GreyGabe' WebQue t [Texting, Texting, 123]

>Set up a Shenanigan Rex trap! Bait it with an unsuspecting sucker (other than you).

Maaaaan, Shenanigan is freaking King of the Pranksters, he’ll see that coming a mile a way… unless he knows that you know that he’ll see it coming, and decides not to worry about it… but maybe he’ll figure on you knowing that he knows and count on you to set a trap, just so he can cause it to backfire on you hilariously… Eh, whatever. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? You’ll just need to find a good sucker… But who…

Eat everything but the pineapple. Do NOT trust that fucking pineapple.

Well, while you’re thinking, might as well have a snack. You eye the Pineapple warily. You don’t think you’ll eat that. You remember Shenanigan had a thing with pineapples. The rest is probably fine… he’d want to lull you into a false sense of security before his trap sprung, for maximum comic effect.

You munch some Bananas, nosh on some Kiwi Fruit, and prepare to bite into the You-Don’t-Know-What-It-Is when you suddenly realize how dumb it would be to actually attempt to ingest a Something-That-You-Don’t-Know-What-It-Is. You examine it closely. It’s big, bigger than an orange, say, but smaller than a cantaloupe. You mentioned the color, earlier, and its outside is pretty hard. You give it a tap.

*click* *click*

Hmm. You think you’ll just hold onto this for now. You drop it into your Gallifreyan Satchel.
But there is no way in hell that you’re eating that Pineapple though. But what to do with it…?

Foist that fruit basket off on some idiot immediately.

Ah, yes… your plan is coming together now…
You don’t think there are any actual idiots in Eagle Town, but you’re easily clever enough to trick some unsuspecting mark into taking a free Fruit Basket… uh, a Basket With A Single Piece Of Fruit In It, anyway. You quickly grab a pen and paper and scribble the following.

Do you like pineapples? Of course you do. Pineapples are goddamn delicious. In ancient Greece, Spartan warriors used to slather themselves in pineapple juice before going to battle, because they believed armor was for sissies, and they liked how pineapple smelled. They also slathered themselves in pineapple juice before their gay orgies, but that’s neither here nor there.

Is any of that actually true? Hell, I don’t know. I was too busy staring down this delicious, fresh pineapple to bother looking any of it up. Are you craving some pineapple right now? I bet you are. I wrote 'pineapple' enough times. Anyway, you want some of this delicious fucking pineapple, you come on over to my house. I will hook you up. With this pineapple. Better hurry though. I’m feeling generous now, but I’m getting hungry just sitting here, smelling its pineappley smell. In conclusion, you, a free pineapple, whatever cutlery you need. My house. Be there or be square.

--Gabe

There. That’s not suspicious or creepy at all. You jog over to General Square and tack it up where everyone can see it before returning home.

You’re not even back for five minutes when you hear a knocking at the door. You quickly rush over and open it.

-“Oh! Hi, Schazer.”
“Gabe. I heard there is free pineapple on offer?”
-“…Yes. Right this way!”

Okay not the kind of bait for your trap you had in mind. But you can work with this. And hopefully not get smashed with a Modmin’s Hammer Of Banishment before your day is up…

“Well here is the pineapple! You can keep the basket too I guess.” You pass Schazer the Pineapple and a knife. She sets to peeling it. But you have something else you need to take care of.

>Lay a trail of slippery grease from every point of entry of the house into the basement.

“Where did you get a fruit basket, anyway?”

-“It was in my house when I got back!”

“Just… here?”

-“Yep. I figure it is from one of my many, many adoring fans, that are totally real and not at all a wishful figment of my imagination.”

“Uh-huh. What are you doing?”

-“Oh, don’t mind me. My, uh… floor is sticky? Yeah, that’s it. My floor’s sticky. So I’m lubricating it. With this grease.”

“Okay...?”

...

-“Hey, would you mind moving so that your back is facing this closet?”

“Why?”

-“Uh… it’s a feng shui thing. When seated, my guests have to be oriented to face the east.”

“I would be facing west if I moved over there.”

-“That’s what I said, west.”

“I’m pretty sure you said east.”

-“I think I know what I said, Schazer.”

“Okay, fine.”

You continue pouring grease trails from every entryway or possible hiding place in the house leading into the basement.
Once you finish, you head back to the kitchen area and carefully sit with your back to a solid wall.

-“How’s the pineapple?”

“Not bad.”

You sit in awkward silence for a while.

-“Sure is nice to sit around, completely vulnerable and unsuspecting, completely confident in your ability to avoid being pranked or otherwise hoodwinked, wouldn’t you say?”

Schazer just looks at you strangely. You clear your throat and look up at the ceiling. More awkward silence ensues.
Suddenly, you hear the front door burst open followed by a short scream, and the thumping of someone falling down all of those stairs.

You carefully rush over to the basement door, followed closely by Schazer.

-“Ha! I caught you, you mischievous dinosaur!”

“Owww…”

Wait that doesn’t sound like Shenanigan.

-“MrGuy?”

“Pine… apple…”

Whoops.

“Hello, human. I hope you like being slowly eaten from the inside out~”

Oh jeeze this thing again.

-“Hey! No! No eating guests!”

“Butt out! I get cranky if I don’t eat regularly!”

-“Hey! I will… make Schazer go down there and she will give you such a thrashing! Such. A. Thrashing.”

The thing in your basement grumbles something under its breath. Suddenly, MrGuy flies up the stairs, knocking you over backwards.

Schazer leans over you, glaring disapprovingly.

“Tricking your fellow forumites into being prankster bait. That’s low, Gabe. That’s low.”

She spins on her heel and leaves.

“And I’m keeping the basket!” She yells over her shoulder.

Well, that could have gone better.

Oh, hey, you got a response to your letter to Nopor Puss!

What you should do is get some specialty armor made. I recommend having very sharp metal spikes put on the inside. And make it out of cardboard so it doesn't protect from much of anything.

You're not entirely sure why but that doesn't seem like terribly sound advice to you. But (and this might be a massive concussion talking, but hear yourself out) he is the expert. Should you follow his advice?

SpoilerShow

I hope it doesn’t turn out that Schazer and/or MrGuy hates/is allergic to pineapple or something. That would make me feel very silly. Well… sillier, anyway.