Tatanga vs. Crash Man: Suggestions encouraged! [UPDATE 10/15]

Tatanga: Push the button on the Spaceship Remote.

Tatanga decides that he ought to make sure the Spaceship Remote is actually useless before resigning it to the void. He pushes the button, and the wicked device starts emitting radio waves, contacting whatever remains of the transmitter in the totaled SS Crashman.

Back at the Toplevel, the chassis of the SS Crashman jolts to life, startling its current proud owner. It lifts off the floor and hovers in the air.

The SS Crashman erratically jerks around Fort Tatanga like a charred, horribly disfigured pinball. It knocks Crash Man aside onto the barracks and smashes into the Terminal, dislodging the Stone Hammer in the process.

The erstwhile spaceship careens off of the far wall of Fort Tatanga and demolishes the upper platform, knocking it to the floor, before flying haphazardly out of the Fort and out of sight.

The Battle GUI drops in to deliver the latest update on the carnage. Crash Man took 15 pixels of blunt damage from his point-blank collision with the SS Crashman. With the aftermath of the shipwreck's violent exodus, Fort Tatanga's status has been reduced to Truly Trashed.

Crash Man's spaceship-induced concussion is alleviated somewhat by the realization that, despite the loss of his rightfully stolen vehicle, the Fort's lowered status puts him one step closer to a successful Hostile Takeover! Crash Man excitedly plans on continuing his blistering progress towards home ownership by grabbing that Stone Hammer as soon as he regains motor control in his limbs.

Unaware of any tangible effect as a result of its use, Tatanga deems the Spaceship Remote appropriately worthless and chucks it through the null door.

Tatanga watches the Spaceship Remote fall into undefined darkness. Using his alien hearing, he listens for the unmistakable noise of outdated hardware smashing against the ground.

No such noise arrives.

Tatanga reflects upon his rapidly faltering motivation to boldly step through the door. He's somewhat comforted by the fact that the Spaceship Remote didn't instantly fizzle out of existence, but still somewhat tentative to brave the void himself.

Tatanga wracks his brain for anything he can do to make his descent even slightly safer. Or should he throw caution to the wind and take a leap of faith, landing wherever the fates of battle deem it fit?

Meanwhile, in what is becoming an increasingly common turn of events, Magikarp lands.