Duct Tape

Originally posted on MSPA by Pancakes.

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GUEST UPDATE!

Tape tape over your ears

Of course, you decide to make a perfect set of duct tape ear muffs and block out the noise. This works perfectly, you can't hear anything. This includes your favorite day time soap opera.

You throw your ear muffs to the ground in excitement as Miranda whispers her darkest secrets to Biff.

DESTROY THEM

You march outside with two wicked duct tape whips in either hand. You flog the construction workers mercilessly until they are encased in swaths of the tape. However, the ever present city planning bureaucracy won't stop sending low-wage workers to finish construction.

You give up before they send the cops back to find you.

> Fix the road with a layer of duct tape

You decide to lay down a little bit of the structural perfection they call Duct Tape to solve this problem. You did not, however, account for what may be the single greatest source of duct tape destruction in the universe: Hot Asphalt. The tape you placed peels away like so many banana peels at the metaphorical hand of a blazing chimpanzee.

Go live in your skyscraper while construction is under way.

This is a great idea, you're going to live in the lap of luxury. The Jefferson's theme song fills your thoughts as you march triumphantly back to the duct tape tower. When you arrive you find that you are not the only person with this idea, and the tower is completely full up with wealthy laundromat owners and their families.

>Soundproof your house with thousands of layers of duct tape.

You have it! You'll use the same strategy you heard from major news sources for combating airborne terrorist chemicals. You begin encasing your house in duct tape, no window is left unsealed. Right before you fatally asphyxiate you remember why you didn't do this the first time, and cut away the tape just in time.

Fill the engines of their machines with duct tape.

Having had quite enough of this FOOLISHNESS, you step outside, open the hoods to the machines that they are using for this project, and unceremoniously fill them with the stickiest tape known to man. The bureaucracy's budget cannot cope with such expensive machinery being disabled and closes down.

You return to your soap with a smug smile. After having shed many tears over the tragic romance of Miranda and Biff you are feeling mighty parched, however, the same department that runs construction also runs the water supply in your city, and they are FLAT BROKE. There is no water to be had, what are you going to do about this?