Ginger's Underriver Adventure
06-26-2025, 06:30 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-26-2025, 06:30 PM by Ixcaliber.)
Everything was calm and normal in the underriver. All the boat guys were manning their positions and pulling their ropes and doing whatever it was that they do. But then whoosh! Coming up from out of the water there was another bigger boat and standing atop it were all manner of weird little barnacle guys. They were dressed in little pirate outfits and at the back there was a big barnacle guy, with a bunch of eyepatches dotted all over him and a silly little polyp of a parrot on his shoulder and he bellowed over:
“Yo ho ho you are being boarded by the Dread Pirate Beigebeard.”
All of the boat guys were quivering and bowed down and all given up. They all had heard stories about the Loathesome Pirate Beigebeard and feared him and his crew of undersea pirates. “Ogh no!” they despaired. “Who will save us from the Evil Pirate Beigebeard?”
Luckily for them Ginger was there and her faithful assistant Franchesca. “I will fight the pirates!” Ginger said, and the whole ship applauded her.
“Oh is that the Good Witch Ginger?” Nasty Pirate Biegebeard asked nervously. “I didn’t know you were on board.”
Ginger smirked. “I see my reputation is going fast ahead of me around here.” she said. “I’ve never even heard of you before.”
“Well perhaps you’re underestimating me then because - pow.” Then he lit a cannon and blew a hole in the side of the boat.
“Hey stop that.” Ginger said, pulling out her magic book of tricks. “You’ll find actually you have been underestimating me.”
But while she’d been talking her faithful companion Fran raised her sword and charged at the pirate boat, jumping over there in one sort of impressive motion I guess. She was slashing and whirling her sword all over the place at all the barnacle guys. “Take that.” she said. “Have at you.” and so on.
“Fran get back here I’m going to cast a big spell of boat explosion on the pirate boat and I don’t want you to get hurt in the crossfire!” But before Fran could get out of the way, the Awful Pirate Beigebeard pounced, grabbing her with hundreds of little wiggly arms.
“Ew.” said Fran. “I don’t like this.”
“What are you doing Fran?” Ginger asked impatiently. “Stop getting grabbed by the bad pirate.”
“Yo ho ho I have your sidekick Good Witch Ginger. You better let me and my nasty crew go or else I’ll cut her throat off.” Vile Pirate Beigebeard declared.
Fuck, she was really in a bind this time. Even the Good Witch Ginger couldn’t think of a way out of this problem. “What are you going to do with her you vile villain?” She asked.
“She’s coming back to our lair and we’re going to turn her into a squirming barnacle guy just like us. We can do that in this world. We have special magicks that can do that.”
“Oh no this is serious.” Ginger said. But the rancid pirates sailed off without another word.
On the boat all the boatmen looked at Ginger sadly, like what were they even meant to do here? How could they hope to compete in a battle of wits between Good Witch Ginger and Bad Pirate Beigebeard? Captain Hyena knelt before Ginger and said “Good Witch Ginger could you please assume control of the boat and save us from our own incompetence?”
“Gladly.” Ginger said, taking the captain’s hat and putting it on. “And hurry lets drive the boat faster and chase them.”
“Great idea Captain Ginger.” Former Captain Hyena said, as the boat guys hurried to do the boat things to make it go fast.
They raced after the pirate boat, from one narrow cavern to the next. Only Captain Ginger’s command stopped the boat from slamming into crystal structures that hung from the walls. Though the Foul Pirate Beigebeard’s boat was quick it wasn’t too quick that it was quick enough they couldn’t follow it home to the pirate base.
It was a little ramshackle town with skulls on poles and skeletons in dangling cages and a big sign that said ‘Pirates Only. Do Not Enter’ but Ginger and her crew ignored it because this is where the pirates were and she wasn’t going to let them tell her what to do.
“Pull up the boat I’ll deal with these guys myself.” Ginger said, stepping off the boat into the pirate town. All of the barnacle guy pirates looked up at her but none dared approach as she sauntered through the town right to the town square where Mean Pirate Beigebeard awaited her. Before him was a big cauldron full of goopy white bubbling stuff and above that Franchesca tied up and being slowly lowered towards the goop.
“I don’t like this.” Franchesca said.
“I’ll protect you from the goop.” Good Witch Ginger said, opening up her book of spells.
“You’ll have to deal with me first.” Wretched Pirate Beigebeard said as he stepped out in front of the big cauldron.
“Turn you into a worm spell.” Good Witch Ginger said as she casted her spell and turned the Dreadful Pirate Biegeworm into just a little wriggling worm on the ground. Then she marched over and stomped on him. “And thats what you get for underestimating the Good Witch Ginger.” she said authoratatively.
“Help me Ginger.” Fran said. “I don’t want to be a furless barnacle monster.”
“I will do this because I’m good and generous.” Ginger said. She kicked over the big cauldron and it all spilled uselessly into the street, turning the ground white and wriggly. Ew.
Good Witch Ginger cut down Fran and together they hurried back to the boat where Former Captain Hyena was waiting to take off. The three of them all sat back and drank a nice glass of lemonade like good friends as they continued their adventures through the underriver. All in a days work for Good Witch Ginger.
“Yo ho ho you are being boarded by the Dread Pirate Beigebeard.”
All of the boat guys were quivering and bowed down and all given up. They all had heard stories about the Loathesome Pirate Beigebeard and feared him and his crew of undersea pirates. “Ogh no!” they despaired. “Who will save us from the Evil Pirate Beigebeard?”
Luckily for them Ginger was there and her faithful assistant Franchesca. “I will fight the pirates!” Ginger said, and the whole ship applauded her.
“Oh is that the Good Witch Ginger?” Nasty Pirate Biegebeard asked nervously. “I didn’t know you were on board.”
Ginger smirked. “I see my reputation is going fast ahead of me around here.” she said. “I’ve never even heard of you before.”
“Well perhaps you’re underestimating me then because - pow.” Then he lit a cannon and blew a hole in the side of the boat.
“Hey stop that.” Ginger said, pulling out her magic book of tricks. “You’ll find actually you have been underestimating me.”
But while she’d been talking her faithful companion Fran raised her sword and charged at the pirate boat, jumping over there in one sort of impressive motion I guess. She was slashing and whirling her sword all over the place at all the barnacle guys. “Take that.” she said. “Have at you.” and so on.
“Fran get back here I’m going to cast a big spell of boat explosion on the pirate boat and I don’t want you to get hurt in the crossfire!” But before Fran could get out of the way, the Awful Pirate Beigebeard pounced, grabbing her with hundreds of little wiggly arms.
“Ew.” said Fran. “I don’t like this.”
“What are you doing Fran?” Ginger asked impatiently. “Stop getting grabbed by the bad pirate.”
“Yo ho ho I have your sidekick Good Witch Ginger. You better let me and my nasty crew go or else I’ll cut her throat off.” Vile Pirate Beigebeard declared.
Fuck, she was really in a bind this time. Even the Good Witch Ginger couldn’t think of a way out of this problem. “What are you going to do with her you vile villain?” She asked.
“She’s coming back to our lair and we’re going to turn her into a squirming barnacle guy just like us. We can do that in this world. We have special magicks that can do that.”
“Oh no this is serious.” Ginger said. But the rancid pirates sailed off without another word.
On the boat all the boatmen looked at Ginger sadly, like what were they even meant to do here? How could they hope to compete in a battle of wits between Good Witch Ginger and Bad Pirate Beigebeard? Captain Hyena knelt before Ginger and said “Good Witch Ginger could you please assume control of the boat and save us from our own incompetence?”
“Gladly.” Ginger said, taking the captain’s hat and putting it on. “And hurry lets drive the boat faster and chase them.”
“Great idea Captain Ginger.” Former Captain Hyena said, as the boat guys hurried to do the boat things to make it go fast.
They raced after the pirate boat, from one narrow cavern to the next. Only Captain Ginger’s command stopped the boat from slamming into crystal structures that hung from the walls. Though the Foul Pirate Beigebeard’s boat was quick it wasn’t too quick that it was quick enough they couldn’t follow it home to the pirate base.
It was a little ramshackle town with skulls on poles and skeletons in dangling cages and a big sign that said ‘Pirates Only. Do Not Enter’ but Ginger and her crew ignored it because this is where the pirates were and she wasn’t going to let them tell her what to do.
“Pull up the boat I’ll deal with these guys myself.” Ginger said, stepping off the boat into the pirate town. All of the barnacle guy pirates looked up at her but none dared approach as she sauntered through the town right to the town square where Mean Pirate Beigebeard awaited her. Before him was a big cauldron full of goopy white bubbling stuff and above that Franchesca tied up and being slowly lowered towards the goop.
“I don’t like this.” Franchesca said.
“I’ll protect you from the goop.” Good Witch Ginger said, opening up her book of spells.
“You’ll have to deal with me first.” Wretched Pirate Beigebeard said as he stepped out in front of the big cauldron.
“Turn you into a worm spell.” Good Witch Ginger said as she casted her spell and turned the Dreadful Pirate Biegeworm into just a little wriggling worm on the ground. Then she marched over and stomped on him. “And thats what you get for underestimating the Good Witch Ginger.” she said authoratatively.
“Help me Ginger.” Fran said. “I don’t want to be a furless barnacle monster.”
“I will do this because I’m good and generous.” Ginger said. She kicked over the big cauldron and it all spilled uselessly into the street, turning the ground white and wriggly. Ew.
Good Witch Ginger cut down Fran and together they hurried back to the boat where Former Captain Hyena was waiting to take off. The three of them all sat back and drank a nice glass of lemonade like good friends as they continued their adventures through the underriver. All in a days work for Good Witch Ginger.
Telephone | Born This Way | Bad Kids | Teeth
Paper Gangsta | Sour Candy | Bad Romance | Bloody Mary | Just Dance | The Edge of Glory
Paper Gangsta | Sour Candy | Bad Romance | Bloody Mary | Just Dance | The Edge of Glory