Thine Immortal Rock

>"State thy problem. This rock is not a psychic. "
>"Know that thou art a human, and thou art holding a rock. Do not forget."
>"Thy heritage is a lie. Thou art a dragon of unimaginable power borne in ancient times. Probably kidding."

You reach through the aether to connect with his puny and limiting human brain in order to communicate with him directly.



“Thou must state thy problem. For I can not read minds. What I can say is that thou are a human and thou are holding a rock. Do not forget this. Although…” You attempt a scan of his history. It has been a lengthy amount of time since you have done so. Needless to say you’re a tab rusty. What you find is that he may not be a normal human. “I can also say that thy heritage belies its true form to you. Thou art an unimaginably powerful dragon that was borne in incredibly ancient times. Is this true? Doubtful.”

He puts a hand on his hip, apparently mulling over the wisdom you’ve just given him.

“Well that’d be kinda cool but that’s not what I want to know. I want to know something about me.” He states after a moment of silence.

Well, first off, while I admire the tunic, you need some more dull contrast. Switch out that green shirt for some mauve.
Also, you need some bracelets or something to go with the snazzy lord look. Maybe some sort of amethyst, maybe citrine? Or possibly some pyrite? Quite a conundrum. With the topic of gems, you could even say it's a corundum conundrum!
Hair's good, always like curly hair.
Make sure you clean up after the broken glass. Don't want innocent people getting glass in their foot and [BLOOD]. As for guilty people, however…

“Thy wish to knowist something about thyself?. Th--”



“Could you cut the old-timey speak? It’s starting to give me a headache.” He interjects.

Yes, it is very unlikely that he is an ancient dragon.

“Very well.” You concede. You admit to yourself that it’s kind of a bad habit at this point. “If you want to know something about yourself then I shall inform you. First off, while the tunic is admirable, you need some more dull contrast. Try switching out that green shirt for something more… mauve. Also, bracelets and the like go well with the snazzy lord look. Amethyst or possibly some citrine. Honestly, your outfit is quite the conundrum--and with the current topic of gems I could say it’s even a corundum conundrum! Your hair is fine though, always like curly hair. Also, are you going to clean up the shards of broken translucent barrier in the corner? I wouldn’t want any innocent person getting their BLOOD all over my sanctum. Guilty people, however, they can BLEED all they want in h---”

“Wow, ok. You uhh… need to calm down.

>"A millennia of sitting in one place gives you such a crick in the neck!"
>"...Wait, no. Don't have a neck. If I did though, hoo boy, it would smart."
>"Anyways, either take me somewhere or set me back on the pedestal already. Different angle, mind you."
>"Already had plenty of time starin' up that one wall there, got three more to go."
>"Not, that uh... You can tell which wall I'm talkin 'bout here. No, uh. pointin' power. Hm."

“Seriously kid, you have no idea how boring it is being an intelligent object. I have been sitting here for like a thousand years with nothing to do and let me tell you, single player games of I Spy get old FAST.”

“... Apologies. It’s been so long since I’ve had someone to talk to. You know sitting in the same place gives you such a crick in the neck! I swear if I had one it would be smarting right about now. And I mean seriously, you have no idea how boring it is to be an intelligent object. Sitting here for a thousand years with nothing to do… and let me tell you! Single player games of I Spy get old real FAST. Especially when the only thing to look at is a plain wall there. There are only so many different shades of… honestly I don’t even know what to call that color. Grayish-brown maybe… Sorry I’m rambling. It just feels good to vent out all my frustrations to something more intelligent than specks of dust.”

“I can understand that.” He responds. “One time I got locked inside of a storage shed for a weekend. The only thing it had stored was raw ears of corn. You’d be surprised how quickly corn can make a man go crazy. By the time I realized that the door was a push and not a pull I had at least five wars with the yellow corns. They just would not let me sleep in peace, what with them always making their noises.” He shudders. You weren’t aware that corn could make noise. How odd that a lowly human is telling you something new. You shall remember this for the future.

He stands there in awkward silence for what feels like minutes.

“Well, anyway. Either take me somewhere new, or put me back on the pedestal--in a different direction mind you. I’d like to stare down a different wall this time. Like the one with all the torches. Oh! And you’ll need to find me another translucent shield. Keeps the dust off.”

“Wait, wait. We got totally off topic. I still don’t know what I wanted to know.”

“So you didn’t want advice on your fashion sense?”

“No! I think I look fine, thank you very much. I wanted to know what my name is.”

“Thou doesn’t--I mean, you don’t know your own name?”

“Nope. So what is it?”

The stupidity humans are able to possess appears to know no bounds. Regardless, You have no need to bother yourself with information as insignificant as a human’s name. You’ll have to just make something up so rumors about how the Stone of Knowledge, Wisdom, Memory, and Immortality doesn’t know everything don't spread. If only you could remember the naming conventions humans use.