Four Painful Years

>MOTION SICKNESS TIME!

It's fuzzy, but for a moment there you thought you could taste your own eyeballs. Before you have a chance to really contemplate what it is you mean by that, you double over and dry-heave, followed immediately by a brief coughing fit. So that's teleporting, huh? Alright. You hate teleporting, and you never want to do it again.

Disoriented, you trip backwards onto what feels like a comfy stretch of leather upholstery. It's hard to make out what anything is. Besides two long strips of dim light on either side of you, the room - if it even is a room - is pitch black.

---

JULIE: "Uhh... Hello?"

---

Above, a light flicks on. Your eyes adjust to the scant illumination it provides.

---

???: "Greetings, Miss Mitchells! So glad you decided to join us!"

???: "Let's keep the pleasantries short, gentlemen. We're already an hour behind schedual."

???: "THIS IS WHERE THE MONEY GOES? PROTECTION OF LITTLE GIRL? BAH. PUT HER IN HAMSTER BALL, SET MERCENARY FEE ASIDE FOR UP-SIZE POOL TABLE."

JULIE: "W-Wow, uh..."
JULIE: "Did I slam headfirst into a wall again, or is that guy really big?"

???: "HEH HEH... LIGHT COMES ON, NO 'HELLO', ONLY THREAT ASSESSMENT. MAYBE YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT THIS ONE, COMRADE."

???: "Chalk another one up to good old intuition."
???: "Now, before we tackle the steadily growing list of questions Miss Mitchells no doubt has for us, I do believe a proper introduction is in order."
???: "Shall we start with the lovely young lady to my left?"

???: "Hmph. 'Young,' he says. Rings a bit hollow coming from an immortal."
GUDRUN: "Docentrix Helena Gudrun of the Galactic Library. Just 'Gudrun' is fine, 'Lady Gudrun' if you're the type to gratify."

---

She holds a dainty hand out for you to shake. Her many-ringed fingers glisten in what little light there is. Everything about this woman intimidates you, from her tall stature to her straightforward demeanor, but it's all painted with a glimmering coat of elegance. You can't make out any of her features, or even what she might be wearing, but the soft grip of her handshake and palpable charisma play upon your psyche. You'd love to see her in the light, though you get the feeling she'd be too busy being important to entertain you for long. As you pull your hand away from hers, there's an eerie sensation of something leaving you. You feel studied, appraised, heavily scrutinized. Your secrets may no longer be yours to keep.

---

JULIE: "Nice to meet you, L-Lady Gudrun."

GUDRUN: "Likewise, dear. So glad to see you up and about after that terrible altercation with your neighbor. Not many people survive a full-speed collision in a vehicle that unregulated, let alone escape with only a few broken ribs."
GUDRUN: "That being said, in regards to your health, I recommend you look into purchasing a neoprene brace some time in the near future. A lifetime spent painting tiny model robots without proper wrist support can lead to carpal tunnel, or arthritis if you're particularly unlucky, especially if you insist on lifting heavy objects with your arms instead of your legs."

JULIE: "Yikes. You guys really needed to dig up that much on me?"

GUDRUN: "Oh, of course not, darling. None of that information is useful to us in the slightest."

JULIE: "... But..."

GUDRUN: "You can learn a lot about people if you know how to read them."
GUDRUN: "Imagine what you could learn from a touch..."

???: "LITTLE GIRL, I WHISPER YOU SECRET."
???: "ARTHRITIS IS NOT FROM PAINTING TINY ROBOT. ARTHRITIS IS FROM HIGH PRESSURE OF GUDRUN'S SMUG FILLING SMALL AREA."

GUDRUN: "Oh, please. As if I'm the only one here who likes to put on a show for the mundanes."

???: "Would you like to introduce yourself next, old friend?"

???: "JES, JES."
???: "HELLO, PUNY WOMAN. I HAVE MANY NAMES... 'THE ONE MAN LEGION'. 'THE WARMASTER'. 'COLLECTOR OF BLOODY SKULLS'. 'DEATHMURDER DOOMKILLER'. 'STOP HITTING ME WITH MY OWN LEG'. AND SO ON."
VERMILLION: "I WILL ALLOW YOU TO CALL ME MY GREATEST NAME. I AM LORD VERMILLION, KEEPER OF THORNS ACADEMY."
VERMILLION: "VIOLENT SOLUTIONS TO VIOLENT PROBLEMS SINCE 1448."

---

He too holds out a hand for you to shake, but the thought of doing so strikes you as ridiculous. This giant of a man could close his palm around you and crush you like a bug. You do what you can and grab the final segment of his middle finger with both hands. The mere upward movement of his handshake is enough to raise you from your seat. When the vertigo wears off, you manage to catch a glimpse of his inner workings through a groove in his joints. He's completely hollow. Only a glowing inner lining exists within this titanic living suit of armor. As he pulls his hand away your skin passes over the scars of ancient battles, forever etched into Vermillion's metal carapace.

---

JULIE: "So are you like, some kinda machine, or...?"

VERMILLION: "YES, LITTLE GIRL. I AM A MACHINE."
VERMILLION: "A MACHINE OF DEATH!"

???: "She’s asking if your body is mechanical in nature."

VERMILLION: "YES, LITTLE GIRL. MY BODY IS FULL OF MECHANICS..."
VERMILLION: "... MECHANICS OF DEATH!"

GUDRUN: "Why did you even bother?"

JULIE: "Snrk!"
JULIE: "Ah, um... J-Just one more question..."
JULIE: "Why, uh... Why do you collect bloody skulls?"

VERMILLION: "GRUMBLE... WHEN I FIND WHO STARTED THIS RUMOR, I WILL DESTROY HIM."
VERMILLION: "I WILL KEEP HIS BLOODY SKULL, TO REMIND WORLD I DO NOT COLLECT BLOODY SKULLS."
VERMILLION: "WHAT IS POINT? NOTHING WRONG WITH CLEAN SKULL... STUPID."

JULIE: "... Gulp."

???: "Well, then, I suppose it's my turn. No worries, I'll keep it short and to the point."
COTTONHELM: "Vice Principal Cottonhelm, on behalf of The Magical School for Things That Exist! Pleased to finally make your formal acquaintance!"

---

The little guy has to lean so far forward to shake your hand that he's practically hovering on the edge of his seat. Where Lady Gudrun's handshake was assertively captivating and Lord Vermillion's was overwhelmingly powerful, Vice Principal Cottonhelm's handshake is firm and resolute, just one strong downward movement with his free hand over top your own. You still can't see his face, but you just know he's smiling. He's excited just to see you, and you can feel that excitement leap from every square inch of his diminutive frame and into the surrounding environment. It's calming, infectious even. Despite the utter mayhem of the past few days, you feel comfortable around this guy. Like you finally understand what's going on. You wouldn't say you trust him just yet, but for now, you may be able to let your guard down just a little.

---

JULIE: "The Magical School for Things That Exist? Is that really what it's called?"

COTTONHELM: "Y-Yes, I'm afraid..."

JULIE: "... Why?"

COTTONHELM + VERMILLION + GUDRUN: "Unicorns."

JULIE: "... HUH?"

COTTONHELM: "Erm, apologies, but I'd much, much rather table this dreadful discussion for a later date..."

GUDRUN: "In other words, never, if he can help it."

COTTONHELM: "To be terribly honest I just don't have the stomach for it. Never do, really."
COTTONHELM: "Besides. I'm sure there's a veritable smorgasbord of other, more important questions on young Julie's mind."
COTTONHELM: "Now would be a good time to ask those questions."

---

All eyes are on you. You've had nothing but questions since this whole ordeal began... Finally, here's your chance to try and set everything straight.