Buttshit Mastermind??????????????

> Make a smart fart!

Awwwwwwww yeeeaaaaahhhhhh... Out with the old, in with the new. Nothing like cuttin' a wicked rip of BUTTSHIT EXHAUST.

Naturally, your guffs aren't just any ol' run-of-the-mill farts. The gas by-product of MYSTIKKAL ENNYRJIES coming into contact with REALITY is extremely valuable. Every wisp of AFFLUENT FLATULENCE that escapes your rear can be bottled and used to power light SPACECRAFT, TIMECRAFT, and PUDDINGCRAFT. Sadly, you have no BOTTLES on you, because you have nowhere to keep them, because you are NAKED.

When KINGDOMS exile people they don't mess around. Step 1: "Get naked." Step 2: "Get out of our kingdom."

Another benefit of your NETHERLY WINDS comes into play when you stick around inside the FUME CLOUD long enough to become NASALLY INFUSED. BUTTSHIT EXHAUST can sharply boost a sapient lifeform's INTELLECT for several seconds. NASALLY INFUSE enough of it, and your INTELLECT increases PERMANENTLY, a little bit at a time.

It is this process of RITUALISTICALLY HUFFING YOUR OWN FARTS that has earned you the title of MASTERMIND. The FUMES SING TO YOU like a thousand tiny voices, allowing you to solve complex problems with ease. You've become SO SMART, that NASAL INFUSION is only required in DIRE SITUATIONS. In such a state, you can troubleshoot so quickly, YOU APPEAR TO BE STANDING STILL.

Now if only you weren't so god damn fucking inept in literally every other facet of your life you may have avoided becoming an EXILE.

> Flagellate your way through purgatory with your nanothread tail/butt-extension.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have LIFDOFF.

Fun Fact: As a TRIPLOID DRONE of the FIVE-BANDED LIZARDMAN SUBSPECIES, you are technically capable of BIOLOGICAL FLIGHT. However, in a brazen act of INDIVIDUALISM, you refused to forfeit your REPRODUCTIVE INDEPENDANCE to the LIZARDMAN QUEEN, and have been stripped of the HORMONES necessary to EVOLVE. You may be a DRONE on the outside, but you are an ANDROGYNOUS BIROMANTIC on the inside, and you will NOT cave to societal pressures even if it costs you your LIFE.

You'll just have to go the rest of your days with a dormant TELEPATHY GLAND and a bunch of vestigial ARM FEATHERS, as if THAT'S a problem anymore. And you wouldn't have it any other way.

> Make a NÜRD DETECTOR.

Now THAT'S using your ASS!

Within moments of creating the NÜRD DETECTOR, it begins to produce an irritating PINGING noise. A NÜRD is nearby, somewhere to the EAST.

The DURABILITY of your BUTTSHIT MITIGATION DEVICE is at 14%.