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GreyGabe · 10-12-2011, 05:20 AM

Dragon Fogel Wrote:>Shout to draw the attention of any horrible monsters lurking in your basement. If there are any, that's the sort of thing you want to know sooner rather than later.

âHEY.â You shout, âARE THERE ANY MONSTERS DOWN HERE? IF SO YOU HAD BETTER ANSWER ME!â

âYeeeessssss. I hear yoooooou.â

Mystery solved!

Ed Wrote:> Obligatory licking the darkness command

> Raise your arms while walking in circles and shouting profanities, this will resolve all your problems, no doubts about it.

AgentBlue Wrote:Take a handful of darkness and pop it in a jar.

You stick out your tongue and lick the Darkness. Tastes kinda like how fabric softener smells.

You canât find any jars in your Gallifreyan Satchel, but you do find an Empty Energy Drink Can that you can repurpose. You shovel a bunch of Darkness into it. You now have a Can Oâ Darkness.

You then throw your arms up, take a deep breath, and begin a train of swears the likes of which you have not uttered in at least ten minutes.

âSON OF A [bleep]ING [bleep] FONDLING [bleep] MONGER. I SWEAR TO [bleep]ING JEGUS THAT IF YOU DONâT [bleep] OFF AND GET THE [bleep]ING [bleep] OUT OF HERE, I WILL [bleep] YOU SO HARD THAT YOUR [bleep] [bleep]ING [bleep] OF A MOTHER WOULDNâT RECOGNIZE YOU [bleep]ING YOUR WAY DOWN THE [bleep]ING STREET. FURTHERMORE, YOU [bleep] [bleep]ING [bleep] [bleep]â¦â

You continue on in this vein for a while. A few miles away, a group of sailors enjoying themselves on shore leave suddenly find themselves blushing uncontrollably. Even further off, an entire convent-full of nuns faints for no discernable reason.

âThat was hurtful.â

Well, that didnât accomplish much, but you feel better.

âAnyway, are you done? Iâd like to suck your bones and organs out through your ears and then wear your empty skin like footie pajamas.â

Well, you never.

Schazer Wrote:Tell the monsters you don't want what they're selling. The role-reversal will confuse them and distract them from their grouchiness at having their lair intruded-upon.

âYou know what, guy! I donât want what youâre selling.â

âWell, most people donât, but--â

âDon't you know that I'm on the national Do Not Haunt list?â

âWhat? I donâtâ¦â

âWhatâs your name and extension number? Your supervisor is going to be getting a call from me, I can tell you that.â

âThis isnâtâ¦â

âAnd you just better hope I can be placated with a twelve-month calendar and one of those little solar powered calculators because otherwise Iâm going to make sure that you not only lose your job, but youâll never be able to get a referral ever again.â

âPlease stop, Iâ¦â

âThatâs it. Iâve had it. Good day, sir!â

âBut--â

âGOOD DAY.â

You storm up the stairs, pausing only to snag your Somewhat Abused Shopping Cart.

You canât believe that worked.

You are back in the main area of Your House. To the west is the Basement Door. To the south, the Front Door leads out into Eagle Town proper. You already knew that, though, so youâre not sure why the narrator is repeating it.

MrGuy Wrote:Go upstairs and into the kitchen. Make yourself a cup of coffee, pour some cream in, and consult the back of your YORK CARD for tips on divination.

You head to the kitchen area. You pop some coffee in the maker, and consult the back of your York Summon Card whilst itâs brewing. The instructions are fairly straight forward. Use good coffee (you must be very particular about your coffee). Pour in just the right amount of cream, give it a stir, and after staring deep into its mysterious depths and breathing deep of its rich aroma for a couple of seconds, take a sip while bending your will towards knowing the future. Let things flow naturally from there.

Sounds easy enough.

You follow the cardâs directions, and feel the knowledge flow over you.

(Let a smiley be your umbrella!
Lucky Number: 5)

Neat!
You gain a Wisdomosity point!
Your CP gets a boost, too.

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