Tatanga vs. Crash Man: Suggestions encouraged! [UPDATE 10/15]

"Fairfax, you went more than half a year without updating! Again! I don't remember anything about your amazing, byzantine storyline!"

Start from the beginning on the mirror and marvel at how the sporadic work of over two years can be consumed in, like, half an hour.

"I don't have time to look at over a hundred gifs!"

It's pronounced "gifs". And ugh, fine. Have a recap.

SpoilerShow

The Mysterious Spaceman, Tatanga, faces off against the Robot Master, Crash Man, in a turn based arena-style battle. After a failed attempt at a tea party, Crash Man attacks first with a Crash Bomber, scoring a hit. Tatanga, before delivering a punch, contacts his spaceship, the Tatanga Mk. I, which begins its long journey to the arena from the Moon Base.


Crash Man attempts to recreate a legendary Combat Maneuver: Throw Baby. He does so by drawing a baby face on one of his Standard Bombs. Because all attempts at copying Throw Baby are doomed to fail due to the arcane secrets of acquiring and understanding the power of a Baby, the Bomb Baby travels a pitiful distance and lands near Crash Man, with the propensity to explode if anyone gets too close.


Tatanga constructs a Fort while Crash Man builds a steel wall to protect the Bomb Baby,  experiencing conflicted fatherly emotions. Crash Man inflicts negligible damage to Fort Tatanga with a Crash Bomber. Tatanga’s Fort is outfitted by the Fort Errata Dispensation Authority, or FEDA. He begins upgrading the Fort through a command Terminal. Doing so, he succeeds in raising a flag, ordering the construction of a Library to be finished by the end of his next turn, setting something to ‘manual’, and accidentally summoning a Magikarp to join Team Tatanga.


Skeptical of Magikarp’s potential, Tatanga attempts to throw him at the Bomb Baby. The Tatanga Mk. I arrives at that very moment and Magikarp collides with the windshield. Crash Man hijacks the spaceship and rechristens it the S.S. Crashman, flying it into Fort Tatanga with Magikarp in tow and causing massive damage to Fort, spaceship, and fighters alike.


Tatanga recovers with a vial of Biotic Fluid, but is interrupted by a sucker punch from Crash Man. Tatanga realizes that, using the terminal, he accidentally set the Battle Mode from Automatic to Manual, ending the turn-based combat and instituting real-time action. Magikarp splashes around before being restrained by Tatanga for his uselessness.


Crash Man deploys a Standard Bomb and retreats to the other side of the Fort. Out of empathy, he offers Magikarp a space on Team Crash Man, but is unable to accept Allies until he has a Fort of his own. Tatanga drops Magikarp on the Standard Bomb, arming it to explode. Magikarp regrets having made too little progress on his Character Arc to evolve into Gyarados. Crash Man attempts to use the Terminal to evacuate Magikarp before the Standard Bomb goes off. Tatanga tosses his Stone Hammer into the blast zone as the Standard Bomb goes off, damaging the Fort and propelling the hammer to strike Crash Man and lodge itself in the Terminal. Magikarp is blasted out of the Fort and into the stratosphere.


Elsewhere, a Third Party passively watches the fight unfold on a monitor.


Tatanga retreats to the Fort’s Sublevel, only to find that switching the Battle Mode to Manual is preventing his Library from being constructed.He salvages some caution tape from the unfinished door. Crash Man vandalizes the Fort and, by writing his name on the wall, accomplishes one of the necessary steps of a Hostile Takeover, which would claim the fort for Team Crash Man. Tatanga’s attempts to break down the Library door are fruitless, as are Crash Man’s attempt to pull the Stone Hammer from the Terminal.


Magikarp continues to hurtle through the sky...

Updates coming shortly!