Palace Caprae (Sburblike RP)

Entry session number 2, for Hans Duffe.

Show Content

Spoiler(11:34:13) GMedict: >It is a dark and stormy night. If you decide it is, anyway, I don't control the weather yet.
(11:35:14) xXwoeismeXx: What crappy weather we're having, it hasn't rained for 4 months.
(11:37:51) xXwoeismeXx: >hans pulls out phone, no connection
(11:38:38) GMedict: ((oy, stealin my prompting angles))
(11:39:01) GMedict: >Despite the lack of internet connection, you receive a notification!
(11:39:11) GMedict: >Is this your ringtone? You don't remember changing it.
(11:39:29) xXwoeismeXx: What the hell, freaking telemarketers and their cheap tricks
(11:39:55) xXwoeismeXx: o, OH
(11:40:00) GMedict: >According to the sender, identified as NEODYNIC_NOREPLY, "The public test version of Neodynic's Palace Championship is now available for download!"
(11:40:51) xXwoeismeXx: A...amazing. I get the message just as the net flops. To the top floor I guess, probably get better satellite there.
(11:41:21) xXwoeismeXx: Might be able to download the game in the next week. *sigh
(11:41:58) xXwoeismeXx: *hans gets off posterior and shuffles up to light room and plonks said posterior on wooden bench*
(11:44:59) xXwoeismeXx: So, download...
(11:45:04) xXwoeismeXx: one bar of connection...
(11:45:39) GMedict: >The game's application appears to contain barely a megabyte of data! It begins downloading at an appreciable clip.
(11:46:07) xXwoeismeXx: neat! Maybe I'll be able to play the game today after all!
(11:46:49) xXwoeismeXx: I'll intensely stare at the loading bar thingomajigo
(11:46:56) xXwoeismeXx: and open it up once it's done
(11:46:57) GMedict: >After a brief wait, the loading bar fills, and the following icon is displayed onscreen:
(11:46:58) GMedict:
(11:47:41) GMedict: >A mechanical voice chirps "Welcome to Neodynic's Palace Championship! Preparing for installation unstruction!"
(11:48:14) xXwoeismeXx: Unstruction. Huh man. Words these guys use these days.
(11:48:19) xXwoeismeXx: No idea
(11:48:59) GMedict: >The face on-screen displays a worried expression.
(11:49:38) GMedict: >"User's internet connection appears to be insufficient for automatic installation unstruction. Would you like to switch to MANUAL MODE?"
(11:50:22) xXwoeismeXx: Eh, may as well. Last I heard computers were like carburettors. Right?
(11:50:52) GMedict: >The face appears to respond your your voice commands! "Please wait while Neodynic operatives engage MANUAL MODE."
(11:50:59) GMedict: Its eyes close, and a loading icon bounces back and forth at the bottom of the screen.
(11:51:10) GMedict: >You begin to hear a faint, high-pitched noise. It's not coming from the phone.
(11:51:12) MrGuy: (hee hee)
(11:51:57) xXwoeismeXx: What the shit, right, probably the light. lets go patch that up *leave phone unattended and go inspect lights machinery*
(11:52:10) xXwoeismeXx: ((bad ideas are the best ideas))
(11:52:24) GMedict: >The light fixture appears to be intact. The noise appears to be increasing in volume.
(11:53:19) xXwoeismeXx: Dude, this noise is the worst. Gonna have a look for it
(11:53:37) xXwoeismeXx: has to be coming from somewhere right?
(11:53:39) xXwoeismeXx: RIGHT?
(11:54:03) GMedict: >The noise has become a high-pitched whine. The face on your phone is still displaying a loading icon.
(11:55:43) xXwoeismeXx: Suppose I could try and google this shit
(11:55:50) xXwoeismeXx: but the phones being a dork
(11:55:55) xXwoeismeXx: and like, loading
(11:55:58) GMedict: >The face opens its eyes. "MANUAL MODE engaged. Please take cover."
(11:56:08) xXwoeismeXx: wh
(11:56:13) GMedict: >The whine is becoming even louder.
(11:56:20) xXwoeismeXx: Ok...
(11:56:35) xXwoeismeXx: I guess I'll just, go sit under the bench
(11:56:36) xXwoeismeXx: or
(11:56:37) xXwoeismeXx: something
(11:57:05) GMedict: ((mind describing the top floor of the lighthouse?))
(11:58:15) xXwoeismeXx: ((circular room, incredibly large light on top of a machine that spins it in the middle. Bench located to the north wall and exit to the south wall. Various equipment is in storage on the floor))
(11:58:44) xXwoeismeXx: ((walls are lined with fly wire instead of windows))
(11:58:53) xXwoeismeXx: ((glass is expensive))
(11:59:36) xXwoeismeXx: ((under the spinning mechanism there is a huge cooling fan that blows air up through the hole in the floor where the light is sitting and out through the fly wire in all directions))
(11:59:41) xXwoeismeXx: ((good enough??))
(12:00:07) GMedict: >With a deafening crash, a large object smashes through the ceiling and careens across the room. The spotlight is ruined!
(12:00:32) GMedict: >The object comes to a stop on the other side of the room, smoking heavily.
(12:00:41) xXwoeismeXx: Oh, fuck. Dad's gonna have a fit.
(12:01:00) xXwoeismeXx: not just dad but the FUCKING PORT oh my god this is not good
(12:02:09) GMedict: >Your phone provides some helpful commentary on your perdicament.
(12:02:10) GMedict: >"MANUAL MODE has been engaged. Phace unit no longer integral. Please consult the provided Manual Installation Unstruction Manual for further assistance."
(12:02:26) GMedict: >The face closes its eyes, and your phone shuts down.
(12:02:45) xXwoeismeXx: oh no you don't, gonna turn that fucker back on
(12:02:53) xXwoeismeXx: sassy little shit
(12:03:49) GMedict: >You reboot your phone, but the Neodynic's Palace Championship app is nowhere to be found!
(12:04:23) xXwoeismeXx: *throw phone
(12:05:00) xXwoeismeXx: ok, I guess I better uh
(12:05:05) xXwoeismeXx: shit I dunno
(12:05:10) GMedict: >The phone sails through a hole in the glass, landing on the ground outside.
(12:05:20) GMedict: >The smoke begins to clear from the package.
(12:06:00) xXwoeismeXx: the mailman just gets more and more stupid doesn't he.
(12:06:21) xXwoeismeXx: anyway, package
(12:06:22) xXwoeismeXx: lets uh
(12:06:25) xXwoeismeXx: cool it down
(12:06:51) xXwoeismeXx: *grab OCHS mandated fire extinguisher from floor storage*
(12:07:06) xXwoeismeXx: *spray package, spray broken spotlight*
(12:07:51) xXwoeismeXx: open cooled down package inspect goodies?
(12:08:37) GMedict: >The package is about a meter in diameter, and is wrapped in several layers of what appears to be denim.
(12:08:49) GMedict: >It was gently smoldering until you smothered it in fire-retardant foam.
(12:09:15) GMedict: >You unwrap the layers of fabric, revealing a cardboard box underneath. It appears to be sealed with ordinary packing tape.
(12:09:37) xXwoeismeXx: *shake fist at crazy mailman, open box
(12:10:14) GMedict: >You peel the tape from the box, and inspect the contents.
(12:10:22) GMedict: >ONE (1) leaflet reading "Manual Installation Unstruction Manual".
(12:10:26) GMedict: >ONE (1) plastic frame containing tiny white plastic weapons. You know, like one of those things that come in craft kits where you have to twist off the plastic nubs? It holds a sword, an arrow, and a staff, each of which are about an inch in length.
(12:10:31) GMedict: >THREE (3) color-coded rectangular devices, about the size of a soda can, each of which features a speaker and a button. Radios, perhaps? They come in red, green, and blue.
(12:10:50) GMedict: >And...
(12:11:44) GMedict: >ONE (1) large roll of yellow caution tape.
(12:12:03) GMedict: >A BUNCH OF (a bunch of) plastic posts, with metal spikes for driving into the ground.
(12:13:08) xXwoeismeXx: alright then, clearly whoever sent this knew they were gonna break shit
(12:13:09) xXwoeismeXx: so
(12:13:32) xXwoeismeXx: lets angrily glare at posts and tape
(12:13:38) xXwoeismeXx: how dare it know what would happen
(12:13:51) xXwoeismeXx: and...let's give the manual a look over
(12:13:56) xXwoeismeXx: all this other crap seems silly
(12:14:06) GMedict: >You open to the first page of the manual.
(12:14:52) GMedict: >It reads, in familiar-looking handwriting "Don't worry about the fucking mailman. Everything will be fine, just wait and see."
(12:15:47) GMedict: >The words "DON'T PANIC" are written once at the bottom of the page, in small print.
(12:15:57) GMedict: >Turn to the next page?
(12:15:59) xXwoeismeXx: this shithead just told me what I should and shouldn't worry about. Having none of that noise. Since it's so smart it can tell me how to fix this fucking light.
(12:16:04) xXwoeismeXx: ask it how to fix the light and turn
(12:17:01) xXwoeismeXx: not taking no backchat from a manual, how rude...
(12:17:11) GMedict: >You search the manual for instructions on how to fix the spotlight. Oddly enough, you find a section labeled "Spotlight repair" towards the back.
(12:17:40) xXwoeismeXx: oh goody, let's read that and do it with the tools that are clearly in storage here
(12:18:15) GMedict: >It reads "I said don't worry about the mailman, Hans. The spotlight's not a big deal- I think the King is going to fix it, anyway. Or maybe he breaks it? Fuck, I don't fucking know. How about you work on something else?"
(12:18:24) GMedict: >This isn't very helpful.
(12:19:03) xXwoeismeXx: man, what a sassy little book, I'm going to put this thing down in the naughty corner
(12:19:07) xXwoeismeXx: that'll learn it
(12:19:22) xXwoeismeXx: right, lets see what's the deal with these plastic toys
(12:19:34) GMedict: >You cannot put the book down in the naughty corner! The room is a circle, and has no corners!
(12:19:54) xXwoeismeXx: yes I can, the phone is in the naughty corner
(12:20:09) xXwoeismeXx: so put it with the phone
(12:20:16) xXwoeismeXx: I hope it screams all the way down
(12:20:49) GMedict: >You put the non-speaking paper manual "with the phone"- meaning that you chuck it out the same window.
(12:20:55) GMedict: >I hope you know what you're doing.
(12:21:21) MrGuy: ( hahaha )
(12:21:24) xXwoeismeXx: god damn, I can work it out myself without taking sass. Thankyou.
(12:21:46) MrGuy: ( this guy is making Larry look like a master planner )
(12:21:58) GMedict: >Right. You can do this! You're a man, damn it, and you're going to do this man-ual job like a pro!
(12:22:02) xXwoeismeXx: right, these plastic toys, come barrelling through my roof without being relevant. Unlikely story
(12:22:04) GMedict: >Which items would you like to inspect first?
(12:22:09) xXwoeismeXx: lets fiddle with em
(12:22:25) xXwoeismeXx: see if they shoot lightning out their asses or something
(12:23:29) xXwoeismeXx: no clue, all the stupid shit that's been happening
(12:23:34) xXwoeismeXx: they might just do that
(12:24:16) GMedict: >You peer into the box, looking at the radios, the plastic frame, the caution tape, and the stakes.
(12:24:22) GMedict: >Which would you like to inspect?
(12:24:32) xXwoeismeXx: plastic frame
(12:24:48) xXwoeismeXx: (12:22:25) xXwoeismeXx: see if they shoot lightning out their asses or something
(12:25:07) GMedict: >The plastic frame contains three white plastic models- one of a sword, one of an arrow, and one of a staff. They're each about an inch long.
(12:25:36) xXwoeismeXx: take the arrow, maybe it can point me in the right direction
(12:25:44) GMedict: >None of the three models has an ass to shoot lightning from.
(12:25:59) GMedict: >You twist the arrow out of its frame, but it doesn't appear to do anything.
(12:26:09) GMedict: >It just looks like a plastic arrow, really.
(12:26:16) xXwoeismeXx: put it down and spin it
(12:26:30) xXwoeismeXx: whatever it points at is what I'm dealing with
(12:26:35) GMedict: >You spin the plastic arrow on the floor, next to the shards of broken spotlight glass.
(12:26:52) GMedict: >It points towards the wall.
(12:26:58) xXwoeismeXx: hmm
(12:27:05) xXwoeismeXx: maybe the arrow is full of shit
(12:27:06) GMedict: >Your divination abilities are surely flawless.
(12:27:41) xXwoeismeXx: put it back in the box, lets take out these radio looking doodads
(12:27:51) xXwoeismeXx: push some buttons till they do something
(12:27:55) GMedict: >Which color radio would you like to inspect?
(12:28:03) xXwoeismeXx: BLUE
(12:28:09) xXwoeismeXx: is a safety colour
(12:28:17) GMedict: >You press the button on the blue radio.
(12:28:38) GMedict: >A soft voice- possibly that of a woman?- comes through the static.
(12:28:59) xXwoeismeXx: watcha saying lady
(12:29:08) GMedict: >It starts to say something, but then you hear a gruff voice interrupting it.
(12:29:34) xXwoeismeXx: siiigh
(12:29:42) MrGuy: (hehehe, I think I know what this is about :B)
(12:29:44) xXwoeismeXx: gruff, watcha saying
(12:29:52) GMedict: >"-o, we have to fix the protocol, the last player thought we were-" "I'm talking to a player NOW, Dave! Can it wait?"
(12:30:16) GMedict: >"What? Is he- oh, god, never mind. Just give the spiel."
(12:30:53) xXwoeismeXx: spill it doofus /probably can't hear me say it anyway
(12:31:15) GMedict: >The blue voice resumes talking. "What is the weapon of the scholar? The wizard, the mage, the acolyte, the cleric, the one that channels the forces of magic?"
(12:31:18) GMedict: >"What is the staff?"
(12:31:47) xXwoeismeXx: it's a plastic piece of crap, next question
(12:31:53) GMedict: >You overhear the gruff voice saying "I'm telling you, they don't get it. They just explain what a staff is, they don't..."
(12:31:59) GMedict: >The rest is unintelligible.
(12:32:21) xXwoeismeXx: this radio sucks
(12:32:21) GMedict: >The blue voice speaks up. "A plastic piece of crap?"
(12:32:39) xXwoeismeXx: hold plastic frame at radio
(12:33:08) xXwoeismeXx: plastic
(12:33:10) xXwoeismeXx: crap
(12:33:29) GMedict: >"No, I'm-" The gruff voice begins talking.
(12:33:36) xXwoeismeXx: if you can hear me through a one way radio then I guess you can see me
(12:33:47) GMedict: >"Hey! Kid! If you were a wizard, what would you cast spells with?"
(12:34:14) GMedict: >You hear him whisper "Was that so hard?" to someone, and then you hear some unintelligible indignant noises.
(12:34:38) xXwoeismeXx: I don't like this radio, reminds me of school
(12:34:56) xXwoeismeXx: turn on the green one, green is grounded. Maybe it'll talk more sense
(12:35:03) xXwoeismeXx: see if I can turn the blue one off
(12:35:22) GMedict: >You switch on the green radio. You hear static, with some arguing voices in the background.
(12:35:36) GMedict: >A raspy voice speaks up, startled.
(12:35:49) GMedict: >"Oh! Uh. What is the weapon of... uh..."
(12:36:15) GMedict: >The sounds of arguing get louder, and the raspy voice is interrupted by the gruff voice.
(12:36:31) GMedict: >"Hey! Kid! You have to finish with the blue one first! Did you even read the goddamn manual?"
(12:36:43) xXwoeismeXx: No
(12:36:47) xXwoeismeXx: *turn off all radios
(12:37:07) GMedict: >The blue and green radios continue emitting static.
(12:37:18) xXwoeismeXx: gotta find out what sort of whack shit is in these things
(12:37:20) GMedict: >You're not sure you /can/ turn them off- they only have one button.
(12:37:27) xXwoeismeXx: get a screwdriver and pry them open
(12:37:30) xXwoeismeXx: all of them
(12:37:54) MrGuy: (hahaha oh god)
(12:37:59) GMedict: >You retrieve a screwdriver, and open the back casing of the blue radio.
(12:38:00) GMedict: >You find...
(12:38:02) GMedict: >Uh.
(12:38:06) MrGuy: (I bet these fuckers miss Larry now )
(12:38:14) MrGuy: (poor guys)
(12:38:24) GMedict: >You're not quite sure what it is you find. It looks like some sort of blue sludge?
(12:39:03) xXwoeismeXx: wow, just wow. These guys fill their stuff with sludge. That is so not industry standard compliant
(12:39:13) Agenpetra: (snrrrk)
(12:39:14) Zerovirus: (drink it)
(12:39:15) Zerovirus: (nothing can possibly go wrong)
(12:39:52) xXwoeismeXx: well, this sludge crap. I guess I can find a bottle or a can or something in storage and store it
(12:40:15) xXwoeismeXx: gotta get some nerd to look at that
(12:40:53) GMedict: >Where do you retrieve a bottle or can from?
(12:41:03) xXwoeismeXx: fridge downstairs
(12:41:06) MrGuy: (oh my god)
(12:41:14) MrGuy: (is bigro going to become our resident bare-fisted brawler)
(12:42:22) GMedict: >You attempt to move the sludge into a new container, but it seems to stick to the inside. What is this stuff, Silly Putty?
(12:42:31) xXwoeismeXx: I sure hope not
(12:42:38) GMedict: >You succeed in getting strands of blue goo all over the floor.
(12:42:46) xXwoeismeXx: hmm
(12:42:54) xXwoeismeXx: eh, I can mop it up later
(12:43:08) GMedict: >The blue radio speaks up.
(12:43:21) xXwoeismeXx: now, blue goop, there should be green goop and red goop in the others right
(12:43:36) GMedict: >"Hey! Are you tampering with the template comms? Stop that!"
(12:44:18) xXwoeismeXx: scrape all the goop out the radios onto the floor, throw radios out window because god damn they are so annoying getting in the way of perfectly good curiosity
(12:44:19) GMedict: >"Answer the fucking wizard question, kid!"
(12:44:45) xXwoeismeXx: a wand or something I dunno, shut up I'm working
(12:45:00) MrGuy: (this is the best thing ever bigro ilu)
(12:45:20) xXwoeismeXx: you'll go the same place all the other sassy shits go
(12:45:26) GMedict: >The red, green, and blue goop sticks to the floor. Your attempt to throw the radios out the window is halfway successful.
(12:45:49) GMedict: >The radios dangle from strings of stretchy goop attached to the broken glass.
(12:46:00) xXwoeismeXx: there should be tin snips around here, I'm going to cut the globs of goo loose
(12:46:05) xXwoeismeXx: then throw away the radios
(12:46:20) xXwoeismeXx: (floor storage)
(12:46:22) GMedict: >You can hear the radios light up with panicked noises outside the window, but you don't actually give a shit, it seems.
(12:46:44) GMedict: >You are one hundred percent sure you know exactly what you're doing.
(12:46:47) xXwoeismeXx: no, now lets try and mix this goo into different colours
(12:47:01) xXwoeismeXx: try some of the red and blue first
(12:47:23) xXwoeismeXx: use the cup I cot earlier to scoop it
(12:47:27) GMedict: >The silly putty strands seem highly resistant to shear forces! You can't seem to cut it no matter how thin you stretch it.
(12:47:37) xXwoeismeXx: wow
(12:47:40) xXwoeismeXx: I can use this
(12:47:45) xXwoeismeXx: this is a really good property
(12:47:46) GMedict: >The goo colors refuse to mix with each other, but maybe you can fold them together like play-doh.
(12:47:54) xXwoeismeXx: hmm
(12:47:58) xXwoeismeXx: inert
(12:48:09) xXwoeismeXx: ok I can't hear the radios so that's good
(12:48:24) xXwoeismeXx: lets see if I can find my dads blowtorch downstairs
(12:48:33) GMedict: >Or at least, you can't make out what the radios are screaming about down there.
(12:48:39) xXwoeismeXx: brb goo, you're in for some experimenting
(12:50:22) xXwoeismeXx: Blowtorch > blue goo
(12:50:52) GMedict: >You apply flame to the goo, and SWEET JESUS this stuff is flammable! The flame spreads across the goo, down the stretched cord, and down the wall of the lighthouse to the radios, which also burn.
(12:50:58) GMedict: >Your house is now on fire.
(12:51:06) xXwoeismeXx: fantastic
(12:51:17) xXwoeismeXx: fire extinguish all flames
(12:51:24) MrGuy: (No, you fool!)
(12:51:34) MrGuy: (Don't extinguish the radios!)
(12:51:34) MrGuy: (Then they WIN!)
(12:51:42) xXwoeismeXx: by all flames I mean all ones inside
(12:51:48) GMedict: >You start extinguishing the flames in the room, but you can't get a good angle on the radios dangling out the window.
(12:51:53) Agenpetra: (pffffftt)
(12:51:56) xXwoeismeXx: diddums
(12:51:58) GMedict: >The fire is spreading fast along the walls.
(12:52:19) xXwoeismeXx: ah well, it's not like you can't escape anyway
(12:52:36) xXwoeismeXx: plus, this lighthouse is stone
(12:52:39) xXwoeismeXx: :|
(12:52:42) xXwoeismeXx: like most are
(12:52:44) xXwoeismeXx: :|
(12:53:02) GMedict: ((oh.))
(12:53:15) GMedict: >Oh.
(12:53:19) GMedict: >Your house is not on fire, then.
(12:53:25) GMedict: >The narrator maintains it was a nice try, though.
(12:53:32) xXwoeismeXx: radios are burning
(12:53:34) xXwoeismeXx: hurrah
(12:53:41) GMedict: >He wonders when you're going to stop fucking around, but knows the answer before asking it.
(12:53:47) GMedict: >The answer, of course, is "never".
(12:54:05) xXwoeismeXx: hey, narrator dude, there's interesting things and those radios were annoying
(12:54:24) xXwoeismeXx: I learn hands on :B
(12:54:27) MrGuy: (benedict this is the fucking best)
(12:54:29) GMedict: >You can't talk to the narrator. That's what crazy people do. Don't be a crazy person.
(12:54:35) MrGuy: (are you even for real here)
(12:54:52) xXwoeismeXx: see if I can cut the goo now it's on fire
(12:55:09) xXwoeismeXx: also, see if it's solidifying with heat
(12:55:09) GMedict: >The goo just keeps burning, it looks like.
(12:55:17) GMedict: >Shouldn't it burn out, eventually?
(12:55:32) GMedict: >...the radios are still screaming.
(12:55:48) xXwoeismeXx: lean out window and say the more they scream the worse it'll get
(12:55:55) GMedict: >You're not sure how that's possible, really.
(12:56:10) xXwoeismeXx: right, lets see
(12:56:13) xXwoeismeXx: tape and poles
(12:56:25) xXwoeismeXx: while the goo is burning
(12:56:28) GMedict: >You hear something about "braindead... ... ...psychopath"
(12:56:32) xXwoeismeXx: we'll see what they do
(12:56:46) GMedict: >What do you do with the tape and poles?
(12:57:08) xXwoeismeXx: lets tape up some of the broken spotlight
(12:57:21) xXwoeismeXx: don't want innocent dweebs touching it after all
(12:58:07) xXwoeismeXx: maybe it's just normal tape
(12:58:11) xXwoeismeXx: handy enough
(12:58:11) GMedict: >You wrap some tape around the perimeter of the rotating platform.
(12:58:30) GMedict: >The tape begins flashing red!
(12:58:48) xXwoeismeXx: red, shit, duck
(12:59:00) xXwoeismeXx: duck behind bench
(12:59:15) xXwoeismeXx: watch tape cautiously
(12:59:23) xXwoeismeXx: in your experience red means hot explody
(12:59:30) GMedict: >The tape keeps flashing red.
(12:59:41) GMedict: >You're still pretty confident you know what's going on.
(12:59:46) GMedict: >Like, 90%.
(12:59:46) xXwoeismeXx: ok, seems stable
(12:59:59) xXwoeismeXx: throw a bit of broken glass at it
(13:00:04) xXwoeismeXx: duck once more
(13:00:26) GMedict: >The broken glass bounces of the caution tape. The non-adhesive tape begins to slide down the sides of the platform.
(13:00:36) xXwoeismeXx: yep
(13:00:46) xXwoeismeXx: ok so it's just fancy tape then.
(13:00:48) xXwoeismeXx: hmm
(13:00:53) xXwoeismeXx: HMM
(13:00:59) xXwoeismeXx: ok poles, what do you do
(13:01:00) GMedict: >You begin to hear a high-pitched whining noise.
(13:01:12) xXwoeismeXx: not this again
(13:01:23) GMedict: >It's getting louder.
(13:01:25) xXwoeismeXx: ok, go down a floor
(13:01:38) xXwoeismeXx: lean out a window, on the level the flaming radios are on
(13:01:44) xXwoeismeXx: ask them what the noise is
(13:01:50) GMedict: >You proceed downwards a floor, just in time to hear another thump from upstairs.
(13:01:58) xXwoeismeXx: tell them to make it snappy
(13:01:59) GMedict: >The flaming radios respond.
(13:03:13) xXwoeismeXx: tell them to remember that I'm bored and will try and rectify that if they ask me questions
(13:03:58) GMedict: >The gruff voice yells "HOW STUPID ARE YOU? What did you do with the manual? What the HELL do you think you're doing? Put these things out RIGHT N-"
(13:03:58) GMedict: >Blah blah blah blah.
(13:04:12) GMedict: >Gruff voice is too angry and soft voice is too distraught to listen to your perfectly sensible ultimatum.
(13:04:23) xXwoeismeXx: ya just don't listen do you gruffy mcgruff gruff
(13:04:39) xXwoeismeXx: alright, lets see what that thud was
(13:05:15) GMedict: >He says something about "YOU listen" but you don't care in SO many ways about what he thinks.
(13:05:23) xXwoeismeXx: ((can you guess why hans dropped out of school?))
(13:05:24) GMedict: >Upstairs, another denim-wrapped package gently smolders. Doesn't look like it broke anything this time.
(13:05:38) xXwoeismeXx: mailman is getting better aim
(13:05:43) xXwoeismeXx: right, put it out and open
(13:06:17) xXwoeismeXx: what's in the boxxx
(13:07:21) xXwoeismeXx: box of mystery~
(13:07:22) GMedict: >You find a replacement copy of the Manual Installation Unstruction Manual, as well as three replacement radios.
(13:07:29) xXwoeismeXx: :|
(13:08:00) xXwoeismeXx: ok I'll keep the book
(13:08:03) xXwoeismeXx: I'm just going
(13:08:09) xXwoeismeXx: to wrap the radios back up
(13:08:12) xXwoeismeXx: and leave them
(13:08:26) xXwoeismeXx: right book
(13:08:32) xXwoeismeXx: tell me how to cut this goop
(13:08:39) xXwoeismeXx: I NEED TO KNOW
(13:09:25) xXwoeismeXx: sigh
(13:09:30) xXwoeismeXx: you aren't gonna tell me are you book
(13:09:35) GMedict: >The manual is suspiciously silent on the issue.
(13:09:40) xXwoeismeXx: alright, lets get this boring crap over with then
(13:09:54) xXwoeismeXx: what...*shudder* do you want me to day
(13:10:06) ***xXwoeismeXx flips to what to do now section
(13:14:01) GMedict: >The third page reads "Hey. Are we done fucking shit up for now? Are we ready to stop being a petulant child about literally everything for no good reason? Good."
(13:14:01) GMedict: >"Here's what you have to do:"
(13:14:01) GMedict: >Throw the manual out the window? Y/N
(13:11:26) ***xXwoeismeXx reads what to do now section
(13:14:01) GMedict: >The narrator is impressed.
(13:14:01) GMedict: >The sassmaster writing this thing continues: "Okay, so I'm supposed to couch this in bullshit riddles and picto-clues and stuff, but we both know you couldn't care less about that."
(13:14:01) GMedict: >"What you've gotta do is wrap that caution tape around the whole lighthouse, then answer the bullshit riddles the radios give you, then stab your favorite little plastic thing into something."
(13:14:02) GMedict: >"It's not actually complicated, which is why everything makes it out to be super complicated."
(13:14:06) GMedict: >"Just be glad I'm writing this version of the manual and not one of those other fuckheads."
(13:14:10) MrGuy: (Don't give in to the radios!)
(13:14:58) xXwoeismeXx: you know what mr manual guy
(13:15:01) xXwoeismeXx: you're ok
(13:15:28) xXwoeismeXx: right, guess I'm going to go wrap some tap around the whole lighthouse then
(13:15:35) xXwoeismeXx: good thing it isn't raining
(13:15:45) GMedict: >"I swear."
(13:16:12) GMedict: >"There's more to it than that, but I know neither of us give a shit. I don't know how they roped me into this garbage."
(13:16:48) xXwoeismeXx: lets do this the quick way, tie tape to the spotlight at one end and throw out window
(13:16:57) Zerovirus: ((it immediately starts raining :V))
(13:17:15) xXwoeismeXx: go outside, pick it up, pick up my phone while I'm at it and wrap it around the lighthouse
(13:17:16) xXwoeismeXx: simple
(13:17:36) xXwoeismeXx: go back inside
(13:17:57) GMedict: >You let the roll of caution tape fly out the window after affixing it to the rotating platform.
(13:18:27) GMedict: >Your aim is a little less convenient than last time, though, because the roll of tape rolls off the nearby cliff.
(13:18:41) xXwoeismeXx: well bugger
(13:18:58) xXwoeismeXx: alright, I got this
(13:19:09) xXwoeismeXx: time for my goo science to be put into action
(13:20:15) xXwoeismeXx: I'm going to grab some heat retardant gloves, bring up the flaming radios, put them out, take them out to the cliff, I know the goo is sticky so I'm going to play a game of drop the radios off the cliff till they grab the tape
(13:20:39) xXwoeismeXx: heat retardant gloves, definitely in a lighthouse, those spotlights get HOT
(13:21:23) xXwoeismeXx: hopefully this will work
(13:21:25) GMedict: >Your brilliant plan pays off! The stretchy material sticks to the roll of caution tape, and you pull it up the side of the cliff.
(13:21:46) xXwoeismeXx: goody, see if I can hook it onto something at the bottom
(13:21:47) GMedict: >Some of the tape gets caught somewhere down below, but there's plenty left on the roll.
(13:21:55) xXwoeismeXx: yesss
(13:22:16) xXwoeismeXx: right, lets now go and wrap it around the lighthouses base a couple times
(13:22:45) xXwoeismeXx: and that should do it yeah?
(13:22:47) GMedict: >You wrap the tape around the lighthouse. Oddly, the spool doesn't seem to lose any tape as you unwind it.
(13:22:55) xXwoeismeXx: hmm
(13:22:57) xXwoeismeXx: I wonder
(13:23:12) xXwoeismeXx: run 500 M down the drive and wrap it on a rock
(13:23:22) xXwoeismeXx: run back and wrap around lighthouse again
(13:24:23) xXwoeismeXx: how much damn tape is there
(13:24:43) xXwoeismeXx: I have a feeling making a perimeter this big is a good idea
(13:24:50) GMedict: >You enclose a long, narrow strip of driveway in caution tape. The spool's width shows no change.
(13:25:02) xXwoeismeXx: hmm
(13:25:08) xXwoeismeXx: ok, lets go get those poles
(13:25:56) xXwoeismeXx: stick them in a semi circle surrounding the lighthouse about 1km in radius
(13:25:59) xXwoeismeXx: tape them
(13:26:21) xXwoeismeXx: be extremely exhausted from all this running
(13:26:40) GMedict: >You are extremely exhausted from- gah, from pre-empting the narration so hard.
(13:27:15) GMedict: >The enclosed space is pretty dang big.
(13:27:20) GMedict: >What now?
(13:28:04) xXwoeismeXx: uh, go back upstairs and tie the end to the other end
(13:28:11) xXwoeismeXx: hope it turns red and stuff
(13:28:36) GMedict: >The caution tape flashes white a few times, and then returns to a normal yellow.
(13:29:09) xXwoeismeXx: lame, I liked the red better. Alright, let's skip step 2 for now because I hate the yelly radio guys
(13:29:17) xXwoeismeXx: stab the arrow into the goo
(13:29:21) xXwoeismeXx: *u*
(13:29:24) MrGuy: (oh god)
(13:29:28) MrGuy: (this is gonna be interesting)
(13:33:19) GMedict: >The arrow sinks into the goo.
(13:33:27) xXwoeismeXx: success
(13:33:37) xXwoeismeXx: time for a scientific victory dance
(13:33:48) ***xXwoeismeXx does small jig
(13:33:52) Zerovirus: ((oho we're already breaking the game?))
(13:33:52) Zerovirus: ((this ought to be good))
(13:34:00) GMedict: >Something else strange happens.
(13:34:19) GMedict: >A loud voice shouts "COLLISION DETECTED. OVERRIDE?"
(13:34:26) GMedict: >You don't know where it's coming from.
(13:34:56) xXwoeismeXx: I'm gonna go with ASSUME CONTROL
(13:35:28) GMedict: >"OVERRIDE COMPLETE. OUTER CIRCUMFRENCE: 1 or 2?"
(13:35:50) xXwoeismeXx: Whichever is biggest bud
(13:36:12) xXwoeismeXx: (2??)
(13:36:18) GMedict: >"CIRCUMFRENCE BY INDEX?"
(13:36:43) xXwoeismeXx: yes please
(13:37:18) GMedict: >"CIRCUMFRENCE 2 SELECTED. CIRCUMFRENCE O1I2 REGISTERED TO TERRA CAPSIZA."
(13:37:30) xXwoeismeXx: sounds boat tastic
(13:37:45) xXwoeismeXx: hope that capsizing bit isn't a clue as to what will happen
(13:37:58) xXwoeismeXx: wait
(13:38:06) GMedict: >You look out the windows. The outside is missing.
(13:38:13) GMedict: >There's just a white void, it seems.
(13:38:46) xXwoeismeXx: welp, this takes the cake on weird things to happen today
(13:39:01) GMedict: >The white void seems to contract.
(13:39:01) xXwoeismeXx: take that radios, you aren't the weirdest anymore
(13:39:15) GMedict: >All of a sudden, the walls of your house dissolve into black flakes.
(13:39:33) GMedict: >The white void advances towards the center of your house.
(13:39:41) xXwoeismeXx: oh dear
(13:40:05) xXwoeismeXx: jump on spotlight
(13:40:13) xXwoeismeXx: bat at white void with pole
(13:40:24) xXwoeismeXx: go away white shit
(13:40:29) xXwoeismeXx: you're ruining everything
(13:40:31) GMedict: >You leap onto the rotating spotlight in the center of the room.
(13:40:42) GMedict: >The pole gets stuck in the white void.
(13:40:51) xXwoeismeXx: ee
(13:40:59) GMedict: >The end of the pole seems to dissolve into black flakes as the void proceeds.
(13:41:05) xXwoeismeXx: well at least the radios are gone
(13:41:11) xXwoeismeXx: there's a plus side
(13:41:27) GMedict: >The radios have indeed dissolved into black flakes.
(13:41:35) xXwoeismeXx: haha serves them right
(13:41:47) GMedict: >As has most of the room.
(13:42:04) GMedict: >The white void presses in around you, dissolving the platform from the outside.
(13:42:07) xXwoeismeXx: well, let's see what we can't do about this
(13:42:11) GMedict: >You're trapped within a narrow cylinder of white.
(13:42:18) xXwoeismeXx: tell it to politely go away
(13:42:45) GMedict: >You exhibit manners for the first time in this campaign, to no avail.
(13:42:52) xXwoeismeXx: "excuse me mr white crap, but you seem to have eaten my house, would you kindly mind scooting over?"
(13:42:59) GMedict: >As the white void touches your skin, you begin to petrify.
(13:43:08) GMedict: >Your body is turning to stone.
(13:43:24) xXwoeismeXx: hey, I'm solid.
(13:43:38) xXwoeismeXx: wow, what terrible last words
(13:43:45) GMedict: >You say, as the stone engulfs your lips and head and you lose consciousness.
(13:43:55) GMedict: >Congratulations!