Timu's Doctor Who and Torchwood Reviews (spoilers!)

dr13 s3 ep5
part 6 of 6 of the Flux Series

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SpoilerPREVOUSLY ON DOCTOR WHO
Timu — Yesterday at 11:33 PM

sontarans have attacked earth again, helped by Space Senator who had infilitrated UNIT, which is earth's military thing that fights aliens when no one else does.
The Sontarans are attacking Yaz, Dan (it's Dan), Rich 1820s Guy, and Jericho in the time fuckery portal tunnels, and
Sontarans are also attacking Dog Man and Tamogotchi Lady up in the Dog Shield, which is a massive barrier of Dog Ships all connected and encasing earth to protect it from the Thanos Dust Wave.
Meanwhile, Vinder (Tamogotchi Lady's partner and Tamogotchi's dad) and Dan's Girlfriend has been imprisoned in Third Guy, which is like a robot guy or something who contains a vast prison dimension inside it.

Meanwhile, the Doctor had been captured by the Division and is at their home base which is outside of the universe out in the multiverse's empty parts.
Thanos and Thanos Sister had shown up and killed The Doctor's Evil Mom (also known as Cryptic Old Lady and the boss of Division).
Team Thanos are preparing to unleash the final Thanos Dust Wave to finish destroying the universe. They work for the Concept Time which had been imprisoned in Triangle Church by the Division (allowing the Division to take over the universe and rule it from the shadows)

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The Doctor rips off the control panel of the Division Home Base, trying to send her back to the universe and escape Team Thanos. However because science, this splits the Doctor into three Doctors. They share one mind though, or, maybe it's three minds but the doctor is so smart that it's basically still one mind... uh..........., so basically the doctor is controlling three bodies simultaneously.

Doctor #1 is still at the Division Home Base, where Team Thanos has picked up the Memory Watch which contains all of the memories of the Doctor's Past Lives that were taken. Now they are going to use it to torture the Doctor! They go visit the Funny Floating House, which showed up briefly and mysteriously in part 2 and didn't show up again until now. It's the Doctor's childhood home, and Thanos uses his dust powers to symbolically destroy and un-destroy it as a fun way of torturing the doctor's timeline or something. Then they get bored and leave and then nothing important happens with these guys until the end of the episode
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Doctor #2 shows up in the Dog Shield. She has a plan, she detaches the Dog Ship from the rest of the Dog Shield
Dog Man and Tamogotchi Lady are there
Doctor #2 sets their Dog Ship to fly to the Sontaran's Temporary HQ. Doctor #2 and Dog Man get captured on purpose as part of their plan while Tamogotchi Lady sneaks off to... do something idk
something that ultimately doesn't really matter that much

The Sontarans inform Dog Man that every Dog Species back up in the Dog Shield have been killed by dumping them out of the Dog Airlocks!! NOOOOOO
And then The Doctor is taken off to be interrogated by Space Senator. However the Doctor ignores all his questions and instead looks around and deduces clues and stuff about the room and Space Senator as a sort of reverse-interrogation to find out the evil plan.
Turns out what Space Senator's deal is that he has one snake in him, teleports it into a person who eats it way out and then climbs back into his body. So it's one snake. There goes my theory that he's "like a thousand baby snakes in a trenchcoat?!?!" but that's okay cause we actually got exactly that like 4 or 5 seasons ago, before I was making reviews.


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Doctor #3 has appeared in the tunnels with all the weird timespace portal doors! Yaz, Dan, Jericho and Rich 1820s Guy already defeated the Sontarans attacking them, and have met up with Kate, who was the ex-leader of UNIT before Space Senator overthrew her. Fortunately this is also where the Tardis is, which means that the newly reunited Team Doctor can now proceed to clear out their list of chores:

-Step 1: go to the Sontaran headquarters and rescue Doctor #2, Tamogotchi Lady and Dog Man
They do that and also the doctors flirt with each other

step 2: go to Third Guy and rescue Vinder and Dan's Girlfriend.
Previously, it turns out that Dan's Girlfriend is apparently super competent cause literally all of team Thanos's other prisoners were already eaten, and she is the only survivor, and she dug into the floor of Third Guy's circuitry and started fucking around. This allowed them to get a message out of the third guy to the Tardis so that they can get rescued.
So that's what happened and now they are rescued. Tamogotchi Lady and Tamogotchi's Father have been reunited finally hooray
oh and Dan and Dan's girlfriend also

step 3: go meet up with Claire, the psychic Lady from the angels village episode, the one who had visions of the future and stuff? She got stranded back in the 1950s so they go pick her up.

The Sontarans are planning something.... something big...
The Sontaran Commander has been conducting raids.... on corner shops...
what could his nefarious goal be???
chocolate he wants the chocolate candies
this is the same guy who in episode 2, the mission was the conquer earth through time travel throughout its history, and he started with the crimean war specifically because 'i wanted to ride a horse'

anyway, the sontarans have also been looking for psychic people, so the doctor offers him the recipe for chocolate, in exchange the sontarans will take Claire and Jericho to their psychic research base. hm. not much of a trade is it? The sontaran commander is too enamoured by chocolate to consider the fact that the two free prisoners he just got are probably going to be spies or something

So turns out, the sontarans want the psychics to look into the future and determine the exact time and place of the Final Thanos Dust Wave, and since Claire is the first actually psychic human, they now know where the Final Flux Event will be. The Sontarans call up the Daleks and the Cyberman and say 'meet us here at this time and place, and we'll negotiate an alliance over conquering the remains of the universe'

it seems their plan is to have the final flux event destroy the daleks and cybermen, which their hijacked Dog Shield protects the sontarans, leaving them alone to conquer the universe without any competition.
now that team doctor knows the plan, Claire and Jericho activate their teleporter rings to go back to the tardis
oh no the sontarans are firing at them
apparently in order to use these teleporter rings you have to throw them on the ground and like, let them sit for a few seconds??
idk but apparently that means jericho has to buy time for claire to teleport out of there, but then his teleport ring gets damaged. oh no!

step 4: allow the sontarans to execute the first part of their plan! The Daleks and the Cybermen show up to the meeting place, and then the Thanos Dust Wave appears and destroys them! Now the sontarans just have to move their dog shield to protect themselves...

step 5: un-hijack the dog shield so that the sontarans aren't protected and are also destroyed by the thanos dust wave

Dog Man says 'these are MY dog ships you think i can't just push a button that will send out a pulse that defeats every sontaran on board and makes the dog shield not hijacked anymore?'
that sounds like it could have been useful back when every dog species was getting killed
i'm going to assume that the energy pulse that defeated the sontarans would have hurt everyone on board, so it wouldn't have been useful back then because the dog people were still around. sorry dog people the writers did you dirty on this one, i was really hoping it would turn out that 'the sontarans were lying about all the dog people dying, they were just prisoners' but that is not the case alas. rip dog people

step 6: now that the dust wave has destroyed the daleks, cybermen and sontarans, it's going to move on to destroy the rest of the universe! prevent that by putting it into a Third Guy

the tardis goes and fetches the Third Guy and puts it in front of the Thanos Dust Wave
then they have it, quote, "Hoover up the flux'
Good work everyone!

Rip Jericho, his teleport ring didn't work so he died heroically along with the sontarans

oh yeah, Space Senator went down to the portal tunnels to kill Kate but instead she and Vinder pointed a gun at him and forced him into a portal to nowhere, stranding him on a tiny little asteroid no bigger than a large boulder.

Oh also 1820s rich guy went home
Kate goes back home. Claire goes back home.
the Tamogotchi Couple go fly off into space on their Dog Ship to go raise their baby somewhere and the Dog Man comes with them because they are riding his dog ship and they won't leave even though he has asked them repeatedly to give his ship back

Dan's girlfriend is upset with Dan for reasons that I didn't quite understand. Honestly she never was his girlfriend and I never had the decency to give her a real name even though I said everyone else's name, i'm sorry
her name is Diane
i just looked it up
i'm so sorry
Anyway their first date had gotten interrupted by all of these happenings and them getting kidnapped and it looks like an actual first date isn't going to happen
sorry Dan, see you later Diane

oh heck
i forgot about Doctor 1
Team Thanos teleports them and Doctor #1 back to Triangle Church, where the Concept Time is being held. a Manifestation of Time shows up and complains that it's still being imprisoned.

Thanos is like 'no no it's fine, we pressed the button to unleash the final thanos dust wave and it will destroy the rest of the universe, along with this triangle church here and you'll be freed and you can put the universe in a fun little time loop where everyone can feel themselves dying over and over'

and Time says 'yeah but like, the other two doctors, quoted 'hoovered it all up' into your Third Guy so that's not going to happen'

and Thanos says 'what, aw man, heck we keep forgetting about third guy that's like the second or third time our own third guy foiled our evil plan

and Time says 'yup and i'm one of those evil bosses who kills my henchmen when they fail me so, you die and you die'

and so Thanos and Thanos Sister get obliterated

Doctor: okay so now what's going to happen to me?

Time: i'll fuse you and the other two doctors back into one doctor and send you on your merry way have fun, i'll get you next time, i'm still evil, don't forget, bye have fun, i hate you

not sure why Time didn't just, also obliterate the doctor right there and then but maybe like, Time can only obliterate its own henchmen because Thanos is like, made out of time particles or something idk? but like, thanos could definitely obliterate the doctor, so why not like Time says :" okay you failed me thanos, but like, do me a favor and dust the doctor for me please' and then after that then kill thanos idk
Time must have plans for later: "vague threats, something about The Master, i'll get you next time'

Well anyway everything's wrapped up, everyone's gone home except for Doctor Yaz and Dan who are going into the Tardis for their next adventure, and also except for Jericho who died and all the dog people who died and also Most of the Universe which got obliterated by the first Thanos Dust Wave in episode 1

Overall Rating:
Villain: The Concept Time! This fun universal law is reasonably angry at those disgusting matter-based creatures which put it inside of a triangle and used it to conquer the universe. It can put you in time loops and obliterate things but not really due to the whole triangle prison thing. Just be warned, it can see the future and merge your three separate timeline ghost aberration bodies into one body. Also when it talks to people it likes to manifest to appear exactly like you but wearing a cool jacket



Death Rate: seven billion dog people, like every sontaran, like every dalek, like every cybermen, Jericho, one random human eaten by Space Senator, Thanos, Thanos's Sister
Birth Rate: three doctor time aberrations
Overall death rate: Three like everys + 7,000,000,003⁰⁄₃
Overall Rating: Dan/10
Moral of the story: Unlike most "moral of the story" which just talk about plot holes and the lessons we learn from them about avoidable mistakes, this time will be more like a standard fortunate cookie sort of moral, like 'treat others the way you want to be treated' and stuff. A standard principle that we can take and apply to our day-to-day lives that will hopefully make us better people. Genocide is evil and not even liking chocolate and horses can absolve it.
Oh and also when you are going into unknown territory in order to exact revenge against the resistance leader for defying you, bring some of those soldiers from that army you command so you don't get forced at gunpoint to live on an asteroid forever simply because there happen to be two people down there instead of one
oh boy that is the end of the flux, the doctor has the watch containing her lost memories, but she dropped it into the tardis trash can cause i guess she doesn't want those memories back thatt much