The Book of the Courtier

"That dress isn't exactly the most optimal thing to bring on a Grand Adventure," you say. "What do you have on underneath it?"



"Ha! Wouldn't you like to know."

"Well, uh, that is to say, your father would be crushed if anything happened to you."

"Relax, slimjim. I know what you meant. I've got trousers and hiking boots underneath."

"What if you rip it or something?"

"Then good. Fuckin' thing makes me feel like a cupcake."

"Won't it get in the way?"

"Says the guy whose sleeves are as big as his head."

The people of the Rookery are most surprised, it seems, to see their lady tromping around with you and a two-handed sword on her shoulder.
You catch snippets of conversation as you pass:
"A right she-beast, to hear them tell it. Temper like a bull."
"That poor fellow she's pulling along. Do you think he'll strangle her or will she whack his head off first?"



"Nice blade of +2 Penis Envy, your grace," the guard calls after them as they leave town. Esme cheerfully flips him off.
"Fuck off, Andre."
"Aye aye, mild milady."




"Well, here we are."

"Do we just walk in?"

"I dunno! I don't really talk to him. Dad says he's phenomenally powerful but has a mighty temper, especially when he's disturbed from his work. So there's that. Do we have reservations?"

"Nnno."

"Oh. Well, he probably won't set me on fire. I'm his bosses' daughter. Sooooo, you first."