RE: Timu's Doctor Who and Torchwood Reviews (spoilers!)
02-07-2021, 02:13 AM
(This post was last modified: 02-07-2021, 02:15 AM by Crowstone.)
Episodes that get referenced by this one:
dr13, s1 e4
dr13 s1 e5
dr 13, season 1, episode 11 (new years special)
All of these are found with in post #6 above which is also what this link takes you to: https://eagle-time.org/showthread.php?tid=4677&pid=241082#pid241082
and also dr13 s2 ep10 (season finale) which is in the post right above this one.
now here is:
dr13 s2 ep11 (new years special)
dr13, s1 e4
dr13 s1 e5
dr 13, season 1, episode 11 (new years special)
All of these are found with in post #6 above which is also what this link takes you to: https://eagle-time.org/showthread.php?tid=4677&pid=241082#pid241082
and also dr13 s2 ep10 (season finale) which is in the post right above this one.
now here is:
dr13 s2 ep11 (new years special)
SpoilerShow
good morning
it's that time again
PREVOUSLY ON DOCTOR WHO.................
it's the new years special of 2019! Boy Scout Dalek landed on earth thousands of years ago, was killed by medieval people, and now it has been unearthed and comes back to life, and now it goes to the workshop and builds a makeshift Dalek Armor suit for it out of shoddy earth materials but it is still very strong
but not strong enough! the doctor and her friends throw a microwave at it and it dies and melts
then the doctor and her friends fly away! the day has been saved! but what about the clean up crew
they just left a dead dalek behind
no worries, the government will take it to the warehouse but uh ohs.... the driver gets killed!
(prevously on Dr13, s1 e4, a Donal Trumplike guy makes giant spiders by dumping toxic waste)
Donald Trumplike is back, and Britain's corrupt prime minister is working with Trumplike!
and Trumplike's men stole the dead dalek's shell in order to prototype study it to make more...
on todays episode of dr who
a sonspircy is confirmed
Trump builds a Dalek-styled Police Drone that police can use to hurt people
but it's not real daleks it's just 3d printed
the scientist tells trumplike oh yeah remember that dalek shell you gave me
i found alien dna in it, cloned it, and i gave it a smart phone specifically because I wanted to see how good at hacking it was! I'm so proud of my baby it's already using your money to hire construction workers to build a secret cloning facility in japan!
At no point did i think this was a bad idea!
"Hey so this horrific killing machine that we are reverse-engineering to make more killing machines, well we discovered alien dna in it"
"Lets clone it"
"it's only an alien that used to live in a horror killing machine what could go wrong"
Boy Scout Dalek retains its consciousness as a clone, and takes over the computer systems and hires a bunch of people to build a cloning warehouse to clone even more daleks
then feeds the construction workers to the daleks when they are done building it
then all of the dalek clones get teleported over to all the 3d printed dalek shells that they made and start killing people everywhere oh no!!!!
--------
Meanwhile!
Prevously on the last episode of doctor who: they're on gallifrey, doctor puts the companions into a Spare Tardis and sends them to earth, then doctor goes to her own tardis, but then space police capture her from the Invincible All Powerful Tardis and take her to space jail!
at the start of this episode:
the doctor has now been in space jail for like 40 years
and they had lots of classic doctor who monsters in there
a weeping angel of course, in space handcuffs
the little gremlin baby from a few episodes ago that was capable of eating anything and everything including a space nuclear bomb, so powerful and invincible that the only thing the doctor could do was toss it out the airlock
this hungry hungry space baby was previously that to be completely invincible and able to eat literally everything
kept at bay by the space fence
But space fence is not strong enough to beat Space Hamster Ball apparently!
fortunately Captain Jack managed to also be taken prisoner and brought with him the Space Hamster Ball and that's how they escape
Digimon World Enthusiast Jac ??Today at 8:15 PM
putting a statue in handcuffs is funny
--------------------------
anyway
doctor can't figure out a way to kill these 3d printed daleks so she gets on her phone and gives an anonymous call to the Actual Daleks to come visit
apparently it's like rock paper scissors!
![[Image: unknown.png]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/180517328952360960/807791098343849994/unknown.png)
the Actual Daleks show up and they're like
"omg
these shitty offbrand daleks
are impure"
so the Actual Daleks kill all the 3d printed daleks
and you may think well now there's just a bunch of actual daleks here and how are you supposed to deal with that if you couldn't even beat the 3d printed daleks
that's where the doctor's trap comes in!
it's bombs
captain jack puts some dynamite on the dalek ship and blows them all up
Digimon World Enthusiast Jac ??Today at 7:42 PM
thank goodness
TimuToday at 7:42 PM
well except some of the daleks weren't on the ship
so for them it's Trap Part 2!
unfortunately!
Trumplike: "hey daleks spare me in exchange i tell you about the Doctor's trap! She was the anonymous call that brought you here in the first place and she has a trap for you!"
Doctor: " holy fuck trumplike why do you keep fucking everything up what is wrong with you you piece of shit"
Daleks: "Yeah jeez, you're selling out humanity just to save your own skin what the fuck is wrong with you, that's fucked up even by our standards"
....
Doctor: " yeah anyway, yes I admit that I totally have a trap for you here in this tardis, hehehe, come and get me!"
Daleks: "Cool, a trap, I love those"
then the daleks go into that tardis and the door shuts behind them!
Doctor: "haha this isn't my actual tardis, this is that Spare Tardis from the last episode, now i've trapped you inside of the spare tardis and programmed it to self destruct!"
Spare Tardis: "wait, you know that tardises are living beings and we're sentient right? I'm also invincible and all powerful I probably have something in here that can just kill daleks without killing myself, but, well alright i guess, no one cares about that"
and then it self destructs
hooray all the daleks have been defeated
the issue kinda resolves itself i guess
apparently when a tardis is programmed to collapse in on itself they collapse in on themselves
and Trump gets away with it
the end
(it's not actually trump its a trumplike person)
Digimon World Enthusiast Jac ??Today at 7:51 PM
a good moral lesson about how we shouldnt give daleks to the police
TimuToday at 7:52 PM
Overall rating:
Villain: Corporate Greed
death rate: (1) driver, (100) construction workers, (1000) random people, (1) corrupt prime minister, (1) foolish scientist, (1000) offbrand daleks, (1) Boy Scout Dalek, (100) actual daleks, (1) Spare Tardis
birthrate: like a thousand offbrand daleks
overall death rate: like 1103 people and like a hundred actual daleks and one spare tardis
fun fact: Captain Jack did NOT die at all in this episode! good work!
overall rating: 2021/10
Moral of the story: You can get away with anything if your PR team is good enough
Also if you are a Dalek, and the Doctor, famous for constantly foiling Dalek plans like twice a year, is standing in the doorway of a Tardis shouting "come in and get me hehehe" after a shockingly evil person informs you that the Doctor has set a trap for you...... ..... it's probably a trap don't go in there
Also if you are a scientist and you are told to reverse engineer mysterious burnt out husk of some sort of robot killing machine and you find traces of alien DNA in it then you should probably not clone it and DEFINITELY don't give it a smartphone
Also we shouldn't give Daleks to the police
it's that time again
PREVOUSLY ON DOCTOR WHO.................
it's the new years special of 2019! Boy Scout Dalek landed on earth thousands of years ago, was killed by medieval people, and now it has been unearthed and comes back to life, and now it goes to the workshop and builds a makeshift Dalek Armor suit for it out of shoddy earth materials but it is still very strong
but not strong enough! the doctor and her friends throw a microwave at it and it dies and melts
then the doctor and her friends fly away! the day has been saved! but what about the clean up crew
they just left a dead dalek behind
no worries, the government will take it to the warehouse but uh ohs.... the driver gets killed!
(prevously on Dr13, s1 e4, a Donal Trumplike guy makes giant spiders by dumping toxic waste)
SpoilerShow
"dr13, s1 e4
SpoilerHide
n todays episode of Dr who
a conspiracy is confirmed
Trump builds landfills under his hotel to make more money
and due to skipping proper disposal safety procedures, toxic waste + radioactive spiders = giant spiders attack uk
the issue kinda resolves itself I guess
apparently when they get to Car-Size they collapse under own weight
and Trump gets away with it
the end
(it's not actually Trump it is fictional trumplike person)"
SpoilerHide
n todays episode of Dr who
a conspiracy is confirmed
Trump builds landfills under his hotel to make more money
and due to skipping proper disposal safety procedures, toxic waste + radioactive spiders = giant spiders attack uk
the issue kinda resolves itself I guess
apparently when they get to Car-Size they collapse under own weight
and Trump gets away with it
the end
(it's not actually Trump it is fictional trumplike person)"
Donald Trumplike is back, and Britain's corrupt prime minister is working with Trumplike!
and Trumplike's men stole the dead dalek's shell in order to prototype study it to make more...
on todays episode of dr who
a sonspircy is confirmed
Trump builds a Dalek-styled Police Drone that police can use to hurt people
but it's not real daleks it's just 3d printed
the scientist tells trumplike oh yeah remember that dalek shell you gave me
i found alien dna in it, cloned it, and i gave it a smart phone specifically because I wanted to see how good at hacking it was! I'm so proud of my baby it's already using your money to hire construction workers to build a secret cloning facility in japan!
At no point did i think this was a bad idea!
"Hey so this horrific killing machine that we are reverse-engineering to make more killing machines, well we discovered alien dna in it"
"Lets clone it"
"it's only an alien that used to live in a horror killing machine what could go wrong"
Boy Scout Dalek retains its consciousness as a clone, and takes over the computer systems and hires a bunch of people to build a cloning warehouse to clone even more daleks
then feeds the construction workers to the daleks when they are done building it
then all of the dalek clones get teleported over to all the 3d printed dalek shells that they made and start killing people everywhere oh no!!!!
--------
Meanwhile!
Prevously on the last episode of doctor who: they're on gallifrey, doctor puts the companions into a Spare Tardis and sends them to earth, then doctor goes to her own tardis, but then space police capture her from the Invincible All Powerful Tardis and take her to space jail!
at the start of this episode:
the doctor has now been in space jail for like 40 years
and they had lots of classic doctor who monsters in there
a weeping angel of course, in space handcuffs
the little gremlin baby from a few episodes ago that was capable of eating anything and everything including a space nuclear bomb, so powerful and invincible that the only thing the doctor could do was toss it out the airlock
this hungry hungry space baby was previously that to be completely invincible and able to eat literally everything
kept at bay by the space fence
But space fence is not strong enough to beat Space Hamster Ball apparently!
fortunately Captain Jack managed to also be taken prisoner and brought with him the Space Hamster Ball and that's how they escape
Digimon World Enthusiast Jac ??Today at 8:15 PM
putting a statue in handcuffs is funny
--------------------------
anyway
doctor can't figure out a way to kill these 3d printed daleks so she gets on her phone and gives an anonymous call to the Actual Daleks to come visit
apparently it's like rock paper scissors!
the Actual Daleks show up and they're like
"omg
these shitty offbrand daleks
are impure"
so the Actual Daleks kill all the 3d printed daleks
and you may think well now there's just a bunch of actual daleks here and how are you supposed to deal with that if you couldn't even beat the 3d printed daleks
that's where the doctor's trap comes in!
it's bombs
captain jack puts some dynamite on the dalek ship and blows them all up
Digimon World Enthusiast Jac ??Today at 7:42 PM
thank goodness
TimuToday at 7:42 PM
well except some of the daleks weren't on the ship
so for them it's Trap Part 2!
unfortunately!
Trumplike: "hey daleks spare me in exchange i tell you about the Doctor's trap! She was the anonymous call that brought you here in the first place and she has a trap for you!"
Doctor: " holy fuck trumplike why do you keep fucking everything up what is wrong with you you piece of shit"
Daleks: "Yeah jeez, you're selling out humanity just to save your own skin what the fuck is wrong with you, that's fucked up even by our standards"
....
Doctor: " yeah anyway, yes I admit that I totally have a trap for you here in this tardis, hehehe, come and get me!"
Daleks: "Cool, a trap, I love those"
then the daleks go into that tardis and the door shuts behind them!
Doctor: "haha this isn't my actual tardis, this is that Spare Tardis from the last episode, now i've trapped you inside of the spare tardis and programmed it to self destruct!"
Spare Tardis: "wait, you know that tardises are living beings and we're sentient right? I'm also invincible and all powerful I probably have something in here that can just kill daleks without killing myself, but, well alright i guess, no one cares about that"
and then it self destructs
hooray all the daleks have been defeated
the issue kinda resolves itself i guess
apparently when a tardis is programmed to collapse in on itself they collapse in on themselves
and Trump gets away with it
the end
(it's not actually trump its a trumplike person)
Digimon World Enthusiast Jac ??Today at 7:51 PM
a good moral lesson about how we shouldnt give daleks to the police
TimuToday at 7:52 PM
Overall rating:
Villain: Corporate Greed
death rate: (1) driver, (100) construction workers, (1000) random people, (1) corrupt prime minister, (1) foolish scientist, (1000) offbrand daleks, (1) Boy Scout Dalek, (100) actual daleks, (1) Spare Tardis
birthrate: like a thousand offbrand daleks
overall death rate: like 1103 people and like a hundred actual daleks and one spare tardis
fun fact: Captain Jack did NOT die at all in this episode! good work!
overall rating: 2021/10
Moral of the story: You can get away with anything if your PR team is good enough
Also if you are a Dalek, and the Doctor, famous for constantly foiling Dalek plans like twice a year, is standing in the doorway of a Tardis shouting "come in and get me hehehe" after a shockingly evil person informs you that the Doctor has set a trap for you...... ..... it's probably a trap don't go in there
Also if you are a scientist and you are told to reverse engineer mysterious burnt out husk of some sort of robot killing machine and you find traces of alien DNA in it then you should probably not clone it and DEFINITELY don't give it a smartphone
Also we shouldn't give Daleks to the police
![[Image: egg005.png?raw=1]](https://www.dropbox.com/s/cm0pzbv31rhi5da/egg005.png?raw=1){kind=small}