
Oh Professor Newcastle what did I just say about being able to affect things outside of the Solicitor's head? Perhaps a learned puppet such as yourself may know a thing or two about state-of-the-art travelling devices but I assure you the Prosecution has no such device.
He carries around a leather portfolio. Fits snugly into his coat pocket when it's not in use. Geeze.
"He does have that stupid little book thing. Look at it, always holding it, referencing it for NOTES, keeping his THOUGHTS ORGANIZED. Labeled with those stupid 'C.V.' initials. And no, C.V. doesn't stand for 'Charming VanDorkinstien', it stands for 'Clarion Vergis'.
"That smooth talking son-of-a-bitch, is just soooo successful and liked by ALL THE LADIES. Oh but what's that Professor? You think I could call him a slut-bag because clearly someone who could get that much tail would sleep around constantly? But noooo. he apparently LOVES HIS WIFE, and there's some stupid sweet CONVOLUTED STORY about how they got together that he always tells at PARTIES like an ASSHOLE.
"Not to mention he's always PANDERING TO THE JUDGES. Finding out what they like and saying just the right thing to EARN THEIR FAVOR. But NOT TODAY. Today I'm gonna...
"Graaangh!"
You slam the puppet bag on the floor. You're not sure how much of that you actually said out loud but frigg'n HOBO JONES is NOT HELPING. Why can't you just have a decent semi-internal expository monologue with out that damn puppet mouthing off his nonsense?
...
You peek in the bag to make sure HOBO JONES isn't hurt too bad.
Okay yes he's fine.
"Uuuuuugh." You pull your hat farther down on your head in frustration/psyche yourself up. You squish a few finger puppets and lower the ceiling in Senor Sasparilla's house but who cares they are puppets they'll be fine.
"Looks like Prosecution Licks-his-balls, is done with his opening closing statements and moving on to the meat of it...time to enact my MASTER PLAN.
"CLARION YOU SUUUUUUCK!!!"
There's a bit of silence in the courtroom. Clarion clears his throat and his angelic voice speaks once again.
"As I was saying, despite the custom in your excellency's court of dispatching the most incompetent solicitors in a wise effort to improve the fledgling judicial system as a whole, it is my humble opinion that losing our dear defense lawyer would be an incalculable shame."
"F*CK YOU CLARION!!!"
"Despite his...peculiarities, the solicitor has managed to make some very valid claims in the defense of his client. I would suggest that, perhaps, his current state of passion is brought about in no small degree by the pressure brought upon him by speaking before your excellencies presence's. I must admit that even, I, am feeling no small amount of trepidation while addressing your majesties and the lovely ladies of your courtroom."
"YOU'RE A BITCH!!!"
"But I digress. It would be both petty and unprofessional of myself to claim that the validity of the defense's arguments is rendered invalid by his personal demeanor, and I would like to humbly remind my Lord, that regardless of the hypothetical and convoluted claims he may have brought about your court in his moments of passion, the defense has no say in the realm of prosecution. Thus is not necessary of him to discover a culprit for this particular crime, simply to defend the innocence of his client."
"HEY DOES IT STINK OVER THERE I BET YOU SMELL AWFUL!"
"And thus it would be most noble of the court to disregard any accusations made, and most proper of myself to address the true and reasonable arguments presented by the defense. If it pleases the court, I will simply re-state the facts of this case, and why I continue to stalwartly believe that the defense's client is the most likely culprit for this heinous act."
"I OBJECT!"
The Lord is not pleased.
"SOLICITOR! If I hear one more outburst from you I shall have you HANGED on the SPOT!"
Oh, so that's what that noose above you is for.
>_
Lady Worpinshire Wrote:>Okay, calm down. All you need to do is find some stealthy way to make this guy even more embarrassed than you are.
Senor Sasparilla Wrote:To defeat a man is a simple game. Joo must simply discover his darkest fear. What does this prosecutor fear, more than anything?
"Oh I have a plan for that. If he's anything like me he fears execution by IRATE LORD. I just have to wait for the right moment."
Professor Newcastle Wrote:may I note that Charming McDickface (are you sure that isn't his name?) always keeps a suspicious-looking briefcase beside him with his initials monogrammed in the side. Always. Even when he visits the little lawyers' room.
Do you intend to defeat him? Well. Perhaps that briefcase holds the key.
"What the hell is a briefcase?"
Oh Professor Newcastle what did I just say about being able to affect things outside of the Solicitor's head? Perhaps a learned puppet such as yourself may know a thing or two about state-of-the-art travelling devices but I assure you the Prosecution has no such device.
He carries around a leather portfolio. Fits snugly into his coat pocket when it's not in use. Geeze.
"He does have that stupid little book thing. Look at it, always holding it, referencing it for NOTES, keeping his THOUGHTS ORGANIZED. Labeled with those stupid 'C.V.' initials. And no, C.V. doesn't stand for 'Charming VanDorkinstien', it stands for 'Clarion Vergis'.
"That smooth talking son-of-a-bitch, is just soooo successful and liked by ALL THE LADIES. Oh but what's that Professor? You think I could call him a slut-bag because clearly someone who could get that much tail would sleep around constantly? But noooo. he apparently LOVES HIS WIFE, and there's some stupid sweet CONVOLUTED STORY about how they got together that he always tells at PARTIES like an ASSHOLE.
"Not to mention he's always PANDERING TO THE JUDGES. Finding out what they like and saying just the right thing to EARN THEIR FAVOR. But NOT TODAY. Today I'm gonna...
Hobo Jones Wrote:Steal his lunch! He's a commie spy here to put orange juice in the lakes to kill the fish and make innocent fishermen lose their jobs and turn to alcoholism, putting themselves into a permanent stupor that they'll never escape, for if they do they'll feel nothing but pain!
"Graaangh!"
You slam the puppet bag on the floor. You're not sure how much of that you actually said out loud but frigg'n HOBO JONES is NOT HELPING. Why can't you just have a decent semi-internal expository monologue with out that damn puppet mouthing off his nonsense?
...
You peek in the bag to make sure HOBO JONES isn't hurt too bad.
Hobo Jones Wrote:Punch him in the smug face since he can't well push your pants if he's wide asleep on the cold hard ground like I have to be every night due to those damn commies ninety-twelve please give me a sandwich.
Okay yes he's fine.
"Uuuuuugh." You pull your hat farther down on your head in frustration/psyche yourself up. You squish a few finger puppets and lower the ceiling in Senor Sasparilla's house but who cares they are puppets they'll be fine.
"Looks like Prosecution Licks-his-balls, is done with his opening closing statements and moving on to the meat of it...time to enact my MASTER PLAN.
"CLARION YOU SUUUUUUCK!!!"
There's a bit of silence in the courtroom. Clarion clears his throat and his angelic voice speaks once again.
"As I was saying, despite the custom in your excellency's court of dispatching the most incompetent solicitors in a wise effort to improve the fledgling judicial system as a whole, it is my humble opinion that losing our dear defense lawyer would be an incalculable shame."
"F*CK YOU CLARION!!!"
"Despite his...peculiarities, the solicitor has managed to make some very valid claims in the defense of his client. I would suggest that, perhaps, his current state of passion is brought about in no small degree by the pressure brought upon him by speaking before your excellencies presence's. I must admit that even, I, am feeling no small amount of trepidation while addressing your majesties and the lovely ladies of your courtroom."
"YOU'RE A BITCH!!!"
"But I digress. It would be both petty and unprofessional of myself to claim that the validity of the defense's arguments is rendered invalid by his personal demeanor, and I would like to humbly remind my Lord, that regardless of the hypothetical and convoluted claims he may have brought about your court in his moments of passion, the defense has no say in the realm of prosecution. Thus is not necessary of him to discover a culprit for this particular crime, simply to defend the innocence of his client."
"HEY DOES IT STINK OVER THERE I BET YOU SMELL AWFUL!"
"And thus it would be most noble of the court to disregard any accusations made, and most proper of myself to address the true and reasonable arguments presented by the defense. If it pleases the court, I will simply re-state the facts of this case, and why I continue to stalwartly believe that the defense's client is the most likely culprit for this heinous act."
Bartleby Butterscotch Wrote:The Prosecution is clearly prosecuting you and not your client! Protest! Object!
"I OBJECT!"
The Lord is not pleased.
"SOLICITOR! If I hear one more outburst from you I shall have you HANGED on the SPOT!"
Oh, so that's what that noose above you is for.
>_