Re: btp and means of production
12-04-2011, 07:35 PM
Okay so where is the blushing emote?
Is this it?
I will assume that is it.
Really, though, I don't think a blog is the best place for me right now. I like the low-key ness of the thread, and ranting towards a close knit community of people sounds more appealing to me than the vast emptiness of the internet.
Of course I really don't know much about blogs.
I have other reservations too. Mainly that this last week or so, half of what I've done I've had this thought in the back of my mind: "How would I write about this?" I don't think that can be very healthy personally. Especially since I'm trying to get to a place where I can just up and leave the internet if need be.
Nothing personal internet. I just need to get to a good place right now. One where I see a sustainable future ahead of me.
But then again damn you guys are just too fun.
The other problem with thinking "how would I write about this" all the time is that it leaves me with dozens of possible avenues to take and I don't really know where to go. This sort of thing just needs to come out organically, and that's difficult when I have all these thought-fragments bouncing around that I want to get to.
Like, I want to say that I saw that one lady again. She had been discharged but she came back the next day. Sometimes people don't get better. Sometimes they get worse. She had gotten worse.
Not worse as in "more crazy" worse, but worse as in weaker and less present. Worse as in repeating the same statements all day and not just around nightime. Her daughter was okay though, but you could tell she was exhausted.
I really hope I don't see her in a hospital bed.
Or I could mention what the thread title is sort of referencing. That I'm in the process of quitting a project that I am being secretive about for some reason (which was probably dumb but whatever). but to finish it up I have to do a few things and I've contracted a nasty case of senioritis (not wanting to do something when you're almost done with it) regarding it. Which is a problem because I'm holding other people up and that's not something I want to do.
Or I could go off of Epamy's comment and talk about while funny it also reminds me of something kind of frightening. These last six months I've spent a disproportionate amount of time with a (hopefully) specific subset of the population, and I think it's made me have this dread that struggling about confused and in a hospital bed is what awaits everyone.
See I do this thing, that I guess other people don't do very much? but sometimes I'll pass someone or see them in a restaurant or any other varied passing interactions, and I think: "Maybe this person is Me/A friend from the future, or another point in my life, and they've come by to look at what I/they did now, or that in so many years I'll be coming back here and not even know that my past younger self was here."
It's sort of a weird take on the whole "identify with another person" thing that I guess other people do do very much? Like a "I wonder if I was in their shoes" or more recently for me "I hope I don't have to be there someday"
Aging is a scary thing guys. Especially when you see people you've known for a long time start to look like people you would have never associated them with.
Or like how, you can hang out with your friends and everything is fine and they really just look the same but then you look back at the kids that are the age that you were when you met your friends and they look like BABIES to you and then you suddenly realize that SOMEHOW you must look like the people who were your age back then did to you and it's kind of FREAKY. Both because it catches you by surprise but also because you now think that you have NO IDEA what you actually look like.
There is something in Romans(?) about the foolishness of a man who looks at himself in the mirror and then instantly forgets what he looks like...I think I do that a lot.
Is this it?
I will assume that is it.Really, though, I don't think a blog is the best place for me right now. I like the low-key ness of the thread, and ranting towards a close knit community of people sounds more appealing to me than the vast emptiness of the internet.
Of course I really don't know much about blogs.
I have other reservations too. Mainly that this last week or so, half of what I've done I've had this thought in the back of my mind: "How would I write about this?" I don't think that can be very healthy personally. Especially since I'm trying to get to a place where I can just up and leave the internet if need be.
Nothing personal internet. I just need to get to a good place right now. One where I see a sustainable future ahead of me.
But then again damn you guys are just too fun.
The other problem with thinking "how would I write about this" all the time is that it leaves me with dozens of possible avenues to take and I don't really know where to go. This sort of thing just needs to come out organically, and that's difficult when I have all these thought-fragments bouncing around that I want to get to.
Like, I want to say that I saw that one lady again. She had been discharged but she came back the next day. Sometimes people don't get better. Sometimes they get worse. She had gotten worse.
Not worse as in "more crazy" worse, but worse as in weaker and less present. Worse as in repeating the same statements all day and not just around nightime. Her daughter was okay though, but you could tell she was exhausted.
I really hope I don't see her in a hospital bed.
Or I could mention what the thread title is sort of referencing. That I'm in the process of quitting a project that I am being secretive about for some reason (which was probably dumb but whatever). but to finish it up I have to do a few things and I've contracted a nasty case of senioritis (not wanting to do something when you're almost done with it) regarding it. Which is a problem because I'm holding other people up and that's not something I want to do.
Or I could go off of Epamy's comment and talk about while funny it also reminds me of something kind of frightening. These last six months I've spent a disproportionate amount of time with a (hopefully) specific subset of the population, and I think it's made me have this dread that struggling about confused and in a hospital bed is what awaits everyone.
See I do this thing, that I guess other people don't do very much? but sometimes I'll pass someone or see them in a restaurant or any other varied passing interactions, and I think: "Maybe this person is Me/A friend from the future, or another point in my life, and they've come by to look at what I/they did now, or that in so many years I'll be coming back here and not even know that my past younger self was here."
It's sort of a weird take on the whole "identify with another person" thing that I guess other people do do very much? Like a "I wonder if I was in their shoes" or more recently for me "I hope I don't have to be there someday"
Aging is a scary thing guys. Especially when you see people you've known for a long time start to look like people you would have never associated them with.
Or like how, you can hang out with your friends and everything is fine and they really just look the same but then you look back at the kids that are the age that you were when you met your friends and they look like BABIES to you and then you suddenly realize that SOMEHOW you must look like the people who were your age back then did to you and it's kind of FREAKY. Both because it catches you by surprise but also because you now think that you have NO IDEA what you actually look like.
There is something in Romans(?) about the foolishness of a man who looks at himself in the mirror and then instantly forgets what he looks like...I think I do that a lot.