Rabbits on Mars

> Tell Aesop there are female rabbits atop Olympus Mons.


If you get his libido going, you'll get him going.

What? Why would you tell him that? You know for a fact there's no one on top of the mountain besides the hermit. Why would you say something that you know isn't true? You'd lose your credibility!

Have Cottontail pick up the entire mountain and turn it upside-down. That way the hermit will be right at the bottom!

Now this idea is just absurd. You make a quick mental calculation and estimate that the mountain is approximately 4268.35 times heavier than Cottontail's maximum lifting capacity. Not to mention that even if it were possible, the hermit would likely suffer severe injuries in the attempt.

Really, you don't know where these ridiculous ideas are coming from. You must have read a very silly book and then forgotten about it.

Ask Cottontail to carry you.

A quick glance at Cottontail tells you that this is a very bad idea and the possibility should only be raised if it is absolutely necessary. At least you're in the realm of ideas that don't violate the laws of physics, though.

> Assign Cottontail to make sure that Aesop keeps up.

Now you're finally getting some practical ideas. Cottontail may not care much for you - or anyone, for that matter - but from your past observations, he likes getting orders that entail intimidation.

You order Cottontail that he's in charge of making sure Aesop doesn't fall behind. Cottontail smirks and glances in Aesop's direction.

"No problem. I'll keep him in line."

In the blink of an eye, Aesop is standing at attention.

"Yessir, I won't fall behind sir, just tell me where to go I'm the fastest rabbit alive sir!"

Well, this is off to a reasonably good start. Now, what do you do next?

Give an inspirational speech!

Ah, yes. A rousing speech to raise morale on your harsh trek up the mountain. Why, you read a book on inspirational military speeches just the other day! You hope you can remember one well enough.

"Rabbits, the mission before us is daunting. Difficult. Some might even say impossible. But together, we can..."

Cottontail growls impatiently.

"Can we just start climbing the damn mountain already?"

For the briefest moment, you consider asking him to let you finish your inspirational speech, but then you remember who you're talking to.

"Ah, yes! Of course, as I was saying, together we can climb this mountain. Onward, rabbits!"

You begin climbing the mountain. It's tiring, but not all that dangerous for the first hour or so. The occasional snarl from Cottontail keeps Aesop on task, although it also keeps you from conducting a thorough geological examination of the nearby rocks.

You soon reach a plateau, which is fortunate; you can take a quick rest.

Or at least, that's what you think until the giant snake slithers out in front of you. You recognize this species from your field guide to Martian wildlife; it's highly poisonous, and rabbits are its preferred meal.

You'd better come up with a plan, quick.